He had sat on day 29, with Kurt, denying that what was happening was real. Shaking his head and trying to wake himself up from this nightmare.
"Kurt, you're just playing with us, aren't you, you're really awake, you just don't want to tell us," Blaine had told Kurt as he sat with his face buried in his hands, "It's not true, it's not...I can't seem to wake up, this isn't real, it isn't."
He denied everything, the doctors were all wrong, the situation wasn't that serious, it wasn't.
It couldn't be.
Then it was anger. Unbridled rage.
Anger as the situation, anger at Kurt, anger at himself. He snapped at everyone who tried to talk to him, he couldn't face his daughter in the mood he was in, Sam had taken over. He could feel the tendrils of red mist trying to creep over his eyes and fog up his brain, he had tried to shake it off, but it didn't help.
He had been sitting with Kurt on day 30, when the anger became to hard to hold inside himself.
"Kurt, I know you can hear me in there," Blaine hissed through his teeth as he gripped Kurt's hand hard, "I know you can. You need to wake up, don't be selfish. You can't leave me here alone, you promised you wouldn't...you're putting all of us through this shit." Blaine's anger only grew as his words were ignored, "JUST WAKE UP, KURT! WAKE UP, YOU SELFISH SON OF A BITCH!"
Somewhere in Blaine's mind he knew it wasn't Kurt's fault, but that didn't stop him from screaming at him, at the top of his lungs.
"YOU'RE LEAVING THE KIDS, YOU'RE LEAVING ME, HOW COULD YOU?!" Blaine was screeching at his unconscious husband, tears of anger and frustration running down his face, "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED US, DON'T WE MEAN ANTHING TO YOU ANYMORE?! WAKE THE FUCK UP!"
A nurse opened the door and Blaine turned around in his anger and told her to FUCK OFF!
She withdrew quickly, and Sam appeared.
"Blaine." He started gently, and Blaine turned murderous looking amber eyes on him, and growled.
"GET OUT!" He screamed at Sam, but the blonde only held up his hands and moved closer, but Blaine saw red and he grabbed hold of Sam and slammed him up against the far wall.
Sam grappled with him for a moment, as Blaine's irises started turning red.
"Blaine, you have to calm down, or they'll throw you out, man."
"I DON'T CARE!" Blaine screamed in his face and then Sam saw red and pushed him backwards, almost knocking him to the floor.
"WELL I DO! KURT AND HOPE BOTH NEED YOU, SO QUIT BEING A DICK!"
It was silent after that, and when the security guard and the nurse from earlier walked into the room, Blaine was crying and holding onto Sam as he balled his eyes out, and the nurse felt so sorry for him.
After Blaine had fallen into a fitful sleep in the chair beside Kurt's bed, Sam apologised to the nurse, telling her about everything, and she nodded with a little acceptance. Sam knew though, that anymore outbursts and Blaine wouldn't be allowed back in the room. Sam just hoped that the anger had dissipated now that he had cried it out.
Day 31 saw Blaine holding his tiny daughter, it was Sam's turn to look after Kurt, and as he was feeding his daughter, she was looking up at him with big blue eyes, crystal blue in colour like Kurt's and he cried.
"Please...I can't lose him...he has to wake up, he just has too." Blaine said as he rocked his daughter to sleep, holding her close and placing kisses on her little head, "I'd give anything, do anything...if it would bring him back to us."
As Hope fell asleep in his arms, he cradled her close.
"Please...I'd give my life..." Blaine was quietly mumbling into his daughter's hair, "Please...let me swap places with him, just let him wake up...everyone needs him...please..."
He dissolved into a crying fit, and a nurse had to take his daughter quickly as he became lethargic and nearly dropped her, she placed her back in the crib before she went to Blaine and made him sit in a chair while she brought him a drink.
The drink sat untouched as he cried into his hands, as his daughter slept on.
Day 32, Blaine sat silently in Kurt's room, holding onto his hand. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep. He just sat staring at the opposite wall. Sam had tried to engage him in conversation, but Blaine never answered. Blaine couldn't seem to get out of his own head.
Silent tears were continuingly slipping down his face, but he didn't try to wipe them away. Sam had phoned for Burt and Carole's help at that point, Blaine was depressed. He wasn't there at all.
