With March Break finally here, i will have a bit more time to write, so hopefully i can put at least one more story up (plus i have to write my new prompt response for this week so yikes) between working and stuff.
This was inspired by a post thanatosdementor (Leonhard van Eurel) put on their tumblr about wanting an emotional Lucifer fic with him yelling at the ceiling and stuff about why he was abandoned etc. and i was bored so i kinda wrote this because it's cute and angsty and based on that one scene from Fox Lucifer where Lucifer is yelling at the sky about what's the point (season 1, episode 9).
Being free was exhilarating and his grace hummed just below the surface of the thin skin of his vessel. Hundreds of years he had been trapped but now, he walked the earth once more. The Apocalypse had started, the final chapter, the end of days and Lucifer was more than pleased it was happening. No longer was he stuck in his cage, tortured for what he had done, unjustly treated for one simple mistake.
He hadn't been sure exactly how he had ended up in front of the church, staring at the large oak doors in silence, a soft pulling of his grace leading him towards what the humans called was "God's House." It was comical joke, really, all these sad saps praying to an absent bastard who if they were lucky was merely tuning out the prayers rather than actually hearing and ignoring every single one that was sent His way. Taking in the outer appearance, Lucifer didn't find anything that resembled his Father's true house, this was merely just stones and glass arranged together to create a small building where humans believed they were able to speak to an asshole Creator.
Scoffing and rolling his eyes, the fallen archangel climbed up the stone steps to the doors, pushing one open easily and entering the dimly lit church. He wanted to see firsthand just how pathetic his Father's creations truly were, and upon entering, was immediately welcomed by a large stain glass window of Michael standing victorious over the Devil, crushing him like a bug.
Lucifer's eyes narrowed at the scene and was half tempted to walk out right now, no longer interested in being in this little building but the pulling of his grace made him clench his teeth and continue to move forwards. Going deeper into the church, the Morning Star slipping into one of the wooden pews near the back of the church, not wanting to receive attention but at the same time still be close enough to hear one of the humans praying.
Her head was down, eyes closed and voice just above a whisper but Lucifer still heard her clearly. She was begging God for strength, both for herself and her sister, who was currently in a coma and had been for weeks.
Lucifer rolled his eyes at her idiocy, snorting softly. "Might as well give up now. He doesn't have His ears on," he muttered under his breath, leaning back casually. All of this was pointless. God would not save her sister just because she begged and pleaded. He knew that first hand his Father did as He pleased and no amount of begging would get you anywhere. If anything, it just made Him push you away farther, have you build up false hope to be torn down because this image these apes had, it wasn't God. They saw a kind, caring man who loved His people, willing to forgive them over and over despite their flaws and mistakes, every wrong they did but the joke was on them because He didn't!
God didn't forgive, He didn't care!
Wars could tear humans apart, famines destroy entire countries, and still He wouldn't bat an eye at it. There was no God, at least not one that cared for humanity and it angered Lucifer.
These humans kept clinging on to an image they held of a being that did not truly exist, that had vanished centuries ago without a single explanation to where He was going. Lucifer wanted to point that out to humanity, to shout and yell how they were the fools. They could pray over and over again, follow every rule He had ever created and still they wouldn't win. God was a cruel bastard that just loved to punish His children. Nothing pleased His father, because if you broke one rule, you fell and were shunned, and if you followed every one of them you still suffered! It didn't matter whether you were a sinner or a saint in God's eyes because it was all the same. There was no winning!
The woman finished her prayer and left but Lucifer hardly noticed, focused more on the cross at the front of the church. "How could you?" He asked the cross, voice merely a whisper to not draw attention even though the church was empty now. "How could you do this to me?" He reiterated, a little louder this time.
These questions were directed to the big G, the Creator, his Father. He wanted answers for once after so many years of not knowing, it eating away at his damaged grace. "You bastard," Lucifer cursed, "Where are you?"
There was no response and Lucifer shifted, no longer slouching. His arms rested against the back of the pew in front of him and he narrowed his blue eyes at the cross. "Why did you leave me? Why didn't you answer me when I prayed to you?" His voice was getting louder with each question, the deep rooted anger that resided inside him beginning to surface. "I yelled and I prayed and I begged for you to save me! For you to come and bring me home!"
