Summary: Nurse Training School - The London Hospital
Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their wonderful characters.
Author's Notes: As always, massive thanks to Sittingonthis for the sense check and to Jlynsca for her editing skills.
Thank you to as always for your lovely reviews - and for your patience. If I'm honest, I think I'm a little distracted by the current series, and there's a lot going on in real life (rather inconveniently). I hope I will be a little less tardy with future updates.
Patsy watched Delia nervously pick at the bedspread and shook her head slightly. "Come on Deels. Out with it," she requested finally.
Delia looked up, slightly surprised by the interruption to her meditation. "Out with what?" She hedged.
Patsy raised an eyebrow at the brunette. "Since you got back from your shift, you've asked me practically every detail of my day but barely given me anything other than an outline of yours. And you haven't stopped fidgeting since you sat down. You clearly have something on your mind."
Delia pulled a face before looking back down at the bedspread. "It's... complicated," she admitted.
Patsy sat down next to Delia on the bed and waited for the other woman to look up again. "I think we're both rather used to things being complicated now, Delia. Come on, old thing. We both promised we would talk to each other. Of the two of us, I was quite certain it would be me that would be unable to fulfil that particular bargain." She gave a self-deprecating smile, hoping to encourage Delia to speak her mind.
Delia nodded in acknowledgment and swallowed but was still uncertain where to begin. She picked the safer option. "Sister Rawlins gave me something to think about today."
Patsy raised an eyebrow. "Go on," she encouraged.
Delia looked at the older woman steadily. "She suggested that I should consider specialising in Paediatrics."
Patsy grinned delightedly. "Goodness me, that's wonderful." She paused as she saw the doubt in Delia's eyes. "Don't you want to do it?"
"I hadn't really thought about what I'd do once I qualify. It still all seems so far away. It caught me a bit on the hop."
"So what do you think now?" Patsy asked gently.
"Well, my first thought was that we ought to talk about this together," Delia admitted.
"Together? Why?" Patsy was quite surprised.
Delia frowned. "Because my decision affects us both," she pointed out. "I'd have to extend my training into Paediatrics. I'd be a student for another year."
Patsy shrugged slightly. "I'm not quite sure how that affects us, darling. We'll both be working. It hardly matters if you're still in training."
"I have to stay in approved accommodation all the time I'm training," Delia pointed out steadily.
"I have no plans on going anywhere, so I'm not sure what's changing," Patsy replied.
Delia sat back and stared steadily at the blonde nurse. She bit her lip as she considered her next words. "How far have you thought ahead, Pats?"
"What do you mean?" Patsy sounded genuinely confused.
"About the future. What are your thoughts on what happens next?" Although she hadn't really thought about which path her career might take, Delia had thought a lot about what might happen once they finished training. From the surprise she heard in Patsy's voice, it would appear that she hadn't really thought ahead. Delia felt compelled to see what the other woman's thoughts were, now that they were talking about it.
Patsy pulled a face. "I don't really know. I suppose getting through each placement and each set of exams is looking far enough ahead for me."
"Haven't you thought about where you want to work once you do qualify?"
Patsy shook her head. "It's been more a matter of elimination to be brutally honest. I can categorically state that I will not be specialising in Psychiatrics. And probably not Intensive Care. I'd rather deal with patients I can actually nurse."
Delia nodded ruefully, knowing how difficult the last two placements had been for Patsy. "That's understandable. But what about... arrangements?" She asked hesitantly.
Patsy's brow furrowed again. "Arrangements? What do you mean?"
"Are you simply planning on staying at the Nurses Home?"
"Aren't you?" Patsy looked at Delia curiously, unsure as to where this was heading.
Delia sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly. "Probably short term. But I didn't really imagine me staying here for the rest of my working life."
Patsy felt her heart accelerate. "You're not thinking of going back to Wales are you?" She grimaced as she heard the slight panic in her voice.
Delia shook her head firmly. "Absolutely not. My home is here." She looked at Patsy shyly. "It's where you are."
Relief washed through Patsy and she leaned forward and kissed Delia softly. "I feel the same way," she whispered.
Delia smiled, grateful for Patsy's affirmation. "I was just trying to think ahead." She paused as she steeled herself. "About what we might do," she suggested eventually. "Together."
"I don't know what choices we have," Patsy replied.
