A/N: How exhausting. I'm sorry it took so long.

Chapter 8

She awaits for her outside her classroom.

She worries the edge of the strap resting on her shoulder with her hand.

She also occasionally shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

Maura makes her nervous.

Like always.

And the kiss – the kiss paralyzes her. She doesn't know what to do with her hands anymore. They spasm and her lips crave just another kiss. Their relationship is still so blurred, still so full of blank spaces. She doesn't really know her, ignores her fears and hopes and dreams and what makes her cry.

It's different from anything she has ever experienced, and different from what it should feel like. She tries to ignore the part of her mind that tells her this spark of pure connection will fade away.

When the door opens, people rush out past her, a book tucked under their arm or a backpack on their shoulders. Maura collects her things cautiously, not seeing her lean against the doorframe. The blue sundress she's wearing rests high on her thighs, every time she turns to put a book in her bag it swings against her legs. Her ponytail exposes her neck and her shoulders.

Kate notices she's wearing flats when Maura stops in her track a few steps away from her, her mouth falls open and her eyes shimmer. The height difference is evident and Kate feels the itch to just move closer and lift her up.

"Kate," she whispers, her smile wide and her eyes bright. "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to bring you out for lunch," Kate replies, her feet bringing her closer. "If you're up to it."

Maura smiles again, her eyes search the classroom before she walks toward her, her hands gripping the soft flesh of Kate's arms in a known gesture. She looks small, lively. Her smile seems a little bigger than usual.

"I'd love that," she answers, rising on her tiptoes to be able to reach her more easily. She leaves a kiss on her cheek, quick but firm; Kate can feel the grin on Maura's lips against her cheekbone.

"I'll give you a proper kiss when we are out of here," Maura whispers.

She does give her that kiss.

Lingering and sweet.

Maura lays her head on her shoulder after lunch, their thighs touch and her hair tickles Kate's shoulder. They rest comfortably against the bench, their legs under the table, the smell of coffee comes up from their cups.

Maura likes coffee as much as her apparently.

Sugarless, though, and a variety which name Kate doesn't remember already. Maura hums every time she takes a sip and Kate can't stop tracing the edge of Maura's dress with her fingertips, studying with her eyes the blue skirt.

She caresses with her hand her kneecap as Maura leans forward to put her cup back on the wooden surface of the table, a small grin on her lips as she slows every move to watch Kate watching her. Her eyes lock with Maura's as her fingertips stroke the soft fabric.

"Is something wrong with my dress?" Maura asks as she leans back against the bench, her arm resting on the backrest, her head propped up. She traces with her eyes her movements, the way Kate's palm smoothes the skirt and caresses her thigh. Kate's gaze never drops, persistent and deep, but Maura's attention falters as her hand brushes the back of her knee.

Kate's hand stops, draws another pattern there and smirks as Maura hums.

"Why do you wear this type of clothes?"

Maura's eyebrows furrow, even if Kate's tone is kind and her gesture continues on her skin, light and repetitive.

"I mean, you look gorgeous, as always. Your clothes always fit you perfectly, they are obviously made of high-quality material. I'm sure you consider them as works of art, and that's partly why you wear them," Kate continues. "And although I like fashion, too, I wouldn't dress in them every day."

Maura awaits with her hazel eyes fixed on hers, her hand fidgeting on her lap.

"I noticed your reaction when you had the chance to wear leather, how you like to show off, how you naturally seek the attention of other, even without realizing it," Kate goes on, her fingers stopping on her knee and reaching for Maura's, ending her movements.

Kate knows her assumption is right when Maura drops her gaze. She watches in silence how Kate's thumb draws circles on the back of her hand.

"I think you used to dress differently. Or, at least, you wished you could. I'm not implying you don't like what you wear now, you of course do. Probably you choose this type of clothes because being accepted and respected is already difficult for you, so clothes must at least not worsen the situation. They are exactly what people expect from you. Classy, impeccable, feminine. But you genuinely enjoy being unruly, disobedient, even if you conceal it."

