For All Your Good Intentions Chapter 2, a buffy: the vampire slayer fanfic

Chapter 6

"Hey there, Will. You ok? Need any chocolaty goodness or a pizza or I could spot you a twenty?" Xander asked as the two witches made their way back into the house.

"I'm good." Willow replied as she reached for Tara's hand on her shoulder. She wanted that physical affirmation. Something had happened outside -something Spike may have said. The heartfelt words that rained on her from Tara made her heart soar. Made her feel invincible, made her feel like she could walk.

"Giles, I owe you an apology," she added.

"No, Willow, you don't. I understand completely. Im sorry, I didnt realize you and Tara had stopped practicing. It was stupid of me to assume. I am sorry."

"But that still leaves the Demon Hanson Lambda.. "Buffy trailed off.

"Hanthu Ladsha" Anya added helpfully. "About 8 feet tall, dog like features -very strong and nasty. This one time, I was near a village that forgot to give him his usual ritual sacrifice, so he gutted them."

"He burnt the village down?" Willow ventured.

"No, I mean he went in and gutted each and every villager and hung them from their front doors. He could hold the entire village in his thrall, they did not have a chance to run away." Silence fell as they all took in the grisly description that Anya had provided.

Tara looked around the room. She looked at all the faces of her loved ones, her family. She loved Willow with all her being, all her soul. But the love she felt for the people here was also very strong. She would try anything for them and for Willow. So she put on her resolve face (the one she stole from her love) I think we should do the spell.

Willow knew deep down that Tara was going to say that, so she did not join in the looks of surprise etched on the faces of everyone else. But she was afraid -so afraid of doing magic again. So afraid that things would turn out so very, very wrong, once again. It did not matter if it was light based or dark. All she knew - all she remembered was that every time she did magic, bad things would eventually happen - Bad, bad things. Maybe not immediately but always later, when she was comfortable and not expecting it. Bad things had a tendency to do that, to sneak up on you. She could not afford that, not anymore.

"Tara, are you sure? I mean you haven't.. not since .." taking a deep breath, Buffy continued, "Its not a simple spell and it could be dangerous. It probably is, isnt it Giles?"

"Yes yes, it is quite a powerful spell. It requires one of you to act as a conduit while the other has to follow the ancient ritual movements and recite the spell. Rather involving, I dare say."

"I'm sure" Tara jutted out her chin. She knew Willow was having doubts. She knew that the red-head was not happy with her decision but she also knew that it was the right one to make. She had been walking around in a haze for too long -she had kept too many things inside. The magic had to be released, along with her pain.

Before anyone could speak, she knelt down in front of Willow "Darling, please listen to me. I know you dont want to do magic anymore but youve always been so brave. My brave, brave Willow. Youve always been there from me, for us. We need to do this, please." She placed her head in Willow lap and let her tears flow once again.

Giles knew that he was witnessing something important. He knew what he had to do. "Willow, may I talk to you and Tara in private?" he asked.

Willow nodded, she knew that Tara was right, that they had to do this. But she was still so afraid, so frightened to take the plunge, to lose herself . Tara, slowly stood up, she bent down and gently carried Willow out of the chair and towards the back porch. Giles followed behind. He sat on the back steps and watched as Tara lovingly settled Willow on her lap, wrapped her arms around her and sat in the porch swing, swaying gently in the wind.

"I dont need to tell you how much you girls have meant to me. Your love for each other and for me has enriched my life beyond measure. I regret not being here for you. I had thought that it was for the best. I only had the best intentions." Giles continued, trying to hold back the tears from his voice.

"We know, Giles, but what you're asking me, us to do, it's not that easy. Magic used to mean so many things to me." Willow looked at Giles and tried to explain, "It meant I could help Buffy more than before. It meant that I could help save Angel, fight the good fight. Then when I met Tara, it allowed me to connect with her more than I could ever have with Oz or Xander. That was so amazing, Giles. But somehow, I got caught up in controlling it more than letting it flow through me. I wanted to direct it. It was wrong but it felt so good. I got so lost and did so many.. "she couldn't continue, those memories bombarded her senses.

"Its ok, baby. You dont have to continue." Tara wrapped her arms tighter around Willow, quietly sending her own strength to the frail hacker. Hoping that their connection, though tenuous was still there -it had to be. She saw more clearly now, they had to reclaim their balance.

"No, I need to say this!. Giles, I messed up but Tara found me again. But see, magic doesnt solve anything. I couldnt help Buffy or Tara when it mattered. I couldnt stop Warren from shooting Buffy or me and I wouldnt have been able to stop him if he had gone after Tara." Willow had to stop, she had given voice to her greatest fear, her mind just could not cope with the thought. The thought that she would not have been able to stop Tara from being injured - that thought chilled her to the bone. Magic was no use to her anymore. It was not real.

