Coming Out
Martin tried to pace himself and just keep going as he ran through Central Park alongside all the other competitors in the New York City Triathlon. He had trained for this for months and was on target for a good time, with not far to go now. He had spent the time during the race thinking about how happy he was with the way his life was going now. It was really different to what he had expected, but great. No longer did work dominate his time and his thoughts. Yes, he still worked hard and put in a lot of hours, but now he had a personal life as well which was more important to him.
Since he and Rafael had been able to start seeing each other properly following the culmination of the trial of the rose tattoo pedophiles, they had been spending increasing amounts of time together, and now were pretty much living together, with Martin's apartment relegated to a post collection point and storage area. His lease was up at the end of the month and he had given notice after a serious discussion with Rafael about their future. This time next month they would be living together officially, and he would need to come clean at work as they would need his new address. It was one thing he had put off for far too long.
At first Martin hadn't wanted to tell anyone in missing persons that he was seeing Rafael as he hadn't wanted anyone to make the connection his dad had done – that his feelings for Danny who had just gotten married were a catalyst to the changes in his life. He had also wanted to make sure that their relationship was going to last before telling anyone else about them.
When he had gone back to work at the FBI after his stint with SVU, they really hadn't spent that much time together; two weekends, a few liaisons in the club, and the times they had met at work wasn't enough to convince him that their relationship would survive. At that point they had never even been out on a date.
But now, many months later, not only had it survived, but it was flourishing. They had spent more and more time together, actually going out on dates and not only at one of their apartments, but also out for dinners, day trips out, and even had a long weekend away together as their vacation. Martin had accompanied Rafael to various SVU nights out too, and continued his friendship with the members of the SVU squad. With the long hours Rafael worked, Martin being called away for work at random times wasn't a problem, as they both understood the natures and pressures of each other's job.
Today had been the day that Martin had planned to come clean about his relationship with Rafael to his work colleagues from missing persons. Of course Rafael would be there at the finishing line when he finally finished this race, and most of missing persons had declared they would be there to support him too. This would be the ideal time. Except then the DA had ruined their plans by announcing he was holding a brunch that day as part of his re-election bid, and he expected all his ADAs to be in attendance. So Rafael had reluctantly wished Martin good luck that morning before he set off for the race, and then headed off to the DA's brunch. Martin wasn't now expecting to see him until he got home, much later that day.
Martin speeded up as he saw the sign indicating they were on the last stretch. He broke into a sprint as he saw the banner indicating the finish line and the cheers of the crowd spurred him on. He made it over the line and then slowed to a jog, looking round to see if he could see any familiar faces in the crowd which thinned as he got further away from the finishing line. He heard his name being called and looked around, to see most of the missing persons squad, plus Olivia and Rafael with big grins on their faces, stood together waiting for him.
Rafael had been at the DA's brunch for an hour and a half, making small-talk and listening to the speeches, before he decided he had had enough. Although his career was important to him, and he wanted to be in Jack's good books, Martin was much more so. He wanted to get out of here and be there for the end of Martin's race, and was determined to do that.
Just as Rafael was trying to work out whether it would be best to ask for permission to leave or just sneak out, he spotted Alex Cabot coming towards him. They had been collaborating on the trials of the men who had bought girls who had been abducted, so were still working together, although not so closely as they were working on separate trials. Rafael now considered Alex a good friend, and she had spent time socializing with him and Martin and been round for a meal more than once in the last few months.
"Hi Rafael," she greeted him with a smile. "I wasn't sure if you would be here. Isn't today the triathlon race day?"
"Yes it is," Rafael replied grumpily. "I couldn't believe it when Jack picked today to hold this shindig. Why couldn't he have picked another day? I'm just working out if it's best to ask permission or seek forgiveness later. I want to be there when Martin finishes, and judging by the time he's expecting to finish in, I need to get out of here soon if I'm going to make it."
Alex looked around the room and saw Jack surrounded by benefactors. "I would say to ask, but I doubt you'll be able to get Jack alone, so sneaking out might be your only option. So how are things going with you and Martin? Still as good as they were last time I saw you?"
Rafael smiled at her. "Things are great. He's giving up his apartment and moving in with me officially in a few weeks. All he has to do now is tell his work colleagues about us."
"They still don't know?" Alex was surprised about this.
Rafael shrugged. "Not yet. He went out with one of the team, and had feelings for another one, so he wanted to wait a bit. He was planning to come out to them today, after the race, but Jack wrecked that plan by insisting I be here."
Just then, he saw Jack break away from the crowd he was with and head towards the mens room. This was his chance. "Excuse me, Alex, I'm going to corner Jack now." Rafael grinned at her before rushing off, keeping one eye on Jack as he got gradually closer. He made it to his boss just before he entered the bathroom.
"Jack, sorry to bother you, but I just wondered if it would be okay with you if I left now. Martin's running the New York Triathlon now, his first one, and I really want to be there when he finishes." Rafael knew he had a pleading look on his face. He wasn't sure what he would do if Jack said no, but he had always found him reasonable in the past, so hoped this time wouldn't be any different.
Jack looked at Rafael and smiled. "You're still seeing each other? That's great Rafael. Of course you can go. Thanks for your support in coming today. Congratulate Martin for me, and I'll see you on Monday."
Rafael grinned at his boss and muttered his thanks before heading away towards the exit. He had time to get out of his suit and down to the park before Martin was expecting to finish now.
Forty minutes later, he made it to the park, and managed to find Olivia, who had said she was coming to see Martin finish. She was with Martin's teammates, having recognized Jack Malone as she had met him before. Rafael introduced himself as the ADA for SVU, but didn't say anything about being Martin's boyfriend. It was up to Martin to out himself.
