Summary: Nurse Training School - The London Hospital

Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their wonderful characters.

Author's Notes: As always, massive thanks to Sittingonthis for the sense check and to Jlynsca for her editing skills.

Thank you to everyone who left lovely comments last time. I can only apologise that this has taken me so long to update. Christmas took up a fair bit of my time, and I also had a bit of writer's block to contend with. I think I've got my mojo back now. Hopefully I won't keep you waiting quite so long for the next part! Thank you so much for your patience - I just hope the update lives up to the wait!

Delia stared long and hard at the grid in front of her, furrowing her brow in clear concentration. After a few seconds she looked up and into the dark brown eyes of Trevor Matthews. He was fidgeting impatiently and anxious for her to make her move.

Delia narrowed her eyes at him for a second before returning to look at the grid. After a few more seconds of waiting, she carefully marked her 'X' in the top right hand corner. She had to fight to keep the grin off her face as she saw her young opponent desperate to place his 'O'. He sat back in triumph after running a line down the grid, his smile widening at the crestfallen look the nurse had on her face. "How did I miss that?" She asked, banging her head with the heel of her hand.

Trevor giggled. "Can we play again?" He asked excitedly.

Delia smiled and raised an eyebrow. "What's the deal?" She asked in a singsong voice.

Trevor scrunched up his nose. "I have to take my medicine first." He huffed dramatically. "I hate it," he added, somewhat needlessly.

"I'd never have guessed," Delia told him, the ghost of a smile gracing her face. She waited for him to hold out his hand and then put two tablets in his palm. "Go on," she encouraged.

Trevor paused before flipping them into his mouth and holding his hand out to take a glass of water that Delia had ready in preparation. He took two huge gulps and gasped as he handed the glass back, scrunching his face up as he did. "Did I tell you that they taste like earwax?" He grumbled.

Delia smirked. "You tell me that every time. Now. One more game and then I need to check on the others."

Trevor eagerly drew out another grid and immediately picked his first spot.

"Nurse Busby, is Trevor being a nuisance again?" A voice called from down the ward.

Delia turned around to see Trevor's mother hurrying to his bed. "On the contrary, Mrs. Matthews, Trevor is teaching me how to play noughts and crosses."

The young man in question looked up, the smile practically splitting his face. "I've won four times."

"Four times?" Trevor's mother repeated in mock astonishment. "Perhaps you should let her win one."

Trevor looked instantly panicked and stared at Delia with wide eyes. "You do still want to play with me, don't you?"

Delia read the signs instantly. Trevor clearly didn't win at much, if anything. And it would appear that his defence against disappointment was to stop playing. She shrugged nonchalantly. "I have to learn how to beat you. I can only do that by playing with you. So don't worry, I will be carrying on playing for a long time yet," she told him reassuringly.

Trevor nodded, the quiver of his bottom lip an obvious indicator of relief.

Delia grabbed her pencil and marked her spot quickly before nodding at Trevor for him to take his go. She looked up when she felt a hand placed gently on her shoulder.

"Thank you," Mrs Matthews whispered, her eyes glistening with moisture.

Delia shook her head and shrugged slightly. "It's no trouble," she replied genuinely.

"What's no trouble?" Trevor asked, looking up again.

"Me trying to learn how to play noughts and crosses," Delia told him happily. She glanced down and made her next move, knowing that she was setting him up for another win.

A short while later and Delia was at the Nurses Station and reviewing the notes from her patients today. She had quickly finished the game with Trevor so that his mother could spend precious time with him.

"You are doing yourself no favours getting so attached to them," Sister Rawlins chided.

"I'm sorry, Sister. I can't help it." Delia brushed off the criticism.

"It will devastate you when they reach the end," the rotund senior nurse told her.

Delia nodded in agreement. "I know, Sister. But right now they need all the love and attention they can get. If that means that I hurt a bit more at the end of it, then it's a small price to pay."

Sister Rawlins looked over her spectacles at the student nurse carefully. "That is an admirable sentiment, Nurse Busby. But take care to protect yourself as well. I get the impression that it is your intention to have a career in nursing, as opposed to using it as an interim to before marriage."

The diminutive nurse blushed slightly. "This is what I want to do, Sister. I love it."

Sister Rawlins smiled. It was nice to see that at least some of the students viewed nursing as a vocation. It made up for the many students who would be gone the second they were engaged. "Is this your last placement, Nurse Busby?"

"No, Sister. I have one more after this, and then I qualify."

