Summary: Nurse Training School - The London Hospital
Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their beautiful characters.
Author's note: So glad to know that people are enjoying this. Your feedback means so much, so thank you to everyone who has taken the time to do that. This is another long update. There is something about writing this fic that lends itself to doing it in biggish chunks. Hopefully it's not too much of a slog for you to get through. My grateful thanks as always to Sittingonthis for the sense check, and to Jlynnsca for the proof-read. Enjoy...
Sat on the floor of her room leaning against the door, Delia picked apart her feelings for several hours. It didn't really matter how many ways she looked at it, she was attracted to Patsy. She wracked her memory trying to recall any other occasion where she had felt these sort of emotions, but there was nothing comparable. She'd never really bothered with boys, and had certainly never felt attracted to any in her home town as she grew up. She mulled over the friendships she'd had with the girls she knew. She'd always felt more comfortable with them, but she'd never felt the magnetic draw she felt with Patsy. The strength of that draw frightened her. She shouldn't feel that way towards another woman. But no matter how many times she dissected her interactions with the tall, blonde nurse, she couldn't label her feelings as anything other than love. She felt out of control, confused and scared.
The trouble was, Delia had absolutely no one to talk to about this. It would be unthinkable to confide in her parents; not only were they too far away and not on the phone, they were both old-fashioned in their beliefs and were forever asking Delia if she had met a nice chap yet.
Delia couldn't speak with any of the other nurses. She didn't know any of them well enough to trust with such potentially volatile information. There was, of course, the significant stigma that went with it too. It was ironic that the only person she could possibly have even thought about telling was the one person she very definitely couldn't. How had Patsy developed from being her best friend to a woman with whom she was physically and emotionally attracted? Delia sighed. Of all the questions she had, that was probably the easiest to answer. Patsy was beautiful, smart and attentive. She made Delia laugh and she treated her like an equal. Delia felt comfortable with Patsy - as if she'd known her for years. They might come from very different socio-economic backgrounds, but they seemed to fit together like pieces in a jigsaw.
After chasing her thoughts round in circles for much of the night, Delia knew that she had to make a decision about how to behave around Patsy. The pragmatist in her knew that it would be impossible to avoid the tall nurse. Living next door to her put paid to that. It would also not help the situation. There were some tough choices she had to make. She could either try and continue the friendship or move on and find other friends, but the thought of staying away from Patsy was unbearable. It was almost physically painful to consider it, but she didn't want to risk her friendship with the woman by making her feel uncomfortable either.
Resolving to keep her feelings firmly in check, but maintain the friendship, the Welsh woman set her alarm, determined to carry on as normal and spend time with Patsy as agreed.
Patsy was surprised when Delia knocked on her door for breakfast. When Delia told her that it was 'the law' that one had to start a set of night shifts with a full English breakfast from the local greasy spoon, she smiled and decided there and then that she would continue that philosophy, especially if she could synchronise her nights with the brunette.
Brushing off her hurried departure from the night before, Delia put it down to being tired and not eating before drinking. She was animated enough with Patsy, but the taller nurse felt she was being guarded about something.
Patsy was just grateful that she hadn't upset the other woman unintentionally. She wished that Delia would open up to her, and trust her with what was preoccupying her thoughts but given that she was just as guilty of deflecting and hiding elements of herself, Patsy didn't push.
Conflicting shift times during their placements continued to separate the two women. Patsy missed Delia but was used to a solitary existence and put a brave face on it all. She saw more of the students who had been placed with her and found them genial enough company. It was easy to slip into old style, superficial relationships but it wasn't the same.
After comparing schedules, the two women maximised their off duty time together. At first, Delia was cautious; anxious not to reveal her true feelings toward Patsy. After a while, she realised that she was overreacting to the situation. Patsy was obviously comfortable in her company so she relaxed, and slowly the Welsh woman overcame her fears and returned the relationship back to how it had been before she recognised her feelings for the blonde. They teased each other and talked conspiratorially about staff on the wards.
The only trouble was that every now and again, Patsy would say something that would give Delia pause for thought, or even hope that she might just feel the same way. A typical example was her scathing take-downs of the junior doctors and their endless pestering for dates. She deflected every advance and sounded almost disgusted when she told Delia of the encounters. When Delia had asked her if she found any of them attractive, Patsy had told her that none of them had anything that she wanted. It was a curiously cryptic response that the brunette found herself mulling over for a long time.
Delia had only had one approach from a junior doctor; a vile arrogant man who, once she politely turned him down, told her that he only asked her out as a favour to her. Patsy had been incensed when Delia related the story. At first, the Welsh woman thought it was because of how rude he'd been, but Patsy's vehement raging about her treatment almost felt like jealousy. Delia had stamped out that idea very quickly, sure that it was simply wishful thinking on her part.
