The Murky Depths
Chapter 18
Thank you everyone for some great reviews and feedback. This will be the last chapter but I will continue with a sequel where we get to follow Amanda's road to recovery and her ups and downs, how her relationship with Olivia develops and how Patton once again creates havoc in her life. Until then, I will probably write a couple of one or two shots just to mix things up a bit.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. It means a lot!
Amanda was physically doing better. The soft tissue damage around her ribs were almost completely healed, just the odd stabbing pain if she bent or twisted her body the wrong way. The abdominal strain, however, was still bothering her quite a bit and Olivia kept reminding her to take it easy and not lift too heavy or be on her feet for too long, but the stubborn blonde didn't listen, insisting to take Frannie for walks, cleaning the apartment from top to toe, even though it was constantly spotless. She wanted to go back to work, needed to go back but she wasn't cleared for active duty yet. She had even asked Olivia if she could be placed on desk duty until she was fit enough to go back into the field and, to her surprise, the brunette had said she'll think about it.
That was over a week ago and Amanda was growing more restless and agitated from being cooped up for so long and not being able to do whatever she wanted, when she wanted it. Frannie was growing quite restless too but when Olivia came through the front door after finishing work, her tail would be wagging mad, jumping up and down, wanting the brunette to take her for a walk. Seeing her dog turn so exited every time her boss entered the apartment made Amanda slightly jealous and wished she was the one taking her out with her favourite toy to play fetch in the park nearby but she knew that it was for her own good and the only way for her to heal faster.
She missed her own apartment, her privacy and her solitude but being so close to Olivia made everything worth it. She had surprised herself by silently admitting that she kind of liked it. Never had anyone been so thoughtful or considerate towards her and it was a frightening feeling but she also felt strangely content and maybe even happy about the current living arrangements and, even though she missed having her own space and lying in her own bed, she was reluctant to return to her apartment and to her old ways.
Night time rolled in and they both decided to turn in, lying next to each other in Olivia's king size bed, they fell asleep only a few inches away from one another, feeling the warmth from their bodies lulling them into a deep slumber.
"Take it, you cunt! I know you want to. Come on, darling, just fucking take it but if you bite me, you're dead."
Roughly he grabbed her hair, shoved her mouth towards his groin area and grunted in satisfaction as he felt her lips close around his already hard shaft. "Oh, that's it, darling! Be a good girl and keep it up."
He tasted like poison. The way he violently shoved his penis inside her mouth, as far in as he could go, made her gag and her body convulsed in disgust. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't think. Her body and mind seemed to have momentarily shut down and all she could do was to go with it and wait until it was all over.
It didn't take long before she could feel him stiffen in her mouth, his deep and raspy grunts came to a sudden stop before he released his load into her and let out a shuddering breath. Amanda felt the warm thick substance coat her tongue and drip down her throat. All she wanted to do was to pull away, throw it all back up and wash her mouth with bleach over and over until she could no longer feel and taste him inside of her.
When he finally pulled away, he slapped her across the face, laughing as he looked at her tear stained face and watched as she vomited all over her front and onto the floor. "Clean yourself up you dirty whore." closing her eyes in shame and misery she felt two hands cup her face. God, she only wanted this to be over, she couldn't handle another round of torture and pain. However the hands around her face were not rough, or dry, or chapped as Patton's. These hands were soft, smooth and warm, gentle thumbs stroking her wet cheeks, a soft voice calling out to her, pleading with her to wake up.
Wake up? Was she sleeping? Where was Patton? Oh god, she could still taste him and feel the sticky slimy substance inside her mouth and she couldn't help but to regurgitate once more, desperate to get rid of any traces of the monster.
"Oh, Amanda! Shhh, it's okay, baby. Come back to me, open your eyes, sweetheart, everything is okay."
Gasping and spitting, Amanda flinched against Olivia's touch, thinking it was Patton at first but as she slowly came to her senses she realized that it was only a bad dream and that she was safe, next to Olivia, in her apartment. She tried to take a deep breath but her body convulsed and another round of bile dripped from her mouth and onto her shirt. That's when she realized that she had actually thrown up all over herself and the pillow in her sleep. "Is he... is he... gone? Where...?" she tossed her head to both sides, trying to locate Patton but Olivia gently pulled her back, still holding her face with a concerned look.
"Honey, it's okay, it was only a bad dream, that's all. You're safe now but I've got to get you cleaned up, my love, think you can get up and take a shower? I'll help you if you want?"
