Struggling to be Honest

JacobxBella

Rated M

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the franchise, as it belongs to Steph Meyers

Struggling to be Honest

Chapter 3

Bella awoke that morning to the slight shaking of her shoulder. Moaning softly, she rolled over and opened her eyes to see the amber eyes of Alice Cullen peering down at her. The pixie like vampire had a huge smile on her face as she seemed to bounce on her heels a little.

"Morning, Bella. Time to get up and get ready to leave," she said.

Bella sat up and stretched a bit before rubbing the heel of her hand over her eye. She had had a rough night and had gotten almost no sleep. Nightmares about Jacob had kept her awake before she was finally able to sleep and stay asleep. Letting her friend's words sink in, she asked, "Get ready for what?"

Alice giggled and answered, "For your wedding, silly. Today's the big day! Now get dressed, I'll meet you downstairs." Alice flashed her another smile before slipping out of the window of her bedroom. Bella sighed before getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom, where she heard the front door being knocked on as she went. Bella brushed her teeth and used the toilet before jumping in the shower. As the water cascaded down her body and over her head, she thought about what the day would bring.

Today, she would be going to the Cullen mansion to marry Edward, the love of her life. She would become Mrs. Edward Cullen, and then they would go on their honeymoon. And upon returning, she would be made a vampire, just like she wanted.

"This is not at all what you really want," a voice rang in the back of her head. Bella shook her head to rid herself of the voice of doubt as she washed herself, but it wouldn't go away. As she finished washing her hair, she heard the voice say, "You're making a mistake and you know it."

Bella beat her forehead with the heel of her hand before shutting off the shower and stepping out, wrapping a towel around her and heading back to her room. She put on a flannel shirt and her jeans, and then put on her socks and tennis shoes before towel drying her hair. Once that was done, she grabbed her phone and wallet before heading downstairs where she found Charlie and Alice sitting at the kitchen table talking. Charlie looked up at his daughter and gave her a small smile, but Bella could tell that it was strained. He had been dreading this day and now it was here, and the man was not happy.

Alice looked at her and smiled, saying, "Well, we've got to get going, Charlie. Bella's got to go get ready for her big day. Edward is very excited to see her as well." Charlie made a bit of an annoyed noise before nodding and looking down into his coffee mug. Bella wanted to say something to her dad, but was pulled out of the house by Alice. They climbed into the vampire's yellow Porsche and were soon headed toward the Cullen house.

Bella listened to Alice talk about the wedding preparations and how everything turned out perfect. She also mentioned the dress she saw her in and that it had arrived yesterday, and it was apparently beautiful. Whatever it looked like, Bella knew it wouldn't look like anything she would have chosen. This was also why she left everything to Alice; whatever she would have chosen, Alice would have immediately refused and picked something else.

"They control you and have been since you got involved with them," the voice said. Bella willed away the voice and continued to look out the window, watching the small town move on by. Minutes later, the Cullen mansion came into view and Alice parked in the garage. They both got out and headed inside where they were greeted by Esme. The motherly vampire rushed to hug Bella with a huge smile on her face.

"So happy to see you, Bella. You must be excited for today," she said happily. Bella nodded and gave a small 'yeah' in response before being ushered up the stairs by Alice. Esme was already dressed and was making sure everything was perfect, from the catering to the decorations to where the wedding would be held. Alice dragged Bella behind her up the stairs all the way into her and Jasper's bedroom. Bella noticed that the heels she was supposed to stumble around in were sitting on the floor next to the bed and the wedding dress lying on it.

The dress was, in lack of a better word, exquisite. It was something that should be seen on a model or in a magazine and not on her. Alice immediately set to working on Bella, starting with blow drying the remaining dampness in her hair. Once that was done, she ushered her to the adjoining bathroom that Rosalie had been hiding out in so they could start on her hair. With the two of them at work, it didn't take long for her hair to be braided, curled, and pinned up in a very uncomfortable way so the veil would sit perfectly in it. Alice left Rosalie to help Bella finish getting ready, as she quickly put on her maid of honor dress and left to go help her mother figure greet the guests that were starting to arrive. Rosalie had already begun on Bella's makeup, but as soon as her sister was out of vampire earshot, she said, "You know you don't have to go through with this."

Bella was surprised that Rosalie decided to speak to her willingly once again. But what she had said threw her off a little. Rosalie noticed her confused look and said, "This whole wedding business is nothing but a debacle and it's obvious you are more than less enthusiastic about it."

