25
Doe's Dark Days
Getting back to normal. That's what Doe was supposed to be doing. Like somehow, finishing her homework and going to class was going to make her forget that her father was murdered.
It hadn't. It was still just as painful.
She woke up and fell asleep everyday the same way, sobbing.
It had all been too much, and it had made her angry. Greif and anger were a dangerous combination.
She did everything she was supposed to do. She went to her classes, she ate and slept regularly, but it felt like she was just going through the motions. She felt empty and emotionless. Everything that had brought her happiness before felt so pointless now.
It had made her severely anti-social. She didn't talk to anyone unless spoken too, and she spent a great deal of time by herself. She was sinking into her own grief. It was easier than trying to get passed it.
One day, she was sitting in Transfiguration listening to Professor McGonagall lecture about how to turn objects into food.
And though she was writing down a perfect transcription of what she heard, she wasn't really paying attention. She didn't feel like she was actually there.
Every so often Remus would look over at her, from next to her where he was sitting and give her a sympathetic glance. She knew she had been avoiding him lately. She felt really bad, but she was too upset and in too much pain to talk to him.
When Professor McGonagall dismissed the class, she gathered up her stuff quickly and left the room.
She figured she would just go sit in the library or something.
" Oh look, it's Meadowes" Elizabeth Merlin said to Bellatrix in the hallway, " she looks awful doesn't she"
Doe turned to her, glaring at her with such ferocity that it scared even her. Who did they think they were, coming to start trouble when Doe clearly was not in the mood.
" I suspect it's because her dear daddy is dead" Bellatrix said coldly, " That's what happens when purebloods mate with filth like muggles"
Anger was bubbling inside of Doe. She had spent the last few weeks agonizing over her Dad's death and these two were practically bragging about it. She felt a surge of anger that she hadn't felt since hearing about her father's death.
Doe took out her wand and charged at Bellatrix holding it to her throat.
" If you say one more word about my father I swear to Merlin, you'll regret it" she snapped wildly, pressing her wand as close to Bellatrix's throat as she could.
She was filled with an impressive amount of anger. It would be so easy to hex Bellatrix. To wipe that smug look of her face, and let her feel one ounce of the pain she felt.
" Doe, stop it!" Sirius said grabbing her by the waist and pulling her off of Bellatrix, " She is not worth it"
Doe fought against him slightly desperate to charge and Bellatrix, but Sirius was much stronger than she was.
Bellatrix stared back at Doe with a look of absolute loathing.
Doe pulled away from Sirius angrily. All she had wanted to do was the hex that grin off of Bellatrix's stupid face and he wouldn't let her.
She cast a dirty look at Sirius and walked back towards the library where she was headed.
She needed to be alone. She didn't want to have to talk.
She went into the library and sat at one of the tables in between the shelves. There was very few people there.
She sat down at the table and brought her knees to her chest, placing her head on top of them.
It had to get easier. She kept telling herself that over and over again. She was torn between two emotions, the perpetual sadness she felt over his death and the fear and anger that coursed through her whenever she thought of the death eaters who had done it.
Severus passed by the shelves were she sat.
He had a stack of books in his arms. He looked like he was going to keep walking but he sighed and sat down across from her.
" Are you okay?" he asked her.
" You don't have to be here" she told him harshly, "you should go".
She wiped a single tear off of her cheek.
Severus looked at her with a mixture of pity and irritation.
" Well fine, don't talk" he said opening one of his books, " but I'm not leaving".
They sat like that for a while, neither one of them saying anything. Severus was studying but every few minutes or so he would look up at Doe with the strangest expression. She realized she was being too harsh, and Severus was only trying to be considerate to her. He was being a good friend.
" I'm sorry" she said softly after a few minutes.
" It's okay" Severus said.
There were a few more minutes of silence and then he looked at her.
" Are you going to be okay?" he asked.
It was strange. Though Doe knew they had become friends, Severus rarely showed any type of emotion or concern towards her.
Doe shrugged, " I don't know".
Severus took a deep breath, " I'm sorry about your father".
Doe rested her chin on her knees, " Me too".
Severus sighed, " You know sometimes I think you'd make an excellent Slytherin"
Doe gave him a dirty look.
" Sorry, I forgot how very patriotic you are to your house" Severus said scribbling something on the book in front of him.
Doe didn't say a word, she just sat staring ahead of her.
" You know, I never thought I'd say this, " Severus said picking up a few of his books, " But I miss the old Doe".
Doe watched him gather his things and disappear.
A month passed. They were two weeks into February and nothing had changed. She still felt like something was missing. It kept her from being involved in anything.
It had been a month since she had spent any time with any of her friends. They were trying to give her some space, but she saw the look of sadness on Lily, Remus, and Sirius' faces when she went straight into the dormitory or to the library instead of joining them in the common room.
She wanted to go back to how it was before, desperately, but she still felt so damaged. She couldn't get through the day without crying.
She was sitting on the edge of her bed alone. It was a Friday night and everyone was downstairs in the common room.
One of the Bagman brother's was playing music and everyone was downstairs enjoying it. Except for Doe.
There was a knock at the door. Doe didn't get it. If it was Mary, or Lily, they would just come in.
The door opened and it wasn't either of them. Sirius stood in the doorway with a very determined look.
