A/N: It became Monday one hour earlier than usual... daylight saving time is kicking my ass!
anyway, exciting chapter today! this fic is about half-way through, can you believe it? hugs and kisses to all those still reading and supporting (:
"It was great to see you again, Reyes."
Sinclair's expression didn't coincide with the statement. Raven knew the look he was giving her. The same look she saw from every resident of Arkadia. She meant to say it was nice to see him, too, but the lump forming in her throat made it impossible to speak. She settled on a solemn nod, instead.
Sinclair's folded his hands on the table, and with a heavy sigh, continued speaking.
"I'm gonna cut the bullshit because I know you can handle it, but-" Sinclair paused and leaned back in the booth when he saw Raven's gaze fall to the table, rather than maintaining their height at his eyes. She didn't need to watch the sympathy grow on his face, nor did she want to. "I know you." He said, and Raven wondered if his idea of 'cutting the bullshit' meant it was going to take him forever to say what he needed to. "And I know you're not ready to work yet, or anytime soon."
It felt like a blow to her chest, and for a moment Raven wasn't sure what stung more, the fact that Sinclair was denying her the chance at a job, or the fact that he dared to wear a disgusting look of pity as he said it.
"What? Sinclair, I'm perfectly-" Raven hoped her confident tone was enough to hide the fear she was feeling, but Sinclair saw right through it.
"You're not. Abby told me the extent of your injuries." She didn't look away at first; she held his gaze and tilted her head to the side, as if the fact that her injuries were severe was news to her. But after a few moments of silence, she gave up the facade and returned to looking at her lap. "Most people don't recover from a crush injury in just a few weeks. Especially not when they have as much nerve damage as you do."
"I'm not most people." Raven shot back without hesitation, immediately blocking out the medical terms she was hearing. She meant for the response to decrease some of the tension in the air, but when Sinclair sighed again, she knew the words had only made it worse.
"You're a damn, good mechanic, but your leg is going to slow you down." She wanted to yell at him- tell him how rejecting her was going to be the biggest mistake her ever made, because he would never find anyone as skilled as her- but somehow the usual confidence that filled her chest was replaced with insecurity and self-doubt. "I'm looking for a worker, not an assistant." He explained, sending hot sparks through Raven's cheeks. The lump returned to her throat with a sudden vengeance, so large that it brought heavy tears to her eyes in the process. She quickly hid the redness in her face, because fiddling with her thumbs under the table suddenly seemed far more interesting. She could hear Sinclair starting to shift in his seat, preparing to stand. "You're not even allowed to do outdoor jobs, Raven." The use of her full name only made her heart drop further than it already had. Because she knew that her usual nickname was a sign of endearment that Sinclair had given her soon after she was hired, when he saw how valuable she was to the army base. Using her first name meant Sinclair saw her for what she really was, now. Weak and useless.
She didn't even notice the man leaving the booth and exiting the mess hall, but when she looked up, the seat across from her was empty. Part of her was glad he was gone, preventing her from arguing back, because, in the end, arguing wouldn't fix her leg. And it definitely wouldn't help her get the job back.
Allowing her head to fall against the back of the seat, she stared at the ceiling, forcing her tears to stay behind her eyelids. Even if she would have had the energy, the will she needed to walk back to her quarters, unassisted, was lost.
Octavia would come looking for her eventually. Or she wouldn't. Raven didn't know if she cared, either way.
Clarke first noticed the the fresh air. Air that felt so cold in her throat that her eyes started to burn in contrast. The smell came next, only furthering the buzz of excitement in her head. It smelled like she had always remembered, but beneath the earthy scent was a smoky undertone; that of a forest fire, if said fire was burning far off in the distance, just barely reaching the point where Clarke stood.
But when her eyes finally adjusted to the sight around her, she sucked in a breath so quickly, the burning swelled into heavy tears that started to trail down her face. Whether the tears were from the crisp, cold air or the emotion of finally seeing the outdoors, Clarke didn't know.
All she knew was that the land in front of her was breathtaking. Everything around her was a variation of black, brown, or gray, making the slightest hints of green seem misplaced. The previously healthy trees that once surrounded the shelter had shed most of their leaves, adding to the dead underbrush below.
It was as if all the bones were still the same, but the forest had lost its skin, leaving a mess of ash, debris, and dirt in its wake.
A slow turn showed Clarke that a majority of the land around her shared the same eerie vibe, but somehow, Clarke couldn't stop herself from describing it as beautiful. She supposed staring at a wall for weeks could make anything besides it seem stunning.
"Lexa," spinning on her heels, Clarke peered back into the shelter underneath her, which suddenly seemed much darker, making her wonder how she sanely survived a month inside. She could faintly see Lexa stepping forward, staring upwards, squinting one eye to focus on the blonde above. "What are you waiting for?"
