The Murky Depths
Chapter 1
She scurried back into the dark and damp corner, all her senses on full alert but her body didn't seem to cooperate with the signals her brain was sending. She was frozen, defenseless and the perfect target. All her training from the police academy, all her experience from all the self defense classes she had taken, were all unreachable, almost as if they had completely vanished and her memory was a blank sheet of paper. She had never been so afraid in her life, never felt so small, weak and vulnerable before, as she did right now. Her heart was beating so hard and fast she thought for sure that the tall muscular man infront of her could easily hear it pounding. Blue eyes were wide and full of fear, complete terror and her hands shook as she tried to cover her face and head from the oncoming blows.
She whimpered as the fists came in contact with her pale skin, feeling a giant bruise already forming on her cheekbone and left eye. The other punch hit her on her temple, the force of the blow causing her vision to blur and her surroundings to spin in a rapid speed and she had to close her eyes for a few seconds, to clear her head, giving the man another opportunity to lash out yet again, this time hitting her in the ribs on her left side. The pain was excruciating but she didn't hear a pop or a crushing noise, which indicated that, fortunately, nothing was broken.
The air in her lungs were running out and she knew that inhaling would be extremely painfull but it had to be done. A suppressed moan escaped her lips as she took a deep breath. She clenched her teeth against the pain and her hands were now balled up into fists, her nails unknowingly digging into her palms, creating small indentations where blood slowly seeped through.
The idea of setting up her own honey trap to catch a rapist had not gone according to her plan and she was now stuck between a rock and a hard place. The silver pendant she wore, with a built in miniature camera, had been ripped off and tossed somewhere on the dirty cobble stones in the small courtyard area behind the pub where she was at. This was the place where four women had been raped and beaten. This was the place where the rapist hunted and took whoever and whatever he wanted, including Amanda Rollins.
Her face ached and so did her ribs, a taste of iron coated her mouth and that's when she realized her lip must be bust and bleeding. She had to get out of there. How did she end up in a secluded deserted courtyard by berself anyway? She knew better than to wander off with some stranger, what was she thinking? She knew she was in trouble. Not just now but also what would, inevitably, come after this. The bruises on her face would be difficult to hide at work and makeup was not gonna cut it, she knew that before even seeing the damage. Questions were gonna be asked and she would have no answeres for them. Maybe a lame sad excuse could be fabricated but knowing her colleagues and, specially her boss, would probably not fall for anything but the truth.
She could see a large fist flying through the air, as if in slow motion, and suddenly her cop instincts kicked in. If she didn't do anything now then this coming punch would probably cause more damage, more cuts and bruises than she already had. Perfectly timed with the oncoming fist, she swiftly stepped to the side to avoid it's powerful blow, kicked the known suspect hard between his legs which caused him to scream, fall to his knees and grab tightly on to his jewels, before she finally saw her chance to run.
She had a quick glance around in the small cobble stone area, to see if she could spot the necklace, but couldn't see anything through her pounding headache and teary eyes. She ran. She ran back inside, through the crowded pub of drunk people before she reached the main door, almost making it fly from it's hinges as she forcefully opened it. Now, she was running for her life, down the street, tears streaming down her bruised face and people turning their heads, as she passed them, to get a second look at the crazed blonde woman running the streets of Manhattan in the middle of the night.
After ten minutes of rapid sprinting down the wet and dirty road, she finally collected enough courage to turn her head and look over her shoulder to see if the perp was behind. He wasn't, which caused Amanda to slow down and then come to a full stop by a big apartment building. She leaned against the brick wall, panting heavily as she tried to calm her racing heart. A small group of young men and women studied her from a distance with a puzzled look on their faces before she shouted, "What?!" into their direction and, in the matter of half a second, they had turned and resumed their interrupted conversation.
When her beathing eventually came back to normal, she began her fifteen minute walk back to her own apartment. Taking a cab would only bring prying questions and strange looks so walking seemed like the only option she had. More heads were turned during her journey home but she tried not to pay any attention to them by keeping her head low and avoiding any eye contact. Eventually, after what semed like forever, she turned the key in her own front door, opened it and quickly stepped inside. After locking it and fastening the safety chain, she leaned back against it and sank down onto the cold hard floor.
Her mind was still fuzzy, from the earlier punch to her temple, but her thoughts and mind were clear as day and they were now running on high speed, thinking about what to do next? Report her assault? Go to the hospital to get checked out? Call Fin, Carisi or Liv? Pretend she fell and carry on as normal? She didn't know what to do. Frannie came out from her bedroom, layed down next to her and placed her head i her lap, her brown little eyes looking at her intensely. "Hi girl. I love you, you know that?" her only repond was a wag of her tail and a set of ears eagerly perked up.