Burt and Carole had sat with him for hours, trying to get him to talk, or eat, or move. But Blaine just sat and stared ahead of him. Ignoring their presence, ignoring food. Carole had hugged him and he didn't hug back, even as she cried and held onto his face, telling him she loved him, and he needed to look after himself.
He though, what's the point of him even being here, he wanted to go with Kurt. Wherever he was, he wanted to be with him. He didn't want to be here anymore.
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'Where am I?' Kurt thought, he had no body, and he couldn't move, he was just in blackness, 'Did I die?'
"Not yet." Came a familiar voice, but Kurt couldn't see, he could only hear.
"Finn?" He asked.
"Yeah." His brother answered.
"Where am I?" He asked, even more confused.
"The Between."
"What?"
"This is the place where you decide to move on, or go back." Finn's voice explained.
"I don't understand, what happened?" Kurt asked, sounding worried.
"A lot of things happened...you'll find out if you go back." Finn said, with a solemn tone.
"And...I-if I move on?"
"Then you leave the life you lived and start a new one." Finn's voice said from somewhere above him and next to him at the same time.
"What do I do?" Kurt asked curiously.
"It's up to you." Finn voice said, and Kurt felt like he was floating.
"How long have I been here?" He asked as he felt something touch his hand, but he couldn't see or move.
"I dunno." Finn replied.
"How do I go back?"
"I dunno...you wake up."
"How do I move on?"
"...You don't wake up."
Kurt thought about it for the moment, but he couldn't remember anything, there wasn't anything in his head at the moment. He couldn't remember if he had someone waiting for him or not.
"And I-it's my decision?"
"Yes."
It was silent after that, Kurt didn't say another word. And Finn didn't either.
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Day 35.
Blaine had finally accepted what was happening. The doctor's had been around to check on Kurt, and the nurses had been in and out all day. He felt horrible. it had been 5 weeks now, and Kurt remained unchanged.
Blaine had spoken with the doctor about the situation, the doctor's expression was solemn as he gave Blaine the statistics of Kurt's condition, Blaine had sat and listened as the doctor explained about Kurt not waking up, and that if there was anything they could do, it had already been done. They went through the decision of maybe shutting the machines off, but Blaine adamantly refused to do that.
He wanted to give Kurt more time.
"Hope's allowed home tomorrow," Blaine said as he sat with Kurt that day, Burt and Carole were with Sam and Hope, down in the nursery, "and I need to be there for her, I have to leave...but I wanted you to know that I'll be back...for visiting hours."
Kurt remained unresponsive, Blaine grasped a hold of his hand and nuzzled his face against Kurt's knuckles before placing kisses over them.
"Kurt, I love you...I do, so much," He said as the tears started falling, "But I know that I have to move on...for the kids...I can't lose you...it would kill me too...but the kids need me at home now, I have to go."
"I don't want to leave you...I don't," Blaine said as he squeezed Kurt's fingers, "but I have to."
"nnnggh."
Blaine startled as he dropped Kurt's hand and looked at his husband's face. Kurt's brows were bunched up and he was trying to swallow around the breathing tube in his mouth.
Blaine's eyes widened and he froze as the machines around him started beeping and going crazy, as his husband choked around the tube in his mouth, and started writhing around on the bed. Nurses burst into the room, and one moved Blaine aside as they tended to Kurt, relaxing him and speaking to him in hushed voices, as they started removing the tubes. The doctor came in and placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder before moving to talk to Kurt.
Blaine was still frozen, he was just watching...silently, as everyone in the room started working around Kurt, removing machinery attached to him, bit by bit. The doctor was flashing a light at his eyes, and Kurt groaned at him as he tried to move his head away.
"Kurt." Blaine whispered whilst all this was going on, but nobody heard him, they were all busy.
After the bustle around the room was over, he saw one nurse give Kurt a sip of water, and the doctor asking him questions, Kurt was answering them in a rough whispering voice, and Blaine started crying.
His husband was awake. Kurt was awake.
And he was talking to the doctor.