He looked at the FBI agents gathered curiously. He knew plenty about them from Martin, and recognized them from the photos Martin had, but this was the first time he had met any of them. He saw that Samantha Spade was beautiful, and could see why Martin had fallen for her. She was with her boyfriend, Brian, and their son Finn.
The person Rafael was most interested in though was Danny Taylor, the man Martin had fallen for and whose marriage had prompted the changes in Martin's life that led to their relationship. He was with his wife, Elena, and had Sofia, Elena's daughter on his shoulders so she could see the runners better. Danny had a firm handshake and a welcoming smile, and was obviously very attractive. Rafael had gotten over his initial concern that he was second choice for Martin, as Danny was unavailable. He was much more confident in their relationship now. Still, it would be nice to put any lingering fears to rest when Martin finally came out to his friends from work.
Martin's mind was whirring as he saw Rafael among his work colleagues. He hadn't expected him to be able to make it, knowing the DA's brunch was likely to drag on for hours. But here he was, so Martin could finally come out.
Martin slowed to a walk as he got to the group waiting for him. He headed straight for Rafael, with a big smile on his face. Jack passed Martin his bag and Martin got out a towel, and started to wipe sweat off himself, knowing how Rafael felt about embracing him when he was hot and sweaty. It was one thing when they were both naked, and hot and sweaty due to sex, but quite another when they were dressed. Rafael didn't like his designer clothes messed up. They had had this squabble many times while Martin had been training for this race.
"Congratulations. That was your personal best time, and better than you were expecting." Rafael smirked at Martin, knowing what his lover was thinking. "The DA says congratulations too."
"Yes, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be stuck at his place for much longer than you obviously have been."
Rafael raised his eyebrows at Martin. "What? Aren't you pleased to see me?"
Martin glared at him. "Of course I am, but I am surprised."
Rafael shrugged. "I left early, with Jack's permission. I didn't want to miss this."
Martin finished wiping himself down and dropped the towel on top of his bag before stepping forward and enfolding Rafael in his arms. "Thanks," he said before letting go. He really needed to stop ignoring the others who had turned up for him as well.
Jack passed a bottle of cold water to Martin who looked around at the gathered people. "Thanks for coming guys, I really appreciate it." He took a long drink of the water and then looked down as he felt a hand on his leg. Noah was stood there looking up at him and holding out a home-made card. Martin crouched down so he was at the young boy's height and took the card, which showed a childish drawing of a man running and a banner above his head. Inside it said 'well done Uncle Martin' in very shaky writing. He loved it.
"Thank you Noah. This is great," he said, giving the boy a gentle hug. He stood up and smiled at Olivia. "Thanks Liv, for coming and for the card."
Olivia grinned back at him. "You're welcome, Martin." She had seen quite a bit of Martin since he had left SVU and gone back to the FBI, and quite a few times Martin had been training in the park when she and Noah had been there, so the young boy had got to know Martin. Martin was good with children, unlike Rafael, having spent quite a bit of time with his cousins and their offspring, and Noah had taken quite a shine to him. Olivia encouraged it, knowing Noah needed some good male influences in his life, and had invited the two men over a few times for dinner. Even Rafael, with Martin's help, was getting more comfortable with Noah.
Sofia had been watching this from her vantage point of Danny's shoulders, and didn't want to be left out, so indicated that she wanted to get down. After Danny had gently lowered her to her feet, she walked over to Martin and gave him a hug, telling him she had seen him running when he came round the corner, and when she was grown up, she was going to be able to run like the wind too.
Martin hugged her back, laughing, and thanked her for coming. She then walked back to her mom and told her in a stage whisper that she wanted to go to the toilet.
This was the signal for the group to move. It had been agreed in advance that they would go to a nearby restaurant for some food after the race, and so Martin had booked a table. He suggested the others went ahead while he had a quick shower in the competitors' area which had been set up, and then he would join them. Rafael and Martin shared a long look before Martin picked up his bag and headed in the opposite direction to his friends and lover.
Rafael kept an eye out for Martin and when he saw his boyfriend approaching the restaurant he excused himself and headed out, meeting Martin just outside the door. Martin immediately went into his arms and they shared a close hug and then a kiss before pulling a bit away from each other.
Rafael ran his hand through Martin's damp hair, not willing to let him go, and smiled at him.
"I'm really pleased you made it," Martin told Rafael. "This means we can get back to our original plan. It's time those guys inside knew how much you mean to me."
"Are you sure? It's still your decision," Rafael checked that Martin was still okay with coming out. He knew it was a big step.
"Definitely. I've waited too long already. Everyone else knows about us, and I've had enough of hiding. I love you, so much." Martin kissed Rafael tenderly, and then took Rafael's hand in his, and they headed into the restaurant together.
Olivia saw them coming in together, hand in hand, and knew what was coming. She had known that Martin's workmates didn't know about him and Rafael, and although Rafael had assured her that he wasn't concerned about Martin's reluctance to come out to them, she was pleased that he finally was going to do it. She just hoped they were as accepting of Martin's sexuality as the SVU squad had been when finding out about Rafael's.
The two men sat down together in the spaces that were free at one end of the table, and Martin took a swig of the beer that Rafael had bought for him. He felt the need for a bit of Dutch courage before doing this. Just as he was about to speak, the waitress appeared with menus, so he decided they should order first, then he could make his announcement while they were waiting for their food.
It took a while for everyone to decide on food and order, and then everyone seemed involved in their own conversations. Martin answered Jack's question about the race times and had another drink, feeling frustrated at his own inability to bring up the subject he most wanted to discuss. He felt Rafael's hand squeezing his thigh, under the tablecloth, and took in a deep breath.