Sister Rawlins nodded curtly before picking up a pile of notes. "I would urge you to consider Paediatrics as a permanent posting, as long as you can develop appropriate coping mechanisms," she advised as she left for her office.

Delia stared open-mouthed as the older nurse left. She hadn't really given her permanent position much thought. It would give her an opportunity to specialise immediately. But it was practically unheard of for student nurses to be given guidance as to their permanent postings and Delia felt quite proud of herself.

"Nurse?"

Delia spun round and saw Mrs Matthews waiting. "Hello, Mrs. Matthews. Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all. I just wanted to thank you. Trevor hasn't stopped talking about you all afternoon."

"There's nothing to thank me for. I've just played a few games with him, that's all."

Mrs. Matthews shook her head firmly. "That's not all. You've been his friend as well as his nurse. And that means the world to him. And to me."

"You're all having a hard enough time as it is, dealing with Trevor's illness. The least I can do is try and make him a little more comfortable."

"You're an angel, Nurse Busby. You'll make a super mum one day."

Delia swallowed. "I hadn't really thought that far ahead," she managed, her mind spinning slightly.

Mrs Matthews patted Delia's arm reassuringly. "Don't you fret, Nurse. You're already a natural. We're lucky to have you here." With that, she turned and headed back to where her son was now lying down and resting.

Delia stared after the woman, her words ringing in her ears. Up until that moment, Delia hadn't even thought about being a mother. It wasn't an option available to her, given that she had no intention of marrying. As she stared at the Matthews' family however, she couldn't help but consider something she could never have.

Delia allowed the two trains of thought to rattle through her mind for the remainder of her shift. She seriously evaluated what she was doing on the ward and realised that she felt comfortable and happy there. It was certainly an option, although switching from adults to paediatrics would extend her training. The Welsh nurse smiled to herself as she concluded that she would need to talk it over with Patsy.

The smile faded slightly when she considered what Mrs. Matthews had said. Delia had never really thought about children or being a mother, even before she realised that she wasn't attracted to men. It had never been a burning desire. But now Mrs. Matthews had spoken about it, Delia wasn't so sure. She adored children, but did that equate to her wanting motherhood?

More to the point, she had never really discussed it with Patsy. Delia knew with absolute conviction that she wanted to share her life with Patsy. But that would be a childless family. Delia wasn't sure how she felt about that, and she definitely didn't know how Patsy felt. Her heart lurched in fear at the sudden thought that Patsy might desperately want children. Would the draw be so great that it could potentially split them apart? She sighed heavily as she emptied the autoclave. That was another discussion they would have to have.

The brunette shook her head ruefully. The woman she loved more than everything practically had a phobia of difficult conversations. Delia would have to pick her moment to tackle this. But Patsy had promised Delia that they wouldn't shy away from those conversations, and that they would make decisions together. That, at least gave her some reassurance.

Patsy cleared her throat as she entered the common room and approached the solitary man sitting at the table. She smiled tentatively as he looked up. "Hello James. Are you all set to go home?"

James shook his head nervously. "Not really, Nurse," he admitted. "I'm not sure I can do this on my own."

Patsy gestured to a vacant chair and the patient nodded for her to sit down. "James, I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling about this," she started neutrally. "You've been here a while, and you've been working with the psychiatrists to give you some more..." she paused as she thought about her phrasing, "more structure and meaning with your thoughts. That will help once you've been discharged."

James stared at the table and scratched at an imagined imperfection. "It's not that, Nurse," he demurred quietly. "It's the medication. It clouds my head. And I'm tired all the time."

Patsy could see a hint of panic in his eyes as he turned to look at her. "James, you won't be on your own. You've got regular appointments to see the psychiatrist. And your doctor will be keeping an eye on you too."

James shook his head. "He'll be checking to make sure I keep taking the tablets. It's either that or go to prison."

Patsy placed her hand over James's and stopped him picking at the table. "Your priority is to keep yourself safe. Some of your thoughts and feelings are probably overwhelming and confusing. Whatever you do, you need to find a way to cope. That may be doing something as simple as keeping out of temptation's way."

"You don't understand, Nurse," James interrupted, shaking his head crossly.

"Possibly not. But I do understand self-preservation. I understand having to hide elements away from other people in order to protect oneself." She took a breath before continuing. "James, if it ever feels overwhelming, remember that you can't possibly be the only one out there who has these feelings... these urges. There have to be many others out there, for doctors and scientists to have invested time and research into what's going on."

