Summary: Nurse Training School - The London Hospital
Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their wonderful characters.
Author's note: Thanks as always to Sitingonthis for the sense check and Jlynsca for the corrections and proof-read. I know I said that I was off on hols but I'm in Florida - waiting out the hurricane! We have power and wi-fi so I thought I'd update! Enjoy...
"You can't still be hungry," Delia grumbled. She was lying on her bed and she propped herself up on her elbows so that she could see what Patsy was up to.
"Not really. I just like cracking nuts," Patsy replied, her face a mask of concentration as she selected another one to shell.
Delia grinned, amused. "Pats, you can't make it that easy for me. I need to work at my innuendo."
"Really, you don't," Patsy demurred. "Ha! Success." She smiled triumphantly at the crunch of a walnut being broken into.
Delia sat up completely and looked down to where Patsy sat, cross-legged on the floor. "You haven't cracked any of the Brazil nuts," she pointed out.
"They're too tough. You'll have to do them."
The Welsh woman laughed. "Are you saying that you're weaker than I am?" She teased.
"I am not weak," Patsy protested, sounding affronted. "It's just that you are unreasonably strong."
"Unreasonably?" Delia queried.
"Yes." Patsy paused and there was a wicked glint in her eyes. "For your size," she continued in a dead-pan tone.
Delia laughed good-naturedly. Their Christmas Day so far had been all she could have hoped for. They had exchanged gifts before heading down to the kitchen for a simple breakfast of tea and toast. After reviewing the facilities the weekend before, Patsy decided that it was not ideal to prepare a Christmas dinner. Delia then discovered that the canteen at the hospital was providing Christmas dinner for staff and she managed to charm the canteen manager into being included in the numbers.
It wasn't perfect but the staff working were making the best of it too, and were more than happy for Patsy and Delia to share in the festivities. The food was surprisingly passable for hospital standards, and at least they didn't have to clear up, as Delia pointed out.
The two women then went out for a long walk, enjoying the mostly peaceful streets and each other's company before returning to the Nurses Home. They had spent the morning in Patsy's room but had relocated into Delia's and the tall blonde nurse had fetched the bag of nuts, a bowl and nutcrackers along with her precious box of Newberry Fruits, much to Delia's disgust.
Patsy had managed to shell a good portion of the nuts by the time Delia sat up. The brunette frowned as she surveyed the scene. "You do know that there are pieces of shell everywhere, don't you?"
"Ah, yes. That is rather an unfortunate side effect." Patsy looked slightly apologetic.
Delia narrowed her eyes. "This is why you bundled me in here. You didn't want all the mess in your room, you rat!"
Patsy smirked. "I'd be picking up the fragments after every nut. I'd never get to enjoy the experience."
"But it's all right to do it in my room?" Delia wasn't cross at all, but it was fun to spar.
"I'll get the carpet sweeper from the cleaner's cupboard when I'm done. You'll never know I was here." Patsy paused and popped a freshly liberated hazelnut in her mouth. She crunched thoughtfully and then handed Delia a Brazil nut and the nutcrackers.
"Did you want a demonstration of my 'unreasonable' strength?"
"No, I want a Brazil nut. They're my favourite." Patsy waggled her eyebrows and smiled with puppy-dog eyes.
Delia laughed and shook her head as she got to work, unable to resist the look Patsy had given her. She cracked several before putting the shells in the bin.
Eventually, the novelty of the task wore off and after some hurried tidying, the two women lay back on Delia's bed, listening to the Evening Program on the wireless.
Patsy sighed. "I could do this every year." She sounded wistful.
"In the Nurses Home, on a single bed?" Delia queried. She felt blissfully relaxed and was rather hoping she could fall asleep in Patsy's arms.
Patsy turned and looked at the smaller woman. "If I'm holding you, then yes. It doesn't matter where we are."
Delia smiled lovingly. "You're such a romantic."
Patsy winced slightly but tried to mask it.
Delia caught the gesture. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," the blonde reacted instantly.
Delia simply raised an eyebrow and waited patiently.
Patsy hesitated and rested her arm over Delia's waist, allowing her fingers to trace random patterns on the brunette's back. The move drew them closer together and Patsy revelled in their nearness. "I don't think I deserve the title of 'romantic'," she admitted finally.