Amanda was so ashamed. The nightmares were one thing but the vomiting was a whole new level of embarrassment and she didn't even know where to look, too upset and ashamed to meet Olivia's eyes. She struggled to sit up and felt the warm thick liquid slowly drip down her front as she propped herself up on her elbows. "Easy, baby! It's okay, you don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed. It was just a reaction from the dream, sweetie. Come on, I'll help you up." Groggily, Amanda got to her feet thanks to Liv's strong hold and they made it into the bathroom where the brunette gently pushed the distraught woman down onto the toilet seat and began to peel off the pajama top, the vomit soaked shirt sticking to her like a second skin.
Modesty was something Amanda was determined about and would always try her very best to maintain but now, in her semi coherent state, she didn't even try to pull away or put up a fight, telling her she could do it herself. This time she was too tired and too out of it to even care as Olivia pulled her shirt off, exposing her breasts, her nipples turning hard from the sudden chill.
Liv left Amanda in her panties, guided her into the shower and made sure the water was just right before letting the spray from the showerhead soak her completely. "Will you be okay here for a few minutes? I just want to put some clean bedsheets on. Call me if you need me." she gently kissed her temple before exiting the room, leaving the door open just in case.
As quick as she could she ripped the sheets off the bed and tossed them into the washing machine with Amanda's soiled pajamas, a sadness came crashing over her as the image of Amanda struggling for breath, tears flowing ferociously down her terrified face and how the gagging reflexes made her whole body involontary jerk and spasm, popped into her head and she couldn't even begin to imagine how scary and real the dream must've been.
She dressed the bed with a fresh set of sheets, poured Amanda a large glass of water, placed it on the nightstand snd headed back into the bathroom where the shower was still running. The blonde stood in the exact same position as Liv had left her in and, to the brunette, it didn't look like she had moved at all, not even an inch. "Amanda? Sweetie, you finished? Do you need any help?" there was no answer coming from the blonde and she took a few tentative steps closer to get a look at the other woman's facial expression.
"Sweetheart, you okay?" when there was still no answer, Olivia opened the cubicle door fully so she could see Amanda's whole figure and her heart shattered at the sight. The petite woman was shaking all over and Olivia couldn't tell if she was cold or just completely emotionally drained from the intense nightmare. Whichever it was she needed to get her out of there before she collapsed.
She quickly turned the water off, draped a large towel over Amanda's quivering shoulders and one around her hair, drying off the excess water all while speaking to her in a low and comforting voice. Picking out her warmest set of pajamas, she helped her to get dressed and seated on the edge of the bed, the cool glass of refreshing water trembled in her shaky hands and Olivia had to help her steady her hold as she drank. "That's good, drink as much as you can, sweetie, It's okay."
When Amanda couldn't drink anymore she pushed the glass away from her lips just as a sob ripped through her throat, her eyes welling up again without her being able to stop it. "He... he put... he put it inside my... my mouth and he... he... he made me... he made me do it." she looked at her boss with pleading eyes. "He made me do it, Olivia. I didn't want to but he... he... he made me... he forced me." she cried, letting her body collapse against the brunette's strong and solid form, feeling those secure arms pull her close, hushing her and soothing her to the best of her ability.
"I know you didn't want to, my sweet girl, I know. It's gonna be okay, everything is gonna be just fine, I promise, Amanda. I promise." she rocked them both from side to side as the tears ran down in a steady flow, creating damp patches on Olivia's shirt. "Shhh, shh! I'm here, I've got you, sweetheart, I've got you. Just hold on and give it all to me, I can take it. You're safe now, I'll keep you safe." she quietly hushed into a nearby ear, hoping that Amanda would believe her words.
"He... after he was... done, he... he... he slapped me hard across the face and... and told me to... to clean myself up. It hurt, Liv. It really hurt." again, she hid her face in the crook of Olivia's slender and tanned neck and cried tears of despair, her breathing turning erratic.
Olivia was determined to prevent a panic attack and placed one hand on her neck and the other on her clammy forehead, supporting her through the ragged storm. "Shh, easy sweetheart, in and out slowly. You've got this, you're in control." eventually the blonde did calm and hung her head i shame, afraid to meet Olivia's eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Liv. I'm so so sorry for being like this. You must be so sick of me and..."
