THREE MONTHS LATER

Magnus woke with a start. At least he thought he did, he wasn't actually entirely sure if he'd been asleep to begin with. He hadn't been sleeping well since Em had left, maybe catching an hour or two a night and a nap during the day if he was exhausted enough to fall unconscious. This seemed to have been one of those occasions. He propped himself up on the couch, unsure what time it was or how long he'd been out for. The curtains were closed, as they had been for the past few weeks so he had no way of knowing if it was daylight outside. He reached over slowly, his back screaming from too long spent against hard cushions, and flicked the lamp next to the couch on.

Bright light flooded the apartment. He stood, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, walked over to the fridge, opened it and then closed it again. Takeout it was then. He rifled through a pile of menus on the kitchen counter and pulled out a brightly patterned yellow and red one. Then he returned to the couch, grabbing his phone on the way and sat down.

This was how Catarina found him when she arrived two hours later.

"Magnus", she shook his arm gently. He'd fallen asleep sitting up, hunched forward with the phone in one hand and his chin resting on the other.

"Wha-," he started, head shooting up. He peered at her blearily and then opened his eyes wider, focussing on her face. "Catarina?"

"Forgot I was coming?" She guessed, looking around the room. The normally neat apartment was a mess. Piles of take-out cartons, empty bottles of cheap margarita mix and congealing plates of food covered every surface in the kitchen and living room. The blankets that usually lay artfully draped on Magnus and Em's bed were lying in a pile next to the sofa and the large coffee table, which once held an array of tasteful books, ornaments and brick-a-brack was cluttered with phials of half-finished potions, a pot of crystals and a large map.

Catarina picked up one of the potions and smelled it tentatively. "Tracking serum? You do realise the person you want to track has to ingest this for it to work?" Magnus shrugged, slumping back on the sofa sleepily. Catarina put the potion down and took a closer look at the map. On top of it lay a long piece of string attached to a crystal and something pink and fuzzy. Magnus seemed to have been trying to scry for Em using one of her socks. "Um, how about we get some light in here?" She said, walking over to the balcony doors. She pulled back the curtains and pushed the doors as far as they would go. Maybe some fresh air would help too.

In broad daylight, the apartment looked even worse. Catarina could see that it hadn't been cleaned since the last time she'd been here, which had been at least a month ago. She felt a pang of guilt, she hadn't realised things were this bad. She walked back over to Magnus and gasped. "Oh Magnus", she whispered looking him up and down, "are those sweat pants?"

Magnus gave another shrug and turned his attention to the map in front of him. Catarina took a closer look at her friend. His hair was limp and unwashed, his face was bare with no makeup on whatsoever, and for the first time since she'd known him, he had large dark circles under his eyes. He looked much younger and much older at the same time. Usually, she might have made a joke about his lack of style and absence of glitter, but this Magnus didn't look like he could take much more. Being mocked by one of his oldest friends might just be the last straw. Instead, she moved an empty carton of chow mein off the sofa and sat down next to him.

"How are you doing?" She asked him, gently placing her hand on his arm. Magnus looked down at the hand as if he was just realising she was there.

"I can't sleep," his voice cracked. "I miss Em. Everything is my fault, I hurt her, really really badly. It broke her. I could see it in her eyes. I hurt the one person I love more than anything in this world, more than anyone. And I can't do anything to fix it." He gestured to the table, "I've tried everything, none of it worked. I've been checking every hour to see if anything's changed, if the rune or charm she's using to hide has run out, but nothing." Catarina eyed the pile of blankets and it dawned on her that he'd been sleeping in here, on the sofa.

"Have you been working?" She asked.

"A bit," he shook his head. "Only the ones that are life or death." She nodded. At least that was something. However depressed Magnus felt, at least he was still helping people. She watched as his eyes, already red with exhaustion, filled with tears. Magnus never cried.

"I haven't seen you like this since Etta" she told him. Etta had been one of the mundanes Magnus had dated most recently. She was also one of the mundanes he had seen die of old age. It was a loss he'd taken very hard.

Magnus smiled at her sadly. "It's worse," he sucked in a shaky breath then let it out with a soft whoosh. "I loved Etta, I really did, with my whole being. I've seen so many people who I've loved die and every time it's like it's happening for the first time again. Every loss has been as great as the one before it and as painful. I've never forgotten any of them, not a single one, I've carried them all with me, Etta and Will and Camille and James and so many others. But with Em..." He sighed. "With Em, it's the first time I haven't had to think about that. I don't have to carry her with me because, without her, there is no me. I didn't just want to spend the rest of her life together, I wanted to spend the rest of my life together."

