xxx
He stopped by her chamber at her request, even though the few precious early hours of the morning were the only chance he'd have to sleep before he'd have to be up at the crack of dawn to tend to her all the following day. Still, he felt a bit more awake as he knocked on the door and it swung open on creaky hinges, revealing the Princess, peering up at him blearily, on the other side. "I haven't been able to sleep."
"Ah. Hungry again?" He leaned one hand on the doorframe and stuck the other in his pocket as he brought his face close to hers, towering over her, a playful smirk on his lips. "What'll it be this time, Princess? Chocolate cake? Roasted deer? Cockroach souffle? I always find roaches to be more delicious at midnight, myself, don't you agree?"
"No… not tonight, Hak."
"Oh? Has the Princess finally realized that sneaking into the Palace kitchens to eat food after everyone has gone to sleep is beneath her?"
She didn't rise to the bait, much to his disappointment and bewilderment. She only turned and moved into the room, crossing the space to peer out the window on the wall opposite at the star-filled April sky.
"Tomorrow is my birthday."
Hak wasn't sure if she was speaking to him or herself, so he adopted her pensive tone as he shifted his weight to lean fully against the doorframe, one eye on the hallway and the other on her silhouette. "Tomorrow is already today."
"But it's not my birthday yet. Not really. Not until I fall asleep."
He didn't know if she was presenting him with a problem, but after a few beats of silence, he ventured a solution nonetheless. "Then sleep."
"I can't. When I wake up I'll be a woman."
He snorted. "If you say so."
She spun around to glare at him. "I will! I'll be sixteen."
He raised an eyebrow, glad to have finally managed to get a rise out of her. "You'll be a day older than you are today. Is that the difference between a girl and a woman? Twenty-four hours?"
"No!"
"I would say experience is what makes a girl into a woman, wouldn't you?"
"I know that!" whiplash-quick she flounced away from the window and sprang up on the bed, snatching a pillow to chuck at her guard. Hak didn't bother dodging, as the feather-filled sack barely made it ten feet away from her, much less to the doorway, without even accounting for her terrible aim. His poorly concealed laughter aggravated her further and she let out a frustrated, "ugh!" and tugged at her hair with both hands rather aggressively, thoroughly distraught, before flopping backwards onto the mattress and taking some deep breaths. Hak watched passively from his spot, not quite in the room, not quite outside of it, and counted. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
"I know that," she whispered, eyes trained on the ceiling. "I know there's so much I haven't experienced. People will smile at me tomorrow at the party and tell me I'm no longer a girl, that I've become a beautiful young lady… but they'll be lying."
Hak remained silent, merely watching her in lieu of a reply, waiting for her to continue. The Princess shivered, but didn't move beyond the involuntary reaction. Didn't wrap her arms around herself. Didn't burrow under the covers. She just laid there, as if in a trance. "Could you close the door?"
Normally, Hak would have grumbled at such a request, reluctantly obeying but not without a remark such as, "I know your head's funny, Princess, but your legs work perfectly fine." But he felt as though the Princess was fragile right now, somehow. Like perhaps if he pushed back too hard at her, she would break. So he turned and tugged the door shut as gently as he could without a word, leaning back against it as it clicked shut. Waiting. Still waiting.
The room grew much darker suddenly cut off from the candlelit corridor, the thin shafts of moonlight peeking through the window the only illuminator of the Princess' prone form on the bed. Hak quickly pushed away any traitorous thoughts of a certain dream he'd had hardly a week before.
It was a dream, and nothing more.
It would never be anything more.
Her next words were all the reminder he needed of that fact. Her voice quivered, tentative. Vulnerable, as if she were exposing herself, completely proffering up the unprotected depths of her heart. "I just want Su-Won to see me as a woman…" She couldn't hide the small break in her voice when she spoke her cousin's name, but the darkness managed to hide her tears, if she shed any.
The silence that followed was excruciating. Hak knew he should say something, anything, or go to her, sit by her side, hold her hand, but he couldn't seem to move. All of his muscles, frozen in place, his vocal chords included, constricted painfully tight. No matter. The right words eluded him anyway.
Every second that ticked by he grew more and more aware of his own failure. What was wrong with him? Why wasn't he able to put his feelings aside? Isn't this what he was here to do? To protect the Princess, protect her heart? To push her along the path to happiness? To lead her towards Su-Won, towards the future he'd always wanted for her- for him- for them, together? A future where he could be by their sides?
