Summary: Nurse Training School - The London Hospital

Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their wonderful characters.

Author's note: I found this part incredibly difficult to write (for a whole raft of reasons). I cannot thank Sittingonthis enough for pulling this apart for me, and to JLynnsca for her editing skills. Any remaining mistakes are very definitely my own.

Delia carried on walking down the corridor after she left Patsy's room. She needed some distance and some time to think and she needed to do that alone. Despite it being only two hours till curfew, she headed outside, wanting fresh air and a different environment. When she finally sat down, she smiled at the irony of her chosen destination. She had made her way to the park bench where Patsy had opened up to her several weeks ago.

Delia snorted; Patsy was so infuriating at times. She had trusted her enough to reveal her deepest secrets. For Delia, that was as brave as it got. But the tall blonde nurse couldn't trust her with her insecurities regarding gossip and reputation. Unfounded gossip at that. Delia wiped away an errant tear. There was another irony. Delia had been slowly testing the boundaries with Patsy. She tried to break down the barriers with additional touches here and there, and the odd kiss on the cheek when she left for the evening. At one point she had given Patsy the perfect opening to talk but the older woman had shied away. Now, Patsy had independently decided that she couldn't risk a relationship with Delia. She had placed her career first. That hurt. It hurt a lot.

Telling Patsy that she wasn't interested in men had probably been the most terrifying thing she had ever done. But Delia knew that Patsy understood. Delia had honestly evaluated her feelings from the time she recognised that she was attracted to Patsy. In the end, she believed that Patsy was worth the risk.

It had disintegrated in the space of a few words and it was devastating. Delia's breath caught as she tried to stop the tears. She held on for a few more seconds but her emotions and body betrayed her and she broke down in wracking sobs. Her mood spiralled ever downwards as she realised that she had no one to hold onto for comfort.

It was the cold that finally broke through her mood and tears. Delia realised that she was shivering. It was unsurprising, given that she had rushed out into the chill air with no cardigan or coat. Delia was exhausted through crying, physically and emotionally but the tears had stopped. She sat up slightly on the bench and rummaged around her sleeve in the hope that she had stored a hanky somewhere. Coming up empty, Delia shrugged to herself as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve before trying to sort out the mess that was her nose. Both Patsy and her mother would be horrified at the thought of her cuffing her nose, but there was no way she was heading back into the Nurses Home without trying to repair some of the damage.

Delia took a deep shuddering sigh, trying to blow out the last of the emotion behind her tears. She smiled grimly to herself. It had been good to cry, but ultimately it didn't solve anything. The Welsh woman recalled Patsy's words and picked them apart. It was clear that Patsy didn't want any unwanted attention. Someone; no, Millicent James, had decided to spread a little gossip, obviously about Delia to Patsy. Delia frowned, mulling over the possibility of punching her lights out, but that would only end with a one-way ticket back to Wales. And the reality was that Delia detested violence and just couldn't see herself doing that, no matter what the provocation. It had clearly been noted that the two women spent all their time together. Delia would just have to find something else to do so that she didn't spend all her free time with the other nurse.

Perhaps if she and Patsy could develop some other, separate links, the other students would have less to speculate about and would leave them alone. Of course, the ideal solution would be to date a man for a while. That would certainly put paid to any rumours of inappropriateness on Delia's part. The young brunette took a deep breath as she contemplated that option. Having recognised her own leanings last year and coming to terms with it, Delia wasn't sure she could go through with the pretence. She could manage spending an evening and chatting to a man, but what happened when he wanted more than conversation? She shuddered at the thought of anyone other than Patsy touching her, let alone a man.

Delia wasn't sure what it would take to convince Patsy to break the rules and social taboos. She didn't know if any amount of adjustment to appearances would be enough for the tall blonde to take a risk and go with her heart, rather than her head. What she did know was that Patsy was special to her. And Patsy wasn't totally against deepening the relationship. She had even suggested that it was a possibility when they finished training. Delia wasn't sure she could hold out that long. To be so close, yet ever distant would be Tantalus's torture for her.

Delia sighed again. There was one thing she was certain of. Patsy was her best friend, even if it could only ever be platonic. And she was not going to give that up over spiteful rumour-mongering.

The brunette glanced at her watch and winced when she saw the time. She would have to hurry if she was to get back to the Nurses Home before curfew. Wiping her nose one last time in true street-urchin fashion, she broke into a very brisk walk.