She has thought about the consequences of the environment she has been raised in quite a lot during the years: would she be a totally different person if she grew up with her biological parents? Is her adoptive ones were different?

"You have it in you to be assertive, to show people you are right. You do it with intelligence, keeping your voice low although firm. But your eyes sparkle, Maura, turn darker, sharper."

She does fear the path her thinking takes sometimes, the repulsive feelings that make her heart beat faster from time to time. She has no idea where they come from. Some place deep down, where they have been compressed by her education and the principles she was brought up believing in.

She likes breaking the law. She has made peace with that. The adrenaline that runs through her veins is like a drug, a dope that made her ride naked, that makes her forget any constructed belief that was forced on her. It's just later, when the adrenaline runs out and her ethics resurfaces, that concern settles in. She tries to work harder then, to relax with yoga, to study to take her mind off her actions.

But nothing makes her feel as free and fulfilled as giving in.

But Kate doesn't know that part of her, her dark thoughts. She relegates them in a corner and goes on trying to be kind, gentle, everything not to let people see. She was gifted with free will, after all, she likes to think her kindness characterizes her more than her inner traits she can't control.

"This is not an artificial self," she whispers finally.

"I know," Kate answers. "But you shouldn't feel the need to disguise a part of yourself, Maura. I want you to be yourself with me, I won't judge. Both sides are equally right… and arousing."

She knows Kate is merely referring to her clothes, that she has no idea of what goes on in her mind, but her comment makes her smile, she shakes her head, pursing her lips at Kate. With the tip of her fingers under her chin, Kate immediately leans in.

Her mouth soothes away her insecurity.

Their movements are sluggish, they both smile with their mouths pressed together, the vibration of Kate's laugh triggers Maura's. She feels her legs turn to jelly as Kate places her hand back on her thigh, on the verge of her dress, and her smile vanishes, suppressed by the low hum she can't stop. Kate arches toward her at the sound, presses her against the backrest as Maura stokes the smooth skin at the base of Kate's back.

She trembles as their mouths part, Kate sighs with her forehead against hers before she dives in for another kiss, her thumb tracing circles on her leg. It's so easy for both of them to forget they are in display for everyone who passes by, nothing is in their minds but the insistent press of each other's lips.

Maura keeps her eyes closed when Kate withdraws, gently bites her lower lip out of reflex. Kate watches as she wounds the soft flesh she just kissed, her hand contracts on Maura's thigh while she realizes she aches for more.

"I see picturing me in a suit has quite an effect on you," Maura whispers, letting her eyes flutter open and her hand join Kate's on her skin. "You kiss very well, Kate."

Kate mutters a curse as she turns away from her, her shoulders slump, her eyes scanning the place around them without really paying attention. "You make me feel things I should not feel," she says, leaving another glance around before turning toward her again.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to kiss you again and again," she stresses. "We part and I just feel more desperate than before. Is there a scientific reason? I mean, I have met attractive people before, people I knew better, but… but it was never so intense. It scares me that I can't control myself."

"According to studies, people have chemical families associated with dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen and we chose partners with chemicals that complement ours. It's chemistry," Maura states, taking Kate's hand in hers. "What you feel is common and very flattering, I might add."

"I'm treating you like an object, Maura."

"No," she denies, "No-one as ever treated me as a human being like you do. You make me feel normal, Kate. Valued." She waits while Kate watches her, inhales and exhales a couple of time. "I know we are new, but I know what you feel and we shouldn't let that limit us. You can kiss me, Kate, without feeling obscene for wanting more."

The last words fade in silence as Maura leans in, placing a slow and firm kiss on Kate's cheekbone that make Kate's eyes flutter closed. Maura inches toward her ear, stroking their cheeks together. "Desiring me is not a sin," she whispers.

"No," Kate whispers back, keeping her close. "But it might as well be a torture."

TBC