Chapter Twelve
"Go on, Schwartz!"
"Strike him out!"
"Strike! Strike! Strike!"
"What is that?" Zeke peered at a gaggle of Marleyan children outside the gates. A redhead boy about his age was using a long stick to swing, swing, swing again fruitlessly, at a small ball thrown towards him.
Fischer stopped. "That's a game. It's called baseball. See those sacks on the ground in the diamond pattern?"
Zeke nodded. He'd heard of baseball, but knew nothing about it. It was a game for rich Marleyans, not Eldian trash.
"Those are the bases. The goal is to hit the ball and run along the bases until you return home, to the base you started with."
The redhead missed again and sat back down, passing the stick to a black-haired boy with almond eyes. Partially Eastern, Zeke realized, but accepted among his friends.
He struck the ball and sent it whirring past his fellow players.
"Ooh, he's strong." Zeke leaned halfway out the gate. What was it like to belong to one team, one public team? No conflicting loyalties. No secrets.
"Do you want to try?"
"Could we? After school? It wouldn't be a distraction, would it? I mean, I think it's build teamwork," stammered Zeke.
"Yes, I agree. But I also mean now." Fischer slipped Zeke's armband off.
"What are you doing?"
"I doubt you'll be accepted if they see an armband. Don't worry, you won't be out of my sight. Come on, it's okay." Fischer smiled. "Sports helped me come alive as a child. Think of this as helping bind you to the Marleyans you'll be saving."
"Then would it be wrong for me to win?"
"Not if you're helping other Marleyans win." Fischer ruffled Zeke's hair, a move Mom rarely did and Father, never. "Go on."
"So the grains are kept here?" Alma gazed around the burlap bags and bags of wheat and barley.
"Yes, in these bags, needless to say." Ilona smiled. "I'm so glad you've decided to help out."
"I do what I can. My countrymen are the only family I have. Even if we are mere Eldians," Alma added quickly.
"I understand." Ilona rested a hand on a stack of wheat sacks as tall as her shoulders. "But you're not mere anything."
Alma cleared her throat. "Tiberius misses you."
"Yes, I need to see him soon." Ilona's heart twisted. But she couldn't. Because if her hunch was right, her ties to both Tiberius and Kruger would be too risky. "But, Alma. I know."
"K-know?"
"You're a friend of the Jaegers, taking impractical but commendable interest about our storage facility at a time when food will become harder to acquire." Ilona straightened a lopsided stack. "What are you planning? You know we've three locks, much more than any facility in Marleyan territory."
"I – I – I –" Alma didn't know what to do. Kill her? Bludgeoned with a burlap barley bag? Her kids couldn't become orphans. She was a terrible mother, but not bad enough to allow her children to lose their mother, too. Ymir, help me.
Ilona's eyes widened with understanding, and she reached for the other woman's bony hands. "Oh, Alma. I want to help, Alma."
"What? Us?" Alma shook.
"Yes. You really think I'm satisfied handing out government-regulated supplies that are barely enough? I will help." Ilona lowered her eyes. The sanctions, after all, were on her and Kruger's shoulders. Without Alexandria, there would be no sanctions.
"I don't know that I can trust you."
"I understand, Alma. But, please, tell me when you're planning your raid. I'll meet you here with the keys. Our third lock is impenetrable to lock-picking, so they'll know someone broke in for sure if you try."
"There will be three of us coming tonight. I can't tell you their names." Alma felt guilt for her haphazard planning, but Ymir would provide. Perhaps Ilona was Ymir's gift.
"Better that way," Ilona agreed.
She would have to wait another day to visit Tiberius. With his mother caught up in Eldian restoration, the less links between him and the movement, the safer.
"You look sad," Alma said.
"I'm sober, and proud of you all," Ilona said. If only Tiberius and Sally could know her love from a distance.
"I can't believe we won! I helped the Marleyans!" Zeke tossed the baseball up in the air, spun around, and caught it.
"With your aim, you'd make a great pitcher." Fischer smiled. The sun had retreated beyond the buildings and the air grew cooler with the impending nightfall. "I'm sorry I kept you late again."
Build trust when you find the one, his superiors had told him. But he didn't want to ruin that trust if Zeke's parents hurt him. Not only would that shamble the mission, but he rather liked the kid. If only Zeke weren't Eldian.
"It's okay. I learned baseball!" As he snatched the ball from air again, Zeke for once felt proud of his training. In the safety of Fischer's watch and the thrill of victory, he believed punishment would be worth this.
"We'll have to start an Eldian group after school." Fischer ruffled Zeke's hands again as the Jaeger's home came into sight. "I'll see you tomorrow, eh?"
