Struggling to be Honest

JacobxBella

Rated M

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the franchise, as it belongs to Steph Meyers

Struggling to be Honest

Chapter 4

"Jake! You're back!" Charlie exclaimed as he rushed to hug the boy that was like a son to him. Jacob gave a smile as he hugged his second father, happy to see that he wasn't upset with him for running away. But knowing Charlie, he'd rip into him about it later. As happy as he was to see Charlie, his eyes were riveted on the object of his affections that was standing stock still, staring at him with a look of astonishment on her face.

"Bella," Jacob said as he let go of Charlie. Bella couldn't stop the tears that spilled over onto her cheeks at hearing her best friend's voice after so long. Lifting her dress she rushed to him as fast as her legs could carry her, surprised she didn't fall flat on her face from the wretched heels she was wearing. Throwing herself on him, she wrapped her arms around Jacob's neck and held him close to her, relief flooding her body, mind, and heart at having him in her arms again. Jacob was feeling the exact same thing at the moment and held his love close while soothing her quiet sobs.

Charlie watched on with a pleased expression on his face. He was delighted to see his daughter finally express the most emotions he's ever seen her express since Jacob's disappearance. He fully believed that Bella loved Jacob, and if this display before him didn't convince him otherwise, he'd chop his own hand off. Charlie knew Bella didn't love Edward the way she claimed to, it was obvious to everyone around them that weren't involved with the wedding or Cullen family. In fact, the only member of the family who looked just as reluctant to participate was the blonde one; Rosalie, if he remembered correctly. He silently hoped that Jacob's return would convince Bella to throw the wedding, but she was just as stubborn as he was and knew it was just wishful thinking. Deciding to leave them alone to talk, he went to stand next to Rosalie who was watching the exchange intently. She knew Charlie wouldn't be able to hear their conversation from where they were standing, but she could. She hadn't told Bella this, but her future still disappeared today.

Alice was afraid to say so and had kept it a secret from everyone so the wedding could go off without a hitch, but Rosalie had the ace up her sleeve that was Jacob Black. She had seen him in town earlier when she was getting last minutes supplies for Esme when she had seen him. She convinced him to come to the mansion to see and talk to Bella in the hopes that he could change her mind. He had told her that the girl wouldn't, but Rosalie knew that just seeing and hearing him out would be enough for Bella to come to her own conclusion about the decision she was making to marry her brother.

Bella sniffed and composed herself before pulling away from Jacob, wiping her eyes. Luckily Rosalie had the thought to put waterproof makeup on her, or she'd have to spend another ten minutes getting it fixed.

"Oh, Jake," Bella breathed as she looked at him. He looked worn out and his hair had grown and was a little shaggy, but to Bella he looked perfect. She gave him another hug saying, "I'm so happy you're back and alright. I've been so worried."

"I'm sorry, Bells. But I'm back and here to stay now," Jacob said pulling away and looking her up and down. She didn't look anything like his Bella; this was the leech's Bella. Even so, he had to admit she looked beautiful and told her so. Bella blushed and felt her heart flutter before telling him 'thanks'.

Jacob's face suddenly turned serious, alarming Bella instantly. Before she could ask him what was wrong, the Shifter said, "Bella, don't do this. Don't get married to him."

Bella was taken aback by this, but also felt she should have known he would say something like this. After all of this time, he was still fighting, even on her wedding day. She sighed before saying, "Jake, we've been through this. I love Edward and I want to marry him."

"No you don't. You don't want to get married, at least not to him. You're only doing it so you can be one of them. This whole thing is nothing but a circus show and you're willingly being a part of it. He's making you do this," Jacob countered.

"You're wrong, I love Edward. And I'm marrying him out of the love I have for him. Yes it seems like I will be getting something out of it, but I really just love him."

"So you say, but have you even thought about how this will affect everyone else around you? Charlie? Your mom? Me? Don't we matter to you? Or is all you care about is that leech waiting out there? You are making a mistake and the day you realize that it will be too late."

Bella was at a loss for words. Jacob knew she hated confrontation and he was slamming a lot of it in her face, just moments before she got married. She didn't need this doubt, not today, not right now. But she couldn't help but think that her best friend was right. And just thinking that scared her. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to make his words go away. Jacob could see the inner turmoil she was having and gently grasped her face in his hands.

"Bella, please stop this. Just think about yourself and what you really want for once and not what others expect of you. Be honest with yourself! We can leave; you can call it quits and we can leave here together! You love me, I know you do! All you have to do is choose me!" he said desperately, feeling her pulling away from him more than she had before.

The brunette finally opened her eyes and her heart broke at the look of desperation and fleeting hope in his brown eyes. She hated hurting him more than anything, but she knew she had no choice. Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "I'm sorry Jake, but I can't."