"Relax, and stop worrying about it. This is your day, you should be enjoying it," Rafael murmured, quietly enough that no-one other than Martin would be able to hear him.
Martin looked round and saw the love in Rafael's eyes. He took a deep breath in then looked away, catching Jack's attention.
"Jack, there's something I wanted to tell you. Actually it's something I want everyone to know." His voice got louder, and gradually, the various conversations around the table stopped, and everyone looked at Martin. He could feel Rafael's hand on his thigh still, and it gave him the courage he needed.
"I wanted everyone to know that I'm in a relationship, with Rafael, and we're moving in together." Martin let out his breath, and put his arm around Rafael, in full view of his work colleagues, and waited for their reaction.
There was silence for a few seconds which felt endless to Martin, before Jack cleared his throat, and looked at him. "Well, I can't say this isn't a surprise, Martin, but as long as you're happy, then I'm pleased for you."
Martin smiled gratefully at him. He didn't think any of the missing person's team was homophobic, but apart from in the context of various cases, the subject had never come up, so he couldn't be sure. "Thanks Jack, I am, very happy." He looked around at his other team-mates. Sam looked shocked, and Danny looked hurt, and he couldn't read any emotion in Elena's face.
Jack laughed suddenly and looked over at Rafael. "It just occurred to me; usually men have issues with their mother-in-law, but in your case, I think it's Martin's dad you're likely to have problems with," he said.
Martin groaned and Rafael smirked. "Yes, Victor isn't my biggest fan, although he seems to be coming round a bit now. Helena and I get on fine, although she is disappointed that I won't be able to provide her with grandchildren."
Jack looked surprised. "You're a brave man, taking on Victor. Has he known about the two of you long?"
Rafael answered. "We met when Martin was in the hospital with the gunshot to his arm when he was working for SVU, and have had dinner when he was here with work. We've also spent a weekend in Washington with them."
This, more than anything else, told Jack how serious Martin and Rafael were. He looked round and saw the faces of Danny and Sam, and decided he needed to keep the conversation going until they recovered enough from the shock to join in.
"So where are you moving to, Martin?" Jack asked. Martin filled in Jack about where Rafael's apartment was, and they discussed the area and the hassles of moving.
In the meantime, Liv was looking around at Martin's friends, and could see the look of shock on Samantha's face. As she was sat next to the FBI agent, she decided to talk to her. She had been told by Rafael that Martin had previously been in a relationship with her, and suspected the look of shock was due to her not being aware that Martin was interested in men.
"You look quite shocked, Samantha," Liv said in a low voice.
Sam looked round at her. "Yes, I am. I didn't know Martin liked men as well as women," she answered. "You obviously knew about them before today," she commented.
Olivia smiled. "Yes, I've known for a while. They make a good couple and are very happy together. If it makes you feel any better, I know that Rafael is Martin's only relationship with a man. I know he was nervous of coming out to you guys, so he would appreciate it if you could show him some support."
Sam looked startled. "I'm not homophobic. I don't have a problem with gay men. It's just a shock to see Martin with a man, considering…" she tailed off, not sure she wanted to mention her relationship with Martin.
"Considering he went out with you." Olivia finished the sentence for Sam. "Yes, I know about that. But you seem very happy with Brian and now have Finn too. You and Martin have both moved on."
Sam smiled at Liv. "Yes, it's good that we're both happy, and that's the important thing. Don't worry. Martin has my support."
Sam leaned forward and caught Martin's eye. "Good for you. If you need any help in moving, just let me know, and I'll send Brian to help you." She gave Martin a grin and a wink, and smiled at the glare her boyfriend gave her.
Martin felt some of his tension drain away at Sam's comments. He really wasn't that bothered what Elena thought, as they weren't that close, but Danny was still not looking at him, and had seemed really hurt when he had made his announcement. That was what was worrying him. He got up and headed to the men's restroom. He had been drinking pints of water since the race to get hydrated, and he needed to get rid of some of it.
Danny got up too when Martin left the table, and Rafael started to rise, worried that Martin might need his support. Jack caught his arm. "Leave them to sort it out amongst themselves. It'll be okay."
Rafael looked at Jack, still concerned, but sat back down. He would have to trust that Martin would be able to handle Danny's reaction.
Martin came out of the bathroom and found Danny waiting for him in the corridor, out of sight of the table the others were sat at. Martin stopped, knowing he couldn't put this off. "What's the matter Danny?" he asked.
Danny looked up at him, and Martin could see the hurt in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me, Martin?" he asked. "I thought we were good friends, best friends even, but then I find out you've been in a relationship for over 6 months and didn't tell me anything about it. I thought you trusted me."
Martin sighed. "I do trust you, Danny, you know that. I didn't tell anyone at work before today."
"I thought we were more than just work mates. Obviously your family has known about this for a long time, and so has SVU as you seem pretty tight with Olivia and her son. So why have you kept it from me?"
Martin was quiet. This had been what he was afraid of. He couldn't really explain why he had kept silent for so long without telling Danny about his feelings for him, which is what he wanted to avoid.
"Olivia and my parents needed to know very early on as there was a conflict of interest because I was a witness on the case that Rafael was prosecuting. We thought that there was a chance the defense could try to use our relationship so it could come up during the trial. I knew if that happened the press would get hold of it and would go straight to my dad to get his reaction. So I had to tell my parents so he could be prepared in case it came out. Otherwise no-one would have known about it. At that point we really hadn't even started dating properly."
Martin looked at Danny and could see he wasn't fully satisfied with the explanation. He wasn't surprised. He had been working back at missing persons for months and had plenty of opportunity to tell Danny about his relationship, but had avoided doing so. He also knew that if it had been a woman he had been seeing, he would have said something.