Catarina stared at him. She'd had no idea how Magnus felt. Sure she knew he loved Em, really loved her, but he had loved people before. She watched as he turned away and buried his head in his hands as if to hide from his grief. If Em's whole reason for staying away was to give Magnus a life where he could be happy then it was now clear to Catarina that it wasn't going to work.

"Magnus," she started, "you're not going to be very pleased with me but -"

"It's ok Catarina," his voice was muffled by his hands, "I know it doesn't make anysense to you".

"No," she pulled his hands away and turned him to face her. "Em is in Idris, she's staying at the Herondale Manor with Tessa."

. . .

Magnus portaled in just south of the manor. He could see the Herondale residence less than a mile up ahead of him, rising like a great white tombstone from the lush Idris landscape. He set off at a steady speed towards the house. Magnus hadn't ever spent a lot of time in Idris, although his friend Ragnor had once owned a home not far from here. It was typically the domain of the Shadowhunters and even since the accords Downworlders weren't exactly considered welcome guests. He was lucky Em hadn't been staying within the city limits, where they frowned upon warlocks appearing out of thin air without at least calling first.

After Catarina had told him where she was he'd leapt off the sofa so quickly it had frightened her. He was set on travelling straight here but she sat him back down on the sofa and told him in no uncertain terms that he had already waited for three months, he could wait a little longer if it meant being able to take a shower and put on fresh clothes. It was just as well really, Magnus knew he'd let his appearance slip in the past few weeks and it was difficult to do the whole knight in shining armour thing in gym wear. His forest green brocade jacket and pants were really much better suited to the task.

He planned to have a few sharp words with Catarina when he returned home. Between apologising profusely and begging for his forgiveness she'd told him that Tessa had roped her in for her healing services, though she wouldn't explain why which he had found alarming, and that she couldn't break the trust of a patient. Magnus huffed as he walked towards the building, he wasn't particularly happy at being betrayed by not one, but two of his closest friends, but he understood Catarina's dedication to her craft and Tessa's to Em.

He reached the wide black door and rang the bell impatiently. After a few moments, it opened to reveal Tessa, dressed in a soft grey sweater and black cigarette pants. She looked up at him, shocked. Magnus walked straight through the door, into the hall without waiting for an invitation and then turned to greet her.

"Hello Tessa," he smiled politely, "it's nice to see you." She gaped at him, still holding the door.

"M-Magnus," She stuttered, "whatever are you doing here?"

"I'm sure you have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing here," he looked around, taking in the large marble entryway and straightened his jacket cuffs. "Where's Em?"

Tessa let out a groan. "Catarina," she said, mournfully.

"Yes, Catarina," Magnus agreed "the least treacherous of my friends." He paused. "Except maybe Ragnor" he added, before turning his back on Tessa and taking off across the foyer at a brisk pace. He heard the door slam as she hurried after him.

"Em's a little under the weather at the moment," Tessa explained, struggling to keep up with his long strides. "If I could just - " she was interrupted by footsteps coming from the hallway to their left.

Magnus froze in his tracks.

"Tess," Em's voice rang out. "Is that you? Have you seen my- " She broke off as she entered the foyer and caught sight of him.

Magnus stared at her, eyes wide. He'd waited three months for this moment, to see Em, to hear her voice again, to have a chance to explain what had happened and how sorry he was. But now he couldn't find the words to say any of it. He blinked slowly, as if he couldn't trust what he was seeing.

They'd discussed it so many times, how he could never give her what so many people wanted. How he could never give her a family. She had always assured him that what she wanted was him. Now, she stood in front of him, luminous, in a white cotton summer dress, arms wrapped protectively around her waist. She looked at least six months pregnant. His brain whirled haltingly and his head throbbed as if it had suddenly filled with ice. Finally, it clicked.

Tessa, who had paused and was now looking worriedly from him to Em made a funny squeaking noise. "Oh no", she began as she took in his expression "Oh Magnus it's not what you think". She took a step in his direction but Magnus, who had gone extremely pale, did the only thing he could think of.

He summoned a portal and stepped straight into the whirling vortex.

A/N - Dun, dun, dunnnnnn. New chapter coming soon!

Reviews are cherished.