Well I can now read reviews.
I have the power to do the impossible. I am your new messiah. Bow down to me.
Let's read reviews, huh?
Guest (Sorta): Don't understand the question.
theRevil: You'll see more exposition then. I promise. But on impulse it will fuck up by next chapter. Also, you'll see why it was rushed.
Also, the quote was George Carlin.
Let's go.
The next day, two days before they were to head to battle (Ludo decided if it took a week, then they'd start on a Monday, it's his partial OCD), Marco had to break the news to Ludo.
And man, was that a mistake.
"What do you mean you have only a week to battle! This war will take an estimated 4 months, and now you say 'oh, sorry Master Ludo, my mommy said I only had a week to win the war.' What the hell are you thinking man! Now we have to start more training, more this, more that-"
"Master Ludo." Buff Frog interrupted.
"What do you want from me, heathen?" Ludo said, still very pissed.
"We can't do any more training." He said, shaking his leg nervously.
"And why not, Ivanosky Ivanovitch?" He said, racially profiling him.
"Because Mr. Candle is in Arizona. A state to our right." He said.
Ludo was quite defeated. Four months of training usually went down to 3 days for him, but a week was different. He had never actually have to plan for a war that was an estimated week. It sounds strange, but I'll give you a metaphor.
You're a basketball player. You shoot 3 pointers all the time. However, because you are so used to shooting from the 3 point line, as soon as you step inside the 3 point line and attempt a two, you won't know how to adjust and your shot will be overpowered, leading to inaccurate shooting and an extra number in the "L" column.
"What in the fuc-"
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
"So, we still head out Monday, right?" Marco asked.
"It is to be assumed." Ludo said, sitting on the kitchen table, holding his hands over his eyes.
"And we are totally unprepared, right?" He asked again.
"We are most likely going to be obliterated." Ludo said, even more depressing than last time.
"And I'm still getting my pudding, right?" Glossaryck asked, asking for his temporary pay.
"Yes. You will eventually. Now- if you please. Shut the hell up." Ludo said, drifting to sleep.
It's his way of avoiding pain. Sleeping.
He does a lot of it.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
It took me awhile to realize I wasn't including Jackie in much of these chapters. By the way, yes, I am talking to you.
(Don't think I can't do that.)
And I hadn't gone in depth about her relationship with Marco.
And I would like to explain.
You see, this event is a metaphor for an event that has happened in my life. Everything is represented by someone in this story, more or less.
And the role "Jackie" played was my girlfriend that was there to fill a void.
And about 2 years later, I've forgotten about her.
And the same is reflected.
However, I will go in depth right now about the relationship between Jackie and Marco.
Any day now.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
Marco would not be lying if he said he was just a bit ashamed in dating Jackie.
For whatever reason, he felt ashamed that he was dating her, and was a bit reluctant to admit it.
I mean, she was really popular, why was he so ashamed? He just couldn't put his finger on it.
Also, Marco felt empty. Still.
He had never had a relationship, and as his circles of friends became gaining traction in dating, he was left in the dust, an afterthought of pubescence.
Bros before hoes died, didn't it?
Yet, when he asked Jackie out after the craziest thirty minutes of his life, he expected the void to be filled.
And it wasn't.
It felt as if Jackie wasn't actually interested in his personality. It felt as if Jackie liked him for his humor.
You see, Marco looks for conversation in a girl. Someone who would listen to his stories, as he listened back. Like the opposite of a married man.
He enjoyed conversation with Jackie, but, was she really paying attention, or just waiting for a punchline?
It reminded him of a Green Day song (of course!).
"Dearly Beloved, are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying"
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Oh, I'm back.
At this time in my life, "Star" was a new friend of mine. I got moved around because of a talkative student, and this "Star" sat behind me.
We quickly became friends.
And I can't lie, if it wasn't for "Jackie", I would've asked her out on the spot, which is why Marco was a bit upset over "Richard" even coming close to "Star."
But, I wonder, what did "Star" think of me after the forced breakup?
Here's my guess.
