Happy whatever doesn't offend you!

Iris had a suprisingly easy time claiming the Unovan Championship. She simply showed up, challenged Catlin, Marshall, Shauntal and Grimsley to battles, destroyed them with her new skills and Pokemon, and then faced Aaron in what Iris would've claimed was the easist battle of the day.

'Seriously,' Iris had thought, 'Who decided to put the first member of an Elite Four as an intern Champion?'

She couldn't use her Latias, of course, due to the Tobias Law, but the team she had chosen - Dragonite, Haxorus, Salamence, Noivern, Septile (Which she could Mega Evolve due to a stone Brick- no, Brock, Iris remembered, had sent her a while back), and her Altaria.

But now, sitting on the throne that belonged to the Unovan Champion, all the while having her Noivern send Air Cutters at any lingering Bug-types, her thoughts drifted back to Ash and how she completely deserted him. She knew that he wouldn't blame her, of course, but she still felt guilty considering that Ash had basically made her dreams come true and she had just left him high and dry when she should've just been honest with Ash when she first saw him on the islands - after all, she knew that she'd have to go eventually and claim the title she had been training for - but she had been so... intrigued by Ash's offer.

However, she realized that she had bigger problems when a young woman stepped into her chamber, her nervous eyes betraying her facade of confidence. Silently, Iris recalled Noivern while the girl was walking towards her, eyes darting around the room and hands shaking. Taking a deep breath when the girl was just a few feet away from her, she started the speech she had been rehearsing since she was a child.

"The Trainers who come here are Trainers who desire victory with every fiber of their being! And they are battling alongside Pokemon that have been through countless different battles. If I battle with people like that, not only will I get stronger, my Pokemon will, too! And we'll get to know each other. OK! Brace yourself! I'm Iris, former Hoopa Leaguer and Unova's Champion, and I'm going to defeat you!

Ash was in a bind. He had quickly inducted Slade and Mark into the Hoopa League, guiding them to their islands and giving them the mandatory spiel from Arceus, but he now had to fill the void that was left with Iris' departure. His first thought was Lance, his childhood role model, but then he thought of his recent encounter with the fiery-haired Champion. Two things made Lance a bad choice, and both of them were in the last sentence: 'his recent encounter with the firey-haired Champion,' and 'Champion.' Then his thoughts drifted over to Claire, but he quickly shout them down. Her arrogant attitude probably wouldn't mesh well with the other islanders. So that eliminated his only two real choices. He only hoped that Rayquaza or Palkia or some legendary Dragon-Type happened to have a Chosen One that he could recruit.

'Maybe I'll go ask Dialga... Haven't seen him in a while...' Ash thought.

However, until then Ash would just have to rock down to Electric Avenu - er, Zap Island. Quickly making his way over to the training field where all his Pokemon were currently relaxing in, he recalled a number of his Pokemon and then called on Hoopa for a portal.

Ash and Pikachu appeared in front of a simple, two-story house that reminded him an awful lot of Professor Oak's laboratory. However, Ash figured that it was Clemont's house, so he guessed that the appearance made the house look much, much smaller than it actually was. However, he wasn't given much time to admire the house before the Electrode came catapulting at him.

"Security breach," a mechanical voice intoned, "Activating defense protocol Electrode Omega."

And then the Electrode used Self-Destruct.

The explosion sent trainer and Pokemon sailing through the air for a considerable amount of time before Ash gathered his wits and sent out his Magnezone, who promptly caught both him and his faithful starter and lowered them to the ground near a mountain. Looking up, Ash saw that the peak was surrounded by a massive thunderstorm with lightning occasionally flashing in the black clouds. Turning his head back towards the ground, Ash saw the entrance to the mountain surrounded by sharp-looking stones. When he walked closer to the entrance, he saw an ancient-looking sign that said

Maximum of four Pokemon

Shrugging, Ash released his Nidoking and Golem before stepping into the cave.