Jacob's eyes hardened and his jaw clenched. Letting her go he stepped back and looked at her with complete disgust. Giving a humorless smile, he said, "So that's how it is, huh? Fine. Do what you want. But I'll ask you one more time: is this what you really want?"

Bella had to swallow the lump in her throat as she gave him a nod. She watched him give a defeated sigh before saying goodbye to Charlie, then he turned and left the house. Bella didn't like this at all. The last time she had seen him, she had walked away from him. And now the same thing was happening, only this time she was in his position. The damage was done, there was no fixing it.

She felt a hand on her shoulder causing her to look at her dad. He gave her a sad smile before saying, "It's time, kiddo." Bella hesitated before nodding, and they both turned to the doors that would lead them to the wedding venue. Just before the doors opened to let them exit, Rosalie whispered to her that she would be waiting. She appreciated Rosalie's offer, but she wouldn't take it. At least that was what she thought as the doors opened and the music began.

As she and her father walked down the aisle, she looked at the crowd and saw all of the familiar and unfamiliar faces looking her way. Her mom and Phil were looking too. Renee looked so proud and happy and Phil, he looked absolutely uncomfortable in the suit he was wearing. She also saw Billy and Sue Clearwater in the crowd, both of them giving her sad smiles. The small smile Bella had on her face immediately fell as she looked at Billy. Did he even know his son was back, let alone had been here? It hurt her to even think about it. Finally her eyes settled on her fiancé.

There he was, standing there so pristine and poised. Edward looked so beautiful, as did the rest of his family. They were all looking so excited and proud of their son and brother. They were all so flawless and she would one day be too.

"Why does it always have to be him?"

"He can't give you the life you really want and deserve."

"Why can't you just be honest with yourself just once in your life, Bells?"

"Is this what you really want?"

Jacob's words kept reverberating inside her head as she walked, but she didn't notice that as she met the halfway point, her steps had slowed. Charlie noticed and was wondering was she suddenly getting cold feet; he really hoped so.

Bella couldn't stop Jacob's words as more and more of them entered her mind. Along with the words came all the memories she had shared with her best friend. Seeing him so happy and carefree, his eyes shining, his smile wide and bright on his face. He was so beautiful.

"Just know you'll never truly be happy until you follow your heart," Rosalie's words rang through her mind.

Bella stopped in her tracks just mere feet from the alter. She looked down at the ground before closing her eyes. Charlie, Edward, and everyone else started getting worried. Was the bride about to jilt the groom? Bella couldn't stop her trembling as all of the doubts she had tried so hard to rid away returned with a vengeance. The flood of emotions she was feeling caused her to start crying and she dropped her bouquet so she could cover her face while her other hand held tightly to her father's arm.

Jacob was right; she didn't want this. She didn't want to marry Edward, and she didn't want to become a vampire. A lifetime of youth was definitely appealing, but seeing all her loved ones wither away as she remained eighteen forever was too much for her to handle. And the feather that broke the camel's back for her was that she finally had to admit to herself that she loved Jacob. No, not just love him; she was in love with him. She had thought her love for Edward outweighed her love for Jacob, but really it was the other way around. She couldn't live without that boy in her life.

"Bella, what's wrong?" she heard Charlie ask her. Looking up at him, she saw his concern. Giving him a genuine smile, she answered, "I finally realized what I've been denying for so long. And I'm about to make you extremely happy."

With that she turned to see Rosalie waiting for her at the end of the aisle with a duffle bag in her hand. The blonde vampire smiled and winked, telling her it was time to bail. Kicking her high heels off, Bella picked up her dress and ran towards Rosalie, ignoring the alarmed murmuring of the crowd and her mother's shout for her to go back. She followed Rosalie through the house to the garage and they both got into the vampire's drop top red convertible. Once they were both in and buckled up, Rosalie gave her the duffle bag and cranked the car. Bella was happy to see her regular clothes inside the bag as she opened it. Just as Rosalie backed out of the garage, Edward appeared with Alice and Renee to try and stop them. Bella knew they wouldn't be able to as long as her mother was present and for that, she was grateful.

Rosalie turned the car around and sped off down the driveway and to the main road. Bella took the veil out of her hair and let it go in the wind before taking the pins out of her hair. She had finally got all of the pins and braids out when they reached the town. Bella soon noticed that her getaway partner was heading towards the Reservation.

"Rosalie, are you taking me to the Res?" Bella asked hopeful. Rosalie gave her an honest grin and nodded, saying, "You have a lot of making up to do with Jacob. No better way to start than to go to him immediately. Now try to get dressed as best you can before we get there, I'll help with anything else when we get to the border."

Bella grinned and leaned over to give the blonde a quick hug before taking her jeans out of the duffle bag. She was on her way to see Jacob, and she would tell him that she finally decided to follow her heart. And her heart was wherever he was.