"Yes!" Zeke waved and skipped up to his door. Only when he twisted the doorknob did worry wind itself around his limbs.
"Where the hell were you?" Dina demanded, pressing her hand against her heart.
"Mom." Zeke's gaze flickered from her to Father's stern glare. "I was – I was learning. Extra."
"Extra learning? Again?" Dina crossed her arms.
"Baseball?" Grisha asked skeptically. "That is learning?"
"It's fun. It builds teamwork," Zeke said desperately.
"Teamwork shouldn't be built for anyone who doesn't have your best interests in mind, Zeke. These people, even those you're training with – you have to be better than them. To save them, you'll have to hurt them. Do you understand how dangerous this is?" Grisha grabbed the baseball.
"But…I liked it." Zeke's eyes watered.
Grisha softened. "I know, but we can't just do the things we like."
"You do! You like being a doctor and you like leading a rebellion!" Zeke accused. "It's not fair!"
Dina cringed.
Grisha's face twisted with agonizing memories. Faye floating mangled in the river, Father happily accepting her fate. "You don't know anything, Zeke."
Zeke's face crumpled and he ran out the door.
"Wait!" cried Dina.
"Zeke!" Father tried to follow him, but Dina grabbed his hand. "Let him cool off."
Carla, Eren, please be safe!
Kruger gasped himself awake from a doze, his pillow damp with tears. Whose memory is this?
They'd said his name, but it wasn't him. He knew no Carla. Unless he had, and he'd forgotten. "Dammit."
"What's wrong?" Ilona wrapped her arm around his shoulder, grounding him back into reality. She's crept over before her mission tonight, and today he needed her to keep his sanity.
Kruger swallowed. "Just…a memory."
"Your father?" She rubbed his neck, hesitant to mention her other guess. His conscience.
He shook his head, kept his voice low. "Someone I don't even know."
Ilona frowned, but said nothing. He could tell her in his own time.
"There's more…there's so much more you don't know, Ilona." Guilt washed over him, but he dared to look back into her eyes.
Ilona pressed her hand over his heart, leant over so he could see her eyes melting above him. "Tell me."
"Have you not guessed?" Kruger laughed harshly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's not your fault."
Ilona's smile tenderized. She ran a hand down his bare chest. "Remember how you wanted me to say yes? Even though you knew?"
Kruger swallowed.
"Well, I want you to say this. If Eldians had healing powers, Alma would have never been in a coma." She pressed herself against him, closer and closer, so he would know he wasn't alone.
"Do you know of the Coordinate?"
"The myth? Of Eldian connection, titans passed down to babes?"
"It's true."
"Of course it is." Ilona shook her head. "It's the reason Marleyans keep certain Eldians imprisoned as their titan dogs. And now we're brainwashing your children to be performing dogs," she said bitterly, wiping his tears with her fingers.
Kruger peered up at her. "There are nine titans and we only have seven. You know about the Progenitor, which makes eight."
Ilona waited. Her smile, fearful and yearning and loving, urged him on.
"I'm the ninth."
She couldn't hide the shock of his confirmation. "Eren?"
Kruger looked away, sat up, kept his back to her.
She scowled. "Why are you ashamed? No, don't answer – we teach you to be ashamed because you can become titans, and you are one. In a manner of speaking." Ilona sat up herself, running a hand through her curls. "I suppose I wouldn't blame you for shame, because I'm – well, I was raised with Marleyan beliefs."
She gasped. "I don't think worse of you, of course."
Kruger had feared she'd be disgusted to have kissed and lain with a titan. Not that Ilona would ever judge an Eldian, but sometimes instinct was stronger than humans could handle.
Her saw her golden eyes over his shoulder, calm and reasonable and kind. "Not…not even if I told you the truth?"
"There's more." Ilona slid her hand into his, and squirmed her way to sit beside him. "I want the whole truth. Everything from you."
He leant his head against her shoulder. "I'm dying."
Ilona jerked. "What?"
"The titan power only lasts thirteen years before it kills its host. I've nearly finished year twelve, Ilona."
"No," she said, her voice rising. "No, please."
"I thought I was ready, but then you had to – to ruin everything." Kruger laughed, the only means he could think to release his pain. "I'm sorry. I'm going to hurt you when I go, and I – I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."
Ilona sat still, too stunned to cry. When she finally spoke, her voice was ragged. "Is there anything else?"
"No." Kruger dared to look at her. "You're angry, aren't you?"
"Devastated, really. I don't – it's too unfair." Ilona reached a shaking arm out and wrapped it around him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for you. I love you."