As if the words reminded the brunette of the situation, she shook her thoughts from her head and slung the crossbow's strap around her shoulder, sending Clarke a brief nod.
Lexa stopped climbing as soon as her head was peeking out from above the ground, taking a moment to trace over the vastly different forest than what she probably remembered. Noticing Lexa's hesitation, Clarke crouched down and held her hand out for the girl to take, trying not to flinch when the rough, calloused fingers wrapped around her own.
With little effort, Clarke assisted Lexa onto the ground, trying to contain the excitement that was spilling into the smile on her lips. Lexa didn't share the same enthusiasm, dropping Clarke's hand and starting forward down what used to be an obviously defined trail. Clarke wished she had someone around that could actually appreciate the amazing view surrounding them. Sadly, she just had Lexa, who didn't seem too impressed by the sights.
The brunette glanced between the low sun and her shadow on the ground, shielding the light from her eyes with her hand. "You're sure Arkadia is north?"
Clarke squeezed one eye shut and pictured a map in her mind, pinpointing the exact location that she believed to be Arkadia. "Positive." Truthfully, she wasn't positive, but decided that saying so would only add to Lexa's aversion towards the idea of leaving, and Lexa didn't need reason to back out of the plan just as it had started.
The brunette pushed a few stray hairs behind her ear and continued scanning her shadow on the ground, making minor adjustments in the direction she was facing, until she stopped and pointed a finger in front of her. "This way."
Clarke didn't understand- nor did she want to ask- how Lexa had known which direction was north without a compass, but she followed the girl anyway, still mesmerized by the sight in front of her. Nothing about the situation felt real. Not even the parts before the explosions. She would have pinched herself if she hadn't already done it every day for the last thirty days.
The singed trees seemed to stretch for miles, the lack of greenery only making the distance look longer. When the trees were previously full and bushy, the land had looked more like a forest, but without them, it was just endless stretches of blackened branches and trunks.
Lexa's pace slowed after the first hour, prompting Clarke to suggest a break, which Lexa refused at first, but eventually agreed to when her legs started to shake more with each step. A large rock offered a suitable place to sit for a while.
Clarke pulled the bag from her back and reached inside, taking out two mini water bottles and holding one out for Lexa to take. "You should drink before we keep walking." She offered, hoping the statement wouldn't irritate the brunette too much.
Thankfully, Lexa didn't protest, taking the bottle into her hand and unscrewing the cap. Clarke hadn't even realized she was staring until after Lexa took a sip and turned to glare at the blonde, confusion in her eyes. Hurriedly, Clarke ducked her head and opened her own beverage, swallowing large gulps of the water to cool the heat in her face. When she stopped, half of her water was already gone.
"We should eat, too." Clarke made sure to include herself in the suggestion, hinting to the fact that she was ready for a meal.
Lexa sighed and retrieved a package of crackers that Clarke recognized to be from her own stash of food and sat them beside the blonde before dipping her hand back in to get more. Surprisingly, Lexa's hand left the bag without any food, and instead held a familiar heap of scrap metal and wires.
While Clarke wanted to comment on Lexa's evasion of eating a meal, she suddenly felt more interested in what the radio had to say (and in the crackers she was about to eat).
The device buzzed to life, but remained mostly silent, only spewing its usual white noise, signaling that no one was currently speaking on the other side of it.
Clarke finished her snack while Lexa messed with the wires trailing from the radio, occasionally sipping the water bottle in her grasp. Clarke tucked the plastic wrapper in her pocket when it was empty and wiped her hands on her pants, clearing her throat quietly to get Lexa's attention.
"You ready to keep walking?" She asked when the brunette finally tore her eyes from the machine on her legs. A muttered confirmation came from the girl as she begrudgingly placed the radio back in its original place and zipped the backpack closed.
"You're sure you don't want to eat first?" Clarke pushed, repacking her own bag to prepare for the trek. Lexa simply shook her head, wrapping the straps of the bag around her shoulder and pushing to her feet.
It felt necessary for Clarke to add something about how Lexa needed to continue to drink, because she knew hydration was more important than eating, but she bit her tongue, anyway, deciding she had done enough doctoring for one day.
The blonde mirrored Lexa's actions, standing from the rock and brushing the crumbs off of her clothing.
The sun rested directly above them, at that point, providing a much needed break from the frigid air around them.
Clarke had long forgotten the feeling of the sun splaying across her skin, making the hairs on her arms stick up when the sun first started to peak through the tops of the bare trees.
The trail they walked didn't change with distance, still dark with occasional bursts of green poking through the debris. Mostly, Clarke kept her eyes at her feet, entranced by the puffs of ash that would cloud around them with each step. Because when she looked up, she only found reminders of what had happened just a month ago. And those reminders only led to thoughts about those she loved and whether or not they survived the disaster that was now outside.
Besides that, looking up made her catch sight of the weak brunette next to her, who seemed to walk slower and slower by the minute.