The easy, comfortable connection the two women shared was fractured by the rift, but Delia surprised Patsy by not backing off completely. Patsy had fully expected the Welsh nurse to totally withdraw from her company. She wouldn't have blamed her if she did. But Delia had met Patsy at her door when she was due to leave for her shift the day after their confrontation. Patsy had looked at her quizzically. Delia had simply said that it would be more gossip-worthy if they didn't travel together to work when they were both on the same shift. Patsy had been floored by the maturity of the younger woman, and silently berated herself for her own default position of hiding away and not actually dealing with anything. There was an awkward atmosphere between them however, and their talk stayed firmly in bland, general topics.

Delia made some further adjustments to the schedule and would offer to extend if the ward was short of cover. The two women remained courteous and professional toward each other, but there was no more giggling or shared break times and their friendship remained strained.

The situation was taking its toll on both of them and Patsy found that she noticed her loneliness far more than she ever had before. She longed for the placement to finish and for classes to start again. Hopefully, they might be able to rebuild their friendship away from prying eyes.

The student nurse sighed as she looked at the wall clock, wishing for her shift to finish. Delia had been on an early today and had been particularly evasive when she left after handover. Patsy hoped that she would still be up when she got back. She missed their evening night caps, and they were overdue a catch up.

"Well, it seems the rumours were wrong about Delia." Millicent James' voice broke through Patsy's ruminations.

"What?" Patsy was absolutely not in the mood for Millicent's petty gossip.

"Delia. Everyone thought she was, well... you know," Millicent continued conspiratorially.

"I don't but I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway." Patsy's tone was cold and clipped but Millicent was far too ready to share the tidbit of information she had to notice.

"Apparently, she's gone out with Dr. Taylor this evening."

Patsy felt her heart clench and her stomach lurch. "What?" She asked again, this time her voice a whisper.

"Yes. Robert, sorry Dr. King, told me when I bumped into him earlier. I must say I'm surprised. I really didn't think Delia was interested in him after the Winter Ball."

Suddenly Patsy realised who Dr. Taylor was. "She's going out with that pig?" She asked incredulously. Her mind was reeling. What the hell was Delia thinking?

"He's not that bad. He's very good friends with Robert." Millicent sounded affronted.

"Then Robert is a very poor judge of character. The man's a boor." Patsy was completely dumbfounded by the information. "Are you sure?" She asked again.

"Yes. Apparently Dr. Taylor has been quite smitten with her. He's been asking her out almost continually since the New Year." She paused for a second or two. "Perhaps he likes a challenge," she speculated.

Patsy's heart sunk. Delia hadn't said a word about the attention she'd been receiving. She couldn't believe that Delia would willingly go out with him, even if she was interested in men. She was also concerned. She didn't trust a man who wouldn't take no for an answer. The blonde nurse looked at the clock again and breathed a sigh of relief. She would be handing over to the night shift soon.

As soon as Patsy got back to the Nurses Home, she knocked on Delia's door. When there was no answer, she tentatively tried the door and discovered that no one was home. Patsy worried at a nail before retreating to her own room. She got changed but could not settle until she knew Delia was back and safe. She found herself pacing the room, her mind going through all sorts of scenarios, most of them nightmarish. As the time edged closer and closer to curfew, Patsy could feel her anxiety rising and was tempted to go looking for Delia, except that she had no idea where to even start.

Suddenly, the tall nurse stopped her pacing and cocked her head, straining her ears as she heard footsteps. She recognised them as Delia's immediately. She listened as the footsteps got closer and she heard Delia enter her room. Patsy hesitated. She wasn't sure if Delia would want to see her after her night out. Patsy refused to consider it a date.

What Delia chose to do and with whom wasn't really any of her business. Delia might think Patsy was interfering when she had no right to. After all, she had told Delia quite clearly that she couldn't risk starting a relationship with her. Patsy paced for another moment, her indecision paralysing her. Her overwhelming distrust of Dr. Taylor drove her to want to check on the Welsh woman though and Patsy found herself gently tapping on the door.

"Come in."

The words were barely audible and when Patsy entered she could see Delia laying on her bed, facing away from the door. "Deels?" When Delia didn't reply, Patsy tentatively approached the bed and perched on the edge. "Are you okay?" She whispered quietly.

"I'm fine," Delia responded mechanically. She made no effort to turn around.