"So we just continue as we are, somehow carving out a life together in a building shared with a load of other nurses?" Delia questioned, feeling frustrated by the circumstances.
"What other option is there?" Patsy responded with a question of her own.
Delia shook her head. "I don't know. But is it something you'd consider? Finding somewhere to live, with me?" Despite the pressure that had been on their relationship recently, Delia had never stopped imagining a perfect world where she shared a house and her life with Patsy. It just felt right somehow.
Patsy smiled wanly. "That would be heavenly," she said. "But isn't it all rather a pipe dream?"
The brunette shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't really looked into it. I thought it might be better to talk to you about it all first before building my hopes up."
Patsy exhaled heavily. "Well we can't do anything until we've finished training. We have to live at the Nurses Home until then at least. After that, I'm not sure what they would allow."
Delia flopped back on the bed, growling with frustration. "Why is it any business of the hospital where we live?"
Patsy lay down next to her lover and turned her head to look at her. "You know very well why, Deels. The hospital won't risk having its reputation tarnished. Young nurses can't possibly be allowed to make their own arrangements. They might not be proper." Patsy couldn't help the smirk on her face, or the emphasis on her last word.
Delia turned to look at Patsy, grinning. "You see, that's the point. I don't want to be doing anything proper with you once I do get you completely to myself."
Patsy felt herself flush at the suggestion, and allowed her thoughts to stray towards a potential future with Delia, where they could shut out the world and not have to worry about interruptions or discovery. "Isn't that rather underlining their point?" She asked teasingly.
Delia rolled onto her side, throwing her arm over Patsy and tugging her close. "I'm really not interested in what the hospital thinks right now," she breathed urgently.
Patsy responded by simply leaning forward and kissing Delia, deepening it as she felt her lover pull her even closer. She could hear her pulse pounding in her ears as she felt Delia arch into her caress. It would be so easy to get carried away right now. She could never get enough of touching Delia; of worshiping her body and revelling in how she reacted. But the 'door book' was not in place and there would be too many people still out and about at this time of day.
Regretfully, Patsy pulled back, slowly reducing the intensity of the kiss and she smiled apologetically at Delia when she heard the other woman grumble in protest at the curtailment of their activities. "Sorry, Deels."
Delia huffed, but knew that Patsy was right. "I know," she grumbled. "We really need to investigate our options," she asserted.
"It all seems rather redundant right now," Patsy pointed out logically. "Even if we could move out, we can't do it yet. It's all a bit of a moot point."
Delia couldn't help but ask. "Is this something you don't want to do?"
Patsy shook her head vehemently. "I absolutely want to be with you. But the last thing I want is false hope. Given that we have an unconventional relationship, it may prove difficult to achieve conventional arrangements."
"So you don't want to investigate now?" Delia asked in a small voice, unable to hide her disappointment.
"Delia, please don't read anything more into this than the simple truth that we must reside here until we qualify. Once we pass that hurdle, then we can look at our options." Patsy sighed heavily. "If I'm honest, I don't want to find out that we can't find a way around this. Not yet. I'd rather live in blissful ignorance for the moment." She shrugged. "So all I want to do is concentrate on what we know we can do, rather than wishfully yearn for something we can't."
Delia nodded glumly. "All right," she conceded. She sat up before smiling wistfully. "Fancy a drink before I head back?"
Patsy nodded and watched the petite nurse rummage in the bottom of the wardrobe as she tried to locate the alcohol of her choosing. "Was that all you wanted to talk about Deels?" She asked with a flash of insight.
Delia stiffened slightly and then turned around, holding a bottle of whisky in her hand. She nodded firmly. "Wasn't that enough?" She asked back.
Patsy shook her head. "Of course, but you look like you still have something on your mind."
Delia poured generous measures of amber liquid as she pondered her answer. Patsy had made it quite clear that she didn't want to discuss things that she couldn't do anything about. If they were to stay together, children would never be an option for them. To be fair, Delia hadn't given the matter any thought until Trevor's mum had made a comment about it. She wasn't really sure how she felt about it herself. She picked up the glasses and made her way back to the bed. "One of the mothers said something to me today," she began, looking at the bedspread, rather than Patsy.
The blonde nurse frowned. Delia was perturbed but she was not upset. "Go on," she prompted.
Delia paused again. "Patsy, what do you think about children?" She asked eventually.
