Pairings brought up/mentioned: Gerita to an extent

Warnings: Mild language and Feliciano faints, but that's it

-2.34-

"Hey, bastard! The hell are you?" Angry footsteps are accompanied by an equally angry shout. A familiar head of brown slowly makes itself known, an eccentric curl sticking out.

"Over here!" Antonio beams, "We got the guy."

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," As he reaches the top of the stairs, Lovino gives us an incredulous look. "... Are you sitting on them?!"

Basil green eyes blink, "Well, si! How else were we supposed to keep them here?"

The elder twin's eye twitches, but stops when he releases a loud, exasperated sigh, "You know what? Who the fuck even cares? Just bring 'em over here or something so we can take off the mask."

"Okay, Lovi~"

Antonio and I carefully stand, the fox spirit of the group cautiously gripping the perpetrator's arm. And yet, the moment we get up from the floor, they pry his hand away and run for the hills. The three of us helplessly observe as the would-be assassin opens a latch to the roof, making their escape.

"OH YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!" Lovino exclaims, "ARE YOU GOING AFTER THEM OR NOT?!"

As if pulled out of a trance, Antonio jolts before jumping out the opening with a start, yelling apologies behind him. At the human's vile glare, I too head for the roof, but more carefully than the other. I gaze at the empty area in dismay, the fox spirit running amuck like a chicken with its head cut off.

"It appears we lost them," I comment.

"The hell do you mean, you lost them?!" An outraged voice sounds behind me, as Lovino climbs out the latch as well.

I send him a disdained glance, "I mean exactly what I said. They must have climbed down or something."

"Well then go look for them! Merda, it's like you two don't know anything about catching assassins!"

"It's been fantastic having you all here today, but sadly, our time is up!" The nice talk-show lady flashes a bright beam at the camera, "Au revoir!"

The audience claps enthusiastically as what's-her-face closes, the two of us standing and shaking hands before I make my exit. I prance off to the ending music, my smile broadening at the others' presence backstage.

"Luddy!" The wolf spirit gives a short grunt as I tackle him in a hug, "Where did you go? I missed you!"

"The catwalk," He says curtly with a shrug. I tilt my head at his ambiguity, but decide to drop it. Instead, I release my captive cuddle-buddy to focus on my fuming twin and the miserable fox beside him.

"Ve~ ? Fratello, what's wrong?"

He growls, "Mind your own business!"

I pout, "That's not very nice."

"Yeah, well, I'm not in a very nice mood right now," Lovino huffs, burning holes into Toni's dejected expression. "Someone fucked up a simple task!"

"Lovi, I'm sorry!" The fox whines, "It's not like I meant to let him go; I swear, I didn't mean it; I'm so sorry, Lovi; I just-"

Fratello groans, "Oh, shut up, will you?! You're giving me a headache!"

"Wahh, lo siento, Lovi!"

"Don't be sorry. Just don't do it!"

I look to Ludwig in confusion, "Luddy, what happened while I was being interviewed?"

"Um…" He averts his gaze.

"Don't tell him anything! It'll only freak him out!" Lovino exclaims loudly, interrupting.

My eyes widen and shift to him, "What'll only freak me out?!"

"Merda! It's none of your business, so stay out of it!"

"Lovi, I'm so sorry-"

"I said shut up! Honestly what is with you and-"

"Fratello, why don't you ever tell me anything?! Don't you trust-"

"WOULD EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP?!"

All of us turn to Ludwig, observing his hard face. "What is with you guys and arguing? This has everything to do with Feliciano, so he has the right to know what's going on, end of story!"

"But he'll just-"

"Nein," He cuts Lovino off, "It doesn't matter what his reaction is; he could have died!"

"I what?!"

He faces me, "I was standing on the catwalk to have a better view of the area, when some figure cloaked all in black showed up. We fought for a while, then Antonio came upstairs looking for me and we detained him. During a commercial break, Lovino met us up there to see what was going on. Long story short, the would-be assassin escaped, and now Lovino's pissed off at Antonio because we couldn't catch them."

And that's when everything goes black.

I groan, "I can't believe I let this happen."

"Aw, come on, Ludwig!" Antonio pats me on the back, "You couldn't have known he'd faint, right?"

"No, I suppose not, but I still wish I hadn't told him before we came home; it would have been much easier to get him to a soft surface that way."

An unconscious Feliciano lays on his bed, breathing softly in short puffs of air, which sound strangely similar to that 've' noise he always makes. Bulky hands rub over my face before slicking my hair back once more.

"I just hope he isn't too upset with me when he wakes up."

The fox laughs jovially, "Feli, mad at someone? Please, at worst he'll hug you while crying about how he almost died. He won't blame you for a second!"

"Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, it's not your fault," Lovino adds from his place against door frame, glaring at his spirit animal, "If anyone fucked up here, it was the tomato bastard."