"No, baby!" the brunette turned Amanda slightly so she could get a good look of her face, stroking the side of her head, letting her fingers fan through the soft and damp tresses. "I could never get sick of you, sweetheart, and you have nothing to be sorry for. You have to stop apologizing for things that's not your fault. You can scream, lash out and cry all you want but I'm not going anywhere because there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I don't mind waking up in the middle of the night to hold you and comfort you when you're going through a tough time, or any time for that matter, nightmare or not, I'm always here."
Amanda listened to Olivia's words but, no matter how much she wanted to believe her boss, she still felt as though she was a burden and an inconvenience to the brunette and that was something she would have to work on. Her tears ran as her body shook, from trying so hard to hold them back, and with a shaky hand she reached up to wipe them away but Olivia gently grasped it, held it softly, kissed her palm tenderly and brought it to her chest. "No, let them fall. Leave them be, it's okay to cry, sweetheart, it's okay."
She pulled the sobbing blonde into her arms and rocked them both gently to and fro, her own eyes stinging from unshed tears that had gathered from watching her friend break down. She couldn't even begin to imagine what the blonde must be feeling after such a horrific ordeal and then, on top of it all, tortured by nightmares, reliving the attack over and over in an unconscious state, burrowing themselves deeper and deeper into her brain until she could no longer control her actions or mind. Olivia had never heard, or seen, anyone who had actually thrown up due to a nightmare but she hoped it was the first and the last time she would witness it. It had been awful to watch as Amanda gagged in her sleep, spitting and vomiting in her sleep, thinking it was Patton who was there and not Olivia.
As the sobs broke through the silent room, Amanda desperately clung to the security that only Olivia could offer and, after only a few minutes, she found herself in her lap, straddling her thighs, her body pressed so close to Olivia's front that not even air could pass between them. After a minute or so, Liv could feel the hold around her neck tighten slightly and Amanda's heartbeat was again speeding up. A dull ache spread across her chest at the thought of Amanda working herself up again and not being able to get a break from the constant panic, that appeared to be so persistent, that nothing seemed to help.
Liv did the only thing that came naturally to her and pulled up the back of Amanda's top and laid her hands flat on her bare skin, feeling the muscles ripple underneath. "Oh, baby! My sweet beautiful girl." she hushed, slowly letting her hands create a soothing pattern on her naked back, kissing her neck in comfort, willing to do anything to ease some of her friends pain. "You don't seem to be able to catch a break, do you, sweetie? What can I do to make things just a little bit easier for you? Is there anything I can do for you right now? Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask, honey. Never be ashamed to ask for comfort, not with me, I'll willingly give it to you."
Amanda took a shaky breath and calmed herself down just enough to talk. "I... I can't... can't get rid of the... the images of him touching me... hurting me... I can still... feel him... on me, his hands, his... his breath and I... I can't... I can't... I..."
"Hush, sweetheart, you're making things worse by working yourself up." she kissed her neck once more and cooed comforting words into her ear. "He's not here, he'll never come near you again, I promise you that. These are my hands on your back, my arms holding you, my lips kissing your neck and my voice that you can hear, not his. You're safe here, baby, you're safe."
Gradually Amanda began to relax but her arms were still wrapped around Olivia's neck, holding onto the only person she felt safe with, the only person who she could be herself with and not be judged. When she felt Olivia's hands being removed from her back and her top pulled down, she panicked again, not ready to lose the comforting physical contact just yet. "No, please!" she pleaded while shifting impossibly closer to the older woman holding her.
"Okay, sweetie, I won't let you go but we need to lay down and get some more sleep, you must be exhausted." somehow she managed to get them both into a lying position without causing too much upset on the blonde's part and they were now tightly snuggled together underneath the covers, Amanda resting her head in the crook of Olivia's neck, breathing in her soothing and calming scent, feeling the warm hands that were continuously stroking her naked back.
Olivia stayed awake long after Amanda had fallen asleep, letting her eyes wander across the now relaxed features of her friend, taking in her beauty and elegance, her heart fluttering as she absorbed the stunning woman's defined facial structure and the outline of her body. Liv was not going into work in the morning. How could she leave Amanda on her own after such a rough night full night terrors, bad dreams and the intense vomiting that had followed. There would be, without a doubt, a line of protests coming from Amanda in a few hours time but Olivia was not going to budge, no matter how hard the blonde would fight her, she would not change her mind. She was needed here.