Fortunately, the end of the first placement was nearing. Once it was over, the class would be given ten days off over the Christmas period before returning to the classroom for another term of lectures. Both Patsy and Delia were looking forward to steady routine again, not only to catch up on sleep, but also spend more time together.
Rather generously, the Training School had planned that the end of placement coincided with the Winter Ball. There seemed to be a certain irony that there were almost draconian rules on doctors and nurses fraternising, but it was ignored in the name of a charity night. It was all many of the student nurses could talk about, with much speculation on which nurses might be lucky enough to be asked out by one of the doctors.
Patsy had managed to get coerced into going by her colleagues on the ward, mainly on the pretext that at least one of the doctors who had asked Patsy out would be disappointed and might then turn their attention to them, especially if they all went together.
Patsy agreed somewhat reluctantly but had a feeling the ordeal would be an excruciating experience. For some reason, Delia hadn't seemed too keen on going to the dance. Patsy was surprised as she had heard the Welsh woman talk enthusiastically about dancing on several occasions. However, when Patsy explained her plight, and begged Delia to accompany her so that she would at least have some moral support (along with some decent conversation), the brunette acquiesced.
When it came to the evening however, Patsy found herself enjoying the ball more than she thought she would. Sharing drinks and barbed comments about certain guests with Delia was peppered with requests to dance. At first, she would glance toward Delia but the shorter woman would shoo her towards the dance floor, assuring her that she was perfectly fine guarding their table and drinks.
Finding her dance partners tolerable enough, Patsy kept the small talk to a bare minimum. She had to admit that she enjoyed dancing again, although she secretly wished she was leading a short brunette round the dance floor. At that thought, she took the opportunity to take a glance at their table as she was spun round and was surprised to see it empty. At first she thought Delia had just gone to the Ladies, but when she hadn't returned by the end of the dance, Patsy frowned slightly and decided to track her down. It was problematic navigating the ballroom and decline the various requests to dance so that she could search properly, and as Patsy checked all the hidden areas and the toilets she became more concerned.
Frustrated at her inability to find the smaller woman, Patsy then widened her search but she wasn't in the outside hallway or near the cloakroom either. On a whim, she stepped out onto the patio, shivering as the chill air hit her skin. Sure that Delia wouldn't be outside on such a cold night, she merely cast a cursory glance round, just to tick it off the list when she noticed a solitary shadow sat on the steps. She hurried over. "Delia?"
Delia started in surprise, having been completely caught up in her thoughts. She had spent much of the evening watching Patsy being twirled around the dance floor. At first, she had been okay with Patsy getting whisked away for dances; it had given her an opportunity to look at the woman unguardedly from afar. Delia once again analysed her feelings and reactions to watching Patsy. It was like putting her tongue on a sore tooth, she just couldn't keep away. Her observation did nothing to change her feelings about the tall blonde nurse, and she felt a stab of jealousy with every man who had the chance to hold her.
Given the numbers of people at the ball, Delia decided to test how she observed others. She wasn't sure if her attraction to Patsy was unique, or if she was attracted to women in general. As she cast her gaze across the ballroom, she honestly analysed what she was doing when she was looking. She shook her head and chuckled to herself as she realised that she was drawn to the legs, bottoms and chests of a lot of women, and barely spared a cursory glance at the men. Why had she not registered this before? It felt like she had discovered a hitherto hidden aspect of her own character. It was both unnerving and exciting but it was also liberating in its way. It was now obvious to Delia that she was attracted to women as opposed to men and there seemed to be no point pretending to herself otherwise.
The realisation and acceptance did not help the situation with Patsy, however. The Welsh woman sighed and took a sip of her drink when the doctor she turned down recently approached her table. "Dance?" He asked, trying to grab her hand without waiting for an answer.
Delia yanked her arm back and stared at him. "I'm fine, thank you," she declined, trying to keep her tone polite.
"I've been watching you all evening," the doctor continued, leaning in and leering slightly. "No one else has asked you. I don't know who you think you're saving yourself for."
"Not you," Delia retorted tightly.
"You've got a high and mighty opinion of yourself, considering you're nothing but a rube," he sneered.
"It really doesn't matter what opinion I have of myself. It's all about my opinion of you. Trust me, it's not good."
"We'll see. You'll be begging me for a dance later." The doctor took advantage of his height to tower over her.
