A/N: Friendly reminder English is not my first language.

Chapter 10

She has always had issues with intimacy. Cuddles have always made her anxious and hugs have always felt suffocating. She hates the oppressing, heavy arms wrapped around her waist at morning. The muscles that at night fascinate her make her sick at dawn, when they clog her airways and press her down.

And she loathes the way they hold harder when she just wishes to go.

She is not accustomed to being touched, being hugged forcefully, and although she loves sex she despises every other form of contact. Even the thought of having an arm around her waist as she walks is barely bearable, makes her feels like an ornament to show off or claim property of.

She didn't know intimacy growing up, didn't know friendship and sharing and missed on milestone steps in the process of becoming an adult. This maybe led to feeling sick when sharing a bed with one-night stands.

She had learnt to swallow her discomfort figuring it would have been easier with time and she would have grown accustomed to it. But time didn't heal her as she wished.

Not until now, at least, because her alarm goes off and she shuts it blindly without even acknowledging the arm keeping her safely in place. She falls back on her pillow with a sigh and it's only when a low hum reaches her ear from behind that she notices.

In her sleep-clouded state she vaguely remembers how Kate had showed up at her door and how painful it was to treat her bruises. She briefly looks down at herself only to confirm she slept with her clothes on; she should be mad at herself for letting it happen but Kate hums again and shifts closer and she loses interest in it.

Maura lets her eyes flutter closed when Kate starts to wonder with her hand on her belly, shifting her tee higher a little, her curves pressed at her side, warm and soft and pleasing.

It doesn't make her sick. In fact, the press of her arm and the short caress she just got thrilled her. It just takes a little movement of her hips to feel Kate's skin brush against hers and the immediate shiver she receives stuns her. She gasps for air with her lips parted as her body processes the sensation. She doesn't have the courage to turn and face Kate, her breathing is still even anyway and her movements only unconscious.

So she stays still, studying the tingle at the bottom of her belly and letting her mind wonder, replaying the feeling of Kate's fingertips stroking her skin above her hips. The thought makes her restless and she's forced to grasp Kate's slim wrist and move her hand to the comforter. She breathes a couple of times, deeply, relaxing.

Then, with two hands, she pushes herself out of bed.

Kate has her eyes open when she emerges from the bathroom.

Her hair is already blow-dried and falls down on her shoulders delicately, her cheeks are vividly scarlet from the hot steam. And the robe she's wearing makes it impossible for Kate to tear her eyes away from her legs. Maura stops in her track and Kate witnesses the way the black satin bounces against her thighs.

"Kate- you're awake. How are you feeling?" she asks, taking two steps to come closer, her bare feet completely silent against the carpet. Kate's eyes snap up to hers, fighting against the urge to keep watching the sweet contrast of the dark fabric and the porcelain of her skin.

"Very well rested actually," she replies, smiling softly at the girl standing over her. Maura blinks at her, motionlessly holding her gaze before shying away a moment later.

"What about the bruises?" she asks, fidgeting with the towel in her hands.

"They'll get better," Kate answers casually, patting the space next to her on the mattress and prompting her to sit. Maybe she should distance herself from the source of lure but playing on the edge is too addicting.

Maura complies, leaves the towel at the end of the bed before going to sit, her hands run along the back of her thighs to keep the fabric in place, but the robe is just too short and it rests higher anyway.

She smells of rose and her lips curve in a nervous smile, her hands rest on her lap, Kate reaches out to cover them with her own. She can't help but feeling guilty for not giving her any explanation and the distance Maura seems to keep from her already makes her sick.

"They were two drunk guys from my class, quite angry because I succeed and they don't," she explains briefly, holding her worried gaze. "And they believe it's because both my parents are successful lawyers."

Silently thankful for Kate's sincerity, Maura just takes Kate's hand in hers, gently rubbing her palm with her thumb. Her brows are still furrowed, though, and her concern still present in her eyes.

"I usually don't react," she clarifies. "But they started saying things about my mother and- they can insult me, but my mom? They don't get to talk about her that way, she is a very strong woman who believes deeply in justice and made her way without any help."