And instantly felt much, much shorter. Ash didn't think much of it, though, chalking up the disorientation to the electricity in the air. He turned around to make sure his four Pokemon were following him and almost fainted at what he saw. Nidoking, who was a couple feet taller than Ash, now towered over him, and Magnezone and Golem looked like giants.

"Ash?" A voice in his head spoke. Ash realized that he recognized it - PIkachu had somehow mastered telepathy.

"No I didn't, you dolt. Listen, somehow you managed to inhabit my body, and now I can't do shit. So if you could please exit the cave, that'd be great."

Complying, Ash/Pikachu sprinted to the exit... Only to hit an invisible wall.

"Owwww," Pikachu moaned, "You've really got to keep your - my?- speed in check. Anyway, I don't think we'll be leaving anytime soon, so get moving. The only way to go is up, after all."

Across the room, Ash saw an Electivire, just standing there, staring at him.

Ash took a step backwards.

The Electivire took a step forwards when Ash was inexplicably paralyzed.

Ash took another step.

So did the Electivire.

And so it went until the Electivire finally made the final step towards Ash and the two stared at each other until finally Ash realized that it was his 'turn' to do something.

"Do an Iron Tail," Pikachu's voice echoed in his mind.

Surprisingly, Ash found that he knew how to preform the move, and he jumped up, swung his tail, and smashed it into the Electivire's head. Suddenly, without warning, a giant, blood red "999" appeared over Electivire's head, and the Pokemon disappeared, only to suddenly reappear.

'Holy shit Pikachu, is this how powerful you actually are?'

"Pretty much," his starter replied.

Then, from somewhere in the cave an ancient voice boomed out:

"Hey! Electivire would like to join your team! Will you accept Electivire as a member?"

"Uh, yes?" Ash hesitantly replied, unsure about the resonating voice.

"Congratulations! Electivire has joined Team Ketchum!"

And the Pokemon was promptly warped out of the mountain.

"What. The. Fuck just happened."

'Pikachu,' Ash thought back, 'I've got no idea.'

Nine floors later brought Ash to a large, oval-shaped cavern with a statue of a Kangaskhan in the middle. Ash had managed to 'recruit' a Luxray, Jolteon, Ampharos, and a Manetric with the help of Pikachu's sarcastic coaching.

"Use Mega Punch, you moron."

"Are you mental? You don't use electric attacks on an Electivire!"

"Run, bitch! Are you trying to get us both killed?"

And yet Ash probably would've been royally screwed without him, so he put up with the sarcasm. However, he was brought out of his thoughts on his smartass starter when his three team members let out a strangled cry and suddenly warped out of the room.

Frantically, Ash whipped his head around the room, trying to find the culprit - probably an Alakazam or another psychic-type, but instead he found a Heliolisk crumpled up where he had entered the room via the magic teleportation stairs. Cautiously, Ash walked up to the Pokemon and prodded it with one of his paws. When that didn't work, Ash pulled out an Oran Berry that he had picked up and force-fed it to the electric-type.

That seemed to work as the Heliolisk suddenly shot up, coughing and sputtering, before noticing the Pikachu that stood in front of him. Lightning-fast, the Heliolisk shot up and raised it's paws in a surrendering gesture.

"Hey, if you could not fry me, I can explain what is going on," the Heliolisk said.

Shrugging mentally, Ash nodded and the now-relieved Helioisk continued speaking.

"Well, I was going to explore this mountain, but when I walked in, I found that I somehow managed to inhabit my Heliolisk's body! I tried to climb to the top and hopefully find a way out - the entrance is blocked by some kind of force field - but as soon as I stepped onto the peak, I was smited! My real name is Clemont. The body that you're seeing is my Heliolisk."

Ash couldn't help himself. He burst into laughter.

"Wha-? No, I swear, I'm not lying! Don't smite me!"

If it were possible, Ash would've laughed harder. Since it wasn't, though, he spoke.

"Clemont, don't worry. I'm not gonna smite you. I'm actually kinda surprised that neither you nor Heliolisk recognized this Pikachu, considering that he travelled with you guys for a better half of the Kalos League. It took a moment before realization dawned upon the duo.
(Clemont and Heliolisk)

"...Ash?"