"Willow", Giles called softly, "Don't you see, magic is not the root of your problem. It never was."

"What?" Willow couldnt believe what she was hearing, luckily, she could feel Tara's arms securing her, holding her together, giving her strength. She took a deep breath and continued "Giles, magic caused all of this, cant you see that!" she pleaded plaintively "Cant you see?"

"My dear girl, my dear sweet girl. Magic did not cause you to get shot, Warren did that. Magic did not cause Tara to leave you the first time, you did that", he could see her flinch at his harsh words, but he had to do this, he had to continue. "Magic did not cause Buffy to die, it was a decision that she made willingly for all of us. It's you who cant see, child. Magic brought the two of you together. Its a part of you and you cant deny that or hide it. You would only disrupt the balance." Giles finished, unknowingly echoing the words of Spike before.

"So what are you saying, Mr. Giles? Th- that Willow and I need to do magic again, we need to do spells to reconnect?"

"You dont have to do this blood spell but yes, magic has always been a part of the both of you, innate and intrinsic. Your connection will always be there with or without it. But by tamping down on something so natural, both of you are just expending unnecessary energy. Fighting the inevitable - much like swimming against the tide. Don't you see, you ARE magic together - You cant hold it in, not for long. Let it out, it needs to be expressed - It can be, through your love for each other." Giles finished, hoping that he had got his message through. Praying that these two special women realized just how special they were, how essential they were, to the world and to each other.

He stands up slowly, his back hurting but his heart feeling so much lighter than it did this afternoon. If he were being honest, he had not felt like this in such a long time - It was a beautiful feeling. "Well, I should take my leave then. Please think over what I've.."

"Giles.." Willow cuts in as he trailed off. "Thank you, I never realized how much we needed you. Still need you.." she leaned back against Tara, feeling her breath on her neck, understanding their connection and rejoicing in their contact. "We'll do the spell. Its the right thing to do." After saying those words, she realized that they were indeed true. She and Tara needed this as much as Buffy or the world.

"Do you think they're killing him or something, I mean its really quiet and there's no raised voices, so all good. But maybe they knocked him out?" Buffy postulated, "I sure hope they didnt knock him out."

She looked relieved when she heard the back door open and saw Giles (whole and standing) walk through only to be followed by Tara carrying Willow. They looked tired but satisfied, happy even. Tara's face was different as well. Buffy couldnt put a finger on it at first. Then she realized that it wasn't different, Tara looked liked she had once again found her center - she looked serene, at peace, like she did so long ago.

"So everything's ok with the watcher and the mega-witches?" Dawn asked hopefully.

"It's better" Tara replied smiling unguardedly.

"Cool" Dawn moved forward to bring Willow's wheelchair to her two touchstones. Things were looking up again - her family was whole and home at last.

Well, Xander thought to himself, Anya's done it again. His Anya, had help everyone begin to heal, he could not have been more proud. He fingered the velvet-covered box in his pocket. He remembered the last time he had thought of doing this. How he had hid it from them, how he had thought he was doing the right thing, only not. He was not going to make the same mistakes, nosiree, bob!

"Uh, I have an umm, an announcement to make," Xander started. Anya was looking at him curiously; she couldnt fathom what he wanted to say.

He walked up to where she was sitting and knelt in front of her "Anya, I love you." She was about to say something but he gently put his finger to her lips, "Please, let me continue. I love you not in spite of the fact that you always talk about money or that you used to discuss our sex life, often and in public. I love you because of IT!. I love you because you see in me the man that Ive always wanted to be.. I could never see that - I didnt know how to. But I realize that I could see him, reflected back in your eyes. You've always been there for me and I want to be that man for you. Please, please let me try." He slowly drew out the velvet box from his pocket and offered it to her. "I know you think that Im doing this because theres a another big bad on the horizon and another apocalypse. But we live on the hellmouth and there will always be something and I want to face all of it with you, by your side" he finished.

Buffy, Willow, Dawn, Tara and Giles were staring with open wonder at his heartfelt outburst. Little Xander had finally grown up, had finally grown into his shoes - he had finally realized his worth. Now if only Anya could see beyond her fears, they thought - they wished.

Willow held on tightly to Taras hand, she could feel that Tara to was holding her breath, they all were - Please Anya, Willow sent out, please see him for what he is now, not what he was before -Please.