James sniffed. "More like find ways to stop it," he corrected.

Patsy had to acknowledge the veracity of that. "Probably. But that means you are not alone."

"Are you telling me to find other men like me?" James asked curiously.

Patsy shook her head. "No, I'm trying to tell you that you aren't the only one out there struggling to cope with it."

James sighed heavily. "Thank you Nurse," he said eventually.

Patsy frowned. "What for?"

James looked at her and smiled grimly. "For not insulting my intelligence and extending the courtesy of not telling me that tablets are the only answer to this."

Patsy nodded. "You will be alright," she insisted firmly as she stood up. "You're stronger than you know."

As she left the common room, Patsy exhaled, trying to release some of the tension she was feeling. Her reconciliation with Delia had given Patsy some perspective. Delia couldn't make all Patsy's fears go away, but they somehow felt more manageable. Patsy was determined to do what she could to make a difference within the Psychiatric Department.

When her shift finished, Patsy headed back to the Nurses Home, deep in thought. She needed to find out why the Bursar had forced her to move rooms and deliberately separate her from Delia. What had tipped her off for her to act? It would be no easy task however. One couldn't simply walk up to the Bursar herself and ask for a rationale. Besides, Patsy had tried that on the night, and had merely been treated to a derisive sniff and a series of only partly veiled insinuations. It certainly hadn't given her any answers. Instead, she would have to try some discrete detective work, starting with the relative safety of her student colleagues.

She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she bumped right into a woman trying to leave the Nurses Home as she tried to enter. "Goodness me, do forgive my carelessness," she apologised instinctively before really looking at the other woman.

"Don't worry Patsy. I wasn't really paying attention myself," Penelope McAllistair replied, her usually placid expression looking troubled.

"Penny. How are you?" Patsy's manners immediately surfaced.

The slight, blonde nurse shrugged noncommittally. "I'm a bit cheesed off, if I'm completely honest," she admitted rather surprisingly.

Patsy raised her eyebrows. "Why? What's happened?"

Penny glanced at her wristwatch quickly. "Have you got time for a cup of tea at the cafe? Perhaps we can have a chat."

Patsy nodded. "Of course, as long as you can give me five minutes to get changed out of my uniform."

Penny nodded. "I'll wait here," she declared.

A short while later, the two student nurses sat across from each other in Benny's cafe, both nursing piping hot cups of tea.

"So what's the problem, Penny? Are you struggling again?"

"No. I'm flying through class and feel so much more confident on the ward," Penny replied before taking a sip of tea. She winced at the heat and used her spoon to stir it in the hope that it might cool slightly.

"Then what's got you so bothered?" Patsy asked patiently.

Penny glanced round furtively before she leaned in conspiratorially. "I think the Bursar's gone barmy," she declared.

Patsy blinked at the sudden announcement and then her heart lurched. "Why? What has she done?" She asked, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible.

"Last week, she banged on the door and barged in while Millie and I were talking. She told me that I had to pack my things as I was being moved."

Patsy's eyes widened. "Did she say why?"

"All the time I was packing up, she insisted that it was because I wasn't part of Millie's class anymore, so I had been put in the wrong room. I didn't believe her. When I came back to training, I'd asked her if I could move into that room. I knew it was empty and it would be good for Millicent to be close by. She didn't have any objections then at all."

Penny snorted derisively. "Then, all of a sudden, it's a big mistake and I have to go somewhere else. It was utterly preposterous."

Patsy forced herself to stay quiet and allow Penny to continue.

"The Bursar told Millie to go to her own room and she wasn't to come with me to the new one. Excuse my language but she was an absolute cow about the whole thing," Penny exclaimed.

Patsy raised an eyebrow. It was most unlike Penny to be so rude about someone else, particularly someone in authority. "So then what happened?" She prompted gently.

Penny sighed heavily. "The Bursar escorted me to my new room. Honestly Patsy, it could not have been further away from Millie's room. But that's not the worst of it."

Patsy nodded, now impatient to find out what had made Penelope so vexed.

"While we were walking there, the Bursar kept making 'comments'."

"What about?" Patsy had a dread feeling, but she wanted to make sure.

"She kept hinting that Millie and I spend too much time together."

Patsy lit a cigarette and inhaled sharply in an attempt to stop her reaction giving herself away. "Surely that's none of her business," she pointed out after she blew out a plume of smoke.

"It's not. But she wouldn't stop talking about it. She didn't say anything outright, but she hinted that it was unhealthy." Penny stopped suddenly and gestured towards the packet of cigarettes that were on the table. "Do you mind?"

