I'm sorry I haven't posted anything of this lately, but it's because my computer broke down and I honestly can't type on the cell phone - actually I really shouldn't type too much on the computer either, but since a cell phone's keyboard is smaller it makes it worse for me. So, I got a computer and I'm back to writing, however slowly - for several reasons, most of them being familly matters - so I can't promise regular updates, but unless something really big happens I can promise it won't take me as long as it took to post this chapter.
Hope you don't give up on reading this. Thank you so much all of you who read it, commented and followed.

Xoxo

Dark Wings...

Chapter 3 - Is Where You Go to Rest Your Bones

You love Philip Coulson, you really do, but sometimes you just hate the man. He is the only one who could make you go back into the field when you don't want to – but really, how could you keep an eye on him and save his ass – because this is pretty much your job on this new team – when he was out there and you were stuck inside the plane or taking care of the science twins and the hacker?

So you ask him clearance for combat which he grants you immediately. You think that maybe with you, Coulson and Ward it will be enough to keep yourselves and the rest of the team safe – but you forget you can't protect everyone all the time.

Skye betrays you by sharing Intel with her boyfriend and fellow Rising Tide hacker Miles – she says she is sorry and you even understand why she did it, she really had no one else but him before Coulson and Ward got to her – and you wish you and the rest of the team were not so attached to each other already so it wouldn't affect you all that much – but you are, and even though you hide under your stone cold façade you do admit at least to yourself it stung quite a bit to know she was going behind your backs.

Simmons gets infected by an alien virus. She only has two hours left and landing will take three. The biochemist tries twice the anti-serum she prepared and fails, she is ready to give up but Fitz is not and so takes upon himself to help her, even if it means him getting infected – and you can't help but be reminded of a younger you and Phil. They work together for what it feels like eternity - you are past wishing you didn't care so much about any of them; so you just watch and hope everything will work out in the end – and when the third try doesn't work none of you know really what to do, so when she asks for a moment alone with Leo you all but grant her so. You just did not count on her jumping out of the plane to save you all – thankfully, Ward catches her before she could fall in the water and gives her the anti-serum she and Fitz worked on. When you see Jemma alive and well it takes a great deal of your self-control not to hug her.

You find Phil still in his office just after watching Simmons and Ward leave it. You catch him looking at his medical reports and you try to ignore the fear sitting within you – the fear of him finding out what really happened to him, the fear of him hating you for having helped bring him back.

You settle for asking him about Simmons instead, and when he tells you one would never know she almost died he meets your eyes, and you know what he's implying, but you can't give in, so you just say that experiences such as that takes a while to sink in.

There's a brief moment of silence before you mention the reports – because, honestly, if something was wrong you'd want to know, you need to know – and when he answers that everything is fine you almost let out a sigh of relief, but you don't thanks to your dork of a best friend that had to make an Iron Man joke regarding the fact he was and you quote 'a little heavy on the iron. But don't worry you don't need to start calling me Iron Man"

"Wasn't planning on it" You answer and he smiles at you, but you know the matter it's not over and that jokes aside something is bothering him deeply.

He tells you his doctors never requested any tests and that he ordered that himself – at his anguished expression you wish to tell him everything you know, but you can't and you have to remind yourself it is for his own good.

He says he feels different and you understand and even though there's not much you can say to help answer his questions you try and offer comfort the best way you can – words were never your strong suit, but for Philip Coulson there's a lot you would do.

"Take off your shirt" you say and the way he looks at you it's almost comical.

"Excuse me" he says, clearly unsure to what is happening.

"Your shirt. Unbutton it" you ask again and when he sees how serious you are he do as you ask.

The sight of his scar makes you feel like is almost too much to bear, but you swallow the lump in your throat and force the words out – however affected by his death you may be doesn't matter when he's looking at you like you might be the only person on the universe able to answer all of his questions.

"Whether it was eight seconds or forty you died. There's no way you can go trauma like that and not come out of it changed." You say and it takes everything in you not to break down in front of him right now, and so in an attempt to hide the effects of his 'short death' you mention Bahrain. "You know how long it's taken me to…"

"I know" he answers and the way his expression darkens reminds you of the fact that on the day you killed that girl you not only lost yourself but Phil also lost his best friend there.

"The point of these things is to remind us there's no going back. There's only moving forward" you say going back to the matter at hand. "You feel different, because you are different"

You button his shirt and walks out, because as strong as you may be you cannot take any more of this right now. You go into the cockpit and stares at the night sky as you fly the plane, when you do allow yourself to get a few moments of sleep it's only to have Katia and a dead Phil hunting your dreams.

…

Ward and Fitz go on a mission – that you later realize is pretty much a suicide mission – and almost get themselves killed – not to mention the fact that there was no extraction planed, which makes you want to kill Victoria Hand and at the same time feel extremely proud of Skye and Jemma – and yes, you do know they broke the rules, and no, you don't give much of a damn.

You screw Ward and it is just sexual release, after the day you all had, you could use some liquor and physical comfort. It doesn't mean anything other than what it is and if you are honest with yourself as handsome, sexy and young – and actually good in bed – as Ward can be you really wish it were Phil with you instead.

…

The team's next mission involves a young engineer named Hannah Hutchins that after the Particle Accelerator Complex she worked in exploded and killed four of her colleagues dangerous situations have been happening around her – like a gas station blowing up, for example.

Phil chooses you and Ward to go with him to talk to the woman – a Welcome Wagon in a sort of way – while Fitz and Simmons scan the Complex the best they can for information on what caused the explosion. Skye asks to go with him, but Phil denies her request saying it's a delicate situation.

"It's a delicate situation, so you're bringing along Warm and Fuzzy?" Skye asks and the sarcasm earns her your best glare – you just can't show her how it stung to hear her talk like that.