Delia smiled brightly, but could feel her heart hammering. "I wouldn't beg for a dance with you if my life depended on it," she told him assuredly. Without waiting for a reply, she snatched her bag and Patsy's, and stalked away, heading for the first exit she spotted. The patio doors opened onto well-tended grounds with wide steps leading into an ornamental garden. Not wanting to drift too far away, Delia made her way to the steps and sat down, ignoring the biting cold as she leaned against a pillar. She sighed heavily. If that was the general attitude of men, she was better off without them anyway, she decided ruefully. She allowed her imagination to drift as she heard the music continue and decided that she could at least dance with Patsy in her head, even if she could never dance with her in real life.
The brunette jumped when she heard her name called and turned round to see Patsy looking at her. She had no idea how long she'd been sat on the steps daydreaming. "Hello, Pats," she greeted, a half-smile on her face.
"What's wrong. Deels?" Patsy was immediately concerned and sat down next to the younger woman.
"Nothing much. I just had a bit of a disagreement with a pig of a doctor." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't what was really occupying Delia's thoughts.
Patsy reached out and put a hand on the brunette's arm. "Deels, you're frozen. Come back in and I'll treat you to a brandy."
Patsy's hand felt like it was burning on Delia's bicep, and she welcomed the warmth. She leaned in slightly to the taller woman. "Sorry, Pats. I didn't realise how long I'd been out here."
Without thinking, Patsy threw her arm round the other woman and hugged her close. "Delia, you need to warm up. You'll catch your death if you stay out here much longer. Don't worry about those horrible doctors. I won't be dancing anymore so we can find a nice observation spot and provide our own commentary on proceedings." Patsy allowed herself a few seconds to relish the feel of the younger woman. She wished she could do more to comfort her, but she daren't give her feelings away. She was also genuinely concerned at just how cold Delia felt. The younger woman must have been out there for some time.
Delia revelled in the closeness for a few long moments. It felt so good to be held by Patsy, even if it was purely platonic. She wished she could reveal her feelings but it was simply too big a risk. Reluctantly, she drew back and stood up, wincing as her stiff limbs protested.
"Are you okay?" Patsy was immediately attentive, and Delia couldn't help but draw a comparison of the blond nurse's attitude with that of the doctor. It was infinitely more welcome.
"I will be once I warm up. Come on, let's get that brandy you promised me."
As the two women made their way to the bar, their path was blocked. "Have you decided to dance with me yet?"
Delia rolled her eyes. The man was persistent as well as arrogant. "Did you not understand me last time?" She asked sweetly.
The man grabbed her wrist. "Oh, don't be ridiculous. All you nurses are here to bag a doctor. A dance and then I'm yours." He tried to yank Delia towards the dance floor.
"Excuse me, I don't believe Miss Busby accepted your offer." Patsy stood in front of the man, her voice like ice.
"She's just playing hard to get." The junior doctor was dismissive and didn't even look at Delia.
Patsy smiled tightly before reaching for the man's hand. Within seconds he was kneeling on the floor, squirming in pain and embarrassment, as she bent his thumb back towards his wrist with savage intent. "Pardon me for making the assumption that doctors were intelligent. You clearly aren't. When a woman says no, she means it. If a woman doesn't want to dance with you, that wish should be respected. And never, never think that all women are falling at their feet for you. You're an odious creature with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I can only assume you don't have sisters. If you do, you should be doubly ashamed. Now, please leave me and Miss Busby alone so that we can enjoy the rest of the evening." With that she gave a slight push and the doctor went sprawling onto the floor. His fall was accompanied by guffaws of laugher from his friends and he blushed crimson with either shame or anger; it was difficult to tell.
Patsy did not spare the man another look and turned to guide Delia towards the bar.
"Oh my god!" Delia exclaimed as they found a convenient gap and leaned against the counter.
"Just ignore him, Delia. Dear lord, you weren't wrong when you called him a pig." Outwardly, Patsy appeared calm and disdainful, but her heart was pounding with a mix of emotion and adrenaline. She was furious that any man would speak to any woman in that way, but to speak to Delia in that fashion was a red rag to a bull. She didn't give herself a moment to second-guess what she was doing, and what it might look like; she simply stepped in and made her point. She sighed heavily and gestured at the barman.
Delia placed a hand gently on the taller woman's elbow. "It's my treat, Patsy. Thank you." The words were said softly, and utterly sincerely. Patsy wasn't sure her heart would take the continual over-stimulation and she managed an acknowledging smile in response.
Once the drinks were in front of them, Delia took a sip before asking; "Where did you learn how to do that?" She was astonished. One moment, the doctor had been trying to drag her away, and the next he was whimpering like a baby.