Patsy nodded in acquiescence and hid her surprise. Other than Delia, Penny was about the only student nurse Patsy knew that didn't smoke. Clearly, some things had changed.

The blonde nurse shook a cigarette from the packet and lit up with practised ease. "She made all these hints about us potentially losing our jobs and that we should be ashamed of ourselves."

Patsy shook her head. "Good grief. What has it got to do with her?"

Penny shrugged. "I could hardly tell her that half the time it looks like we're spending time together, Millie is actually out with Robert. I've lost count of how many times I've covered for her."

"And you two are always out on social functions."

"Apparently we've broken curfew and set rumours off." Penny breathed in another lungful from her cigarette, and held onto it for a longer period before exhaling heavily.

Patsy frowned. "What rumours? You're best friends. Of course you're going to spend time together."

"According to the Bursar, we're too close. And she was doing us a favour by separating us in order to stop anyone jumping to disgusting conclusions."

Patsy felt ice crawl down her back. She fought to keep her expression neutral.

"What am I going to do Patsy? I can't have anyone thinking I'm like that."

"Like what?" Patsy stalled.

Penelope looked at her incredulously before leaning in slightly. "That I'm..." She paused as she searched for the right word. Patsy looked back at her steadily, offering no help or a way out.

The slight nurse inhaled her cigarette again before shaking her head. "Frankly I'm surprised," she stated, obviously changing tack.

"Well I am too. Everyone in our class knows that Millicent and Robert have been an item for the longest time," Patsy responded.

"That's not what I meant," Penny demurred. She shrugged. "I'm surprised that the Bursar focused on us. You and Delia spend far more time together than we do, and she's left you alone."

Patsy couldn't help but wince. Penelope noticed immediately. "Not you as well?"

Patsy nodded gloomily. "I got moved around the same time as you by the sound of it. I'm surprised you didn't know."

"No. I thought it was just us." Penny sighed. "How horrible for you." She paused and took a sip of her tea. "Did she make the same vile insinuations?"

Patsy nodded curtly but didn't say anything. She wasn't sure she could trust her voice.

"Who does she think she is, making accusations like that?" Penny sounded both incensed and offended. "What are you going to do?"

Patsy shook her head and cleared her throat in an effort to make her voice work. "Nothing. If I change what I do now, the Bursar will think she was right. Delia and I are simply treating it as an inconvenience to our friendship." They had spoken at length about how they would proceed and had already concluded that this was the way forward. Voicing it to a third person validated it somehow, and gave Patsy reassurance.

"You're absolutely right," Penny nodded agreement. "I'll have to suggest to Millie that we do the same, where possible. She shouldn't have to give up seeing Robert, just because the Bursar is a sour-faced busybody."

She pulled in another lungful of smoke before rubbing the cigarette end into oblivion in the ashtray.

"What about the rumours though?"

Patsy frowned. "What rumours?"

Penny leaned forward again. "About having an unhealthy relationship," she clarified in a whisper.

"I'm not convinced there are any such rumours going round," Patsy countered, amazed at how strong her voice sounded. Her heart was hammering. "I've not heard anything."

Penny canted her head slightly. "Are you talking about you and Delia, or Millicent and me?"

"Both. Really Penny. No one from our set would ever jump to those conclusions. We all know how devoted Robert and Millie are to each other." Patsy ignored the other part of the question. If people were talking about her, she doubted it would reach her ears.

"What about the nurses in my group? They don't know me as well. They all know I spend more time with my old class than I do with them. All it takes is one vicious rumour to get back to them and I'll be a pariah, if I'm allowed to carry on nursing."

"Perhaps you should spend a bit more time getting to know your new colleagues, or at least allowing them to get to know you," Patsy suggested.

"I know I should," Penny agreed. "But I think the train crash forged a special bond between us all. I don't have the same connection with them." She sighed loudly and sat back. "From the way the Bursar was behaving, one would think it was on a par with being a murderer. I mean, I know it's wrong, but I don't know what difference that makes to one's nursing skills."

"Neither do I," Patsy agreed firmly.

"I don't really understand it though. Millie is my best friend. She's one person I know I can rely on for absolutely anything, and I'd be heartbroken if anything happened to her, but there's no attraction there." She spoke with objective curiosity. "Good lord, I don't even know how..." The slender nurse cut short the sentence and shuddered slightly. She looked directly at Patsy. "I mean, have you ever thought about Delia like that?"