She tried not to think long on how much energy it looked like Lexa was using, or how much less she would be expending if she wasn't carrying her crossbow. Clarke had advised her to leave it in the shelter and refused to feel sympathy for Lexa, who had brought it anyway. But the offer to hold it for the brunette still hung from the tip of Clarke's tongue.
With the amount of breaks Lexa had to take, and the need to maneuver through various obstacles left behind from the bombs, they didn't make it out of the forest before night fell.
"We need to find somewhere to sleep." Lexa decided, before the sun had started to set. Clarke, who had a newly full stomach of canned corn, would have been able to walk for at least another hour, but agreed with the brunette when she remembered how sick the girl was.
Mutually, they agreed on a mostly flat area of fallen leaves to spread out a blanket across. Again, Clarke resisted the urge to push Lexa to eat a meal, but couldn't suppress the impulse far enough to stop her from breaking open a fruit cup at the sight of Lexa sipping her water.
"Drink this, instead." She shook the container in her hand, referring to the juice that the fruit was swimming in. When Lexa's face twisted in confusion, Clarke elaborated. "Electrolytes." The word only furthered the look. Mentally cursing herself for thinking that the girl would understand her medical terminology, she tried again. "The sugar. It'll give you more energy."
With that, Lexa's expression returned to its norm and she peeled back the plastic lid, mumbling something that Clarke imagined to be her thanks.
The brunette managed a full gulp of the syrup before setting the cup aside and leaning back on her hands, lips pursed as if opening them would be enough to send the fruit juice back up from her stomach. Clarke took the one gulp as a victory.
With nightfall came a chill that neither of the two had been prepared for. The shivering started almost immediately after sunset, and the only sound heard between the blonde and brunette was the sound of chattering teeth and heavy breathing.
Both girls had taken to sitting under the blanket on the ground, which was supposed to serve the purpose of a barrier between their bodies and the dirt beneath them, but after realizing their other covers wouldn't be enough, they decided that waking up covered in ash sounded a lot less terrible than hypothermia.
So they sat, each with their own blanket around themselves, until Lexa broke the silence.
"We should share our blankets." The words were said through gritted teeth, not out of malicious nature, but solely because the brunette's jaw was too busy chattering to open fully.
Clarke had already thought of the solution- multiple times, in fact- but kept it to herself, thinking Lexa would be too selfish to share. The offer made Clarke let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, which sent a white cloud of hot air into the space around them.
"I agree." Without hesitation, Clarke scooted closer, ignoring the unsure quickening of her heart's rhythm. Simultaneously, they unwrapped the blankets from their shoulders and unfolded them in the same fashion as the first blanket around their legs.
Lexa was the first to lay down, tucking herself under the blanket and only leaving her eyes and forehead exposed. Clarke followed next, facing away from Lexa, but mimicking the same form.
Immediately, Clarke could feel the difference; cold air was no longer seeping through the fabric, but still left her muscles stiff from her constant shaking.
At first the girls maintained a respectable distance, back to back, but eventually succumbing to the coldness, Clarke spoke up.
"I'm still too cold."
"I don't know what you want me to do about it. We're out of blankets and I don't control the weather." The reply was instantaneous, as if Lexa had been expecting the complaint. The retort was enough for Clarke to discern that if she wanted something done about the situation, she would have to do it herself.
Flipping over, Clarke pushed herself even closer to Lexa- so close that the blonde could see the suddenly rapid pace Lexa's breathing had taken on. She would be lying if she said her own breaths didn't act the same. Tucking one hand under her face, Clarke reached the other over Lexa's stomach, pulling the brunette against her own body.
Lexa tensed at the sudden movement (and Clarke even heard the faintest gasp from under the blanket), but eventually relaxed, allowing her back to fall against Clarke's chest.
The blonde couldn't say the same about herself, because while the arm wrapped around Lexa was loose, the rest of her body was stiff from the apprehension, only softening when she heard Lexa's teeth fall still.
Clarke forced herself to think of the position as a necessity but part of her was burning with the idea that her arms were around Lexa, holding her so close that she could feel every steady breath against her stomach. Burning at the idea that their current state would be the new norm for nights, and that warmth was enough to quell her own shivering.
It felt somewhat selfish of her to think of the situation as anything besides a requisite (and she had yet to understand why the thought was even on her mind), but she decided it was too late- and she was too tired- to ponder any longer on the strange feeling she was experiencing.
Clarke was awake long enough to hear Lexa's breathing slow to a gentle snore.
(Staying awake was by her own actions, the blonde refusing to fall asleep until she was sure the brunette had, first.)
The quiet noise set her mind at ease and she focused on its pattern until it lulled her into a deep sleep of her own, which somehow felt more restful with Lexa against her.
A/N: aah! finally some clexa cuteness! apologies for breaking raven's heart, I know she's been through enough, but *insert alycia debnam-carey voice* there's a reason!
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