Loki pilfered through his closet agonizing over what to wear. He didn't want to reflect on why he was so concerned with his outfit, only that he wanted to feel powerful and attractive. Outside the flowers were in full blossom, the last of the winter chill fleeing for the season. He hadn't worn shorts in months and he was whiter than the holy ghost.
He pulled on a pair from last year that used to be baggy but were now skin tight. They damn near looked like denim underwear. Except underwear usually provides full ass cheek coverage. He stood in front of a mirror and bent over. They felt like denim dental floss at that point, but the view they provided was worth the discomfort.
He went back into his closet and pulled out a pink tank top. He grinned, pulling the hem of the shirt up through the neck. It made him look like a ridiculous gay caricature. Satisfied with his appearance, Loki left his room and pranced down the hall to the kitchen.
Thor choked on his eggs when he saw him. His eyes raked up and down Loki's form, lust obvious in his eyes, if only for a moment. Thor shook his head and frowned, making a face of utter befuddlement.
"What the hell are you wearing?" Thor asked.
"My sunbathing uniform. I'm going to lay out in the backyard and get a tan." Loki said.
"Dressed like that? You'll get hideous tan lines. Actually, you won't. You know you're going to get a sunburn, right?"
"That's why I have this stuff." Loki said, and then turned to a kitchen cupboard full of cough syrup and aspirin and pulled out a tube of tanning oil.
"This stuff lets me get golden without turning red and shedding skin like a snake."
"But why tan? I think you look nice with a paler complexion."
"You're the only one that does." Loki said. He turned and went through the living room and out the sliding glass door to the backyard. He took off his shirt and rubbed down his front and his legs. Reclining in a lawn chair, he looked up at the clear blue sky. He lay there contemplating the pigeons and the clouds.
Suddenly, Frigga's face appeared in his mind's eye. Her beautiful smile and kind blue eyes, smashed to pieces. The rude interruption to his serenity made him gasp. Tears sprang to his eyes and he cried out. Nausea rose in his gut. Heartache so acute, Loki swore he was suffering cardiac arrest radiated out from his chest, to his entire being. He bent over and retched just as Thor came outside to check on him.
"Loki!" Thor grabbed Loki's hair and pulled it away from his face as he vomited.
"Momma! Momma!" Loki wailed. His breathing became rapid and he started hyperventilating. Thor reached down and scooped him up, carrying him inside.
"Shh. I have you brother. I've got you." Thor said. He took him to bed and held him as he cried and trembled.
"Her face! Her face Thor. Dad wasn't even recognizable!" He sobbed into Thor's shoulder, hiccupping and nose running with snot.
"I told that fucking cop he shouldn't have let you look at them. It should've been me Loki." Thor ran his fingers through Loki's hair, petting him.
"No. No Thor. It would've messed you up."
"I'm the eldest, Loki. I'm the adult. I can handle these things. You can't."
"No Thor. You couldn't handle it."
"You're not handling it either."
"But I have you to take care of me." Loki said. He looked up into Thor's eyes. Violent ocean blue, like a squall in the Caribbean. His own, the deep green of cut grass, glowing in the summer sun. Only now, was Thor aware of Loki's nakedness. His bare hands cupping his head and ribcage. Their bodies entwined like lovers on their parent's bed. And Loki, beautiful Loki, red-faced and breath smelling like vomit, still managed to look so beautiful.
"I will always take care of you. Brother." Thor added at the last. He swallowed hard and breathed in deep that disgusting vomit breath. He needed it to keep his mind and body from veering in a dangerous direction. Loki snuggled all the closer to him, still sniffling and shuddering.
They lay there like that for a long while until Loki was out of tears and in need of something to drink. Loki got up to brush his teeth. Thor went to the kitchen to fetch him a glass of water. The air between them became weird, and Thor stopped looking Loki in the eye.
"I'm going to the grocery store. Need anything?" Thor asked.
"Ice Cream. Mint chip." Loki said.
"Ok." Thor said. He got in his jeep and drove away. The air hit him in the face and he welcomed the distraction. The coconut tanning oil that had rubbed off onto his clothes now perfumed his skin. Thor drove past the grocery store to a city park full of lush evergreens and flowers. It was the middle of the day in the middle of the week. The park was mostly empty. He ran up one of the hiking trails that went up a steep hill. He veered off path to a place so dense with foliage he could no longer hear traffic or see buildings. A dragonfly buzzed around him briefly before moving off.
The tenderness he'd shared with his brother this morning had broken him. Deep in mourning and full of grief, he'd found himself inexplicably joyful holding Loki like that. Holding him, comforting and caressing. Had Loki's breath not smelled so horribly bad, he might have kissed him right then. God help him.
Thor groaned in discomfort. After several minutes of solitude and not a soul coming by, he addressed his need. Shame welled up in him, not for doing this in a public place but for why he was doing it. For whom he thought of as he chased his pleasure and want. The sun shone upon him through the trees and the leaves glowed translucent green. The heat of the sunshine released even more coconut scent, aiding Thor's incestuous thoughts. He sprayed his pollen upon the dandelions and other little flowers of the forest. It was agony. Never had he ever felt so alone.