Delia frowned. "Why ever not?" The Welsh woman could think of nothing that might have provoked the statement.
Patsy sighed and shifted uncomfortably. She had a feeling this was going to turn into a horrifically awkward conversation about feelings, but she was bothered by what she had done. She felt like she needed to confess that concern to Delia. Even if it was excruciating to do so. "I shouldn't have made love to you when we were drunk."
Delia stiffened and her eyes became round, suddenly wide-awake and alarmed. "Did you not want to do that last night?"
Patsy tightened her hold on the smaller woman as she felt Delia begin to pull away. "More than anything. But I shouldn't have to be drunk to get up enough courage to. We both lost our inhibitions. Our judgement could have been impaired. We should have..."
Delia stopped Patsy's words by placing a finger across her lips. She smiled softly at her love. "Patsy, I have wanted to be intimate with you for so long. I never pushed, because you're so reserved and cautious. But I've seen your passionate side. Your kisses make my toes curl and turn me to jelly. If it took a bit of Dutch courage to go to the next step, then what does it matter? I knew exactly what I was doing last night."
She paused for few seconds. "Up until this point, I hadn't regretted my decision at all. But I will kick myself forever if this wasn't something you wanted to do, or wasn't ready for."
Patsy grabbed Delia's hand and kissed her finger before clasping it tightly. "Deels, I love you. I just feel like a fraud that I couldn't get past my own insecurities to show you just how much I love you. I shouldn't need alcohol to be able to do that. It feels like I've cheated somehow." The tall nurse shook her head slightly, frustrated at her inability to express what she really felt.
Delia kissed Patsy's knuckles lightly. "If I recall correctly, neither of us has had anything other than a glass of wine with lunch?"
Patsy nodded mutely.
Delia took a quick glance at her watch. "Lunch was over six hours ago," she continued.
"Yes," Patsy whispered.
"Then you can't say that alcohol is affecting your judgement now, can you?"
"No." Patsy seemed unable to respond other than monosyllabically.
"Make love to me," Delia breathed, barely finishing the sentence before Patsy surged toward her and claimed her lips. They kissed passionately, crushing themselves into each other for long moments before breaking apart, breathing heavily.
"Wait just a second," Patsy requested breathlessly, rolling off the bed and jamming a book under the door. She turned round and swallowed, seeing Delia disheveled, waiting on the bed for her. She had never seen a sight so beautiful.
Last night had been all about sating their pent-up desire. There had been an urgency to it, mixed with the hesitancy of finally breaking down the last barriers of intimacy. Now, Patsy took her time, mapping Delia's skin with her fingers and lips. She marvelled at how her touch elicited goosebumps, and was spurred on by the tiny gasps and moans that Delia did her best to suppress.
Delia's reactions sent Patsy soaring, too. Last night had been amazing, and intense. Tonight, Patsy realised that it hadn't just been the gin influencing their reactions. And there were still no lightning bolts striking her down because of her sin. It was glorious. It was wonderful. It was right.
The lack of alcohol did mean that they were more aware of their surroundings this time, and both women kept an ear out for any external disturbance that might indicate unwelcome visitors. Patsy was not quite so relaxed, ready to push away from Delia if she had to.
Delia didn't quite lose herself completely to Patsy's attention. She sensed the slight control Patsy was maintaining, and kept a tiny part of herself aware too.
Their lovemaking was blissful, but controlled, and both women knew that they would be unlikely ever to be quite so blasé about the potential of being discovered as they were on Christmas Eve.
The rest of the Christmas break passed far too quickly for Patsy and Delia. After spending the night with each other on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, they decided not to push their luck and retreated to their own rooms to sleep for the remainder of the week. They were uncertain when the other nurses would start to return and didn't want to risk being caught out. However, every moment that could be spent together, was spent together.
Delia in particular, found it difficult to sleep alone and her slumber was often broken by flashbacks to the rail crash. She put it down to the massive emotional upheaval she had gone through in the last few days and tried to ignore it. Although she was tired, she knew she could lie in, and was woken on one occasion with another bacon sandwich, courtesy of Benny's cafe.