"Look Danny, I've not done this before; coming out to my friends. It's taken me a while to get up to guts to speak to you all, so please cut me a little slack. I don't think you're homophobic, and I do consider you a very good friend, not just a workmate, so your opinion means a lot to me. But today isn't really the right time to hash this out. How about you take the time to get used to the idea, and we talk again another day, when we don't have a table of friends with us and food on the way?"
Danny nodded slowly. He knew it wasn't the right time for this talk, but he would make sure it happened.
Martin started to walk back towards the others, but was stopped by a hand on his arm. He turned back to look at Danny.
"I'm not homophobic, and you'll always have my support, Martin. If Rafael makes you happy, then I'm pleased for you." Danny couldn't leave their discussion without Martin knowing he didn't have a problem with him for being gay. He might have a problem with Martin not saying anything earlier, but they could work that out.
The two men got back to the table and sat down just as the waitress brought their food. Rafael looked from one man to the other, trying to read their expressions. Martin squeezed his hand as he sat down, and smiled at him. "Don't worry. Things will be okay between me and Danny, eventually. He's not homophobic and says he's happy for us."
Rafael relaxed at hearing this. He wasn't convinced Martin was telling him the whole story, but he had finally come out to his friends. They could deal with any fallout from this.
On Monday, Martin got into work a bit later than usual. He was stiff from the race, despite the ibuprofen he had taken and the massages that Rafael had given him. He was taking it easy for a bit now. He got a coffee and sat down, just as Danny arrived at work and sat down. He took off his jacket and looked across the office at Martin, before heading over and perching himself on the edge of the desk.
Martin turned to face Danny, and saw the serious look in his eye.
"Are you free after work tonight? I thought we could get a drink, maybe some dinner, and sort things out between us."
Martin nodded. He had expected that Danny wouldn't wait long before cornering him for more of an explanation. "Sure, that's fine with me. What about Elena?"
"She's taking Sophia to her sisters for a visit. Rafael?"
Martin shrugged. "He's in the middle of a big case, so I expect him to be working late."
"Okay, then. Hopefully we won't get a case, so we can get out at a reasonable time." Danny walked back to his desk and got started on the paperwork that had still to be finished from their last case.
By the time they made it away from work and walked to the local bar they often frequented, Martin's nerves were in shreds. He had spent all day wavering between being honest with Danny and telling him how he had once felt about him, and not saying anything about it. In the end he had decided to just wait and see how the conversation went.
Both men ordered a bar meal and got themselves a drink before settling in at a table away from anyone else.
Danny took a sip of his water and contemplated Martin before starting in on the questions he had been wondering about all weekend, since Martin first made his announcement.
"So how long have you been into men? I've only ever heard you mention relationships with women before now."
Martin shrugged. "I've always been attracted to men, although women more. Rafael is my first relationship with a man though."
Danny looked surprised at that. "What stopped you before?"
Martin took a sip of his drink. "I always liked women too, so it was just easier to find a woman to go out with. Plus with the pressure from my family, it never seemed worth the hassle before now."
"But with Rafael, it is worth it?" Danny queried.
Martin smiled. "Definitely. We hit it off from the first time we met, and I've never regretted my decision to get involved with him. Even with the hassles due to me working with SVU and the conflict of interest that caused, it was worth it."
"So this is serious, as in a long-term commitment?"
"Yes. I wouldn't be moving in with him otherwise." Martin confirmed.
"I bet your dad doesn't like it," Danny commented.
Martin sighed. "Not really, although he's taken it much better than I ever would have expected. Mom worked on him, and the fact that he found out about us when I was in hospital with a gunshot wound tempered his response, I'm sure. I think he likes Rafael well enough. He just would prefer me to be with a woman, a suitable one to bear the Fitzgerald name, and provide attractive grandchildren."
"Well you can get married, although grandchildren may be difficult, unless you adopt or find a surrogate," Danny smirked.
Martin laughed. "Don't hold your breath. I don't see children on the cards for us, although marriage, maybe. It's too soon for that though. But you're the one who's tied the knot recently. How's marriage for you?" Martin decided to turn the conversation away from his relationship.
Danny smiled. "It's good. Sofia keeps changing her mind what she wants to call me, from Danny to papa. Things are going well between us, and Elena has even suggested we start trying for a baby of our own."
"Good. You're a great dad to Sofia, so I'm sure another one would be a lovely addition to your family." Martin had known that he had gotten over his feelings for Danny a long time ago, and hearing about his great relationship with Elena didn't even make him feel anything but happiness for his friend. He really was over Danny, and wouldn't want anything different from his relationship with Rafael.
Just then their food arrived, and they ate in companionable silence. After they finished, Danny sighed.
"So, come on Martin, why did you really wait so long to tell us about Rafael? You've been seeing each other quite a while now and have had plenty of opportunities to tell us, to tell me, so why didn't you?"
Martin took a drink. "I didn't know how any of you would react, and it was just easier not to say anything. It's not as if we have spent that much time together since you got married. We've drifted apart over the last year or so and don't see much of each other outside work."
Danny thought about this. "I know I've been spending more time with Elena and Sofia, but you seriously didn't think I was homophobic did you?"
Martin shook his head. "No, I didn't. I didn't think Sam would react well after our past though. She seems okay though, and Jack's fine too. Elena hasn't said anything to me though."
Danny looked at him sharply. "Elena doesn't have a problem with it. She isn't homophobic either." He decided to change tack as he could see Martin wasn't going to give him any more explanation as to why he had hidden his relationship. "I was surprised when I got back from our honeymoon to find you had started working for SVU. What prompted that?"