Blaine moved slowly, almost apprehensively, over to where the doctor and Kurt were talking. He was nervous, but he didn't know why. He approached the bed and the doctor turned his way, but Blaine's focus was on Kurt's face, and then Kurt turned his bright blue gaze onto Blaine, and Blaine melted. He threw himself into the chair he had abandoned at the side of the bed, and the doctor left, after telling him he would be back to check on him later.
Kurt just stared at Blaine, and Blaine stared at Kurt. And for a long time, neither of them spoke.
"Hey, honey." Came Kurt's rough voice, as he smiled at Blaine.
Blaine broke down then, literally throwing himself onto the edge of Kurt's bed, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist where he was reclining on the bed, and Kurt's finger found their way into his hair, threading through the messy curls gently, and Blaine cried harder.
"K-Kurt...I-i...I-"
"Sshh." Kurt hushed him as he rubbed his hands gently through Blaine's hair and over his shoulders, letting his husband cry out his relief and frustration.
When Blaine had calmed down, Kurt placed a small kiss to the curls on his head, and then Blaine looked up at him with the most heart breaking expression on his face, and Kurt felt the tears build up in his own eyes.
"No, no, no, baby, don't cry...please," Blaine said as he gathered Kurt in his arms, switching roles now, and comforting his husband as he sobbed into Blaine's neck, "it's ok, Kurt I'm here. It's ok."
After sitting and holding each other for a while, Kurt's face buried in Blaine's neck, and Blaine running his hands over Kurt's back and in his hair, Kurt slowly pulled his head up at look at Blaine.
"Honey, what happened?" Blaine looked a little confused at the question and Kurt added, "Why am I in the hospital?"
"You don't remember what happened?"
"No."
Blaine took a deep breath.
"You were pregnant Kurt, 24 weeks," he said and Kurt slowly nodded, his brow brought down in confusion, "And you were at home, tidying up, from what Sebastian said...he was with you, and you erm...started bleeding heavily."
Kurt tensed up a little as Blaine carried on explaining.
"There was so much blood, Sebastian called me after he called an ambulance, and they rushed you in," Blaine paused to take another deep breath, "You lost a lot of blood, and you've been asleep for 5 weeks."
"5..." Kurt repeated but stopped himself and his eyes widened.
"Yeah." Blaine nodded slowly, with a small frown.
"The baby?..." Kurt asked as tears built up again but Blaine quickly grabbed his hands.
"She's ok," Blaine smiled gently at him, and Kurt relaxed a little, and giving Blaine a small smile, "I called her Hope, she looks exactly like you."
"She's ok?" Kurt asked curiously and Blaine nodded quickly, smiling brightly at his husband.
"Yeah she's great."
"Can I see her?"
Blaine's eyes widened, as he remembered Burt, Carole and Sam down with Hope in the nursery.
"Oh shit, your parents are here...and Sam," Blaine said as he got out his phone, "They don't know!"
Kurt watched as Blaine typed out a message and then smiled up at him, and Kurt smiled back tiredly. Blaine couldn't resist anymore and brought their lips together gently. Kurt hummed happily as Blaine kissed him.
It was only quick, but it made them both feel a lot better, Blaine especially.
After about 5 minutes, the door burst open and Sam, Burt and Carole ran in with bright smiles and tears on their faces.
"Kurt!" They all yelled together, and Kurt smiled at all of them as they rushed forward to hug him, one at a time.
"Oh, kiddo I'm glad you're okay." Burt whispered into Kurt's hair before placing a kiss on his head, and Kurt's tears ran hot and fast down his face, as Burt moved away and Carole embraced him.
"Welcome back, buddy, we missed you." Sam said next as he hugged him, and Kurt smiled around at all of them.
"I'll be right back, I'll go get her." Blaine said to Kurt, before dropping another kiss to his lips and leaving to get their daughter.
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After sitting and talking to Burt, Sam and Carole about everything that had been going on at home, while he had been out, Kurt was shocked to learn that Burt and Carole had stayed with them for the whole 5 weeks, to help out.
He thanked his parents profusely, but they said that it was only right that they help, and Kurt couldn't have wished for better parents, they were amazing.
Kurt couldn't wait to go home and see everyone.
Blaine came back after about 20 minutes, pushing the door open and pushing a crib on wheels into the room, with a big smile on his face, and Kurt's eyes lit up as he eyed the bundle of pink blankets, that was wriggling around, inside the crib.