The initial contact doesn't go as smooth as you all wished and when things start to get out of hand you shoot the engineer with an Icer before matters get worse.

Back on the bus Phil wants you in the cage with him to talk to girl, says that for her to believe anything any of you say she needs to know that you're not hiding anything from her, which means you explaining the situation, when Ward questions what if it doesn't work, what if it makes her more agitated, you can't help but look at Phil when you answer.

"Then he definitely wants me in there"

Phil knows what you're thinking, he knows you too well, but he doesn't comment on it, he just says 'Pretty much' in retort to your statement and goes lose his tie.

You know he wants you there for professional reasons; he wants you there because he knows you're the most capacitated one to contain any possible threat she might pose as. However it does not mean it doesn't hurt to be seen as The Cavalry by your best friend.

Skye looks at you with clear disgust and the she way she talks to you, all after you shot Hannah with that Icer, hurts more than you imagined it could – you were never the best of friends, and you were always very clear about not wanting her on the plane and/or missions on the first few months, but she stayed, she settled in and once you realized she was not leaving (not even after that whole Miles and The Rising Tide fiasco) it was hard not to begin to care for her.

What Skye doesn't understand us that all you're trying to do is protecting them; because the truth is that you cannot lose them – any of them.

You catch a part a brief part of Skye's conversation with Hannah and you really wish Skye's words didn't get to you as much they did. Before you can change your mind, you interrupt and say you'll stand guard. Coulson needs her help to try and repair the plane's systems.

She tries to protest but once you say it's an order she relents albeit reluctantly.

"Try not to hurt her any more than you already did, Agent May" her words cut like a knife and the look she gives you break you inside, and you realize that she's already formed her opinion on you and there's nothing you can do to try and change it, but that's probably for the best, you think. The more she despises you, the easier it is to push her away.

You take Hannah out of the plane once you are informed that the 'ghost' is after her and when she asks you what you are going to do you just say you're going to fix the problem. You use her as a bait to draw him out, away from your people. And you'll do whatever you have to. You fight Tobias as the skilled fighter you are, and if you punch a little harder than necessary, well, he did try to kill you and your teammates.

It takes you long enough but when you realize what is actually happening it becomes very clear what you have to do, the words you need to say.

All the things Tobias did was because he was trying to protect her, and so now you understand why he almost killed you – he's not forgiven, but you understand his motives.

"Let the girl go", you repeat the words Phil said to you five years ago and after pleading once more he goes away.

When Phil asks you what you said to him you answer him bitterly, "The same words you said to me in Bahrain"

The hurt is evident on your face but he doesn't say anything about it, he knows better than that.

After everything's over and you're finishing preparing for takeoff, Skye enters the cockpit and asks you if you mind if she keeps you company. You don't answer, because you don't really know what to say – you don't want to say no and drive her away even more but you don't also don't want to say yes and allow yourself any more vulnerability towards her.

However she takes your silence as a yes, and you're more than happy she did. You try not to smile at the look on her face when the plane begins to ascend towards the sky. Her presence is more than welcomed and when she leaves, you allow yourself one tiny smile.

You pull a prank on Fitz later that night, and as you listen to him accuse the others and get laughed at you smile fully, and realize that maybe, just maybe, you didn't lose all of yourself that day in Bahrain.

…

You confront Ward about the punch he took for you and he says it was just a tactical measure and after he explains why you do see it was the best way out. You say it was your mistake, but he does not take your comment well – and it's probably because you scolded him like he was some rookie – and you can see it in his face and hear it in his voice, especially when he says 'Don't flatter yourself'

You don't respond but it does wound your pride – and a bit more than that. You can't say it's because you love him, you can't even say it's because you like him because you don't, to you all that he is it's a form of release, however the disdain in his voice makes you angry at yourself for even thinking he may care.

As if what just passed wasn't enough Skye appears behind right after Ward left and in the haze of your mess of emotions and because you don't think you can deal with the girl right now you ask her if it's about that damned drive – she says no. You end up lashing out on her even if you know she does not deserve it – she just wants to find her parents but Phil says the two of need to protect her from the truth and if to do so you need to turn into something she'll hate even more than she already did you'll do, even if it hurts you more than you care to admit.

…

The girl in the flower dress – Rayna – contacts Mike Peterson and tells him she has his son. You prepare an extraction mission to retrieve the boy and keep the super soldier safe, but when he tells you he wants Coulson to escort him to make the trade all of the alarms in your head go off.

Once you get to the bridge where the trade is to happen you try to convince Phil to let you escort the other man, but he says no. When you say you don't like any of that he smirks at you and says there would be something wrong with you if you did.

You stay in the car with Skye, Simmons and Fitz while Ward it's in position to fire as you watch Phil escort Mike. You lose sight of him soon, and that does not sit well with you but you remind yourself that from Ward's position on the roof he can see everything that's happening and it's there to intervene in case it's needed.

When you hear Ward say they took Coulson, though, it takes everything in you not to panic – you can't afford to when Phil's life is in danger. You contact HQ but before they can offer any kind of back up you watch in horror as a part of the bridge blows up at very place Mike is in, your eyes search for any sign of Phil but as soon as the flames of the first explosion die down the car they took Coulson to goes up in flames also and you think that now you lost him for good – and just when you've barely got him back.

Once the helicopter appears on your line of vision your desolation is taken over by your anger and you promise yourself and Phil that these people will regret ever laying their hands on him.

I hope you liked it. Reviews and comments make my day a lot better. Construtive criticism is accepted - and since second person POV is still new territorry for me - and very welcomed. Thank you all for reading it!

Xoxo

Dark Wings...