Patsy's eyes widened, taken by surprise by the question. "Well, I couldn't eat a whole one," she returned glibly.
Delia shook her head. "Fool. Mrs Matthews told me that I'd be a good mother one day. It got me thinking."
Patsy felt her pulse quicken in alarm. "And?"
Delia looked up and shrugged. "And I thought it ought to be something that we talked about."
Patsy frowned. "I'm not sure there is anything to talk about."
"Do you want children?" Delia asked bluntly.
"Given that I have no interest in men, it's really rather irrelevant," Patsy replied.
"That doesn't stop you wanting them," the Welsh nurse responded carefully.
Patsy sighed. "It does for me. I can't see the point in expending needless energy on an issue that won't ever arise."
Delia frowned. "So you have no maternal instincts?"
Patsy gave a tight-lipped smile as she shook her head. "It wouldn't matter if I did. I can't act on them." Her gaze sharpened slightly. "What about you?" Patsy could feel her stomach flip flop as she asked the question. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer.
"I don't know," Delia replied honestly.
"What do you mean, you don't know?"
"Exactly that. I hadn't given it any thought at all about it. Now I am," Delia explained.
"But we'll never be able to have children together," Patsy pointed out, rather needlessly in her opinion.
"That's why I want to think about it now." Delia was determined to remain objective in this, knowing the potential impact.
"I must confess, Deels, I'm a bit confused. You've just been talking about perhaps living somewhere together and now you're talking about having children; something we very definitely can't do. What is it that you want?" Patsy couldn't help the sharpness of her tone.
Delia was onto it instantly. "I'm not talking about having children. I'm talking about us acknowledging that we can't have children and ensuring that it isn't a problem."
"Why would it be a problem when it's not an option? Or is this a veiled attempt to tell me that you're going once you decide that you do want them?" In a blink of an eye, Patsy had resorted to self-preservation mode.
"Stop it, Pats. This isn't just about me. It's about you potentially wanting them too, but you're just too bloody-minded to deal with it."
"There's nothing to deal with," Patsy protested vehemently. "So I don't know why we're discussing it."
Delia took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly. "All right," she conceded, realising that at best she would end up in a circular argument with Patsy that wouldn't solve anything. She took a deep sip of her whisky before changing the subject, silently vowing to return to the subject when the time was right.
"Patsy, Delia. Wait up." The two nurses turned on the stairs to see Penny McAllistair hurrying to catch them. They moved to the landing and then waited for the tall blonde to reach them.
Penny smiled effusively at them both and hugged them briefly. Delia hid a smile as she noticed Patsy stiffening slightly to the breach of her personal space but was rather proud that she managed to hide it so well.
"I'm so glad I spotted you. I wanted to thank you, Patsy," Penny said breathlessly.
"For what?" Patsy's brow furrowed in confusion.
"After we spoke a few days ago I thought I'd take your advice and make a bit more of an effort with the girls in my new class," the willowy nurse continued.
Delia smirked. "Patsy told you to be more sociable?" She asked, a hint of surprise colouring the tone.
Patsy shot the smaller woman a pointed look even as Penny smiled and nodded. "Well, not exactly. But she pointed out that perhaps I hadn't allowed the class to know me that well and that I ought to make an effort," she explained.
Delia's eyebrows rose as she looked at Patsy. "Really?"
Patsy opened her mouth to speak but was distracted as Penny looped her arm through Patsy's and tugged her towards the stairs so that they could continue to descend. "Yes. And she was right, of course. The other girls are actually quite lovely. I hadn't realised that they were all a little wary of me. They'd heard that I'd been at the train crash and they told me that they didn't know how to bring the subject up."
"That's understandable," Patsy agreed, wishing that she could look behind to see Delia's face. After talking at length about the incident while she was recovering from meningitis, Delia refused to talk about it again, saying simply that she had dealt with it and needed to put it behind her. Patsy remained unconvinced but knew from her own personal horrors that one couldn't be forced to talk about traumatic events.
Penny nodded. "So I told them all about it. Once they understood what I'd been through I think they understood why I needed to take a break." She huffed a slight laugh. "Would you believe that they were a bit scared of me? Because I had so much more experience. None of them wanted to look silly in front of me. And what with me spending so much time with 'our' class, I think a lot of them just assumed that's exactly what I thought of them."
"Oh Penny, how could anyone be scared of you? You're the nicest person I know," Delia giggled.