Patsy grimaced. She didn't want to tell Delia of her experiences in the camp while at the Ball. It would be difficult enough to go through that ordeal, let alone describe how one kindly Japanese guard had taught her some basic self-defence moves, worried that some of the more unscrupulous guards might take obscene advantage of a young girl. He had only ever taught her techniques that didn't use much strength, and would cause maximum embarrassment to a Japanese soldier, in the hope that it would protect her from other attacks. "It's a long story. Once you're back from hols and we're back in the classroom, perhaps we can have a night in and I'll tell you about it."
Delia furrowed her brow. From the way Patsy was speaking, there was clearly a very complicated tale behind her skills. "Okay." She looked around and saw that everyone had dispersed after the incident and couples were back on the dance floor again. "Are you sure you don't want to dance again? I don't mind."
"Absolutely not. Look, there's a table in the corner over there." Patsy nodded past Delia's shoulder. "Let's relocate and sit down. You can warm up properly, and I can rest my poor feet. I have blisters anyway." She smiled softly at the shorter woman and stepped past her to lead her to their destination.
Delia was secretly rather grateful that Patsy was keeping her company. The incident had unnerved her slightly. It had also set her heart racing; Patsy had stepped in and defended her without a thought. Delia knew she was not going to be able to get the image of a fierce Patience Mount, putting a rude man in his place, out of her mind for some time. It was all really rather thrilling in a naughty way.
The two women spent the rest of the evening at the table, enjoying each other's company and both secretly grateful for the excuse to do just that. Eventually though, the evening drew to a close and they made their way out to where buses were waiting to take the nurses back to the nurses home.
The excited chattering of the nurses dulled to quiet whispers as they filed back into the nurses home. Several pointed comments were made when they realised that the Bursar was on hand to ensure that all those that returned to the the nurses home belonged there.
Patsy and Delia felt themselves both slowing as they walked down the corridor to their rooms; neither wanted the evening to end. "Did you want to come in for a nightcap? Patsy offered.
"I'd better not. I've got to be up early to catch the bus tomorrow." Delia's voice was laced with regret. "When do you go home?"
Patsy sighed as they came to a halt outside her door. "Tomorrow afternoon. I can't say I'm looking forward to it all that much."
"When are you coming back?" Delia asked, knowing that she wouldn't spend the whole break there.
"The 27th. Public transport is back to normal then." She gave Delia a lop-sided smile as she saw the woman look at her with concern. "Don't worry about me and my family problems, Deels. I'm well used to them by now."
Delia nodded, but did not look assured. "Wait here a sec, Pats," she requested, slipping into her room. She came out a few seconds later looking slightly embarrassed. "I know you hate Christmas, but I couldn't help myself. I got you a little present. It's nothing much." She pushed the neatly wrapped parcel into Patsy's hands quickly.
Patsy's eyes widened in surprise. "You didn't need to do that. Thank you." She was genuinely touched that the younger woman had thought of her, and was mentally kicking herself for not getting a present for Delia. She was so used to not celebrating Christmas in any sort of traditional sense that it hadn't occurred to her to buy a gift for someone else. She touched the ribbon lightly and then started to tug it, only to stop when Delia laid a hand gently over hers.
"Don't unwrap it now. Save it for Christmas Day. It's not much, but everyone should have something to look forward to on Christmas Day."
Patsy felt her throat close and a prickle of tears behind her eyes. How was it that this small Welsh beauty could be so thoughtful and know her so well? She swallowed her emotions down and instead wrapped an arm round Delia to hug her. "Thank you." She couldn't trust herself to say anymore, fearing her voice would betray her.
Delia hugged the taller woman back, and sighed in relief. She had been very hesitant about getting Patsy a present. They had shared a number of conversations and the tall nurse had made no bones about how she felt about the festive period. Delia could sense that there were a number of unsaid reasons behind the woman's attitude but didn't pry. Originally she was going to give the present to Patsy first thing in the morning before she set off for home, but the bus times had changed and she didn't want to wake her up that early. In addition, she wasn't sure she'd have the courage to risk Patsy's disapproval without the assistance of a bit of alcohol in her system.
After a few seconds, Delia disentangled herself from the taller woman and looked up at her. "Thank you for looking out for me tonight, Pats. I don't know what I'd do without you. Merry Christmas." On impulse, she leant up and kissed Patsy on the cheek before retreating hurriedly to her room.
Patsy stood for a long moment, overwhelmed by what had just happened. Her heart was pounding so hard it was a wonder it was still in her chest. She quickly entered her room and leaned back against the door. The tall nurse closed her eyes and relived the whole exchange again, hugging her present close to her chest, and smiling in elated awe.
To be continued...