Blaine stopped the crib by the bed, and Kurt's heartbeat sped up a little, as he gulped once, and Blaine reached into the crib, and picking the tiny bundle out gently, then sat on the side of Kurt's bed.
Blaine tilted his arms, so that Kurt could see her face, and Kurt smiled warmly down at his tiny daughter. She looked so dainty, with her little upturned nose, and bright blue eyes, pink cheeks and dark hair. He felt tears build up in his eyes as he looked down at her, and then his eyes widened as Blaine put her to his chest, and he shook his head quickly.
"Blaine, no, I can't hold her." He said as he gestured to his arms, which were still a bit weak, but his husband shushed him and placed his arms under her.
"It's ok, Kurt, I've got her." Blaine assured him as he maneuvered a little and moved her around so that Kurt could see her and she could see him.
She stared up at Kurt's face with big, bright blue eyes, the same eyes were staring back at her warmly, her gaze turned a little curious as she stared at Kurt, and then to Blaine's amusement and surprise, she smiled.
"Sam, look." Blaine said and Sam peeked over his shoulder to look down at her.
"Aw, man, we've been waiting for a smile." He groaned and everyone laughed, as Kurt smiled down at her, her happy face looking back at him.
Kurt placed his hands underneath Blaine's, fingers stroking along the bottom of the baby's back, as he continued to stare at her, then he brought up a hand and ran a finger down her cheek gently.
"She's beautiful." Kurt said in awe of his little girl, and she wriggled around again, "Why did you name her Hope?"
Blaine sighed as he placed his head against Kurt's, both of them in the baby's line of sight now.
"Because for a while there...we needed it." He whispered into Kurt's cheek and then kissed him.
Kurt smiled back at Blaine, before he strengthened his hold under the baby, and Blaine slowly released his, and Kurt adjusted her to settle against his chest.
They were both staring still, into each other's curious and bright eyes, as Hope fingers flexed against Kurt's hospital gown, and his fingers played slowly over her clothes, against her back.
She gave him another smile and then she snuffled and snuggled into his chest, and Kurt laughed as she started mouthing at the material.
"Do you think she wants-?" Kurt started to ask and Blaine nodded.
"Yeah, maybe," Blaine said quietly back to him as he watched their daughter start to fuss, "The nurses down in the baby ward, said that if she wanted to, you could try. It might be difficult for a while until the milk comes back in, but it will be ok...Do you want to?"
"Am I allowed?" Kurt asked with a tilt of his head, as the tiny wriggling body against him began to murmur.
"I don't see why not." Blaine shrugged.
"Ok...yes I want to try."
"Alright." Blaine whispered to him, before he told everyone what they wanted to do, Burt took that as his cue to go and get a drink of his own, and Carole smiled warmly at them both before she left with him.
Sam didn't leave, he went and sat in the corner, to text everyone and let them know what was going on.
Blaine helped Kurt with pulling the hospital gown down a little until his chest was exposed, and Hope went right back to snuggling into him, until she found what she was looking for and latched on. Kurt hissed in a breath, her suction was quite hard, but then he relaxed into it and watched her with a smile on his face.
Blaine stroked over her head as she suckled, watching with awe as she took to Kurt straight away, like she already knew who he was.
"It's like she knows who you are," Blaine said in a quiet voice, and Kurt hummed gently, "She's never tried that with any of the nurses or me or Sam."
"Maybe she does know me." Kurt whispered, his eyes drooping as he was getting tired, and Blaine smiled before he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and sat next to him.
"Yeah...maybe."
After a little while, Hope realised that she wasn't getting anything and started to fuss again, Blaine had come prepared though, and produced a bottle from the bottom of the crib, and took her from a tired Kurt to feed her. Kurt's head was still rested against his shoulder, as Blaine fed Hope, and after Blaine had finished, burped her and placed her back in her crib, he realised that Kurt had fallen to sleep.
Putting his hospital gown back up, and then laying him down to sleep properly, Blaine placed a kiss against Kurt's forehead, feeling lighter than he had in days, as he watched his husband sleeping peacefully.
