Disclaimer: I Do Not Own The X-Men Or Anything Related To The X-Men. I Do Not Own The Chapter Title Song, 'I've Been' Performed By J. Robert Spencer From The Musical Next To Normal.
Thank you for looking at the past chapter, everyone. I appreciate you guys and gals reading the chapters. Thanks to Mrs. Jehilew for another lovely review. This chapter has a lot of stuff from the song, 'I've Been' from the musical Next To Normal. Some of the lines are from that song. It is a little weird putting them in, but it just says so much about these kinds of emotions. So a big thank you to Next to Normal and the song 'I've Been.'
Anywho, here is the chapter:
Remy narrowed his eyes and flung the charged cards with pinpoint accuracy. The tree, his doomed target, broke apart instantly, sending sizzling chunks of bark flying through the air. It did little to squelch his overwhelming emotions, so he sent out another two rounds of cards, before stopping to try and catch his breath.
Multiple employees stopped just feet from him to offer warnings or stern reprimands about the multiple attacks on the mansion's well-groomed garden, but each one was quieted and pushed away by a mere look at his eyes. The normally warm crimson color highlighted by a dash of mischievousness, had been replaced by something so hard and dark that it genuinely scared the servants.
Not that he cared in the slightest what they thought.
No, Remy had been numb for what felt like hours. Digging through an avalanche of rocks to find your girlfriend's limp body could do that to a man, the over-tired mutant figured. He had wrapped his coat around her then held her, as tightly as was physically possible, as if worried she would vanish at any moment. Whatever went down between Rogue and Sunil, she had managed to survive. At least that much her weak pulse promised him.
They ripped her from his embrace the moment the group arrived in Meridan. A large search and rescue team had greeted Remy, Kurt, and Rogue at the edge of the Morphs' land and brought them back to the mansion. Remy knew the guards, and even his own teammates, watched him with a wide range of emotions during the trip, but he couldn't bring himself to think about anything past the exhausted woman resting her head on his shoulder. Let them think what they wanted about him. All that mattered was his Rogue. The very same Rogue that did not want to see him…
The nervous doctor had stumbled into the waiting room and barely looked Remy in the eyes as he said, "Her highness is awake."
"I need to see her." He explained briefly while walking past the doctor. Every minute he wasn't moving his brain screamed at him for wasting time.
"I'm afraid," The old man touched his shoulder and stopped Remy dead in his tracks with one, simple sentence, "She has ordered that you are not allowed to see her."
How could she do this to me? He bitterly thought and threw another rage filled trio of cards at the smoking stump.
Yes, Rogue was scared. He understood she was deeply terrified of even herself. But, damn it all, Remy LeBeau was fucking terrified too.
Maybe she refused to let him near her, but that didn't change the simple fact that he needed her. He needed the comfort of those green eyes, the calming smell of her hair, that velvety quality of her voice when she called him their favorite silly nicknames. He had to know that she was still breathing, still thinking, and, most importantly, still fighting.
Internally, every one of his muscles was aching and even breathing was starting to become painful. He had to help her, but how the hell was he supposed to? The questions swirling around his head easily threatened to drown the man in misery. Why did no one in this dimension have answers? The truth of it all appeared to be that no one had a clue how her power actually worked.
The realization that they were on their own wasn't new, but it sent icy chills through his slouched frame all the same. Remy had held her through the tears and the agony, and every time her mind went flying he kept his feet firmly on the floor. But now it felt like he was strolling right beside her as the black hole of destruction opened wide.
"We will stop this." He said out loud to try and spur on the last of his inner strength.
What else could he do but march onward with that undying resolve? He had to keep it together, if not for Rogue's sake, then for his own. Breaking down and telling anyone about the worries shouting in his head, was not something he saw as acceptable. Besides, the only person he really wanted to turn to for comfort was the very last person who needed to hear them.
Remy's jaw hurt from being clenched so tightly for so long, but he didn't release it. The pain helped him stay focused and centered. He felt the effects of this nightmare down to his bones. Every inch of him, mental and physical, suffered the fatigue and emotional drain of watching Rogue fight herself.