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Chapter 11: My Thoughts on Marco
I really never remember "liking" him.
I was just attracted. He was hot as fire, and he caught my eye immediately. Plus, he helped me out when I needed it the most.
That I thank him for.
But after Richard, I was heartbroken.
Yes, I regret dating him. Worst two days of my life.
But who was the first to comfort me?
Marco.
He used his wit, his humor, to cheer me up immediately.
He drew those ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) faces all over me, which made me laugh immediately, he made those that's what she said jokes, which were also great, and annoying, and heck, he even pulled in a period joke, which I would usually go feminazi over.
He is so underrated.
Also mine.
I know this sounds weird, but I'm going to use the war to fluster him.
To make him want to go out with me.
Of course, my parents are the main focus, duh!
But my second goal is to obtain the person no one else wants.
Dare I say it, do I love Marco Ubaldo Diaz?
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
It was Monday. The day war would start.
Angie and Rafael came up with the excuse of a family reunion of Star's, which Marco was invited to, in order for them to miss school without consequence.
They started at 6:45 in the morning.
Final practice started, where Star faced Marco in battle, fist vs wand, to see if A.), the wand could overpower fists, and B.), if Marco's training had worked out well.
Star started off strong, going for the hallucination mist first, and got a good few licks on Marco. However, the hallucination wears off after a punch, and Marco went rapid fire. Then, Star went for an "original" spell, attacking him with a shower of calzones at 30 mph. Marco still prevailed, and got to Star, once again going rapid fire.
However, the battle easily ended at the Spider In A Top Hat Blast, which Star finally perfected (with help from Marco), and Marco had to be healed by Star's wand (which also helped out, surprisingly).
Also, it proved both were ready for eachother.
Oh shit- combat wise, not the other way, you pervert.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
Immediately after the fight, after Marco had been healed, they left.
And cue Green Day's Holiday.
"Do you wanna start a fucking war?"
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They all wore backpacks, which were stored with trenchcoats and hats, first off, and then their choice of things to bring.
In Toffee's backpack, was his statistics.
He was a strong believer in statistics. If something was unorthodox, but the statistics said it worked, then do it. At least, that was his philosophy. It also included a copy of Ludo's gameplan.
In Ludo's backpack was, of course, his gameplan, a thing he first used when he first beat the Mewmans, some emergency weapons, and some Charleston Chew candy bars, because you can't beat the taste of Charleston Chew.
In Buff Frog's backpack was some protein shakes and a picture of his children.
In Star's backpack was her diary, the wand, and some snacks.
In Marco's backpack was his karate outfit, which he loved to fight in, a fire extinguisher, and military style foods, which you just add hot water too, and speaking of hot water, he stored some, and he also brought a first aid kit, and other bullcrap he didn't need, including his phone, and, if I were to sit here, telling you all the fucking things he packed into that thing, I would have to make a separate chapter.
So forget that.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
They used the dimensional scissors left by the Butterfly parents to go to Mewni.
Of course, they first put on the trenchcoats and hats, looking as discreet as possible.
"So Ludo, how many civilians are we fighting, exactly?" Marco asked, a bit concerned.
"Exactly 15,501. I've done my research, and by the end of this conversation, there will only be 4,017. Then Buff Frog will kill the rest." Ludo said, confident in his gameplan.
"By the way, this conversation is over." Marco said, waiting to see what Ludo would do.
"Alright."
Ludo pulled out a button. He pressed it, and 12 different bombs went off, one after one.
The noise was set to the tune of "American Pie", comedically enough.
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The quintet walked straight into the castle.
The guards had left to go see the damage and save civilian lives, leaving the castle unguarded.
In the conference room, Tom and Rebeldes were having some troubles.
"If you play that damned draw four card..." Rebeldes said, looking at Tom intently.
For the time being, they had decided to play Uno because of the absence of Rebeldes' two other staffers.
"Well." Tom said, smile on his face, "Draw four."
Rebeldes pulled out his gun before a message came over the underground intercom.