Burt and Carole had come back to say goodbye, and that they would be back later, giving everyone a hug and kiss, both of them showering Hope's face with kisses before they left. Blaine sat talking to Sam about how excited Puck and the kids were to see Kurt, when the doctor walked into the room.
"Oh, the baby's here too," The doctor said as he smiled kindly at them, before peeking into the crib, "How is everyone?" He asked as he turned to Blaine.
"Good, Kurt's only just fallen back to sleep." Blaine said as he smiled up at the doctor.
"That's good, and he interacted with the baby?"
"Yes, she took to him pretty much straight away." Blaine said with an awed smile at his daughter's sleeping form and the doctor nodded.
"Babies always have a keen sense for their family," The doctor said with a smile before he sat in the chair by Blaine, "I actually needed to talk to you, before I talk to Kurt."
"Is everything ok?" Blaine asked a little apprehensively.
"Oh yes...there are just some things that I may need to let Kurt know, and I wanted to tell you first."
"Ok." Blaine said a little nervously and the doctor turned his eyes towards Sam.
"Is your friend staying?"
"Yes, he's part of our pack." Blaine nodded over at Sam, who smiled at him.
"I see, ok." The doctor offered Sam a greeting grin, and then his expression turned more serious, "Well, as you know, the surgery was pretty straight forward, removing the baby, stopping the bleed and repairing damage."
"Yes."
"There was another thing," the doctor said and Blaine sat forward a little, "there was a lot of damage to the uterus and birth canal. Carrier bodies, and the way they work is all very complicated and the damage was too extensive to do much about, so our best option while Kurt was on the table, was to take it all away."
"What?" Blaine asked a little confused.
"He can't have anymore children."
"Oh...ok."
"That's why I needed to let you know first, incase you wanted to tell him yourself, but that's up to you, if you want me to, I will." The doctor offered and Blaine shook his head.
"Erm...I think it...should come from me."
"Very well." The doctor said and stood to leave.
"When will he be allowed to go home?" Blaine asked as the doctor reached for the door.
"Well, all his checks came back clear when he woke up, the nurses will do their checks again tonight, but if nothing changes in the next 48 hours, then I have no problem with releasing him into your care. He would much rather be home, wouldn't he?" The doctor said with a kind smile as he looked over at Kurt, and Blaine nodded.
"Yes he would."
"I'll need to discuss physical therapy sessions, but other then that, it should all be fine."
"Thank you, doctor."
The doctor nodded once more and then left, and Blaine and Sam sat in silence for a moment, processing what the doctor just told them.
"Wow, he can't have anymore kids? That's like telling a seasoned Quarterback he can only watch the game." Sam said and Blaine looked at him with a raised eyebrow, before he sighed.
"I would much rather have him alive than worry about any more children." Blaine said and Sam agreed with a nod.
"Yeah, but he's going to be a little heart broken." He said and Blaine looked over at Kurt, still sleeping and frowned slightly.
"Yeah I know."
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After the checks were made that night, and everything was given the ok, Blaine had sat with Kurt and told him what the doctor had said.
As Sam had predicted, Kurt had been hurt, he was confused at first but then as soon as Blaine explained a little more, he had burst into tears.
Blaine held him close, as he babbled nonsense and mumbled to himself about being worthless, and about not being special anymore, and he couldn't do anything right. Blaine comforted him through his anger, frustration, his crying fit, his silent tears and even his acceptance of the situation. He said exactly what Blaine did, he was glad he was here instead worrying about anymore kids.
Blaine had kissed him for all he worth that night, Kurt moaning as his fingers threaded through Blaine's hair, and Blaine's arms around Kurt's waist, pulling him closer, but being mindful to not squeeze him too hard.
Blaine had been excited to go home that night, because he was bringing the whole pack and all the kids over to visit Kurt the next morning.
Blaine and Puck were busy trying to get everyone ready to go and see Kurt, the kids were all excited to see their dada, after all this time. Elizabeth and Alex were the only ones who had been told the truth about what was going on, so they were more anxious than excited like the rest, who had been told he was just very sick and had to stay where the doctors could make him better.