Patsy was certain that Penny was asking innocently, but her heart clenched and she only just managed to control the alarm that crashed over her. "Penny! I can't believe you'd ask something like that." The tall nurse could feel her pulse pounding in her neck. She had always prided herself on her honesty. It was a matter of principle for her and felt that it was intrinsic in her nature. So she deflected. She couldn't outright lie. That would be anathema to her, but she was not so naive as to trust anyone other than Delia; there was too much at stake.

Penny seemed to have an almost morbid fascination with it all. "Sorry. I'm just trying to work out what makes them tick. It must be a miserable existence."

"Miserable?" Patsy asked faintly.

"Gosh yes. Let's not even get into the mechanics of it, but just imagine not being able to tell people you're in love. Imagine not being able to simply walk down the street, hand in hand. Goodness, imagine not being able to even tell one's family." Penny shook her head sympathetically.

Patsy swallowed as her throat tightened with emotion. "Quite," she managed.

Penny looked up. "When Millie has words with Robert, she comes by and sobs her heart out on my shoulder. Imagine not being able to tell anyone else." She shook her head again. "Why would anyone choose to live like that?"

Patsy couldn't help herself. "One can't help who one falls in love with," she supplied candidly.

"Hmmm. I suppose one could look at it like that. I can't imagine anyone wanting to live that way." Penny frowned. "It all rather makes a mockery of the Bursar's thought processes. It makes me wonder why she has such a bee in her bonnet about it all."

Patsy nodded. "Me too." She took another drag of her cigarette as she evaluated Penny's reaction and feelings to the whole thing. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much," she quoted after she exhaled.

Penny's eyes widened at the implication. "Oh Patsy, that's wicked," she admonished, even as her eyes twinkled with merriment.

"Well, she seems to have rather a fixation with other people's business." Patsy canted her head to one side. "And come to think about it, no-one else in authority has admonished me about relationships. In fact, when Delia was ill, the night Matron practically expected me to look in on her. She didn't make any speculative insinuations." Things only fell into place as Patsy spoke the words out loud. She had agonised over the situation with Delia but it had taken a conversation with Penny to suddenly take Patsy out of the nucleus of the issue and see things from a broader perspective.

Penny snorted. "I'm feeling less and less guilty about calling her an interfering busybody now."

"I would go as far as to say you're being somewhat restrained," Patsy replied with a grin. The conversation with Penny had been risky and precarious in places, but she felt better for it. It was out of the question that she would be able to trust Penny with any greater detail, but she was certain that she had found an ally to assist in dealing with the Bursar.

Penny grimaced. "This whole thing has got me on edge, and I can't help but feel it's been whipped up out of nothing by the Bursar. It's wholly unfair. The last thing I want is for my reputation to be in tatters for no reason. And I certainly don't want to be tarnished with that sort of label."

"Yes, me too," Patsy concurred quietly. She finished her tea and reached for her handbag. "Well, at least we know now that we weren't singled out. If we all just carry on as before, hopefully the Bursar will realise that her 'concern' was misplaced and this will all blow over." She stopped temporarily as she located her purse and pinched out a number of coins. "In the meantime, if I hear any gossip regarding you and Millicent, I will stop it dead in its tracks. I'm hoping you'll do the same if you hear anything regarding Delia and I?"

Penelope nodded quickly. "Although Delia should be used to it by now," she muttered.

Patsy looked sharply at the slender nurse. "What have you heard?" She demanded.

"Nothing. I just remember that kerfuffle when we started and all that speculation about her then."

"I didn't really hear much about it," Patsy rejoined, barely keeping her voice under control.

Penny looked embarrassed. "I feel I owe Delia an apology. I know I did nothing to stop the rumours. If anything, I helped in their spread."

Patsy drilled a look at Penny. "How could you?"

Penny held up a hand in supplication. "I know. Having potentially been on the other side, I certainly know now how cravenly that was, and how dreadful it must have felt for her. I hope it didn't hurt her too badly."

Patsy shrugged. "You'll have to ask her that," she replied curtly.

"I will when I apologise," Penny vowed. She glanced at the cafe clock and stood up. "Come on. I'll walk back with you." She waited as Patsy stood up and shrugged on her jacket. "Hurry up, Patsy. I don't want to be late for my date with Millicent."

Patsy grinned and shook her head as Penny winked at her before the two women hurried back to the Nurses Home. Delia would be finishing soon, and they had lots to talk about.

~To be continued~