Like you will, Maura thinks proudly, witnessing Kate's eyes grow harsher as her sense of protection and pride takes over.

"I don't pardon violence in any case, Kate," she clarifies. "But I understand why you reacted like that and I can't bring myself to be mad at you." She smiles down at her, pushes her hair out of her forehead with the tip of her fingers.

"I don't regret anything anyway," Kate replies, her voice soft but sure.

With Maura so near, she realizes she adores this version of her, freshly showered and without make-up, no fancy clothes on. She likes how different she seems in her room, how comfortable she looks.

"I think my mother would love you," she whispers without thinking. "I can envision her as she listens to you, all caught up and curious and excited as she always is. She's… so passionate."

She knows her voice sound dimmer, but somehow it always does when she talks about family. However cheesy it makes everything sound, she has learnt not to excuse her vulnerability when it comes to those she loves: sorry is not something she feels in this case.

"If she's anything like you, I'm sure I'd adore her."

Leaving Maura's room was harder than she thought it'd be. Kissing her is addicting and restraining from touching was a little too difficult to fully succeed. Maura smiled against her mouth and kissed her harder and everything turned even tougher. And now that Kate walks toward her door, she misses the warmth of Maura's arms around her, the feeling of her silky robe under her palms as she caressed her back, the press of her breasts against hers.

It stunned her, at first. She had held other girls in her arms during her life but she had never particularly noticed how pleasing the feeling was, how seductive, even if innocent.

She stores her thoughts away for later as she opens the door of her room. The door barely clicks closed behind her before Madison heatedly exits the bathroom and storms toward her with hair still wet.

"Where the hell have you been, Kate? What's that bruise? I've been worried sick all night, I called thirty times and you never answered," she barks. "Didn't you even think of letting me know where you were for God's sake?"

"Where I go is none of your business, Maddie," she answers back, taken aback by her rebuke.

"Right, because nothing bad can happen to a girl when she's out in the middle of the night," she replies, gesturing harshly with her hands as she does only when she's mad. "I always tell you when I'm not going to be here for the night, Kate, you should do the same- And where have you even slept?"

Kate blinks, purses her lips as she stares at Madison in her eyes. She ponders telling her the truth, but having Maura to herself is wonderful and she feels like she's giving up her little bubble of peace by telling her.

"To Maura's, right?" Madison whispers at her silence, her shoulder slump and her hands drop to her side. "Is there something I should know, Kate?" Her voice turns gentler, but it makes Kate feel exposed anyway.

"Nothing that concerns you," she answers without looking at her, her hands fumble with her phone to turn it on.

"It does concern me, though, Kate, because I am your roommate and your best friend, and if I need to know where you are, I want to know where to find you, so… were you at Maura's?" Kate pockets her phone and meets her eyes as she nods slowly. "What is happening with her?"

"We kissed," she replies immediately, shrugging, hoping it will satisfy Madison.

"That's it?"

"Multiple times," she clarifies. Maddie nods, letting her eyes drop to the floor as she processes her answer. Kate hides her hands in her pockets as she waits. For now, telling her hasn't made her feel lighter as she envisioned.

"Is it serious?"

"I don't know what you mean by that. Do I like her? Yes. Do I have a label for our relationship? No," she replies. "And before you ask, I'm not going to look for one, because what I feel when I'm with her is not merely conveyable with a word, so just don't."

"Do you even hear yourself? You're pragmatic, you're not like this," Madison whispers, shocked. "I've never seen you like this."

Kate exhales at that, at the uncertainty of her voice, and takes a step forward, taking Maddie's hands in hers. "I love you, Maddie, and I promise you I'll let you know when I'm staying with her for now on, but please don't try to understand this. You couldn't, anyway. And it surprised me, too, I assure you, but I told myself not to try and explain this."

"I won't stop checking on you anyway," she smiles after some moments of silence. Kate smiles back before enveloping her in her arms, silently very grateful for her and her attentions.

"Did she treat your bruise?" Maddie asks as they part, running her thumb across her cheekbone. Kate nods, blushing a little. "Then I already like her more."

TBC