"The one and only!" Ash replied.

"How did... Is that Pikachu... Do you know why this is happening... Screw that, why this is happening...?" Clemont stammered.

Ash cleared his throat and distinctly tasted static.

"Ahem. I have no idea, yes, no, I've got no clue."

Clemont thought on that for a bit before finally nodding.

"Alright. So, wanna go kick some ass as our starters? This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you know."

'...Somehow I get the feeling that this isn't a one-time thing...' Ash thought.

'Retweet.' Pikachu's voice chimed. 'Only, hopefully next time you'll get to pick the Pokemon you inhabit.'

Once Ash and Clemont walked out of the cavern, Ash felt a tug on his navel before being whisked upwards. When he regained his orientation, he saw that he and Clemont had appeared in a small, brightly-lit cavern that was crackling with electricity. With almost no warning, an Eelektross appeared in the middle of the room and took one step towards the duo.

So Ash took a step towards the Eelektross.

So did Clemont.

Then Eelektross took another step.

And then Pikachu gently reminded Ash that he could use a long-range attack.

"Use Quick Attack, you dolt!"

And so Ash did, speeding two spaces across the floor and slamming into the Eelektross, doing major damage but not knocking it out. From the space next to him, Clemont threw some sort of rock at the pokemon which surprisingly did massive amounts of damage to the Eel Pokemon.

Finally, Eelektross took the last step towards the trainers-turned-Pokemon and the three proceeded to have a stare-off while Ash and Pikachu contemplated what to do.

'Well, I don't have any attacks that are really effective against an Eelektross... But you knew that since you know all my attacks. And you can't really pull off some crazy strategy out of your ass considering the weird one-turn one-move thing we've got going, so I don't know... heh. Just punch it or something. Let Clemont take care of the Eel.' Pikachu ranted.

So Ash punched the Eelektross.

And it dealt exactly eight hundred and forty seven damage points and knocked the Pokemon out. As what was per usual in this whacked-up dungeon, Eelektross disappeared shortly before reappearing with the familiarmessage:

"Hey! Eelektross would like to join your team! Will you..."

But Ash drowned it out, half-heartedly saying yes when the time came while staring at his - Pikachu's- paw. As long as Ash had been in Pikachu's body, he could feel the different type energies when he used attacks of their type. However, when he had punched Eelektross just then, he felt all the type's energies in the one attack.

Ash was astounded. If this mystery attack had all the attack types, what if he could teach Pikachu to separate the types into different types before attacking? The possibilities would be virtually endless: a ground-typed Thunderbolt, a water-typed Grass Knot... He would be the most unpredictable trainer ever! Pikachu would virtually be unstoppable.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice Clemont shouting at him while fighting the Raikou and Thundurus that had teleported into the cavern. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice when the ancient voice started speaking again.

"Hey! Listen! Arceus dammit Ash, I try to do one cool thing, get Arceus to set this dungeon up and you don't even notice the mini-boss fight?!" The ancient voice, or more precisely, Hoopa was pretty pissed.

"Whatever. Just take Thundurus and Raikou and go fight the actual bosses."

With that, Hoopa dropped Ash and Clemont through a portal and the fight began.

When the duo appeared atop the mountain, they were hardly surprised by the appearances of Zekrom and Zapdos, but for completely different reasons.

Clemont was hardly surprised because Raikou had hinted at these two being the bosses after he had beaten him.

Ash was hardly surprised because he was still lost in his thoughts about splitting typings. When Hoopa was ranting to him he had thought of the possibility of double-typed attacks, like Flying Press, that would make any Pokemon that had more than one weakness' life an absolute hell.

He was only broken from his theorising when he realized that he was back in his own body, and that Clemont was trying to command both Pikachu and Heliolisk and failing. The battle was a normal one (hallelujah), so Ash decided to take over commanding his starter.

"Pikachu, give Zekrom a Ground-typed Thunder!"