Martin could feel himself tensing up further at the turn Danny's questioning had taken. "One of the cases we had led me to a case SVU had investigated, and the higher ups said that we had to drop it and SVU take the lead. Jack offered to let me work with them to solve the case."
Danny was watching Martin carefully. "So is that the only reason you went to work there? We've had cases which linked to other departments before, and Jack's never suggested one of us go work elsewhere in the past. Why this time?"
Martin sighed. "I told him I wanted a change. Seven years working in missing persons without a break was getting to me. I wasn't in his good books anyway after the fiasco with Kim, so it seemed a good opportunity."
Danny nodded. "And how did Rafael fit into this? You couldn't have met when you first started working with SVU as that wouldn't have caused a conflict of interest, but if you were together before that, you would have known not to work on it because of the conflict."
Martin took a swig of his drink. "We had met a few times before I went to work there, but neither of us had discussed work or knew what each other did. It was a shock when we found out we were both working the same case."
Danny looked confused. "Do you usually keep what you do a secret when you are going out with someone? It seems strange you didn't talk about work."
Martin flushed. "Look, we met at a discrete men's club. We didn't talk about work, but met there a few times."
Danny smirked. "Ahh. A club to meet to hook up, and have sex only. I get it. Did you often do that?"
"No. I met Rafael the first time I went there."
"So what prompted you to go there? Where did you meet guys before that?" Danny quizzed him.
Martin sighed and gave in. "I didn't meet guys before that. Rafael's the only man I've been with. I went to the club to explore that side of myself and was lucky enough to meet him and we hit it off. We arranged to meet up again, and continued for a few weeks until we decided to take it outside the club and actually have a proper relationship. At that point we discovered we were both working on the same case and had to wait until after the trial was over before seeing each other. Any more questions, or are you planning to ask about my sex life next?"
Danny laughed. "Are you going to answer if I ask about that?"
Martin smiled. "Definitely not."
"So to recap: you decided you needed a change at work and asked Jack for a temporary transfer, and decided to explore your sexuality at a club for men, all around the same time, which was when Elena and I got married. Are you going to try and tell me that's a coincidence?" Danny was watching Martin's face as he said this, and saw the wince that gave away that he was right, and that it was all connected.
Martin didn't answer, but had a long drink of his beer, while he avoided Danny's gaze.
"Come on Martin, talk to me. You can tell me anything, you know. Why did me marrying Elena have such an effect on you?" Danny kept his voice gentle, suspecting he knew the answer. It would explain why Martin had avoided telling him about the relationship.
Martin decided he needed to be honest. "It affected me because I was attracted to you, and had wanted a relationship with you. When you got married I knew I needed to move on and find something else in my life. I also decided I needed to figure out if I really liked men and wanted a relationship with one." Martin was looking away from Danny at this point, not having the guts to see his reaction.
Danny sighed. This is what he had thought. "Why did you never say anything to me, tell me how you felt?"
Martin shrugged. "I was going to, after the shooting, but then I got addicted to the painkillers. I knew I had to get clean first, and by the time I was, you were seeing Elena. There was never a good time to say anything. Plus, you've never given any indication that you liked men, only women, so there didn't seem to be much point."
"It's true I've never mentioned any men I've gone out with, but I consider myself bisexual and I have been with men."
Martin glared at Danny. "So you've given me a hard time about not telling you I like men when you do yourself, and haven't said anything in the 8 years we've known each other."
Danny looked a bit sheepish at that. "I haven't had a serious relationship with a man since I've known you though. Only casual ones, or one night stands."
Now his secret was out, and Danny seemed to not have a problem with it, Martin wanted the answer to a question he'd wondered about for years. "So if I had told you I was interested in you, when you were single, what would your response have been?"
Danny smirked at him. "I think it's safe to say your introduction to gay sex would have been a lot sooner. I'd have enjoyed initiating you."
Martin flushed. "But would it have just been about sex to you, or would you have wanted more?"
Danny looked seriously at him. "Martin, if you had told me how you felt about me a couple of years ago, before I was seeing Elena, I would definitely have wanted a relationship with you. It's a shame we never got the chance."
Martin nodded. "Yes it is, but things have worked out well for both of us. You're happy with Elena, and I'm definitely very happy with Rafael. I love him, and if we had gotten together, I probably would never have met him. I can't regret that."
Danny smiled. "Good. So was that the real reason that you didn't tell anyone at work about Rafael?"
"Yes. My dad made the connection as soon as he found out about Rafael and I didn't want you or Jack to figure it out, so I decided to keep quiet."
Danny's eyebrows shot up at that, and he choked on his drink. "Your dad figured it out? I didn't realize he knew anything about me."
"Yeah, it surprised me too. He knew you had just married Elena and asked me if Rafael was a rebound relationship. It's not by the way."
"As you've been together this long, I know it's not. Does Rafael know how you felt about me?" Danny was curious to know what Martin had told his partner.
"Yes he does. I told him about Sam too. We've both been honest about our past. What I feel for him is so much more than I ever felt for anyone else." Martin wanted to make sure Danny knew he was over him.
"So now you've finally introduced him to us, are you going to be bringing him to social events again?"
"Yes," Martin confirmed. "I've been going to his work events since I worked with SVU so it'll be nice to bring him along to mine now. He's been very patient, waiting for me to finally get round to telling you guys about us."
"Good. I look forward to getting to know him better. And if you need any help with moving, let me know. I'm happy to help. No matter what relationships we are both in, I'll always consider you a good friend Martin, and I'll always be here for you." Danny smiled at Martin, and saw the answering smile back. Their friendship was back on track. Martin's relationship and his past feelings for Danny wouldn't change that.