"President Prime Minister King Czar Rebeldes The Great Lawmaker Gipper, there has been twelve bombings all placed around the town, and detonated to the tune of Don McLean's American Pie, there are at least 11,000 dead, we need you out here now."
Rebeldes was unfazed by this attack. The Fluridions were looking for revenge after he killed their leaders.
"Damn Fluridions. Maybe if they didn't talk about taking over this place, maybe they wouldn't be the easy suspect. I'll be right back."
However, he was a bit fazed by the thing he got as soon as he opened the door.
Standing there was Star, Marco, and Buff Frog, all wearing their backpacks, with Star holding her wand directly at Rebeldes' face.
"Or maybe you won't." Star said, shooting him with the wand.
He flew back a good 15 feet, hitting the wall with a giant thud.
Buff Frog walked away.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
Tom took control. He dashed at Star, only to be hit in the head by Marco.
"Hi, I'm Marco." He said, ready to kill.
Tom came at him with his fists first, a move no one would expect.
Tom went slow, going for the head first. However, Marco would go with his patented rapid-fire punching, which hit Tom pretty hard.
From an injury standpoint, it seemed good: take him out quick, he's out of the way.
However, it was not satisfactory to what Toffee had told him.
Take it slow, or he will get too angry.
And boy, did Marco regret not listening to him.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
On the other side of the room, Rebeldes went guns out early.
He went for the chest first, like in the movies, but of course, that never works, as Star went back with easy shield spells.
However, the shield would be gone after about 10 bullets.
Good thing Rebeldes has a pistol.
After the shield wore off, she would have to use the speed she inherited from her father. Bullet after bullet missed, and Star got closer.
What a homophone for missed?
"Jellybean Hallucination Mist!" Star said, hitting Rebeldes right between the eyes.
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Tom set in flames, throwing the flames at Marco.
So Marco quickly jumped away, opened his backpack while running, and getting his fire extinguisher. What did you think it was for?
He quickly sprayed Tom with it, and it worked.
Tom fell to the ground and was wiped out.
Marco broke the cardinal rule of war: don't hit a man while he's down.
Marco kicked him 12 times before Tom grabbed his leg and hit him on the ground.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
Rebeldes fell to the ground, seeming as if he was looking at something that was peaceful and terrifying at the same time.
Star walked up to him and put her hand on the gun.
"Gee, for a guy who felt so high and mighty, you are easy to beat."
However, Rebeldes was faking.
He took the gun off of Star's hand and hit the bottom of the gun against her head.
Out cold.
Then, Buff Frog ran in.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
Marco took notice of this and yelled, "Star!"
Tom took control of this and punched him square in the gut. The wind was knocked out of him, and he was down.
Tom took for kicks in the head, looking for revenge.
Marco crawled for Buff Frog, and Buff Frog noticed. Buff Frog went and one punched Tom, knocking him out.
Then he ran to Star.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
Rebeldes went for the wand immediately, looking for its power, as he had been hit by it by a few minutes ago.
However, Buff Frog was there quickly, and hit him before he could get it. He quickly exchanged it to Star's limp hand, so the wand would not affect him.
He ran towards the door, where Ludo was waiting in a portal.
As soon as Buff Frog walked in, Rebeldes hit him in the leg with a bullet, and he fell into the portal.
Rebeldes' Army: 1 Star's Army: 0
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Twenty minutes after the battle, which they knew they won, Rebeldes and Tom spoke.
"Well, can we assume that's why Buff Frog isn't here half of the time?" Tom asked, ready to pull off a bit of an insult.
"Yeah. The same with the Toffee guy too." He said, a bit discouraged.
"So, half of the people you hired are traitors?" Tom said, criticizing him lightly.
"Yeah, I'm just like the U.S. Border Portal. Useless." He said, setting his head down in pain.
Time Skip Quote: So how is your sex life?
Rebeldes walked out in pain. Mentally and physically.
He had a gun in his hand, walking over to a sleeping River and Moon.
"Let's see who has balls now, old man."
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Well, that took two days, but it's finished.
What's the quote from? That's 250 points.
I'll see you guys next time.
Four more chapters! Yeet yeet.