Dear Reader,
What an exciting task it has been to pen this story for you all! I can hardly believe that it's already over and time to say goodbye! But as you have seen from the ending of the final chapter, I have left plenty of room for a sequel, so keep your eyes peeled and stay tuned to see if Rowena and Crowley make a triumphant return!
We've had a lot of fun as we made our way through this story and saw it all the way through to the end, but I wanted to touch on one of the more serious issues that this story has dealt with- Domestic violence.
Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.* As we saw with Rowena, domestic violence can happen to anyone at any age. And it isn't just women who suffer. Males encounter domestic violence with their partners very often as well. But domestic violence isn't just physical abuse. It can be emotional, verbal, mental, and financial. Here are some of the many different ways domestic violence can occur:
Physical abuse, such as kicking, punching, slapping, pinching, scratching, throttling, choking, spitting, and slamming someone against something.
Mental abuse, such as Controlling what the victim can or cannot do, Withholding information from the victim, Deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, Isolating the victim from friends and/or family, Denying the victim access to money or other basic resources, Stalking, Undermining the victim's confidence and/or sense of self-worth, and convincing the victim she/he is crazy.
Financial abuse, such as withholding funds from the victim, not letting them have a private bank account or access to an account, or controlling what little access they have to money.
Verbal abuse, such as cursing, racial or religious slurs, blaming the victim for things that couldn't have been their fault, humiliating them, or threatening them.
Emotional abuse, such as demeaning the victim's opinions, making them feel crazy, Calling them names, insulting or continually criticizing them, Refusing to trust them and acting jealous or possessive, Trying to isolate the victim from family or friends, Monitoring where they go, who they call and who they spend time with, Demanding to know where they are every minute, Trapping them in their home or preventing them from leaving, Using weapons to threaten to hurt them, Punishing the victim by withholding affection, Threatening to hurt them, the children, your family or their pets, Damaging their property when they're angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.), Humiliating them in any way, Blaming them for the abuse, Gaslighting them, Accusing them of cheating and being often jealous of their outside relationships. Serially cheating on them and then blaming them for his or her behavior, Cheating on the victim intentionally to hurt them and then threatening to cheat again, Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than the victim is, Attempting to control the victim's appearance: what they wear, how much/little makeup they wear, etc., Telling the victim that they will never find anyone better, or that the victim is lucky to be with a person like them.
If you or someone you know has a partner with the following qualities, they may be in an abusive relationship, courtesy of YourTango:
1. He pushes for quick involvement.
2. There's constant jealousy.
3. He's controlling.
4. He has very unrealistic expectations.
5. There's isolation.
6. He blames others for his own mistakes.
7. He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings.
8. He's hypersensitive.
9. He's cruel to animals and children.
10. His uses "playful" force during sex.
11. There's verbal abuse.
12. There are rigid gender roles in the relationship.
13. He has sudden mood swings. He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.
14. He has a past of battering.
15. He threatens violence.
Often times the abuse in the relationship occurs in a cycle, termed the cycle of domestic violence or the cycle of abuse. It comes in four stages:
Tension building- The victim feels like they are walking on egg shells to please the abuser as stress from daily activities or occurrences angers the abuser and leads to a breakdown in communication.
The Incident- Any of the forms of abuse described above occurs.
Reconciliation- The abuser apologizes for his/her actions, they act caring and loving, and may swear to change.
Calm- Everything is good and no abuse takes place.
This cycle can go on forever if it is allowed to. Unless someone takes action to break it. If this cycle sounds too familiar to you or someone you know, it isn't too late to get help for yourself or for someone else. There are resources that can help you. I've listed a few below:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to talk to a trained professional about the violence.
Go to find a shelter near you
Go to learn more about Domestic Violence, read statistics, create a safety plan, find shelter, and more.
Download the Aspire News App for iPhone or Android. It looks like a news app but is secretly a resource for battered women. You can find resources, add emergency contacts and get help if your abuser is attacking you.
Call 911. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, contact emergency services.
To everyone who took the time to read this, Thank you so much. Hopefully the information and resources listed above can help save's someones life. To every reader, no matter the gender or nationality: stay aware, and stay safe.
Thank you to all of my wonderful readers for taking this journey with me. I hope to see you all again very soon!
With Love,
Holly
*=Bachman, R. & Saltzman, E. (1995). Violence against women: Estimates from the redesigned survey. Retrieved from .gov/content/pub/pdf/FEM-