Patsy frowned, unsure of how to continue or if Delia would even want her to. She tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible. "Not a good night out then?"

"Not really." Delia's usual loquaciousness was worryingly absent.

"What happened?" Patsy asked gently.

"I can't do it, Pats," Delia replied, her voice broken with emotion.

Patsy frowned. "Can't do what?"

"Pretend to be something I'm not." Delia's voice caught as she tried not to cry.

Patsy's heart felt like it was shattering and she stroked the brunette's hair gently. "What happened?" She prompted again.

Delia shrugged but didn't answer.

Patsy persevered. "Deels?"

"Nothing," she brushed away Patsy's concern.

The blonde nurse was having none of it. "Come on Delia. What's going on?"

There was another long pause and Patsy wondered if Delia was going to speak again at all when she heard the small brunette take a deep, shuddering breath.

"I thought that if I went out with someone, it would stop all the gossip. People would leave us alone." Her voice cracked again. "That I could get you back."

Patsy closed her eyes and felt her own tears spill down her cheeks. What had she done? "You haven't lost me, Deels," she told her firmly.

Delia shook her head again. "It's not the same. I miss you. I miss being myself around you. I miss you being yourself around me." The tears started in earnest now and Delia's body shook as she cried.

Patsy shifted and lay down behind Delia, wrapping her arm round her and holding her tightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly. She felt Delia clutch her hand and the two women held onto each other as the frustration and sorrow of the last few weeks finally found a release.

Eventually, their tears subsided but neither woman made any effort to move. They were both finding comfort in their nearness.

Delia took a steadying breath. She was so confused. Patsy had said that it was too risky to act on their feelings, yet here she was, holding her tight and comforting her. "What are we going to do?" she asked tentatively. She felt Patsy's deep exhalation of breath on her neck as the other woman sighed and steeled herself for the answer.

"I don't know," Patsy admitted. "You know how private I am Deels. I can't bear the thought of being the topic of gossip," she continued. "And no matter what happens, we have to acknowledge that if we do," she swallowed nervously. "If we do act on our feelings, we have to be absolutely secretive about it." Patsy's heart was hammering in her chest. Just talking about something so illicit felt alien to her. But she also knew exactly how she felt about Delia. For years she had relied on objectivity and logic to get her through life, but Delia had ripped up her rule book. The blonde nurse simply couldn't stand the thought of Delia going out with anyone else, male or female. The thought that Delia might find another female suitor was especially hard to contemplate.

Delia didn't move, but instead forced herself to really listen to what Patsy was saying. Could she accept that Patsy would be aloof and stand-offish in public? Could she cope with having a covert relationship? Would she be able to mask her feelings for Patsy in public? It really wasn't as simple as just being careful. Rumours had already impacted on them.

Delia sighed. A more fundamental issue was that she had never had a relationship before. To embark on any relationship was nervy and exciting but there were so many additional pressures and considerations to take into account. She was going to have to consider Patsy's feelings and needs as well as her own. But wasn't that what it was all about? She squeezed Patsy's hand softly. "We need to talk about this properly Pats. Not just skirt around the issues. Can you do that?"

Patsy paused as she considered Delia's request. "Probably not easily," she admitted finally. "But I want to try," she continued honestly. She felt Delia nod. "We need to talk about this with clear heads. We've both got Saturday off. Shall we go out somewhere for the day?"

"Have you been looking at my duty schedule?" Delia couldn't help but smile slightly. It felt good that Patsy was still tracking her.

"Always," Patsy responded unabashedly.

"Okay. A day out it is." Delia glanced at her bedside table. "Pats, it's well past curfew. Are you sure you want to be here?" She didn't want the other woman to leave, but she knew too well Patsy's obsession with keeping to the rules.

"I'm not going anywhere yet," the taller nurse replied firmly. "I still need to know what on earth possessed you to go out with Dr. Taylor, of all people." She felt Delia stiffen and was immediately contrite. "Only if you want to talk about it, of course," she qualified hurriedly.

Delia sighed. "It didn't require any effort on my part," she admitted. "He's been asking me out for months. When you told me about the rumours, I thought it would be a good way of deflecting attention away from us." She paused for a second. "I thought it would stop all the speculation about me and my 'tendencies'. If that stopped, people wouldn't see anything wrong with us spending time together. It might let you..." Delia halted again, deciding that she didn't need to finish that train of thought. She sighed. "So the next time he asked me out, I said yes. I think it took him by surprise. But at least I didn't have to try and attract anyone else's attention."