Anya, looked around the room, she saw the faces of the people that she had come to love, come to respect. People she would fight for, die for, even. These people who meant more to her than her real family ever did - who in turn would fight for her, forgive her past and accept her present. She looked down at Xanders expectant face. With just one word, she could crush him. Make him feel the same pain, he had put her through, break his heart into a million pieces like he did hers - Pieces that she was still trying to collect and make whole.

But she was human now, vengeance was a thing of the past. If Tara could forgive Willow anything, then likewise, she could learn and forgive Xander - had already forgiven him, she could allow him to heal her heart. "Yes" she answered, "Yes!"

"Yahhhhh! WOO HOO" Buffy and Dawn cheered and hugged each other. Giles, throwing english reserve out the window, went to hug the second official couple of the Scooby gang.

Tara and Willow smiled on, happy that their friends had finally found their way back to each other. They too linked hands and shared a kiss. It was a kiss of promises to come.

Chapter 7

It was decided that Giles would camp out on the couch at Buffy's while Xander and Anya would make their way back to his apartment. They had a lot to talk about and he did not want to intrude. Buffy had once again made up the couch for him and he had bid all of them goodnight. He watched as Tara lovingly carried Willow up the stairs, with Buffy following closely behind, hauling up her wheelchair. What amazing people they were - utterly remarkable, to be able to live and love amongst such adversity. He was indeed lucky to know and love them all - to be able to once again be a part of their lives.

In Willow and Tara's bedroom, they began their nightly ritual, readying themselves for bed. Tara started by patiently laying out their nightclothes, a pale blue shift for her and snoopy pajamas for Willow. She had already placed Willow on the bed and the red-head was leaning against the headboard, slowly unbuttoning her top.

Tara watched her fumble with the buttons and finally remove the top. She watched as Willow slowly unhooked her bra and let it fall to the way side. Despite all that had happened, the one thing that had not changed drastically was their love for each other and their physical expression of it. Seeing Willow in front of her, she could feel the heat beginning to form at the pit of her stomach and spread in all directions. She slowly unbuttoned her jeans and slid out of them, never losing eye contact with Willow.

Willow for her part, had done all she could. She needed help with her jeans and waited patiently for Tara to finish. She couldnt complain at all. She was thoroughly enjoying the view. Tara had lost some weight, which worried Willow but she could still make out some of the luscious curves on the blonde. They never had any trouble connecting physically. It was the last remaining vestige of their relationship. She may have lost the use of her legs and they may have lost their psychic connection but they could always come together, always.

"What are you looking at?" Tara asked playfully as she pulled the nightgown over her head. Her undergarments had been discarded to the side. "See anything you like?" she smiled as she made her way over to the bed.

She gently pulled Willows jeans down, taking her panties with them. As they reached Willows thighs, she bent down and gently place small kisses there despite knowing that Willow couldnt feel them - she didn't care. She wanted to express her love in as many ways as possible and as many times as possible. She did not notice Willows expression of pure rapture as she kissed her way downwards, slowly, languorously. After, she reached for the pajama bottoms and helped Willow into them.

"Its been a long day. Are you tired, Sweetie?" Willow ventured as Tara made her way to her side of the bed.

"Well, there is a lot to do tomorrow. We have to read up on the spell and plan when and how but.."

"But?" Willow repeated hopefully.

"I could use some snuggles.. and maybe something more?" Tara finished shyly.

"As you wish" Willow looked at her, the promised echoed in her words and her eyes.

Tara moved to the center of the bed. After the accident, they had adapted to the fact that Willow could not move her legs. Tara would move to the center and curve around Willows lithe but still form. She concentrated on caressing Willows upper body as much as possible. Her hands would roam a seemingly unstructured path across Willows body. But her hands and mouth had sense memory, she remembered which soft touch or kiss could ignite Willows passion. She could be blind and know exactly where to caress her lover and when to do it. Willow's body was a map that she had memorised by heart - every trail, every hidden treasure found , every pleasure shared.

Nibbling behind her ear would send shivers down the red-heads spine. Slowly cupping her breast, her tongue flicking in and out around her nipple, could elicit such moans of pleasure from Willow. Moans that sounded like music to her ears - both an affirmation and a request. One that she complied with - would always comply with.

As her fingers trailed downwards, she could feel Willow try and arch her back - so she raised herself and slowly lowered her body, fully draping Willow's, as her fingers found the soft wetness it was seeking. She was so intent on her exploration of Willows mouth, that she did not notice that Willow had curled one of her legs around Tara's.

Willow was so lost in the rapture that was Tara. She could feel her spirit soar- she felt exalted - exposed to the knowledge of all things divine and of Tara, always Tara.