"Lovi, I already told you I'm sorry about a million times over! What do I have to do to earn your forgiveness?!"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe stop failing at life-"

"Oi, West, what's going on in there?!" Lovino protests loudly as Gilbert pushes him aside, forcefully butting into the room. "What happened to Feli?"

"He fainted because I told him about an assassination attempt Antonio and I prevented."

He gives a low whistle, "You seriously told Feli that he almost died? The hell's wrong with you?"

"Mon petit cousin!" Francis shoves Gilbert out of the way, in a manner nearly identical to Lovino's downfall, rushing to the redhead's side. "I am so sorry I let these bad, bad people manhandle you like this! Oh, mon cousin cher, will you ever forgive me?!"

"Francis, will you cut it out?!" Arthur makes his entrance as well, approaching the Frenchman and whacking him upside the head, "He's asleep, not dead!"

"Mais, mon lapin, just imagine sleeping, innocent little Feli being senselessly dragged throughout town! My poor baby!"

"Okay, hold on a minute!" Lovino exclaims, his face a bright, irritated red, "That is the exact opposite of what happened!"

And yet, the only conscious Italian remains ignored. "MON PETIT COUSIN!"

Gilbert approaches Francis, not-so-gracefully pulling him away from the bed, "Alright, everyone SHUT UP!

"Ja, Feli's unconscious; we've kind of got that, so how about we talk about something else? Take, oh, I don't know, the fact that we didn't catch the guy trying to kill him?!" He huffs irritably, "I mean, come on! There's a psychotic assassin on the loose, and we're just sitting around, arguing about stupid stuff! There are way more important things to worry over."

"Finally, someone with common sense," Lovino mutters under his breath.

"Oh, merde, you're right!" The blond human cries in distress, "What if it happens again?! What if this time they actually manage to hurt my precious Feli?!" He falls into the arctic wolf's arms melodramatically, "Gil, catch me. I feel faint!"

Gilbert promptly drops him, "Look alive; there'll be time for napping later!" He then turns to meet all spectators' gazes, "So here's the awesome plan I've come up with: first, we're going to set up security cameras. I don't mean just a few in the mansion or whatever. No, I mean everywhere. Like, say someone's going for a nice stroll in the park. That chipmunk's actually a secret camera. This way, no matter where Feli goes, we'll always be able to catch suspicious activity! Then-" He pauses, "Ja, what do you want?"

Antonio lowers his hand from its sky-pointed position. "Gil, you do realize assassination attempts are normal for us, right?"

Gilbert blinks. "What?"

"Well, yeah, it's bad that the assassin guy got away, but it's really nothing new for someone to try to kill us. I mean, the Vargases are one of the most historically powerful families there are. Crazy almost-murders are pretty common," He takes on a more thoughtful look, "Although, we usually catch them."

"Exactly! You usually catch the guy!" The arctic wolf frantically waves his arms in the air.

A soft groan emanates from the bed, and everyone freezes, turning to face the culprit. Low and behold, the red headed Italian rises from his peaceful slumber, only to be faced with the chaos of everyone being in the room at the same time. He sleepily rubs at his eyes, a dopey smile on his newly-awoken face.

"Ve~ Good morning, everyone!"

For one odd moment, we all exchange glances, before silently deciding to go along with it, responding in a jumbled chorus of before-noon greetings. The only one not to do so is, of course, Lovino, who loudly proclaims, "It's four in the fucking afternoon!"

Confused, the arguably more loveable of the twins tilts his head. "Hmm? But I just woke up, so that must make it morning, right?" Then, he stops as his eyes open wide, "Hey, wait a second- Madonna, I almost died!"

"Ohh no, not on awesome watch!" Gilbert swiftly approaches Feli, pushing Francis away with a hand to the forehead, and proceeds to smack his face from side to side, "You are so not fainting again!"

"Wahh, Gilbert, stop it! I don't like it when people hit me!"

"Oi, bastard! That's my fratello you're hurting, so knock it off before I hurt you!"

"Mon ami, quel est-ce que tu fais à mon petit cousin?!"

A/N:

I'm not entirely sure I'll have the time to post tomorrow; I have plans, so I'm just posting this now! Subsequently, I won't update tomorrow, because I'm doing a double update today. As for the chapter, this is the beginning of a plot arc I'm kind of nervous about, since, while it further establishes the dysfunctionality between the main characters, it's not exactly what I wanted to write. Please let me know if you don't like where this is going, because I'm very uncertain right now!

Responses to review(s):

Seele Esser Deutsch: Yeah, no, it's totally a canon character, and one stronger than Ludwig. I saw their name on the list, so you're on the right track! Also, ju- I mean- Wow. I can't believe I'm actually someone's senpai. I think Francis had the right idea when he dramatically fell into Gilbert's arms!

maryranstadler1: Aww, thank you! Just, oh my god, you guys make me seriously flustered from these comments! Thank you so much!

I'll update on Wednesday!