That statement had the effect of freezing everyone except for Pikachu, who tried to carry out Ash's command by letting loose a Thunder attack on Zekrom.

"...Ash, are you okay?" Clemont asked.

And then Pikachu figured it out.

In the blink of an eye, the Thunder attack that Pikachu was maintaining became a lot more painful for Zekrom. Interestingly, the attack also took on a tan hue, but Ash was more concerned by the effects of the attack.

The surprise and typing of Pikachu's attack had managed to knock Zekrom off of the cliff, where Paralysis had taken over and was forcing the legendary Pokemon to plummet to his certain fainting.

After Pikachu's display, Clemont was looking at the mouse with a look of awe and confusion.

Zapdos, however, was looking at Ash's starter with a look of total and abolsute fear.

"Chu-pikapikapi!" Pikachu shouted to Zapdos.

And with that, Pikachu shifted his Thunder attack towards Zapdos.

The thing about immunities is that there really is no such thing. Ghost-types are immune to Normal attacks because phasing through normal-based attacks comes naturally to them and they don't even have to focus on doing it whereas they have to focus harder on phasing through other types of attack. So when a Ghost-type's focus is disrupted on a subconscious level, like what Odor Sleuth really does, a ghost can be hit with a normal-type attack.

With flying-types, it's the simple fact that they're not touching the ground, so ground-based moves like Earthquake don't do anything to them. However, if a flying-type is touching the ground for the duration a ground-type attack is used, it deals regular damage. Even if they hit, ground-typed attacks are considered weak on flying-types because the flying type can just spring back into the air and negate the rest of the attack.

So when Pikachu used his ground-typed Thunder attack, it had the same effect as hitting Zapdos with an Earthquake while it was chained to the ground.

It hurts.

A lot.

And when flying-types have a secondary typing of Electric, they're even more susceptible to the ground-typed moves when they affect them, because they haven't built a resistance to the moves because they don't have to.

And so Zapdos was down for the count with one move as well.

Nobody moved for a couple minutes save for Ash who was busy capturing the horde of Pokemon that he had 'recruited' while inside the mountain, Zapdos and Zekrom included. When he finished, though, Clemont snapped out of his stupor and asked one question:

"Ash.. What in the world was that?"

Half an hour saw Ash trying to explain what Pikachu did to Clemont in one of his labs. It had turned out that Ash's initial guess was right - there was in fact more to Clemont's house than what it's appearance would imply. It turned out that there was a massive, sprawling lab system that was based under his house, and it was here that Ash was trying to explain to Clemont how Pikachu had pulled off a ground-typed Thunder attack.

"Well, when I was stuck in Pikachu's form, I noticed that I 'knew' and attack that Pikachu himself didn't realize that he knew. When I used it, it just came out as a punch, but I could feel the elemental energy behind it. You know which attack I'm talking about, right?"

Clemont nodded, saying,

"Yeah. Heliolisk and I just called it our basic attack... Turns out it wasn't really basic as we thought though."

Ash shrugged.

"Well, if it helps, I had originally thought it was an attack with no type. But then I got to thinking about it, and when I did, I realized that having an attack with no type made no sense at all. So I focused on the energy behind it and I realized that the attack didn't have no type -"

"It had them all." Clemont finished.

"Bingo. So then I just told Pikachu to filter what attack type went through. Watch. Hey Pikachu, use a Ghost-Typed Thundershock on that training target over there." Ash commanded his starter.

However, Pikachu couldn't.

Try as he might, Pikachu's Thundershock kept cycling through what Ash guessed were Electric, Fighting, Ground, Psychic, Poison, Dark, Steel, Normal, Water and Grass, but Pikachu just couldn't produce a Ghost-typed attack. Ash furrowed his eyebrows and went into deep thought before Clemont piped up.

"Ash, what type is Pikachu's Hidden Power?"

"Water, why?" Ash replied, confused.

"Perfect. And Pikachu knows Grass Knot, right?"

"Yeah..." Ash responded, confused as to where Clemont was going.