But as soon as Willow realized that she had moved one of her legs, ever so slightly - she kissed Tara with more fervor - more ardor. She used her own hands to explore the planes and curves of Taras body. Tara cant find out, she thought to herself, as her hands made their way downwards along Tara's spine. Oh Goddess, she could feel her orgasm building up.

Tara was lost in her, the blonde was concentrating so hard on exploring Willows body with her mouth and her supple hands, that she wouldnt have noticed if Buffy had come in to watch. All she could feel was Willow - all she wanted was Willow, now.

Tara's gentle stroking rhythm was sending waves of pleasure through Willows body, she could feel herself fly, her senses exploding around her and she increased her own rhythm, keeping in time with the blonde - always in sync, always together.

Tara's final gift to her was their coming together, their timing perfect - Their love physically realized. Both tired but fully satisfied.

"Mmmmnn, I love you." Willow whispered in Tara's ear as she once again settled by her side.

"I know" Tara whispered back. "Now go to sleep, I'll be right here in the morning." With that, they snuggled together arms wrapped around each other and drifted of to sleep, sated and happy.

Tara used to love waking up early and greet the sunrise. But after Willows injury, she had dreaded it. Waking up meant acknowledging the ugly wheelchair at the side of the bed. Waking up meant she had to remember that Willow could not walk. But today Today was slightly different. Last night, her dreams were not visions of Willow on that horrible night. Last night, she dreamt of their future - of childrens laughter and stolen kisses. Of being called mommy and visits with family - Giles, Xander, Anya, Dawn & Buffy and their own families. Such wonderful visions of love, Of life and being whole. Such dreams may come, she hoped silently sending up a prayer to the goddess.

She sensed Willow stirring beside her and turned to study her profile. She loved that beautiful face, her freckles, her pert nose. She wanted to wake up to that all the days of her life.

"Good morning, sleepy head," she whispered and leaned over to kiss Willow on the side of her mouth.

"Ummm, Tara-kiss, nothing better," Willow murmured, yet to open her eyes, "More..." she pouted.

Tara soon complied and touched her lips to Willow's, her tongue slowly probing them open and being accepted into Willow's warm mouth.

"We should get up soon.." she whispered breathlessly when they had both come up for air.

"Yeah" Willow conceded and opened her eyes, happy to be greeted by Tara's beautiful visage. She motioned for Tara to help her to her chair and Tara complied.

Today was a good day, she could feel it in her bones. She found herself wanting to whistle some nameless tune. Things were again looking up. Tara looked so happy and unguarded last night and especially this morning - she did not want anything to change, she did not want to acknowledge any change. Willow started to whistle something as she slowly maneuvered her way to the bathroom.

Tara, looked around the room and smiled as she heard her lover whistling. She was looking for an excuse - Anything. Yes! She rejoiced, Willow had forgotten to take her face towel, which was still on the dresser. She quickly grabbed it and went after Willow, maybe they could conserve water, maybe they should shower together.

Willow was so lost in her reverie that she did not notice the side table along the wall. Her left leg hit it full force and she cried out.

"Ow!, Ow, Ow!, ohh! Owie" she muttered to herself while she slowly rubbed her shin with her hand.

She did not notice Tara standing in the room doorway, she only heard Tara's surprised gasp. She turned in time to see Tara drop her face towel on the floor as she raised her hand to her mouth. Taras head was shaking from side to side, a look of utter disbelief on her face.

Chapter 8

"Tara" Willow called out as the blonde rushed passed her and down the stairs. Willow quickly wheeled herself towards the steps but stopped just in time, to avoid falling. "Buffy" she called at the top of her lungs, "Buffy!, I need you, NOW!."

Meanwhile, Giles was awakened by Tara's rush into the living room. She was crying, that much he could see but she did not look physically hurt. He heard Willow yelling for Buffy and immediately jumped to his feet.

"Tara!" he called out, catching the blonde as she tried to run pass him, "Whats wrong, wheres Willow?". At that question, she stopped struggling and looked into his eyes. He was taken aback at the raw pain he saw there - at the despair. He slowly led her back to the sofa. As she sat down, he saw her curl into herself. It was a gesture of profound surrender - he was indeed worried.

He saw Buffy coming down the stairs looking just as worried as she carried Willow in her arms. Dawn was behind them, trying to rub sleep from her eyes.

"Tara" Willow called out "Please, I can explain, please, look at me, please baby. Please!". But Tara was still curled up on the sofa.

"Buffy, could you please put me down."