" How did you?" Doe asked in disbelief. The girls staircase turned into a very steep slide when a boy tried to climb it.
Sirius held a broomstick in front of him.
Doe rolled her eyes, " Leave it to you to figure out how to get into the girls dormitory".
Sirius laughed and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed.
Doe avoided his eyes not speaking. They sat in silence for a moment.
" Doe" he started, " this isn't like you."
Doe looked up at him. He was giving her a very knowing look. He looked years older when he did that.
" Sirius, I'm still upset" she told him, crossing her arms in frustration.
He nodded, " I know, but you can't let this ruin your life. You're by yourself all the time and you're not talking to any of us. We're worried, Doe. Lily has no idea what to do with herself without you and you have a boyfriend down there who is beside himself worrying about you. He misses you. We all do. You're the only person I can really talk to about things.. I need you, Doe" he said poking her in the ribs.
She started to laugh slightly, and then it turned into tears.
"It's okay, beautiful" Sirius said pulling her into a hug. She cried into his chest. He ran his hands over her hair.
" It's okay to still be sad" he told her, " but at least come be sad with us, so we can make you feel better"
She smiled slightly wiping the tears from her face.
" Thank you, Siri" she told him.
" That's what I'm here for" he said, " now come downstairs, because Moony is quite annoying without you".
She laughed a little and followed Sirius out of the dormitory, having to slide down it because of him.
Their friends were sitting in the corner on two of the couches and a few armchairs.
Doe watched them smile as she walked over.
" Doe," Lily said happily from her armchair. She had a book open on her lap.
Doe walked over to where Remus was sitting on the couch and sat down next to him, pulling him into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.
" I'm sorry" she told him quietly.
He shook his head, " Don't apologize. You needed time"
She reached up quickly and kissed him on the lips. He smiled and wrapped his arm around her, so that she could lean against him while she sat there.
" Told you, I could get her to come downstairs, Prongs you owe me five bucks" Sirius said.
Doe grabbed a pillow off of the couch and tossed it at him, " You bet on me?"
Sirius shrugged, " Why not? I know you better than you know yourself"
She rolled her eyes and leaned back against Remus.
" So what've I missed?" she asked everyone.
And they began launching into everything that had happened.
It became a lot easier to go back to normal than Doe had thought it would be. Time kept going, and not wanting to miss anymore than she already had, she did too.
It was time for another Quidditch game again, this game was Gryffindor V. Hufflepuff.
Sirius, Marlene and James, not wanting to lose again, had spent hours practicing every night.
All of the time they were spending together had caused Marlene and Sirius to start arguing more often.
When they had a row, it could usually clear the common room, but it didn't last long, and they were usually back to being wrapped around each other an hour later.
The morning of the game, it was storming, badly. There were sheets of rain coming down, but no lightning so they game wouldn't be cancelled. You could see the look of nervousness on both James and Sirius' face as they looked out the window in the Great Hall before the game.
" You guys will do fine" Doe told them.
" Not if we can't bloody see anything" Sirius said glumly.
" I can help" Doe said taking out her wand. She pointed it at Sirius' eyes and cast a water repellent spell
" Aguaus repell!"
Sirius blinked quickly.
" Now the rain won't get in your eyes" Doe told him.
" Excellent!" Sirius said.
She did the incantation to James and Marlene as well, and taught them how to do it, so that they could do it to the other players once they were in the locker room.
The game was due to start soon, so Remus and Doe braced the rain, holding their cloaks above their heads and made their way up to the stands where Peter, Mary and Lily were waiting.
The rain was pouring over the top of the tent stands and still soaking all of them.
The rain came down so thick that it was hard to see anything on the field. They only knew the players were coming out because of the small yellow and scarlet streaks in the rain. Individuals players and the goals were indistinguishable.
Miranda Hopkirk tried to announce the game from the teacher's stand but even she was having difficulty seeing what was going on, but it was useless and about halfway through she gave up, only announcing when she saw something happen.
Close to their stand, they saw two players, one yellow and one scarlet streak by chasing something. It had to be James and Amos chasing the snitch.
The scarlet player grasped something in his hand, and the yellow player went tumbling to the ground.
" IT LOOKS LIKE JAMES POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH AND WON THE GAME, AND OH NO IT LOOKS LIKE HUFFLEPUFF PLAYER AMOS DIGGORY HAD FALLEN TO THE GROUND AND NOPE HE'S NOT UP, COULD BE SERIOUS"
" Oh no, " Lily said jumping up from her seat and running down the stairs to the field.
Her worries were drowned out by the collective cheer from the Gryffindors around us. This win meant that they were in the lead.
Remus grabbed his cloak, trying to keep it over them as they ran back towards the castle.
Soaking wet, they managed to make it into the common room, where a party was in full swing.
Sirius and Marlene however, were not enjoying the party with everyone else.
" You know what? Fine! Maybe we shouldn't be seeing each other" Sirius said to Marlene.
" Fine" She snapped back. They walked away from each other.
" Well that was short-lived" Peter said.
James was standing amongst a crowd of people, detailing the game for those who couldn't see it due to the large amount of rain.
Doe really hoped that this new tension between Sirius and Marlene wouldn't hurt the rest of them.