He needed to be by her side. She was crying. Was she crying? He couldn't tell. All he could see in the darkness were the long lashes of her closed eyes, her slim fingers buried into a small portion of her silk comforter, and her crimson hair, fanned out around her like a halo. There was no sound of sniffling in the air, only the stilted rhythm of shallow breaths growing deeper, heavier… more controlled? Was she sleeping? He needed to check on her. He needed to go to her side.
He was going, he was going to move now… now… now.
Too late.
She sat up suddenly, but surely, seeming to be much more possessed, somehow more present than she had been in the moments before. A stray shaft of moonlight hit her as she raised her head and rolled her shoulders slowly back, perfectly spotlighting the contours of her breathtaking, heartbreaking smile. "At any rate, if I want something to happen, I should do something about it, right Hak? Here I am being faint-hearted again. Sorry. I must really be annoying you."
The words tumbled out of him as he found his voice again, like water bursting from behind a broken dam. "Princess. You are beautiful. He- Su-Won would have to be blind not to see you as such."
His heart began pounding before the words had even finished leaving his mouth, and as soon as he'd finished speaking them, he regretted it. What had he just said? What was he thinking?
But the Princess just laughed, a sweet, melancholy tinkle, and looked down at her hands. "That's a nice thing to say, Hak. Are you awake? Or did you drift off while I was feeling sorry for myself and now you're sleeptalking?"
"I am awake, Princess."
She smiled again, more softly.
"And I mean it."
The smile faded away.
"You take your job too seriously…" before he could protest, she forged ahead, violet eyes meeting blue, "but I'm glad you do. That's why I called you here, after all. Here, sit down." She patted the vacant spot on the bed beside her.
"I'm fine standing."
"Sit." Wary to overstep any boundaries, but even more wary to disobey the sharp-tongued order, Hak settled himself at the foot of the bed, as much distance between himself and the girl as possible.
"Princess, this isn't appropriate…"
"What do you mean? It's just you. It's fine."
"..."
"Come closer. I just want to talk to you."
"She grew impatient at his continued reluctance, and so opted to get up and forcibly tug him over to her. When she found it impossible to move the mountain of muscle that was the Lightning Beast even an inch, she let out an exasperated little huff and dropped down next to him so they were side-by-side, mirroring his position, hands leaned behind her on the mattress, feet hanging over the edge. She craned her neck to look up at him. "Is this alright?" she asked with no little hint of annoyance.
Hak just tightened his jaw and kept his gaze trained straight ahead. Now that they were both facing away from the window he really couldn't see anything, but rather than make things easier for him it only made him more aware of her in other ways. The steady sound of her breathing. The faint smell of her exotic perfume. The warmth of her leg against his as she shifted to get comfortable.
"Hak…"
Her words. Focus on her words.
"You're eighteen now, ne? You're so grown up now."
When he still kept his silence, she fumbled around for one his hands, pressing her own flat against it, holding it up close to his face to show him. The difference in size was massive, his palm dwarfing hers. "So much bigger than me."
"Princess…" a warning. She pulled her hand away, but pressed on, undeterred.
"You must have been with girls, right? Even if you've never mentioned any. There must have been at least one girl who's taken an interest in you at some point, right? Or… a girl that you've loved?"
What...? "Why are you asking this?"
There must have been at least one girl. There had been admirers. Admirers in the plural, more than just one, many of them, of course there had. He was a General, after all. He was renowned throughout the kingdom. The whispers followed him in the streets wherever he went, as did the admirers, young and old, some looking for power, some looking to brag to their friends, some looking at, well, his muscles most likely. There had been offers. He had never taken them. Unwelcome advances. He had never failed to evade them.
In the back of his mind, he was aware that some small part of him had wondered- wished- that the Princess had perhaps noticed, had possibly overheard the serving girls tittering away about him as they set up for the mid-day meal. Or somehow caught wind of the women quietly singing their praises for him to each other whenever he dragged her with him to the arena so he could train.
But of course she hadn't. He was the one in her peripheral vision, not at the center of it. It wasn't her fault. She hadn't been trained to notice much of anything about her peripheral, and she never would be. She would never need to be. That was what she had a guard for.
She was insistent, relentless. "You've experienced so much more than me, Hak. You've held weapons, you've won battles, you've been outside the castle walls… I know you've done this too. You must have."
