"Dude, you can't just say stuff like that." Dean was blushing ever so slightly.
"Why not? It's true, Dean. I missed you. And Sam, of course." Cas added, turning his head. But the younger Winchester was already out of sight.
"Whatever." Dean muttered. He took a sip of his beer. "So how've you been?"
"Fine." Cas fidgeted with his own drink, unsure how to proceed. "How are you?"
"Doin' great." Dean smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"No, you're not." The hunter's brow furrowed, as if he was about to argue. "Dean, there is something weighing heavily on your mind. I can feel it."
"Get outta my head." Dean said, setting his beer down a little harder than necessary.
"I'm not 'in your head'. I am not reading your mind. I'm simply making an observation."
"What, so you can 'feel' my thoughts now?" Dean scowled.
Cas sighed in exasperation. "Like it or not, we are connected. I can sense the darkness clouding your mind, and it worries me."
"I'm fine."
"You can be maddening sometimes." Cas rubbed his temples. "I am simply trying to help."
Dean had the decency to look guilty. "Sam is working with the British Men of Letters." He finally said.
Cas tried to look surprised. "Oh?"
"Yeah, the same dirtbags who tortured him. I don't know how he's okay with this. I'm fuckin' pissed."
"Then why have you not kicked him out?"
Dean looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "It's Sam! He's my brother."
"I'm just trying to understand...I am glad you have decided not to part ways with Sam. But I'm confused; you told your mother to leave when she was doing the same thing."
If it had been anyone else, Dean surely would have been throwing punches by now, not explaining himself. He shook his head. "I dunno, man. I've been watching out for him since I was a kid. I can't..."
"You can't let him go." Cas nodded, understanding.
Dean laughed bitterly. "After all these years...I still can't stand the thought of being alone." He admitted, showing uncharacteristic vulnerability.
"You're not alone." Cas leaned forward. He wanted to touch Dean. To comfort him. But he didn't want to ruin the moment. One wrong move, and the hunter would shut down again.
"But I would be if I lost Sam to the Brits." He took a drink. "I'm way too sober to be having this conversation."
"Dean, you wouldn't be alone. I will always be here." Cas said, hurt that the hunter seemed to have forgotten about him.
"You're an angel. You've got your own shit going on. I mean, your family is rollin' out the welcome mat; taking you back. Once you can go back to Heaven, I don't know why you'd ever wanna come back to this shitty planet."
Cas glared. "I told you; I am not welcome in Heaven. It isn't my home anymore. And they are not my family." He angrily stood up. "I'm sorry, I was under the mistaken impression that I had a home here. That you and Sam were my family. Unless that has changed in the last ten minutes."
Once again, guilt-ridden green eyes stared up at him in shock. Dean clumsily stood and grabbed his arm. "Please don't go." He swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
Cas blinked. He couldn't remember the last time Dean had apologized like this.
"This is your home. You're family, Cas. I guess...I guess I just have a hard time seeing why anybody would wanna stay with me."
The angel put a hand on Dean's shoulder, where the mark of his handprint used to be. The touch sent a spark of electricity through him, and he wondered if Dean felt it too.
"How can you think so little of yourself?" He asked sadly.
"Everyone leaves in the end." Dean shrugged. "Other than Sam, no one's stood by me this long. I don't know why you're still here."
"Because I care about you!"
Dean exhaled sharply, and leaned in to Cas's touch as if those words had shaken him deeply. And maybe they had.
"Dean Winchester, you are worth more than you know. I meant what I said in that barn. Knowing you has been the best part of my life. And I am very old."
The hunter tried to smile. "Thanks, Grandpa."
Cas rolled his eyes. "You should go to bed. I can sense your exhaustion."
Dean weakly protested as Cas followed him to his room. The angel stood in the doorway.
"Will you...still be here in the morning?"
"If you'll let me stay, I would be happy to." Cas nodded.
"Yeah. I know you don't sleep, but you can hang out in the library or something. Wake me up if you get bored."
Cas wandered to the library, turning on a single lamp. He sank into a chair. Dean's mind really was in bad shape. He wished there was something he could do to help; anything. Perhaps if he admitted the true nature of his feelings for the hunter...
No.
It could ruin their friendship. Dean would never want him in that way. He could sense the hunter's love for him, but getting Dean to realize it was more than platonic would be impossible.
Castiel closed his eyes. Being so close to Dean, feeling the mutual yearning for each other...and not being able to run to him...was like torture. But he would respect Dean's personal space, as he wished.
An few hours passed, and there was a slight change of energy.
Cas could feel Dean's soul calling out for him. Begging for help.
Fear.
Dean was in trouble.