Chapter 2
One month later, Martin was waiting to testify again, in federal court against the abductors who had captured the teenaged girls and sold them into sexual slavery. The defense team had been working hard to discredit the witnesses, and had paid for very good attorneys. The members of SVU had all testified, and Martin had heard from them what a hard time they had had on cross-examination. Now it was his turn. He had practiced with the federal prosecutor and also with Rafael, coming up with answers to potential questions he could be asked, but Martin was still worried.
The previous afternoon he had given his evidence, but the judge had decided to adjourn for the night before cross-examination. That was this morning.
John Buchanan was the lead defense attorney, and he got up to question Martin. "So, Agent Fitzgerald, I believe that four years ago you became addicted to prescription painkillers, is that true?"
Martin breathed in deeply. It was the first time he had been asked about this on the stand, and it just showed how deeply they had investigated him. "Yes. I'm in Narcotics Anonymous, and have been clean for 3 years 8 months and 5 days."
"And during this case, you were shot and underwent surgery, is that true?"
"Yes. One of your clients, George Allenby, shot me whilst trying to escape. I believe he is being charged with attempted murder as a result."
"Gunshots are painful. I imagine it must be difficult to cope without adequate analgesia. How can we be sure that you didn't give in to your addiction at that time, which was while you were working this case?"
"I was treated with non-addictive medications. I had no narcotics at any time during my recovery, and I asked my doctor to do blood tests which prove that. Plus all the work I did on this case was before my injury." Martin was very glad he had gotten the blood tests done.
"So the prosecution felt they needed to ask for blood tests to prove you were clean, and still removed you from the case. Very interesting." Buchanan smiled at the jury.
"Objection," called out Mark Berrenger, the federal prosecutor.
"Sustained," decided the judge, and then told the jury to ignore the last remarks from Buchanan.
Martin started to relax as Buchanan walked away from him to the prosecution table, thinking the worst was over. But the large attorney just picked up a piece of paper from the desk and approached him again. He put the page in front of Martin, and he could see it was a copy of his change of address form to the FBI. His heart sank. He knew where this line of questioning was heading.
"You have recently moved, isn't that correct, Agent Fitzgerald?"
"Yes it is," Martin answered.
"And who is it that you now live with?"
"Rafael Barba." Martin said. He knew not to give any more information than necessary.
"Objection; what has Agent Fitzgerald's personal life got to do with his testimony?" Berrenger asked the judge, despite knowing full well where Buchanan was going. He and Martin had discussed this possibility.
The judge looked at Buchanan, who commented "a little latitude here please, your honor. The link will be clear very soon."
The judge overruled the objection and Buchanan continued.
"Rafael Barba, Assistant District Attorney for Manhattan SVU, who was prosecutor on this case before it was moved to federal court. Isn't that correct?"
"Yes. He was one of the prosecutors on this case, along with ADA Alexandra Cabot." Martin answered.
"So how do we know that your boyfriend, the ADA, didn't influence your investigation of this case, or indeed your testimony? Tell me, Agent Fitzgerald, when did you and ADA Barba start dating each other?"
Martin tried to look relaxed, but suspected he failed. "He was not my boyfriend at the time I was working this case. My first actual date with ADA Barba wasn't until after I finished working with SVU and was back working at missing persons at the FBI." Although what he had said was strictly true, as he wasn't prepared to lie on the stand, it was definitely a thin line he was trying not to cross. He just had to hope that Buchanan wouldn't probe deeper.
Berrenger stood up again. "Your honor, unless the defense can prove that ADA Barba and Agent Fitzgerald were in a relationship at the time of this investigation, and that it has influenced the way that investigation was performed, I don't believe questioning this witness on his private life any further has relevance to this case."
The judge looked at Buchanan, and asked "Do you have any proof to offer this court of ADA Barba interfering with this investigation?"
Buchanan looked down at his notes. He didn't have any, and had just hoped that by bringing it up, it may shed some doubt onto Agent Fitzgerald's testimony. "No your honor," he replied.
"Do you have any further questions for this witness?" the judge asked.
Buchanan shook his head. "No your honor."
Mark Berrenger stood up. "Redirect?" he asked the judge, who nodded. He then turned his gaze to Martin.
"Were you asked to get drug tests by anyone following your injury?"
Martin smiled. "No, I wasn't. I decided to get them done myself so I had a record in case of it ever being brought up, like it has been today."
"And why didn't you work on this case after you were shot? Were you taken off the case?"
Martin shook his head. "No. I was off work recovering from the shooting for nearly a week, and by that time the investigation had been completed. I was never taken off the case."
Mark Berrenger smiled at Martin. "No further questions." He sat down as the judge excused Martin.
Martin let out his breath. It was over. Now he just had to deal with the consequences. He gave Berrenger a smile as he walked out of the court, already turning his phone off silent and sending out a text to his dad and Rafael to let them both know that he had been outed on the stand. He wanted to warn them both as soon as possible.
Within 5 minutes, Rafael rang Martin, who was on his way back to the FBI offices. Martin filled him in on what Buchanan had asked and his replies, just so Rafael would know what had been revealed.
Rafael swore. "I might have known that Buchanan would use any dirty trick he could. It won't work though, as you have proof that you are clean and he can't prove we were seeing each other before you went back to the FBI. But I'm sorry that you've been outed on the stand not only as a drug addict but as a man in a gay relationship."
Martin laughed." Well, we suspected both things might come out, and they are true. I'm just glad he didn't probe any deeper."
Rafael agreed, although he knew that he hadn't done anything wrong. His relationship with Martin had had no bearing on the investigation, and he had been upfront about it to the DA from the start.