Patsy made no effort to hide the worry from her voice. "Why didn't you tell me he was pestering you?"

Delia grinned. "After you verbally eviscerated him at the Ball I wasn't sure how you'd react if I told you he still hadn't got the message. I didn't want you to get into trouble on my account."

Patsy smiled ruefully. Delia was uncannily accurate in her assessment. It was highly likely she would have done something career-ending had she found out about the abhorrent man's behaviour. "Did he at least behave himself?" She asked lightly. Her smile dropped immediately when Delia didn't answer. "Delia?"

When Delia didn't answer again, Patsy sat up and gently pulled Delia over. "Deels, what happened?" She whispered.

Delia sighed shakily. "He was perfectly reasonable, if a bit insufferable at the pub," she replied eventually.

"Okay," acknowledged Patsy. "Then what happened?"

Delia turned her face away. "Oh he just thought he was owed something for his perseverance I suppose."

Patsy went cold. "Delia, did he hurt you?"

Delia shook her head. "Not really."

The answer sent a loud alarm bell off in Patsy's head and she found herself looking intently at Delia for any signs of unwanted attention. Her heart sank when she saw red marking around the younger woman's wrist. She ghosted her fingers over Delia's skin. "What happened?" She whispered.

Delia swallowed. "He tried to kiss me when we were walking back. He grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into an alleyway. He wasn't pleased when I made it clear that I didn't want to join him."

Patsy paused, trying to contain her fury. It would certainly not help the situation if she exploded in front of Delia. "Did he...?" She didn't know how to phrase it, and she certainly wasn't sure she wanted the answer.

Delia turned back and looked at Patsy, smiling grimly. "No. A knee in the groin put paid to that."

Patsy closed her eyes and sighed with relief. "Oh, thank god." She blew out another breath and looked at Delia steadily. "I can't believe you'd try and put up a smoke-screen in that way."

Delia shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. "If it deflects unwanted attention away from you, then I'll do it again," she declared, although she really wasn't sure she could put herself through that again.

"No," Patsy demurred reflexively. "I'm not having you doing something so risky just because of my stupid insecurities. We'll find another way to stop the rumours," she decided firmly.

Delia grimaced. "I have a horrible feeling there will be worse rumours about me now."

"What do you mean?" Patsy was perplexed.

"I can't see Dr. Taylor accepting my rebuttal of his advances with good grace, frankly," Delia continued.

Patsy's features darkened. "Don't worry. I'll make sure that doesn't happen," she promised grimly.

"Pats, please don't get into trouble," Delia pleaded.

"I won't. But I know exactly how to ensure your reputation doesn't receive any damage from Dr. Taylor at least," Patsy declared.

Delia had no idea what Patsy would be able to do, but was grateful that she would even try. "Thank you."

The two women looked steadily at each other and the atmosphere thickened palpably. Patsy could feel her pulse quicken and she heard a hitch in Delia's breathing. It would be so easy to bend down and kiss the younger woman now, and she caught herself looking at Delia's lips.

Delia sat up, bringing her face much closer to Patsy's. She had seen the glance to her lips, and had looked at the blonde's in return. "Pats?" She murmured, locking eyes with her again.

"I'd better go," Patsy said suddenly, knowing that if they kissed now, she had no idea where it would stop. Delia had already gone through a roller-coaster of emotions today. Patsy smiled reassuringly at the younger woman, seeing the disappointed confusion on her face. "I think you've had enough emotional upheaval for one day," she continued, as she tucked stray strands of hair behind the brunette's ear. "And as you said, we need to talk about this properly."

Delia nodded, knowing that the older woman was right. "Are you on lates again tomorrow?" She asked tentatively.

"Yes, and we will be going to breakfast beforehand. I'll knock for you in the morning if that's okay."

Delia's smile broadened in relief. "That would be lovely," she agreed.

Patsy stood up and took a step away from the bed before hesitating. She turned back and placed a kiss on top of Delia's head. "Goodnight Deels," she whispered softly, displaying her trademark lop-sided smile as she turned away again.

Delia's eyes followed the taller woman out of the room before she laid back down on her bed, grinning madly. "Goodnight, Pats," she murmured.

To be continued...