Penny laughed too. "I don't know about that, but I know I'm not exactly an ogre. I think I've managed to set them straight. Thank you, Patsy. It's made such a difference. I feel like I'm part of my new class now too. Actually, I feel quite privileged. It's almost like I'm part of two groups."
Patsy gave a lop-sided smile. "Well, you certainly look a lot happier than when I last you saw you."
Penny pursed her lips. "Oh, I'm still mad with the Bursar. But I've decided to fight fire with fire."
Delia's eyebrows shot up. This was a whole new Penny. "What does that mean?"
"Well, if the Bursar has taken it upon herself to be judgemental on close friendships, we thought we'd give her lots of close friendships to judge."
"What have you done?" Patsy asked, a dread feeling creeping over her.
Penny smiled brightly. "In all honesty, it wasn't actually my suggestion. I just told everyone in my class about what the Bursar had done in splitting us up. Jessica suggested giving her a conniption by everyone holding hands or linking arms every time we walk past her office. She'll run out of rooms pretty quickly if she wants to keep up her regime of casting aspersions."
Patsy's jaw dropped. "And the girls were quite willing to risk that?"
"Risk what? It's no different to being friends at school. If you ask me, it's the Bursar's filthy mind that's the problem, not girls being friends."
Delia was rather grateful to be walking behind Penny now as she couldn't keep the devilish grin off her face.
Patsy was quite taken aback. "But aren't they worried about their own reputations?"
Penny shrugged. "I did ask that. Jessica pointed out that if all the girls behaved that way, it would be impossible for the Bursar to suggest that everyone was being deviant. She simply wouldn't be believed. Millie's asking the others to do the same thing too."
"We'll happily join in," Delia offered, relishing the opportunity to be able to hold Patsy's hand in a slightly more public arena without arousing suspicion.
"No," Patsy demurred instantly. She hurried to explain as she noticed Penny's look of surprise. "We've already drawn suspicion. I would anticipate that the Bursar will hold a grudge and be vindictive. I'd rather not give her another excuse to do something."
Penny wrinkled her nose. "You really think so? Perhaps I ought to speak to Millie again."
Patsy shook her head. "It's completely up to you. I think the Bursar may get the message when she sees lots of the girls do that, but she might not be so forgiving to you and Millicent. And she's also not stupid. She'll know that one of us will have spoken about it to the others. I wouldn't put it past her to really put the boot in if she's given an opportunity." Patsy could feel Delia's gaze boring into the back of her head and knew that she would be disappointed by the stance, but she was simply not prepared to risk either of them to a prank, no matter that it was a show of unity.
Penny pursed her lips. "You might be right. I'll talk it over with Millie and the others." She smiled grimly. "The others were quite determined to make a point, however. It's funny how people group together to make a stand for a cause."
"But what cause are they standing for?" Delia asked shrewdly, studiously ignoring the pointed look Patsy shot back at her.
Penny halted at the bottom of the stairs and looked at Delia in surprise. "Unjust and arbitrary actions of course. Who wants to live under authoritarian rule? I lost an uncle in the war fighting against that. The least I can do is have principles, too." She glanced at her watch. "Goodness me, is that the time? I must dash. See you later, alligators."
Delia and Patsy remained motionless as they watched Penny hurry down the street. "Delia, what were you thinking? Did you honestly expect her to stand there and say that she was standing up for someone's right to be deviant, as she calls it?"
Delia shrugged. "Well, I don't think she believes it's evil or they wouldn't be protesting that way."
Patsy shook her head. "They've simply looked at how it might impact their own lives. What's next? Banning us from the local pub without a chaperone? This isn't standing up for anything other than how it affects them."
"It's a start, Patsy. And that's a good thing. Come on. Look at our first year here. The merest hint of impropriety had nurses warning you to stay away from me. Perhaps attitudes are changing."
"That's as may be, but I do not want the spotlight on us. I want nothing to do with this. We need to continue to be absolutely discreet." Patsy sighed. "Sorry, Deels. I just don't want to risk being discovered. I've had too many scares as it is."
Delia looked at Patsy carefully before nodding resignedly. "All right. Whatever you're comfortable with. Come on. I could definitely do with a good skate today."
Patsy nodded, feeling bad that she had to suppress Delia's natural exuberance, but quite certain that it was the right thing to do.
To be continued...