In the end, it seemed the heartbroken man's was just a slower suicide. He stared at the last card in the deck, a tattered and faded, king of hearts. With the gentlest charge, he turned the card into ash almost instantly.
"Come on Gumbo," A familiar voice called gruffly to him as the ashes danced in the wind, "Destroying the garden isn't gonna help anyone."
Remy looked up at the man, with distant eyes and mumbled, "Helps me."
"Well," Logan was unfazed by the emotionless response, "get over it. We're trying this my way now."
If Remy hadn't already been overwhelmed with the awareness that something was terribly wrong in Lenox, the realization would have hit him the moment he found himself sitting beside Logan at the kitchen table. Two beers, one already half way finished and the other barely touched, sat on the tall counter. The older man swigged down the rest of his and motioned towards Remy's drink as if the Cajun had somehow missed the beverage being placed in front of him.
"Didn't think they had beer here." Remy finally spoke up and busied his hands by twisting the bottle with his thumb and index finger.
"Got one of the guards to buy a case when we got here."
It was an interesting ordeal, to say the least. Seemed the snootier members of Lenox were practically swimming in that bubbly crap they served at every party. A good, solid beer was available, but the idea that anyone associated with the royal family would want one sent the guard into a look Logan could only describe as horror. He still found the whole dimension pretty strange, but when they brought him a case of Lenox's most popular brand, he had to admit they knew how to make a damn strong drink.
"That is the last one." He added, knowing buying any more be near impossible since everyone was locked away in their houses, "Drink it or give it here. But don't waste it, Cajun."
Remy gave him a curt nod and took a big swig out of the bottle. Logan gave one smug laugh when Remy's eyebrows wrinkled and he set the bottle back on the counter hard. It wasn't like he was a lightweight when it came to alcohol. Actually, he was probably more versed in the expensive stuff than his kitchen companion. But that Lenox beer packed more of a punch then he was ready for at the moment.
"Know how to make a good one here, don't they?" Logan gave his own bottle one more drink to get the last bit of liquid out.
"That is one word for it," Remy grumbled and took a slower sip the second time.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but Remy couldn't call it awkward either. Even without telling Logan the thoughts beating his over-tired brain, Remy found a small amount of comfort in sitting next to someone who felt as strongly about Rogue as him. Then again, why wasn't Logan in her room now?
"Did she ban you too?" He took another drink, almost wishing the extra strong beer would wash away the feelings brought on by his memories.
"She banned everyone." Logan sounded as displeased as Remy with the situation, "Even her mom."
Did he seriously say that even Lydia was not allowed to visit Rogue? What was going on in that woman's head? It was like she was already curling into a ball and admitting defeat…
The unavoidable idea slammed into his foggy brain with lighting strength intensity; She was giving up. They could keep her alive by locking her in a safe room, but they couldn't make her eat, sleep, or do anything more than sit there. It was probably driving Sunil to unimaginable ferocity since his host refused to keep going. He needed her alive, almost as desperately as Remy did.
As the similarity between him and Sunil added a new thorn to his inner list of anxieties, Remy took an extra large gulp of his beer.
"I said finish it, not swallow it all at once, Gumbo." Logan shook his head and rested one of his elbows on the counter. Sure, he had never been that big of a fan of Remy, even before Fabio started messing with Rogue, but seeing him this far gone was still tough for Logan. "Look, you won't help her by getting drunk off your ass."
"Says the homme who invited Remy out for a beer?"
"Wasn't about the beer." Logan admitted and felt himself internally groan as he dared to try and make a connection with Remy, "Thought you might want to talk to someone."
This was not Logan's area of expertise. Emotions, in his opinion, were more like germs that you try to destroy with the strongest cleaner available while knowing full well there would always be some unfortunately left over. He tried his hardest to avoid becoming attached to anyone or anything in his life and he succeed for the most part.