"Edward says he won't change me unless we're married," Bella said as her future sister-in-law started working on her eye shadow. She heard the blonde scoff before saying, "Who cares what Fuckward wants? The golden boy is oh so perfect in everyone's eyes and he can't possibly do any wrong. He's pressured you into this wedding, just like he knew that getting involved with you would only lead this family to disaster. And low and behold, you being involved and knowing about our kind has gotten us into more trouble with the Volturi than necessary. The only reason any of us are still alive now is because Aro holds a lot of respect for Carlisle and has a soft spot for Edward and Alice. He could give a shit about the rest of us, and that includes you. But because you're my brother's precious pet, he's also let you live and has given you the ultimatum of being changed or dead."

Bella opened her eyes and watched Rosalie start harshly slamming her makeup products around, trying to find the right one she needed. She couldn't believe all of what Rosalie had said. It all couldn't possibly be true. Edward loved her and has protected her. But she couldn't help but think that Rosalie was right in a way. If she hadn't been so persistent in figuring out Edward's true nature, the snowball effect that happened afterwards wouldn't have happened. But what was done was done, and there was no turning back.

Shaking her head, Bella said, "I can't just back out of this wedding. Edward and a whole bunch of people are waiting for me to marry him. And you all spent a bunch of money for this wedding, I can't just bail."

"Actually, only Alice spent money on this wedding. She saw everything a certain way and paid for it all to be that way," Rosalie responded as she set to putting a MAC lipstick on her lips in the shade of Hue and working on her blush. When she was done, the beauty queen like vampire stepped back and admired her work. Giving a curt nod she said, "You're done, now let's get you in your wedding dress."

They left the bathroom and walked back into the bedroom, where the wedding dress was still waiting. Bella undressed from her flannel shirt and jeans, then put on the torsolette before Rosalie helped her into her magnificent bridal gown. She put on her white high heels as Rosalie pinned the veil in her hair before she walked to the full length mirror to look at herself. Bella gazed at herself, not completely sure she was seeing what she was seeing. She didn't look like herself, but she guessed that was the point of weddings. She wasn't sure if she liked it, but she knew she wouldn't have to do this ever again.

Rosalie looked at Bella's reflection as well, a sad smile on her face. Bella wondered why she was sad and asked her about it. She was surprised that Rosalie told her she was sad for her because she was going to lose one of the best things about her. When asked what that was, Rosalie said, "Being human."

As she turned to leave, Rosalie looked back at Bella and said, "You make a beautiful bride. Just remember that the choice is still there to bail, and there is no shame in it. I know Volturi ambassadors are here to oversee this, but if you decide to quit before it really is too late, just give me a look and I'll help you. Just know that you'll never truly be happy until you follow your heart." And with that, Rosalie left Bella to ponder her words.

Bella swallowed as she let the words sink in. She wanted to believe she was happy, but it was hard to when doubts were being thrown at her by not only her least favorite of the Cullen family, but by her own mind. She heard the voice once again speak, this time saying, "She's right, you know. You will be giving up so much the day you become a vampire. Think about Charlie, Renee, Phil, Jacob…"

Shutting her eyes tightly, she tried to ward off the voice and thoughts of her still missing best friend, but they wouldn't go away. Jacob was already gone because of what was about to happen today. If he saw her as his mortal enemy, he'd probably die. He had once said he would love her even if she did become a vampire, but she knew that there was only so much his already fragile heart could take when it came to her.

"Why can't you just be honest with yourself just once in your life, Bells?" she heard Jacob's voice once again say in her head. She felt tears well up in her eyes but quickly batted them away as to not ruin her makeup. There was a knock on the door, and she turned to see Alice peering in with a wide grin on her porcelain face.

"It's time, Bella!" she said excitedly. Bella took a deep breath and nodded following her friend out of the room and downstairs carefully. When she reached the bottom, she saw Charlie tugging nervously on his tuxedo collar and shuffling his feet. He turned to look at her when he heard her and his eyes widened at the sight of her. His daughter looked beautiful, he had to admit, but the thought that he was about to give away his only child to a boy he had absolutely no respect for made him want to cry.

"Hi dad," Bella said softly as she stepped up to him. She watched his eyes, the exact match to her own, rove over her before looking her in the eye. The man gave her a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. Seeing this made her chest clench painfully. While this was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, this was Charlie's worst. He swallowed loudly before saying, "You look beautiful."

Bella smiled at his words, knowing that he was being honest despite his mood. Alice told them that they were on in five minutes before handing Bella her bouquet, and then walking outside and down the aisle to stand in place. As soon as she was gone Rosalie walked around a corner and over to them. She smiled and said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but someone is here to see you, Bella, and I think you're going to like it."

Just before she could ask what the blonde meant, Bella's breath left her. Her eyes bugged out as she heard Charlie inhale sharply before giving a joyous laugh. Walking over to them in jeans, a white t-shirt, and black combat boots, was Jacob Black.