Silence once more was his only response. "You abandoned me! You threw me out!" He yelled, now clenching on to the back of the pew, knuckles quickly going white.
"For centuries, I suffered for having free will and you punished me for that! Locked me away and left me to rot!" He snarled, grace crackling underneath Nick's flesh. "I kept asking myself what I did to deserve this, to have my own Father toss me away and I couldn't understand why! I couldn't understand how you promised your little mud monkeys forgiveness for their crimes if they only asked but when I asked, I never did." Lucifer swallowed thickly. "Didn't you hear me praying for forgiveness?"
His voice cracked at the last word and Lucifer's shoulders were shaking as he fought off the need to break down, sobbing on the church floor. He was too tired of constantly getting the short end of the metaphorical stick. He did everything his Father asked and in return was turned into the villain; the one humanity blamed all their depravities and wickedness on.
"I apologized over and over, and you never responded. But you heard their prayers, I know you did," He yelled at the piece of wood. "They kill and cheat and lie and perform so many other heinous crimes but you still provide them redemption so I ask you God: Where's mine?"
Lucifer quietly glanced around the church for a sign, but when he got none, continued, "Where's my forgiveness? Why do I suffer while everyone can be saved? What do I have to do for you to forgive me? To hear my prayers?" Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes and he wiped them away, a bit startled at first.
He was…crying. Such a human action that he wasn't supposed to do. Angrily God's Morning Star brushed them away, not wanting to cry before his Father, or at least cry where a human could stumble upon him.
Looking back at the cross, spat, "I loved you above all, above Gabriel, above Michael, but that just wasn't good enough, was it? Did you forget everything I did for you without question, without hesitance? Why was it only when I questioned you that once was it then that you payed attention to me?" Lucifer asked, hurt and confused. He didn't understand why his Father did this to him, shunned him after everything that he had done.
"Answer me!" Lucifer yelled, voice bouncing off the stone walls of the church and he punched the pew angrily, wood splintering under his fist. Blood trickled from the scratches the wood splinters left but he didn't bat an eye and they healed almost instantly. "For once just answer me! Tell me why I don't deserve your forgiveness? Tell me why you abandoned me!" It was the burning questions that he had always wondered and God's Morning Star rose to his feet, blue eyes turning red. It wasn't fair! "I was your son! I was your son and you were my Father, you were supposed to love me! You were supposed to come back for me but you didn't!" A shaky breath escaped his lips and he closed his eyes as the tears fell down his cheeks.
"Why didn't you come back for me? I didn't deserve this punishment, that never ending torture! Where was my forgiveness, Father? Where was my second chance?" He yelled, tears falling down his cheeks and using his jacket sleeve, furiously wiped them away. "Why am I the exception you bastard?"
Lucifer felt his legs buckle, unable to hold himself up and sank down ungracefully onto the hard pew, burying his head in his hands and sobbing. Why was he the exception to his Father's forgiveness? How come every little mud monkey got it but God's Morning Star didn't? Did the Devil truly not get to be forgiven for his crimes?
The fallen archangel sobbed in the otherwise silent church, abandoned by the Parent he had loved and shunning by those he called family. None of this was fair. "What does it take to get your forgiveness?" he cried and lifting his head just enough, he gazed at the cross in the front of the church. "It was so cold and lonesome in the cage. So dark and I was terrified. I couldn't hear them anymore, my siblings. I couldn't hear their taunts or cries, I was all alone," Lucifer admitted brokenly, voice wavering. "I lost everything because of you. My family, my home, and my Father wouldn't even answer me. You always did! You always answered my prayers and now you don't. Please, dad, just give me a sign. Give me something. I just…I just want to be forgiven. I want to go back home."
A ragged breath escaped his lips and he hung his head, "Why can't I be forgiven?
Let me know if you guys liked this or not, and hopefully i'm gonna start being more punctual with updates and not random every blue moon. Like i swear guys, school is actually a pain and if i don't have a test in at least one subject, i have tons of homework or in such a slump that i struggle to write more than a few sentences only to delete them. I do promise though i have at least three fics in the works all 4,000-6,000 plus in word count so i do have a bunch of longer ones for you guys once i can get free time (so don't murder me please).
-Ally