She wiped his bangs out of his eyes. "I can't let you go yet."
"I wish I had the choice."
"You don't, but I do."
Kruger stiffened. "What are you saying?"
"I don't think I would live without you."
"No." His heart pounded. "You have to. Ilona, please. I couldn't bear it if your life was robbed because of me."
"I don't see it as robbery."
She had always been dangerous, hadn't she? Always extreme for the most rainbowed of reasons.
"Perhaps," said Ilona, "You're worth dying with."
"And perhaps you're worth living."
"Perhaps the truth is both." Ilona looked at her fingers entwined with his. "I don't know what I will do. But don't guilt yourself: whatever I choose, it will be my decision. Because I have been inspired by you. I've become more myself with you."
"You're the inspiration in my life," Kruger forced himself to say, because if he didn't say it now he might not ever. "The reason I see both sides. I've – I've always felt wrong for thinking that history can't be black and white, that neither Marley and Eldia are at fault. But after years of killing your father over and over, what can you do but think you've sided with a monster?"
He smiled at her. "And then you come along and prove that not everyone is evil. That my hope isn't in vain."
"So I'm the balm to your conscience?"
"I'm not sure I have one anymore."
"You do. Or you wouldn't have mentioned your guilt." Ilona blinked back tears. "You're an incredible man, you know."
"I should let you go." His lips trembled.
"No." Tears spilt down her cheeks. "Don't ever let me go."
She felt the warmth of his calloused palm on hers and tightened her grip to savor every sensation while she still could.
"So you're dying quicker than I. You're alive now, and I love your life." Ilona drew in her breath as his lips latched onto her chest. "You're silly if you think death can stop us."
Kruger's lips met hers again. This world is all we have. Fuck devils and heaven and love. All that matters is changing now. Oh, he'd told those words to new recruits of soldiers and restorationalists alike.
"I know," he whispered as he felt her arms around him, her hands roaming down his back, her love covering his fears.
He'd been wrong his entire life. And he was glad.
Sergeant Major Gross was a grumpy man at all times, but tonight more than others. That damn Kruger had suggested they take Alexandria last week. But please, Gross knew better. Kruger intended to spoil his fun.
They were after a far wilier leader than someone dumb enough to revisit the storehouse they'd exploded. Kruger intended to spoil his fun!
So if he had to patrol Alexandria last week, he sure was going to watch Liberio this week. After all, sleep deprivation out here, in the throes of power, was better than listening to his fat wife snore.
He'd wait every night if he had to.
But now he had to prowl outside, like a cat stalking a beam of light. Nothing.
Moments like this, he wondered, lost in a sea of floating life.
And then his dogs unleashed a whine.
"What? What is it?" Gross eagerly rubbed the bitch's face. His newest, and already the best.
A rat ran scurried in front of him, and a grin rose on Gross's face as the dogs pounced on the shrieking vermin. For once, something! More, he wanted more.
Across the street from Alma's apartment, Ilona stiffened as a familiar figure slunk towards their door. She was upon him before he'd even noticed.
"Zeke, what are you doing here?"
He turned up his tear-stained face. "I want to find Tiberius and Sally."
"What's wrong?" Ilona loosened her grip.
"Why are you dressed like that?" Silently cursing himself for not espying her, Zeke now scrutinized her disheveled clothing. "Are you helping tonight?"
She ought to say 'maybe,' even to an innocent child. Kruger would. But Ilona still found herself saying "I am."
"That's good." Zeke's stomach fluttered as Fischer's words echoed in his mind. No one should suffer in their family. If his Marleyan teacher was kinder than his father, who was truly in the right?
"Why aren't you home?"
"You're busy."
"I can always spare time for someone who needs it."
"Well, I don't," Zeke blurted. "I'm fine. I just want to keep Tiberius and Sally company while Alma's out." He forced a shaky smile.
"You didn't, but I understand wanting to confide in your friends rather than an adult." Ilona squeezed his shoulder. "Just know you can always talk to me, okay?"
Her and Fischer, Tiberius and Sally. Zeke had four people.
"You'd best hide behind the stairwell so Alma doesn't see you." Ilona winked.
He returned her hug without his usual reserve, and she wanted nothing more than to keep these children safe forever.
Gross wandered closer to Liberio, his knuckles white from restraining the dogs.
The rat wasn't enough. He wanted to feel alive. He'd spend the day clapping at his son's appointment as a lawyer, dammit. Nothing like ceremony to make one feel dead.
"What's wrong?" Tiberius grabbed Zeke by his shoulders.
"My f-father is so mean," he sobbed.
"What?" Sally blinked.