Since becoming intimate, they had both become more tactile with each other. Patsy insisted that they maintain the strict rules she had set when out in public. When they were alone, she took every opportunity to take Delia's hand and hold her as they lay on her bed. She didn't know what she had done to deserve Delia's love, and often just needed to touch the brunette to prove that it was real. Delia had always craved Patsy's touch and now found it incredibly difficult not to demonstrate her affection.
The New Year brought new ward placements. Patsy was assigned the Intensive Therapy Unit while Delia would work in the Cardiac Care Unit. The women were dreading a return to shift work. It would mean long periods of not seeing each other if their shifts did not align, but they resigned themselves to making the most of whatever time that did match.
Working in ITU was a very different experience to the other wards Patsy had trained on. The nursing was far more intense, with one member of staff per patient. As a trainee, Patsy would initially shadow an experienced nurse, learning to operate the life support machines in addition to detailed observations, airway maintenance and general nursing. Once she was signed off, she would look after her own patient under supervision.
For the first few shifts, Patsy enjoyed the massive learning curve and heavy workload. Most of her time was spent concentrating on the nurse she was shadowing. When she started to manage her own patient, she had to focus on every element and often had to be reminded to take a break. She barely took notice of the rest of the ward.
Things changed as Patsy began to get used to her tasks and they became ordered and routine, rather than relentless and new. A woman in her forties was admitted with bacterial meningitis. She was feverish and in and out of consciousness. Her case was far too complex for Patsy to manage as a student, but the woman was placed in an adjacent bed. Patsy found herself called over to assist whenever she grew particularly combative through her altered level of consciousness.
There was nothing particularly remarkable about the woman except she was the same age as Patsy's mother had been in the camp. Watching and sometimes helping her colleague fuss round in a seemingly futile attempt to treat her was painful for Patsy. She studiously ignored the woman and concentrated on her own patient.
It didn't help that Patsy was on a run of late shifts and Delia was on earlies. This meant that Patsy left for work before Delia had finished and returned back late in the evening when Delia was getting ready for bed. Patsy was reluctant to knock on Delia's door. She had noticed that the brunette was looking tired, but Delia centred her. She tapped lightly and slipped in when Delia called out.
Delia was propped up in bed and had been reading, if the book that was now splayed on the nightstand was anything to go by. "What's wrong, Pats? You look like you've seen a ghost."
Patsy shook her head, unable to find her voice and simply crossed the room and perched on the edge of the bed. "Hold me," she whispered brokenly.
Delia instantly obliged, shifting over and gently pulling Patsy down so that they could embrace comfortably. "What's happened?" Delia was instantly alert, stroking Patsy's hair and back soothingly as she felt Patsy tremble in her arms.
Patsy knew she was being stupid. And she still found it incredibly difficult to talk about the camp and her mother, even to Delia. She was being irrational and Delia needed to sleep. "It's nothing, Delia. I've just been missing you." She brushed off the query defensively.
Delia stifled a sigh. There was no point pursuing a conversation Patsy didn't want to have. She just wished Patsy felt secure enough to trust her. She decided to let it slide and stay within safe territory. "I've been missing you, too. You know you can knock on my door anytime.I don't mind waiting up for you."
Patsy didn't answer for a few minutes. She was too busy drawing strength from Delia's presence. She really had no idea how she had coped with anything before she knew Delia. It all felt a rather hollow existence now. The blonde nurse looked up and studied Delia's face. "You look exhausted. Are they slave drivers in Cardiac Care?" She gently tucked a long strand of silky hair behind Delia's ear.
The Welsh woman smiled as she shook her head. "No. It's the incessant early shifts. I don't think I'll ever get used to getting up at 5.30."
Patsy winced. "It's gone half-ten. I'll go so you can get some sleep."
Delia tightened her hold on the taller woman as she tried to get up. "Not yet. You've only been here a moment."
"I don't want to contribute to your weariness, Deels," Patsy demurred.
"You're not. I was reading while I was waiting up for you. I really have missed you. Let me just enjoy a few minutes being held by you." She smiled shyly.
Patsy returned the look, feeling calmer than she had all day. "You have magical powers, Nurse Busby," she decided before placing a gentle kiss on Delia's lips.
"So do you," Delia replied.
They shared kisses for a few more minutes before Patsy finally broke away. "It's nearly curfew. I'd better go."