Sebastian and and Hunter were taking Bradley and Justin in their car, and Puck and Blaine put all the rest in the people carrier, and they made their way to the hospital. The nurse at the reception desk, told them they could only go in 3 at a time, but after Blaine had told her the story of what happened, she had given him a warm look, and told them that just this once she could relax the rules if they were quiet.
Blaine could have kissed her, but he settled for a winning grin and kissing her hand, and she laughed him off, and they all made their way towards Kurt's room.
Sebastian and Hunter walked ahead of them, both holding Bradley and Justin, walking through the door first, Puck and Isabella were next. Then Blaine with Grace on his hip and Elizabeth and Alex behind him. Sebastian moved over towards the bed, depositing Bradley into Kurt's awaiting arms, and after Kurt had kissed and hugged his youngest son, he pulled Sebastian towards him.
Sebastian fell easily into Kurt's arms, and Kurt stroked a hand through his hair, comforting him the best he could as Sebastian sobbed into his shoulder.
"I hear I have you to thank," Kurt whispered to him once he had quieted down a little, "I wouldn't be alive right now, if it wasn't for you, Sebastian...Thank you."
"Anything for you, Hummel." Sebastian whispered back as he placed a kiss against Kurt's cheek, and then he pulled back as Hunter leaned in to hug him and then give him Justin.
Kurt hugged Justin and placed a kiss on his head, as Puck placed Isabella down next to him, and she sat on his lap giving him a big grin and asking if he was feeling better now. Everyone just laughed and Kurt pulled her to him for hug, stroking her curly hair gently, and Puck leaned over to hug Kurt with one arm, dropping a kiss against his forehead.
"Hey, baby." Blaine said after Isabella was pulled off and onto Puck's lap, while Blaine and Grace greeted Kurt, and he took Grace into his arms before kissing Blaine.
"Hi, honey." He said before turning to Grace, squishing her to him as she giggled, and yelled "Dada!", which made him laugh.
After Grace had settled and stopped bouncing, Blaine gave her to Sam, who sat across from Kurt's bed, as he pushed Elizabeth and Alex forward towards their father.
Kurt reached out to both of them, with a loving smile, both of his eldest just staring back at him with wide eyes for a moment.
"Hey princess," Kurt said to Elizabeth, and then turned to Alex, gripping both of their wrists, "Hey tough guy."
Elizabeth promptly burst into tears and Alex flew against his dad's chest, both of them letting go of the fear they had held in for 5 weeks, all the aguish and anger and frustration overflowing, as Kurt held onto both of them tightly, soothing them both with whispered words.
"I'm here, it's ok, I've got you, I'm here." Kurt soothed and Blaine wrapped his arms around all of them, kissing all of their heads and whispering his own soothing words as he could see Kurt start to cry.
After the emotional greeting, everyone sat around Kurt, telling him about things that had gone on at home, or in school, what messes the boys had made, and the things that everyone had been doing while Kurt was in the hospital. Isabella and Justin told Kurt that they wanted Grandpa Burt and Grandma Carole to stay forever, and Kurt laughed so hard he couldn't breathe.
Burt and Carole had wandered into the room throughout their talking and everyone gasped and ran to see the new addition to their family. The older kids were cooing down at her in her crib, while the younger ones were trying to touch her and play with her hands. She was staring up at them all with a calculating look, before she let a big grin take over her face and Blaine laughed again.
"Well at least we know she loves attention." He said to Carole and she laughed with him.
Grace had sat with Kurt again towards the end of the visit, playing with the collar of his shirt, and snuggling against him, until she got a bit too hard for Kurt to hold and Blaine had to remove her. The older kids all wanted to take turns in holding their baby sister, so Blaine had made them sit at the side of the room and passed her around. Puck had kept Kurt up to date on all things to do with Elizabeth's boyfriend, once Elizabeth was out of ear shot, and said that he had been keeping an eye on them for him, and Kurt was very grateful or that.
It was emotional again when everyone had to leave, but Kurt promised them all that he would be home soon, and everyone should be good and go home nicely for daddy. Blaine kissed Kurt for a couple of minutes, with a whistle of two from Hunter, before Sebastian elbowed him. And then his family was gone.
Sam had decided to stay with Kurt and Hope, until much later when Blaine would take over.
But seeing them all, and hearing them. Kurt couldn't wait to get home.