"He's mad at me because Captain Fischer likes me." Zeke wiped his eyes. "But Fischer is nicer than him!"
"Is he keeping you late again?" Tiberius queried.
"Yes, and it's one of the few times I feel happy." Zeke wrapped his arms around his legs. If – if Father knew what else he'd done – writing Ilona, telling Tiberius about his mission, leading them to the meeting – Father despise him. "I wish I were dead."
"Zeke, don't say that!" Tiberius grabbed his friend's hand.
"No. Let him." Sally scowled.
"Sally!"
"You think you have it tough?" Sally shoved Zeke, hard, and hard again. For a citizen child younger than he, she was exceptionally strong. "Ha! Does your Father beat up your Mom? What, are you upset because you have to save the world? What a load of horsecrap!"
"Sally!" Tiberius gasped.
"You stay out of it! You don't know anything!" Sally yelled. "He whines that his Father cares too much and that he has to do great things! Pathetic! I hate you both!"
She cut herself off, her eyes bloodshot from shrieks. For a moment, Sally wished she could take all of it back, but she couldn't. And now she hated herself, too.
So she ran to her room.
"Don't leave," Tiberius cried as Zeke fled for the door. "She's wrong! Wait! Don't leave!"
Now Zeke had two people.
Stay safe, Alma had told her.
In return, Ilona had restrained herself from asking to accompany her home to see children who should be asleep, but likely not given who they were. But now, with the plump figure just beyond the gate whose guard was too engrossed in his book to bother distracting, Ilona wished she'd waited.
She cursed to herself and wiped grain remnants off her shirt. Surely the dogs would only be attracted to blood, not her. Kruger – Gross wasn't supposed to be here.
For a moment, she panicked. Had she been set up?
No, Eren would never. Ilona took a deep breath. She merely needed to cross the street, slip up the alley beside the bakery Tiberius had broken into so long ago, so close ago, and climb the vines to the roof of Handel's Linens. That gross man would never find her, and she would see Eren for coffee tomorrow morning.
His dogs didn't so much as sniff. But the movement of a shadow in the moonlight caught Gross's attention, away from the ghetto.
With a longing glance towards his favorite theater, Gross yanked on the leashes. One of the dogs howled, and Gross grinned.
He knew these streets. If he took the alley through Frenier, he'd arrive to the top of the stairs first. He could cut the monster off. And then the fun would begin.
"That's it for you!"
Ilona gasped at the plump, short man above her. She began to back away, but the dogs surrounded her. So, he'd let them off their leash. Illegal, but then so was murder.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Minsk. Yes, I know who you are. Don't think I haven't been investigating. Or is it a street ragamuffin with Eldian sympathies? And now I have proof." Gross's eyes glimmered.
Ilona rolled her eyes. "I'm hardly afraid of a peacock like you."
"I wouldn't dismiss me so lightly." Gross's smile sickened her.
"Lightly? I think I did not take the child you tried to kill lightly."
"What are you doing out in the same area? Got a lover, rich girl?" Gross sneered, stepping closer.
"Looking for a victim, bastard?" She didn't move. He would not intimidate her.
His eyes narrowed, but not from spite as she'd expected. "What's that?"
"What?"
Gross pounced on her, yanking down her shirt for a better look.
"Get off me!" She kicked him and he obliged.
"So you do have a lover."
"That's none of your business." Ilona reclaimed her footing.
"It is if I have reason to believe he may be Eldian." Gross gestured to the gates of Liberio behind them, never taking his eyes off her. "Which gives me reason to arrest you."
"You've got nothing except hatred for them and me!" Ilona knew the law better than Gross. "You couldn't find someone else to bully, so you think you can intimidate me. Such a dedicated officer."
"You'll regret that." He smiled greedily, whistled and pointed towards her.
His dogs immediately faced her with a growl.
She was scared. Ilona hated to admit it, but she was. She had no more meat. "Arrest or murder?"
"I'd love for both." She was a powerful insect, and he needed her ended. But the plan unfolding before him, should it work, would provide pleasurable memories for years.
"But since I don't trust your cooperation –" He snapped his fingers.
Ilona cried out as his pack leapt forward. She staggered forward, anywhere – but the dogs, the dogs had their teeth in her limbs and their bodies wrapped around hers. "Ah!"
Then one of them ripped into her calf, and with a gasp, Ilona collapsed onto the cobblestones.
"Perfect." Gross whistled again and the dogs backed off. Metal clicked around her wrists, but she had no more will to protest. Not now.
And then a needle slipped into her neck, and she tried to scream, but much like a nightmare, couldn't remember how.