Delia rolled onto her back and groaned quietly. "When's our date?" She asked. They had taken to labelling any time off together as a date. If the first couple of weeks was any indication, they would not have much time together at all for some considerable time.
"Sunday. Depending on the weather I think we'd thought of going to Regent's Park."
"I think I'd rather spend the whole day in bed," Delia grumbled, blushing when she realised what she had said.
Patsy grinned, feeling lighter somehow. "I've created a monster," she teased.
Delia shrugged. "I know what I like," she replied, a devilish smile on her lips.
"Incorrigible, Nurse Busby," Patsy accused as she got up. She leant down and kissed the younger woman one last time. "Get some sleep. We'll talk properly when we have time."
Delia had a feeling that Patsy was brushing away the incident but now was not the time to make a point. She nodded groggily and waited for Patsy to let herself out before turning off the bedside lamp.
The brunette lay in the dark while her eyes remained stubbornly open. She was getting flashbacks more regularly now and had been waiting up in the hope that she might be able to talk through her fears with Patsy. The look on Patsy's face as she came through the door stopped any thought of bringing up her own problems.
She exhaled loudly, frustrated with herself. The train crash had been weeks ago now. With the exception of Penny, who had decided to take a break from training but had promised to return, all the other nurses seemed to have put the incident behind them. No one brought it up in discussion either, even when the news broadcast the confirmed cause of the crash and reported on the repairs to the bridge.
Delia rubbed her face wearily before rolling over and determinedly closing her eyes. She concentrated on her breathing, in an attempt to stop her mind from racing but her thoughts oscillated between her concern for Patsy and the rail carriage.
The nurse was just at the in between heaviness of being awake and asleep when she heard Patsy's cry. She was on the move before she realised what she was doing. Patsy hadn't had a nightmare for months. Delia squinted down the corridor to check that it was clear before letting herself quietly into Patsy's room.
Patsy's eyes shot open just as Delia reached out to take her hand. She was sweating and looked haunted. Registering that Delia was there, Patsy burst into tears, unable to contain the emotions elicited by the dream.
They manoeuvred through the familiar routine of dealing with the nightmare. Delia made herself comfortable on the bed and Patsy buried herself into her love's embrace.
"Sorry," Patsy muttered through chattering teeth.
"Never apologise about this," Delia demurred. "It's just one of those things."
"You're supposed to be sleeping," the blonde continued.
"It doesn't matter." Delia stroked Patsy's hair and peppered kisses on her head. "I can rest here just as well with you."
Once again feeling safe, Patsy relaxed. She felt guilty for disturbing Delia. The nightmare had obviously been triggered by her experience on the ward. She knew that she would need to talk about her fears and memories or the nightmares would continue.
Patsy sighed shakily, feeling her body relax and allowed sleep to claim her again.
When she woke, Patsy realised she was alone. Confused, she sat up and looked at the bedside clock. It was half past 8. Even as she realised that Delia had gone to work, Patsy spotted the note left on the nightstand. Patsy was determined to talk to Delia tonight. It was never going to be easy, but Delia would not judge or give unhelpful opinion. She lay back down in bed and mulled over recent events before getting up to make the most of her morning before work.
When Patsy stepped into ITU, she could instantly see that the woman with meningitis had deteriorated. Where yesterday, she had been restless and combative, now she lay unmoving.
For Patsy, it was like watching her mother slowly die again. She did her best to help but it was easier to concentrate on her own patient, who was comatose but stable following a severe head injury.
By the time she trudged wearily back to the Nurses Home, Patsy was mentally exhausted. She wasn't sure she had the energy for the talk she'd promised Delia. The tall nurse got changed into some thick flannel pyjamas before surreptitiously sneaking into the Welsh woman's room.
Patsy smiled fondly as she surveyed Delia sprawled across the bed, fast asleep. A book lay half-open on the floor and Patsy surmised that she must have drifted off while reading. She tip-toed over and folded the book, placing it on the nightstand, before going to the wardrobe to retrieve an extra blanket. With Delia lying on top of the covers, she would wake up cold if Patsy didn't cover her up.
Patsy placed a featherlight kiss on top of Delia's head before retreating to her own room. They could talk another time. It took her a while and several cigarettes but eventually, she lay down and tried to relax enough to sleep.