Eyeing a bottle of vodka in her glass cabinet, she decided to numb the pain with a shot or two. Five shots later her physical pain were almost gone but she knew it would be back with a vengeance in the morning. A shower was next. A steaming hot shower for almost an hour to wash his filthy hands off of her, his breath and his stare. All the water in the world couldn't wash him off, at least not now, not tonight.
Morning came way too soon and she gsped in pain as she reached out to turn the alarm on her phone off. She decided on another shower and skip breakfast, since her stomach was in knots anyway. Looking at herself in the mirror another gasp could be heard, but this time not from pain, but from horror. The blonde looking back at her was not herself. It was a tired, drained and beaten looking woman who appeared lost and out of place. Someone else but not her. She stood in the shower for almost thirty minutes, letting the warm spray of the water sooth her aching muscles and sore body, today was going to be a long day for Amanda Rollins.
"Rollins, you're late." Fin stated with a smirk as she stepped inside the bullpen and walked up to her desk, coffee i hand.
"Does Liv know?" she asked as she took her seat, hissing as the pain in her ribs decided to make itself known with a stabbing force. It was early November with grey clouds covering the sky and the blonde had put her sunglasses on in a desperate attempt to hide her bruise. It was a pathetic attempt, and she knew it, but it was better than nothing at all.
"Don't think so. Why are you wearing sunglasses on a dull day like this and especially inside? Come on, Rollins! Rough night?" he smirked again as he thought of his partner staying up late, with male company, engaging in adult activities. "Someone I know?"
Amanda snorted and sipped her coffee, careful not to hurt her lip too much. "Too early, Fin." she muttered, braced herself and removed her glasses which caused an immediate reaction from her partner.
"Amanda, what happened? You okay?" he stood up and walked around his desk to reach the blonde, studying her face with a worried expression. "Did someone do that to you?"
"What?! No!" she quickly responded and rolled her eyes. "Long story short, I took Frannie for a walk last night and she must've seen or sensed a squirrel or something, took off suddenly, pulled on the lead and down I went, hit my face on the sidewalk. I'm fine." she insisted, trying to brush it off as nothing, even though her every move was incredibly painful.
"Fine my ass. Did you go to the hospital?" he asked sternly, his eyes burrowing into hers, searching for the truth.
"I don't need a hospital, Fin. I told you, I'm fine."
"You sure don't look fine."
She chuckled in amusement. "Well, thank you, partner. You don't look so bad yourself."
Squinting his eyes and tilting his head to the side he looked at the strong and independent woman in font of him. "You know you can talk to me, right? I mean, if there's anything you need or if..."
"There's nothing to talk about. I'm fine, just leave it, Fin." reluctantly he walked back to his own desk, his eyes full of worry lingering on his partner longer than he intended. "Stop looking at me, Fin or I'll poke your eyes out."
Before her partner could respond, the door to Olivia's office opened and the tall brunette entered the room, walking straight up to them, her head bent, looking down at her phone. "Okay guys, we have a case which I hope is pretty cut and dry. I need you to go to Mercy and..." looking up from the screen, her face changed instantly as she spotted Amanda's beaten appearance. "Oh my god! Amanda, what happened?"
Her concerned tone annoyed Amanda and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I'm fine, sergeant. Just a clumpsy mishap on my part. Nothing to worry about."
Olivia wasn't buying her story but didn't want to make a big deal out of it while being surrounded by a room full of people. She was gonna have to use a different approach if she wanted to get anything out of her colleague. "Okay, um, can I see you in my office for a second?" she peered at Amanda through her thick black rimmed glasses that rested on the tip of her nose.
The young blonde held her breath and threw a side glance at Fin who was rolling a pencil between his thumb and index finger, his eyes focusing on a document in front of him but knowing damn well that he wasn't paying any attention towards his paperwork. Sighing, she got up, wincing again at the sharp pain in her side, which didn't go unnoticed by Olivia, and slowly made her way in her boss's domain, head bent in shame and dread.
"Have a seat, Amanda." Liv gestured and got herself situated in her own leather office chair, thinking of how she was going to ease Amanda into telling her what had actually happened.
"That's okay, I'd rather stand, sarge. I'd like to get started with my day as soon as possible. I've got a bit of paperwork to catch up on." her gace flickered through the room, looking at anything except her sergeant's gentle eyes.
"Actually, I'd prefer if you sit down, please." she offered her colleague a soft smile and studied in silence how the blonde took a deep breath, walked up to the chair and slowly sat down. As the brunette suspected, Amanda did seem to be in quite a bit of pain as she noticed the blonde's features turn into a solemn expression, her jaw flexing and also noticed how she shifted slightly in her seat, trying to get comfortable.