"Have you warned your dad?" Rafael asked Martin.
Martin sighed. "I sent him the same text I sent you. I'm expecting to hear from him soon. I'm sure he won't be happy, but at least he's had time to prepare a politically correct response."
"I'd better go as I'm on my way to a deposition. I'll speak to you after it finishes. I love you." Rafael finished the call after listening to Martin's declaration of love, and tried to get back into work mode. He was worried about the backlash the testimony would have. Buchanan had better hope he didn't come near him any time soon.
Martin got back to the FBI offices and was immediately called into Jack's office.
"Your testimony has made the news already. Your dad is on his way out to make a statement." Jack had his computer on the live news channel, and Martin could see his dad walking out of the Washington FBI office and surrounded by a throng of reporters, questioning him about his gay, drug-addicted son.
"Damn. I texted him the second I got out of court, but I haven't spoken to him," Martin said. "He was aware this was a possibility though."
Martin saw his dad stop walking and hold up his hand for quiet. He waited with baited breath to hear what his dad would say.
"My son, Martin was shot in the line of duty, and nearly died. During his recovery from his nearly fatal injuries, he became addicted to narcotic painkillers, as has happened to many good men and women. He was courageous enough to not only recover and go back to serving our country as an FBI agent, but also to recognize his addiction and overcome it, with the help of Narcotics Anonymous. He has been clean of drugs for over three and a half years now. I am proud of his bravery and strength."
Martin smiled. It was the first time he had ever heard his dad say he was proud of him, and typically, it wasn't in person, but through the press.
"As for Martin's personal life; yes he is in a relationship with a man, ADA Rafael Barba. He is another good man who works hard to keep our country safe and see justice done. I don't believe any person should have to justify their sexuality or have to face any discrimination due to it. My son's personal life should be private and not subject to press scrutiny."
Martin heard a reporter ask a question about discrimination in the FBI.
"The FBI does not discriminate against a person's sexual orientation. We have openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender employees. There is an active LGBT employee advisory committee and employee organization - FBI Pride. The FBI welcomes and appreciates the contributions of its LGBT employees." Victor Fitzgerald had been prepared for this question, and recited the official FBI policy, which he had looked up, particularly in case this question was asked.
The next question was about Rafael, and if Victor would welcome him into the Fitzgerald family, should he and Martin get married.
"Martin's mother and I have met Rafael on a number of occasions and like him very much. What is more important is that he makes Martin happy. As long as he continues to do so, we will be pleased to consider him part of the family, just as we would any woman that Martin was involved with. As for marriage, I think that is a question reserved for the two of them, not me. But I am pleased that the change in legislation means that this is now an option they can consider." This was another question he had prepared an answer for. He quickly made his way to his waiting car, and made his escape.
Martin had a smile on his face as he finished watching his dad drive away. He couldn't have hoped for a better response. A few seconds later, his cell started ringing. He took it out of his pocket and saw who it was. "Hi dad," he said as he answered. Jack left the room, giving Martin time to talk to his dad in private.
"Yeah I just saw it. It was very politically correct and well-rehearsed. Thanks for the support though. I suppose we can expect questions about when we're getting married now."
"Did you really think I wouldn't support you, Martin?" Victor answered. "I hope you don't get any hassle but if you do, just remember it will die down soon."
"I know it won't last long, and yes, I did think you would be publically supportive. It wouldn't do for you to say anything negative about my drug problem or sexuality."
There was silence for a few seconds as Victor took this in, and realized that Martin believed he had said what he had to the press because it was the politically correct response.
"Martin, my responses today weren't only given because they were the right things to say politically. I know I haven't always been supportive of your choices in life, but what I said out there is all true. I am proud of you for overcoming your addiction and for your bravery. As for Rafael, he is not who I would have picked as a partner for you, but I can see he makes you happy, and I have no problem considering him part of the family. Should you ever decide you are going to get married, I will be very pleased to welcome him officially as a member of the family."
Martin could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He had never expected to hear these words from his dad. "Thanks dad, that means the world to me," he whispered into the phone. He could hear the beeping which indicated a waiting call, and wasn't surprised when his dad told him he had to go. They both put down the phone, promising to talk later.
Martin took in a deep breath and then sent a quick text to Rafael, letting him know his dad had been caught by the press and given a supportive statement. He then left Jack's office to find the rest of the missing person's squad sat around the conference table, obviously discussing the latest developments in Martin's life.
"Are you okay, Martin? Was your dad okay about your testimony?" Danny asked. Jack had told them what Victor had said, but they all knew that what he said to the press and what he said to Martin privately could be very different.
"Yeah, he told me what he said to the press was the truth. I think it's the first time he's ever told me he is proud of me. He says he likes Rafael and considers him part of the family. I felt like asking where my real dad had gone, as he's obviously been taken over by a pod-person."
Despite Martin's joking, they could all tell that he was quite touched by his dad's support. It wasn't anything he had been able to count on before now.
Rafael finally got out of the deposition, thankful it had been the defense asking the questions, not him. His mind was not on his job at the moment, but on Martin. He turned his phone on and saw the text from Martin, then went into an empty room so he could watch the press coverage for himself in private. He quickly found it online, and watched Victor giving his statement and answering the questions posed to him. He was pleased that he had been so supportive, as Martin had indicated. He knew the press would probably try to get him and Martin to speak to them though. Sure enough, Rafael had also had a message from his secretary telling him that his office was getting calls from the press. He checked with one of his neighbors, and heard that some reporters were waiting outside their building also.
He rang Martin and spoke to him, and was amazed to hear that Victor had finally told his son he was proud of him, and had admitted what he said to the press was true. Rafael had always felt unsure of Victor's opinion of him, and it had made some of their encounters a bit tense. One thing they did have in common though was their love for Martin.