Patsy shot up in bed, gasping for breath a short while later. Her heart was racing and she was sweating. Fear coursed through her body as she tried to shake off the nightmare.
She looked up as the door opened and saw Delia blearily stumble in. "Deels, you don't..."
"Yes, I do. Budge up." Delia was tetchy, but there was no way she was going to let Patsy go through her nightmares thinking she was alone. Not when she could help. She grabbed Patsy's alarm clock and set it before getting into bed. "Come here, sweetheart," she offered, opening her arms for Patsy to settle in.
Patsy hesitated. Delia looked drained and wan. She clearly was not getting enough sleep and Patsy felt guilty for disturbing her again.
"Please, Pats. The quicker you settle down, the quicker I can close my eyes, too." Delia made no bones about feeling tired but was resolute in offering Patsy a safe place after her nightmare.
Patsy nodded shakily and shuffled into place. "We need to talk," she muttered sleepily.
Delia managed to keep the volume down on her stab of incredulous laughter. "I think I must be hallucinating. I'd swear I just heard you say that we need to talk."
Patsy buried her face into the crook of Delia's arm and smiled. "Only you could make me smile after waking up terrified," she mumbled.
"Shhhh. We will talk. Just not now. I'm here, sweetheart. Go to sleep." Delia's voice was thick with drowsiness.
Patsy was embarrassed and cross with herself that she had interrupted Delia's much needed sleep again. She couldn't help but nestle in and take comfort from her lover and she once again relaxed into slumber.
Patsy didn't get the chance to speak to Delia the following evening. Just before the end of the shift, the meningitis patient died. Seeing the drained defeat in her colleague's eye, Patsy immediately offered to assist in laying out the body. The two women worked methodically and quietly. Given the age of the woman, and the fact that she had a young family, the nurses did their best to make her look at peace before waiting for the porters to take her to the chapel of rest.
As the bed was wheeled away, Patsy glanced at the wall clock. "Hell, I've missed curfew. Matron will have my guts for garters."
The sister in charge shook her head, happy to be of assistance after Patsy had been detained so late on the ward. "Easily remedied, Nurse Mount. I'll ring ahead. Matron will be waiting for you when you get there." She looked sympathetically at the student nurse. "Thank you for your assistance this evening. It was very good of you."
Patsy shrugged it off. "It was the least I could do."
"Nevertheless, I appreciate it. Now go home and sleep."
On her return, the Matron let her in as predicted. She then walked up the first set of stairs with Patsy, much to her consternation. Patsy almost stumbled when Matron told her that it was too late to check on Delia and that she should let her sleep tonight. She looked at the wiry nurse in alarm but calmed slightly. The woman didn't look disapproving or judgemental. It would seem that the Matron had picked up on their close friendship but nothing more. Patsy hoped she had read her correctly, but the comment made her anxious and cautious. She followed the woman's advice and went straight to her room.
When she woke up the next morning, Patsy sighed with relief. She had slept through the night without incident. Patsy got dressed and hurried to the High Street to pick up a small token of appreciation for Delia before rushing back for work.
Patsy was just stubbing her cigarette out at the end of her first break when Lynette came in and filled the kettle. "How's Delia?" She asked conversationally.
"Fine." The response was automatic and for the second time in twenty four hours, Patsy's heart began to race. She had thought they were being discreet. What had they done that had garnered attention all of a sudden?
"Oh, that's a relief. Rachel said she looked absolutely ghastly after she collapsed yesterday." Lynette turned round and leaned against the counter, looking concerned.
Patsy felt all the air go out from her lungs and she became light-headed. "Collapse?" She asked.
"Yes. She went down like a sack of potatoes according to Rachel. Matron wanted her admitted, but she insisted that with you next door to keep an eye out for her, she would be better off in her own room." Lynette snorted. "I suppose she told you she simply fainted. How typical of Delia to downplay everything."
Patsy's mind was reeling. So that was what the Matron had been referring to. But that would also mean that no one would have checked in on Delia since last night. "Did Rachel say what was wrong with Delia?"
Lynette frowned. "Hasn't she told you? How strange. Rachel said she thinks it's meningitis."
Patsy ran.
To be continued...