"What? here?" Buffy indicated to the ground.

"Yes" Willow insisted. "Now, I need to do this."

As Buffy placed her down, Tara lifted her tear-stained face. She looked like she was going to bolt at any minute. Willow slowly began to drag herself to the couch. "Baby, I wanted to tell you but I couldnt. I didnt deserve to." Willow continued, tears streaming down her face.

"H-h-how, long have you known?" Tara asked timidly, not wanting to hear the answer she was dreading. A major part of her was thrilled that Willow could feel something but the fact that Willow had hid it from her. The fact that she didnt want Tara to know. She realized that this meant that Willow has never forgiven her for that night. Willow loved her but had not - could not - forgive her.

Buffy, Giles and Dawn stood there transfixed. They knew that they were intruding but could not bring themselves to leave - not if two of their friends, were in so much obvious pain.

"I started having small tremors in my left leg six weeks ago but I couldnt really feel anything. Nothing - not until today." Willow answered softly. She wanted to know why Tara had reacted so badly to the news. Yes, she should have told the blonde immediately, but what of her own fears. She was so afraid that Tara had only stayed with her out of pity. But she loved her so very much and accepted that - if it were the case. What would happen is she no longer needed the chair? Would Tara stay then?

"S-s-six weeks and you never said anything Tara stated W-w-why.., why Willow? I know you love me and I guess now I know that you havent really forgiven me" she looked down, not wanting Willow to see the hurt and distress in her eyes.

"What!, Tara, no, you don't understand Willow cried out That's not why, I mean. God I love you so much!" she had reach the front of the sofa and was reaching out to the blonde but Tara pulled back instinctively.

Willow had to make her see, had to make her understand, "Don't you see, I dont deserve to walk. Not after all I've done, I don't deserve you." Willow broke down in huge gasping sobs.

"No" Buffy whispered in the back. "No" she stated more vehemently, "How can you say that?" she asked looking at her best friend on the floor and at Tara's desolate look. She really did not want to see the return of THAT look or of Willow crying. "NO" she stated again.

"YES" Willow answered through her tears, "This is my punishment, dont you understand? After what Ive done - to Dawn..To everyone. I could have killed Dawn and then the spells I did on Tara and the gang - I never thought of the consequences. Do you want me to continue? Do you want me remind you that I was the one who pulled you out of heaven. It's all me. I don't ever deserve to walk!" she choked out "Never!"

Tara slowly reached out to touch her lover, Willow's self flagellation made her want to ease the red-head's pain - to try and take it upon herself. She slowly caressed Willow's head, "But, Its my fault. You got hurt because I called you. I I started the chain of events. You should not have been there. I und, I understand if you cant forgive me for that. I cant forgive myself." Tara hung her head but did not want to stop touching Willow so she let her hand drop to Willow's shoulder.

"No" Dawn interjected, "This is not happening! You love each other, why can't you just work it out? Its not fair!" she cried as she rushed to the kitchen. Buffy made to go after her but Giles held her back, "You make sure they're alright" he indicated to Tara and Willow, "And I'll see to Dawn." Buffy moved forward and knelt next to her best friend as Willow once again tried to explain to Tara.

"Tara, I was going to you anyway" Willow held on to the hand Tara had reached out with. "I was going to go to where you and Buffy were. I had finished re-routing the system and all Xander had to do was call the police as soon as the gates were opened. I could not leave you and Buffy to face Warren and his gang. I figured out that two witches were better than one and three against three evened the odds."

She took a deep breath and continued, "I'm sorry I did not tell you about the tremors in my leg. I was frightened that you stayed because you felt bad for me and it was so easy to love you and have you here with me. I didn't want that to change. I'd rather be a half person with you than a whole person without you" she finished.

Tara looked into Willow's eyes. She really looked this time and began to understand Willow's thought processes. The hiding was due to the hacker's own doubts, it was not about trust or forgiveness. Doubts that she should not have had if Tara had been more open, if she had not become mired in her own pain.

"I guess we are a pair arent we?" Tara sniffed "How could two people who love each other so much not realize how much we were hurting each other and ourselves?"

"It happens to the best of them.." Buffy added helpfully "I mean, Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, umm Tom & Nicole."

"Those were all tragedies" Willow exclaimed, also sniffling.

"Um, Wesley and Buttercup" Buffy once again volunteered and earned a small smile from Tara.

It seemed that the storm had passed and they had once again gained another breakthrough. Buffy just hoped that this was the last. Her heart couldnt take any more aches of this nature. These two people belonged together and she would make sure nothing stood in their way. Even if she had to kill it. She was the slayer, after all.