He told Martin that reporters were trying to get to them, and suggested he and Martin faced the press together, rather than separately. Martin agreed, so they arranged to meet at a bar around the corner for a drink before heading home when they finally finished work for the day.
After a drink and discussion of strategy, Martin and Rafael walked back to their home, hand in hand. It didn't take long for them to be spotted, and they stopped outside to answer questions. They had agreed to get this over with and answer all the questions at once, so they wouldn't be hounded for weeks. It would look as if they had something to hide if they avoided it.
The first questions were pretty predictable.
"How long have you been a couple?"
"About 6 months now," Rafael answered. "We went out on our first date just after Martin went back to the FBI, after working at SVU."
"Did you meet while working together?" was the next question.
"We had met a couple of times before I started working at SVU, but working together helped us get to know each other a bit better, and as a result of that we decided we wanted to start dating."
"Have you always known you were gay?" was asked by another reporter.
Martin looked at Rafael to answer first. "Yes, pretty much. When I was younger there wasn't much acceptance of gay relationships, so I'm pleased that this has changed now, although I'm sure Martin's relationship wouldn't have made the news today if it had been a woman he had been seeing." Rafael couldn't resist getting in a dig about the press only being there because Martin was involved with a man.
The reporter ignored the comment but thrust the microphone at Martin to get his response. "I'm not gay. I consider myself bisexual, and have had relationships with women before I started dating Rafael."
"Are you planning to get married?"
Martin laughed. "Hold on a minute. We've only been dating about 6 months, and we've just moved in together. I think we need a bit longer together before we consider that step. But I certainly wouldn't rule it out at some point in the future."
The next question was aimed at Rafael. "Are you aiming to be the first gay District Attorney in New York?"
Rafael smiled. "We have a splendid DA now, in Jack McCoy. I support his re-election and hope to work for him for a long time to come. As for me, as long as I can continue to do good work and fight for justice in the courts I'm happy. Despite the improvements in their lives and the changes in legislation, too many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are victimized. I see this in my job as ADA for the Special Victims unit all the time."
"Do you believe there is discrimination in the workplace, and have you faced it yourself?"
Rafael looked at Martin to answer this one. "I haven't had this problem myself and neither has Rafael. Our bosses and work colleagues all know we are involved, and we have received nothing but support from those we work with. But I do believe there are a lot of people who feel they can't come out because they are worried about their jobs. This is especially true for those in the public eye. After all, who would voluntarily come out and face you guys?" Martin joked, indicating the group of reporters in front of them. He heard laughter at that comment.
"Come on guys, surely you have more newsworthy stories than us being in a gay relationship," said Rafael.
"Martin, how did get addicted to drugs?" a reporter at the back of the group shouted out.
Martin looked at Rafael. "Thanks, that was a great change of subject." To the reporters he answered; "I sustained two gunshot wounds to my abdomen, and nearly died. I was put on heavy duty painkillers during my recovery, and after I got re-injured at work, I ended up taking more just to keep going. Two friends got me help and I started attending NA meetings. That enabled me to get clean and stay clean. It is a truly wonderful organization, and I fully support it, and the other 12 step programs which help those of us with addictions to overcome them."
The reporter turned to Rafael next. "Do you have a problem with Martin being addicted to narcotics?"
Rafael smiled at Martin. "No I don't. Addiction is a treatable disease which can be managed successfully, like it has been with Martin. I've known many people with an addiction, and have great admiration for anyone who has the strength to overcome it."
"Would you be supportive if he took drugs again?" one daring reporter asked. Martin glared at him.
Rafael was also looking daggers at him. "Yes I would be. As it says on the NA website, addiction is a chronic disease, with physiological and behavioral components, and has relapse rates similar to other chronic medical illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension and asthma. So I am well aware that relapse is very possible. I don't believe it will happen in Martin's case, but I would definitely support him and make sure he got the treatment he needed."
"Any other questions or can we go home now?" Martin asked.
There was silence for a couple of seconds, but just as the two men turned to go in the building, one reporter called out "How about a kiss?"
Both men stopped and looked at each other before turning round again. "Come on," Rafael said, "you wouldn't ask that of a straight couple."
"Course we would, and do all the time," was the response.
"We've been stood here holding hands for the last 20 minutes - surely you've managed to get a good enough picture of us by now?" Martin asked.
"Not as good as a kissing photo would be," was the reply.
Martin rolled his eyes as he heard Rafael swearing under his breath next to him. But both men knew if they didn't give the reporters what they wanted, that they would be trying to sneak photos of them another time. They would have to guard against any PDA for weeks.
Martin made a decision and quickly moved in and gave Rafael a chaste kiss on the lips before pulling away again. Both men saw the flash of cameras and heard the shutters going off. They grinned before heading into the building, this time without any final comments.
They got into the elevator and looked at each other. "Well that went better than I thought it would," Rafael commented.
"Yeah, hopefully we've been through the worst of it now. I'm definitely looking forward to having this weekend off. Can I suggest we stay here, preferably in bed all day tomorrow?" Martin grinned at Rafael. They had both been working hard all week, and it had been a couple of weeks since they had had quality time together.
"That sounds good to me," Rafael replied, before pulling Martin into his arms for a decidedly more passionate and lengthy kiss than the one they had given the reporters outside, only interrupted when the elevator stopped at their floor. They got out and headed into their apartment. They were home at last.
Finally they were alone, and everyone knew about their relationship and had supported them. Martin's part in the trial of the abductors was over, and his dad had even come round and admitted he was proud of Martin and liked Rafael.
Now they could really relax and look forward to their future together.