At least, he had felt pretty successful until a certain silver haired woman entered the picture and convinced him to join Xavier's group. It taken him ages to figure out those feelings, and even now he felt strange stepping into a romantic relationship. But for every ounce of his brain that yelled run away, another portion urged him forward. He was certain she could do much better, but he found himself somewhat selfishly enjoying the positive feelings her smile afforded his troubled mind. When the whole thing with Stripes first began, Ororo was the only person who knew what to say and do to ease his worries and help him handle the gravity of the situation.
Maybe it was her comforting nature that took away a bit of the shock when she approached him about talking to Remy? Couldn't say he was glad every woman he cared about seemed to have a soft spot for Gumbo. Really, it baffled him what they saw in the thief. But no matter what he thought, Ororo and Rogue both seemed to like the man. She'd told Logan over and over again when he held her in his arms, that she was terrified Rogue running away might destroy Remy. Now that it seemed so heartbreakingly plausible that they could lose Stripes for good, Ororo's worries had jumped to a much higher level.
So, when she requested he go and pull Remy away from his terrifying tree attacks, Logan agreed. Honestly, Logan had no earthly idea what he could do or say to someone who was beaten up over the very same thing that was driving him crazy. All she told him when he mentioned said problem, was that it made him even more qualified to talk to Remy. What did that even mean?
"You," Remy set the empty container down and raised a quizzical eyebrow, "Want to talk to me?"
"Can't say it was my favorite idea," Logan grumbled. "But you won't talk about Rogue with anyone."
"There is nothing to say." He immediately lost any visible emotion, "We will fix this."
"Were tryi-"
"That isn't good enough!" Remy growled as his long held together shell finally started to crack.
They couldn't just try. You just tried to make it to work on time, and you just tried to make a good grade on a test. You never, ever, just tried to save the life of the person you love. This time it was clear. He was absolutely certain that he would get her through this and back to her old self.
But how was he supposed to do it when she gave up? Remy knew she had been terribly hurt in her life, but this was the worst they had ever seen. How many times could they drag her back to her senses then watch her explode again? Rogue seemed to be losing more and more of herself as the attacks became more frequent. What happened when she lost the last of her strength and couldn't fight Sunil at all?
"I don't…" He stumbled on the words as his shoulders shook softly and his hands curled into fists, "I am scared, Logan… I sit here watching every glimmer of light leave her eyes and I can't do a fucking thing about it! I'm powerless to help her and I am honestly terrified that I am going to lose her…" Remy took a slow breath and rubbed his tired eyes before adding, "I can't lose the woman I love."
Logan sat up a little straighter at that admission. He figured Remy was teetering on the edge of a breakdown, but he hadn't expected to hear the word 'love'. Remy kept his head titled away from Logan, but the man could practically smell the tears sitting in the corner of his eyes. For the first time since his Rogue had kissed Remy at the Lenox ball, Logan found himself almost approving of their relationship.
"You tell her that?"
As twisted as it seemed, even Logan could realize how deeply those two felt about each other. Good or bad they were in this thing together. Rogue pushed away to keep him safe and Gambit fought every barrier with all the strength he could muster to do just the same for her.
"Not exactly the romantic moment Remy was hoping for."
Logan could sense Remy's defenses kicking back into gear and his normal flippant attitude taking over to cover the true emotions he just shared, "Screw romantic."
"And yet, Stormy still chases after you." He forced out a joke, not wanting to even think that he had admitted his internal fears to Logan. He needed to stay strong no matter what. It was the only way to keep pushing himself to fight.
"Look," Logan growled out, choosing to ignore the mention of his private relationship, "That kid is going through hell in there and you are going through it out here. Forget any of that sappy junk and tell her. Give her something to hold onto and keep fighting for damnit."
The words struck a chord through Gambit's protective shell and forced him to actually think about his options. He opened his mouth, unsure what he would say or ask on the subject, but almost craving more discussions with Logan. The gruff man cut him off by holding a hand in front of his face and tilting his ear towards the kitchen door.
"Something is wrong." Logan whispered in a firm voice and stood up from his stool as guards started to race past them and towards the main stairwell, "We got to move, now!"