"Light Screen? Fling? Dig? Toxic?"

"Yes, yes, yes and yes. Can you explain your point now?" Ash implored Clemont.

"Fine. I was kinda hoping that you'd piece it together yourself, but the types that Pikachu's Thundershock was able to produce were only types of attacks that Pikachu already knows! By the way, I'd talk to one of your coordinator friends. I heard that the contest circuit has figured out a way to teach Pikachus Draining Kiss, Icicle Crash, Meteor Mash, Flying Press, and Electric Terrain. Oh, and I know of a guy in Kalos who can teach Pikachu Signal Beam -"

Ash cut Clemont off.

"That way Pikachu will be able to add Ice, Fairy, and Bug to his arsenal?"

"Bingo. By the way, do you think Pikachu would mind showing Heliolisk how to do that? I mean, he was with us in the dungeon and all, so it'd make sense if he could do it. And if he figures it out, he could tutor the rest of my Pokemon and then-"

"Okay! I doubt Pikachu has any problem with that, do you buddy?"

Pikachu shook his head and promptly turned around and used a Steel-typed Thunderbolt on Heliolisk before jogging into a nearby training room with Clemont's starter hot on his heels.

"...Did Pikachu really just..."

"Yup."

Almost two hours later Ash was walking out of Clemont's house with Pikachu at his side. In that time, his starter had managed to teach Clemont's Heliolisk the basics of performing an unusual-typed attack. After Heliolisk demonstrated quite a few of his own attacks, Clemont's theory remained sound; Heliolisk could only perform attacks of the type that he already knew.

When Ash realized that he was already outside, he snapped himself out of his thoughts and released his Metagross for transportation back to his island. However, like on Splash Island, Arceus had different plans and Ash suddenly found himself in the Hall of Origins once again.

"Ash, I need you to descend back to Earth again," Arceus jumped right in, "Rayquaza's new Chosen One is going to be facing down Cyrus and Team Galactic in about..." Arceus closed his eyes for a second, thinking. "Two minutes. So begone! Descend to Earth and save humanity once again!"

And with that, Ash found himself being slowly warped out of the Hall of Origins. Right as he was about to be fully teleported, however, he heard Arceus one last time.

"...Maybe I should've told him about Palkia...?"

When Ash arrived, it took him a solid thirty seconds to realize that he was on a mountain. It took him another thirty to realize that he was facing the opposite direction of the action, and so he reacted accordingly - Ash turned around.

When Ash turned around, it took him a solid three seconds to see the Mega Charizard (X) duking it out with the Palkia. While the Fire/Dragon type was putting up a good fight, it was obvious to Ash that it was fighting a losing battle. About fifty feet away from where the battle was happening stood a trainer, who was calling attacks out (although Ash couldn't hear him over the wind). Suddenly, however, the Palkia scored a direct hit with a Dragon Pulse and the Charizard went down.

That was when Ash stepped in.

"Electivire, Thunder Punch!"

When the electric-type burst from his Pokeball, the behemothcocked back his right fist and slammed it into Palkia's crystal, preventing it from finishing off Charizard and effectively drawing Cyrus' attention to Ash. It took about three seconds for the crime-lord to recognize the raven-haired trainer, and when he did, he started talking.

"Ketchum. I see you have finally come out of hiding, and with some new Pokemon too. However, do you really think that your Electivire can stand up to the might of the Lord of Space?"

Ash shrugged. "Yeah, actually, but if you don't think he can, I'd be glad to switch out to a Pokemon who you think could?"

Cyrus snorted, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping his foot.

"And just what Pokemon could you possibly have that could stand up to Palkia?"

Ash frowned, deep in thought, before replying,

"Well, lets see. Electivire here might not be able to - I just caught him earlier today, so that means that none of my other new electric types could -well, bar Zekrom, Pikachu here could do so without breaking a sweat, but besides that Lugia, Diancie... Actually, lets give her some spotlight. I haven't used her in a while..."

To his credit, Cyrus actually blinked after Ash finished his tirade.