A minute passed in silence. Amanda didn't know where to look or what to say and Olivia just stared at her with a sad and serious face. "What really happened, Amanda?" she eventually spoke, keeping her tone soft and smooth.
The gentleness in her voice made Amanda want to run as far as she possibly could and not look back but she knew that this was not going to be ignored or brushed under the rug that easily. Still determined, to somehow worm herself out of this situation, she decided to stick to her story about her dog. "Frannie decided to suddenly take off during our walk last night, she pulled the lead really hard, I fell and hit my face on the sidewalk. I'm fine." she insisted, chuckling slightly to herself in an attempt to lighten up the mood.
"Would you stand up and sit down again, please." Liv requested while taking in Amanda's movements and facial expressions as the younger woman squirmed in her chair.
"What? Why? What is this about, sergeant?" she demanded, anger beginning to boil inside of her.
"You tell me, Amanda?" Olivia said softly, her eyes still held concern and that annoying gentleness that made her want to punch something hard but also throw herself into her sergeant's arms, tell her everything about last night and cry it out. The latter was not an option.
"I don't know what you're insinuating, sergeant, but I find no purpose or need for this conversation." she said bluntly, grabbed a hold of the armrests, ready to get up, when she whimpered in pain and her body slumped back down onto the soft material of the seat.
"Amanda!" Liv scolded gently and was by her side in the matter of a few seconds, a hand resting on the blonde's right shoulder. "Easy, just take a breath, honey. You're okay." she soothed.
Her skin was burning underneath Olivia's touch and she immediately shrugged her hand off, bracing herself, yet again, to push herself up into a standing position, her anger somewhat helping to bare the pain as she rises to her feet. Her boss had called her honey. A pet name, an endearment and, according to Amanda, a mistake. "Don't... I'm not... I'm... I'm fine. Leave it alone." she snapped and left a slightly stunned brunette behind.
Sighing in defeat, Olivia resumed her position behind her desk when Carisi suddenly popped his head in. "Morning sarge, sorry I'm late, the traffic on the bridge was blocked due to a car accident. Do we have a case? I just saw Amanda tearing out the building. Is there an emergency?"
"Carisi, hi. We do have a case so why don't you take Fin and head down to Mercy to interview the vic." Liv ordered, sounding a bit flustered and out of sorts.
The Italian man frowned. "Why Fin? Where was Rollins heading in such a rush?" he wanted to know, worried about his friend and coworker and also wondered why he was suddenly paired up with Fin.
Liv ran her fingers through her dark tresses and didn't really know how or what to tell her youngest detective. "She um, she had some... things to sort out so it's just me, you and Fin this morning."
Not knowing what to believe, Carisi nodded slowly, the frown still etched on his face. "Okay, sarge. I'll keep you posted."
She watched as her two male squad members left the busy bullpen, let out a heavy sigh and rested her head in her hands, thinking about what to do with Amanda and how to go about it. Talking to the blonde was like pulling teeth and she knew that she was fighting an uphill battle. She had seemed fine the previous day. Annoyed and frustrated that they had nothing to pin the perp on, but fine nonetheless. Something must've happened last night! Somewhere between seven in the evening, when her shift ended, and this morning before she showed up for work. The question of what had happened, would, unfortunately, remain unanswered for now.
Carisi did keep her posted about their new case by calling her almost two hours later. A couple of outcry witnesses had come forward and they all identified the perp, who was already arrested and in lock up. Cut and dry cases like these rarely happened but when they did it was a huge relief to the squad, the sergeant, the ADA, the 1 PP and the commissioner's office. Another predator had been hunted down, captured and put behind bars, making the streets just that little bit safer for women, and men, to walk alone at night.
"Rollins back yet?" Fin asked as he popped his head into her office, which she hadn't left since Amanda had stormed off.
"Nope." she sighed, took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Will I try and call her?" he asked wearily, not sure what to do.
Olivia shook her head, not knowing, herself, what to make of the situation. "No, I think it's best if we let her stew for a bit. Hopefully she'll come around."
"Stew from what? Did she say anything to you about what happened to her?" squinting his eyes, he waited for a response.
"Yeah," she snorted, "she fell walking Frannie. Apparently the sidewalk must've grown fists and gave her a black eye and sore ribs. She knows we're not buying her story but she's determined to stick to it."
"Ribs?" Fin questioned. "She didn't mention her ribs being sore to me."
Again Olivia snorted and chuckled. "She wouldn't, now would she? She didn't tell me either, I noticed her flinching in pain when she sat down and stood up. I tried talking to her but you know how Amanda is, she prefers dealing with things herself, in her own way. I can't force it out of her. We'll just gonna have to wait and see what happens." she sighed in frustration, rubbing her hand over her face.
"Could be too late by then." Fin sadly muttered and left his boss to her own thoughts and feelings about her strong and stubborn female detective.