What if we never met?

Will I be able to live with myself? Or finally run away from everything? Will I be able to lie down on my bed, able to sleep without dreaming my failures? Or face the mirror and at least try to appreciate anything in it? Who am I kidding, I'd probably trot along in my little world and bend over for whatever my parents asked me to. Or overdose with Nathan, maybe, that isn't too bad actually. But what if, I've never met you? Would I've been this blissful?

What if 'ego' and 'love' collided?

Conflicted values at war in my head, whenever I see you glide down the corridor because you had overslept, god I wanted you all to myself and no one else. Whenever we had a verbal battle, your words were always concise and sharp yet never once I was hurt. I wanted someone to climb over my throne and kick me off, but I didn't want to give up my seat that easily. Whenever you and I collided, it always felt like pieces I was missing fell into the right places.

What if I never existed?

Would your life be incomplete? Or my lacking was never a dent in your life? Would everyone else led an easier life without my tyranny, or someone else would take up this insane role as 'Queen Bee'? Maybe it would be another 'Victoria' but, it wouldn't be me. Everything seems small when I put it this way, fuck, even my life is insignificant in comparison. But still, what if I stopped existing, would you still yearn for me? Just as I did from afar.

What if I was never a 'Chase'?

Would I still hold my head up high and strut down the corridor like I owned the world? I cannot imagine myself not living my lavish life, but, sometimes it doesn't seem too bad to be living without a collar at your neck. You looked so carefree, reminding me how much I suffered being the way I am. I wanted to destroy you, so that nothing can have what I didn't.

What if you hated me?

I would be crushed. But I'd still want you, so badly, that I'll have you humiliate me if that pleases you. Nothing would change how much I needed you in my life. I'd give away anything for you to love me.

What if we were together?

Would you get tired of me? Abandon me after you've seen all my dirty and dark habits, leaving me to pick up broken pieces again? Or take me as my whole, all the halves, and the fragments that I hide, everything that I cannot even love too? If we stayed together, I know you would have me follow you through the woods, following trails to god knows where. Taking too many shots of you and me, we would run out of films and battery. To only view a great opportunity without our gear and say, "Well, too bad, guess we'll have to come again!" with a shit-eating grin on your face. If we were, as lovers, we would run from heaven to hell and back again for an adventure.

What if I were to tell you 'I love you'?

I doubt I would, anytime soon, or ever…but if I did, I hope what anyone would. That you share the same feelings as I, or that we can take it slow, just don't reject me and leave me in the dark again. Not where the light can't find us. I can picture your expression, cool and calm, barely shaken, but I can't predict what you'll say. My mind can only imagine thus far. I know I'm not the best person you've met, but you are the best damn thing that has happened to me. How am I to live with myself if I didn't even try? How can I live with myself if I tried and failed?

"Hey, you've been really spacey lately…"

"W-what? No, not really, I was just in deep thoughts."

"Wow, didn't see that coming!"

"Oh shut it! Being bitchy doesn't equate to being brainless also you know!"

"Didn't say that, just, never seen you so concentrated on something besides photography."

"…yeah…"

"There you go agai—"

"Say…IF…just theoretically speaking, all 'ifs' okay?"

"Uh huh…?"

"…IF someone who isn't…well, the best human on Earth was to confess to you…um, what would you do?"

"Confess to me, about what?"

"…you've gotta be joking right?"

"Woah! Hey, don't get pissed I was just pulling your leg!"

"Ugh, answer my trivial question already will you!?"

"Okay, okay calm down…uh, I don't know, not the best person around? Well, it really depends, I mean, if I knew this person, that would make things complicated?"

"That was informative…*sigh*"

"Ha ha ha, what's up? Someone confessing their eternal love to you?"

"No? Why would anyone anyway…"

"That's just sad, don't say that."

"Then who the hell will Elle? Tell me."

"…Me?"

"…"

"I-I didn't m-mean it that way! Fuck me, what I'm trying to say is—"

"Shut up already stupid…"

"…Tori? Your face is red as hell, you okay?"

"*groans*"

"No way, are you…did you…? Victoria Chase, did you just?"

"I DID NOT!"

"CONFESS TO ME!?"

"SHUT YOUR FACE I DID NOT!"

"OH MY GOD YOU SO DID!"

"Just stop oh my god this will be the death of me…"

"HOLY SHIT, wait, Tori oh gosh are you still alive!? I still need to give you an answer right!?"

"What answer? I said I wasn't confessing shit!"

"I ACCEPT!"

"What!?"

"Yeah, I accept your confession and your feelings Victoria Chase!"

"You- are you even thinking this through!?"

"I did."

"What the fuck, UGH you're impossible!"

"Hey…you're the one head over heels for ME."

"God damn it…"

"So, let's makes this official, you and I are now together!"

"This isn't real, this isn't real, and it's all a dream…"

"Tori we're in the real world c'mon what kind of reaction is this?"

"You're… serious?"

"Didn't you hear me? We're officially together, I mean it, and you're a lovely lady and one I've never met someone like you before…you're one of a kind Tori. And I really like you for that."

"…You swear, you're not joking around?"

"I swear I am not, I love you for all your quirks and all your tantrums. I will never leave you behind."

"You mean it?"

What ifs…all these assumptions, I've grown too familiar with. Yet the reality is staring right at me with gentle amber eyes, filled with reassurance and faith. I love her so much that it would blind me and bind me, so many things I'm unsure of, the road hasn't been laid yet. But I feel secure whenever I'm with her, I feel warmth from her, something I guess I sorely need. What ifs, are scary but all I had. But...now?

"No more assuming, I love you Victoria."

"…okay…"

"Oh no no no no no no no, don't cry now Tori!"

"I'm fine you idiot…"

AYE hai all, I'm a tad bit high on an awry fluff. But it's kay. I know this isn't the most quality fluff out there, but I wanted to try a new format...and I churned this out in less than an hour, so, it's kind of here nor there kind of feeling I guess ? But hey, A+ for effort LOL ! Anyways, I hope this angst turned fluff isn't too bad aye ? Aye. Read well and R&R will ya? ~( o )~