"And you expect me to believe that you have a Di-"

"Moonblast!" Ash yelled, releasing Diancie from her Pokeball.

"Okay, what the fuck! Dodge!"

Palkia soared to it's left, narrowly dodging the sphered attack. However, in doing so it came right into the path of a Dragon Pulse from Alain's newly recovered Mega Charizard (X), which knocked Palkia back a few feet.

Cyrus scowled, grabbing four Pokeballs from his pocket and proclaiming,

"You may have outnumbered me here, but not for long! Darkrai! Mesprit! Azelf! Uxie! Come forth and do your master's bidding!"

With a flash of scarlet light, the legendaries appeared before their master, all giving off the telltale shimmer of a shiny Pokemon. Ash fronwed, and was about to summon fourth another one of his Fairies when a Moonblast was shot over Ash's head, slamming into the Darkrai. Not a second later, a Hydro Pump shot off as well, slamming into both the Uxie and Mesprit. Instantly Ash whipped his head around, the words for Pikachu to attack on the tip of his tongue, but instead of foes he was shocked to see Misty and surprisingly Zero standing next to their signature Pokemon, Starmie and Gardevoir (Mega) respectively. Not wasting any more time, Ash turned his attention back to the battle before shouting,

"Mega Charizard's trainer! Misty! You two take on the Lake Trio. Zero, you and Gardevoir take down Darkrai. I've got Palkia."

And then Ash flipped his cap around, a gesture that made Misty's eyebrows shoot up her forehead and confused the other two trainers.

"Diancie! Mega Evolve!" Ash yelled, holding up his keystone. He thought of all the good memories he had with the fairy-type, and suddenly her body erupted with the signature pink light of Mega Evolution. When it died down, Diancie shot a Power Gem at Palkia as a way to gauge her strength. Ash had never actually Mega-Evolved Diancie before, something that made him realize that he wasn't spending as much time with his Pokemon as he could be. Inwardly, he resolved to change that before shifting his attention back onto the battle. At Cyrus' command, Palkia shot a Hydro Pump at Diancie, which she was easily able to evade.

"Diamond Storm!" Ash yelled, and Diancie charged up her signature move before rocketing it towards Palkia, which the enormous Pokemon wasn't able to evade. Surprisingly - to Cyrus, anyway- Palkia seemed to take massive damage from the Rock-typed attack, something which worried Cyrus greatly.

'Just how powerful is he?' Cyrus thought. Then, slowly, he grinned, an evil expression on his features.

'He is not powerful, Diancie is.' Then, aloud, he yelled,

"Palkia, Spacial Rend!"

Ash cocked his head, confused, wondering to himself if Cyrus knew how Fairy types worked. Right as Palkia was about to attack, however, Cyrus added two more words that changed everything.

"On Ketchum!"

Despite the fact that Mega Charizard was tired from the skirmish he had had against Palkia earlier, Alain and Misty were having a fairly easy time against the Lake Trio. Without their master to control them, the three mind-controled Pokemon really only dodged the attacks thrown their way, not using any strategy or fighting back, something that made Misty both sad and angry. She was sad because she knew that the shiny Pokemon were doing this against their will. She was royally pissed at the bastard doing it.

Zero and her Mega Gardevoir were having a somewhat harder time against Darkrai, though. The pitch black Pokemon was rather fond of using Dark Void, and the attack almost always hit Gardevoir or even Zero, who was aiding her Pokemon by sending off her own attacks. Finally, though, Mega Gardevoir was able to hit Darkrai with a Moonblast while the legendary was busy dodging a Rock Wrecker that Zero had sent its way. Grinning, Zero grabbed an Ultra Ball and lobbed it at the downed Pokemon.

But before the Ultra Ball could hit the legendary, Darkrai dissolved into the shadows.

And with him dissolved any chance of Zero catching a Pitch Black Pokemon.

Not that anyone will care, but I have discontinued TbaM.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
OR HANUKKAH!
OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CELEBRATE!

That's really all I have to say, other than this:

The drain has been clogged.