This conversation was headed in a dangerous direction. Hak's eyes narrowed with trepidation. "Done what?"
He felt rather than heard her deep intake of breath, felt her freeze beside him and the air grow heavier before she released it with a trembling sigh. He felt rather than saw her tilt her head to peer up at him, felt her breath steam on his cheek, felt her hand rise up to cup the other side of his face, her fingerprints searing into his skin, her nose brushing his as she brought his face close- so close too close- to his own. He felt rather than heard the next words she breathed onto his lips, felt them because he couldn't hear anything over his own thundering heartbeat, over the riotous sound of chaos engulfing him as the world as he'd known it was thrown into deafening disorder. "Done this…"
This wasn't right. This wasn't real- it was another dream, a hallucination, a trick, a test, or he was misunderstanding the situation, he was- it wasn't what he thought, it was, it was-
It was the feeling of her lips brushing against his, just once, so faint he wasn't sure if he had imagined it in his uncontrollable panic, his unfathomable confusion and what was going on-
"Hak… hold still, please…"
Was he imagining those whispered words too? Was he imagining the hand she raised to cup his other cheek, cementing his head in place as she slowly leaned in to bring their faces close- too close- again? Was he imagining the faint glimmers of violet slowly shuttering shut as she, as she-
"What are you doing?"
He bolted from the bed so fast he really might have been made of lightning, fumbling blindly for something, anything to support him before finding the cool stone of the wall and sliding down it in uncontainable shock. He was shaking. He couldn't stop shaking, couldn't process, couldn't understand, couldn't compute-
What was going on?
"Hak-"
"Are you sick?" That was the only solution. "Are you feverish? You aren't thinking clearly, you're behaving-"
"I am not sick. I'm thinking perfectly clearly, Hak, I'm in control of my actions."
"You're tired. You're not yourself, you need to rest-"
"I do not need to rest, and I am myself. Hak, listen to me for a moment, please."
No. He stood and made for the doorway, not daring to glance at her as he passed. "I need to go. I'll fetch you more comfortable sheets, I'll call Min-Soo in to check your temperature, he can fluff your pillows, I'll get you warm tea from the-"
"I don't need tea! I don't need fluffed pillows, Hak, listen to me! Please, let me explain."
Explain. "Fine. Yes, explain." Balling his hands into fists managed to stop them from shaking. He crossed his arms. Yes, this was good, this was fine, this was manageable. He was stock-still, glaring down at her, the unyielding chief of an interrogation. He was calm. Cold. He was in control. "Explain," he repeated.
She licked her lips, nervous. "I need you…" she broke off, took an unsteady breath, and tried again. "I need you to kiss me."
He was calm. He was in control. "Why?"
"It's important, please-"
"Why?"
"I- I need you to, I need your help-"
"Why?"
She seemed unsure of how to respond. He didn't blame her. Even he wasn't sure of what he was asking anymore.
"Because… I'm asking you to. I'm asking you, Hak. Please kiss me."
He was calm. He was in control. "Princess, I- no. It's not my place-" though he was trying to remain level-headed, he could hear his cold demeanor cracking, his voice rising with every word, just as he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks, to the back of his neck.
"Hak, please! If I see Su-Won tomorrow- when I see Su-Won tomorrow- I want to show him. I want him to see that I've become a woman. I want to show him, but he's so much more experienced than me. He's- he's had proposals of marriage, you heard him-"
"Yeah, and so have you apparently!" His rage was making him forget himself, who he was, making him fling words like weapons at the Princess, dredging up that day in the training arena with a vengeance.
"Yes, Hak, I lied! Okay? I panicked and I lied. Because I didn't want Su-Won to see me as a child, don't you understand? But this way, if I- if I kiss him tomorrow he won't see me that way, because he'll see that I've done it before and-"
"When will you have done it before?"
"Right now, Hak! With you."
"Like hell you will have!"
"Calm down! It's just practice! Don't you see? And then I won't have to lie, and I- I'll be a woman and-"
"No. Absolutely not."
"Please, Hak."
"I'm leaving."
"No!"
The desperation in her words made him pause, but was not enough to make him turn back around. He stood with his back to her, fists clenched, trying and failing to even out his ragged breaths. He really was about to leave before he betrayed his post and started yelling at her again when a soft sniffle had him whirling back around.
"Stay, please. Please help me, I'm begging you-"
Now she was crying. He stood rooted to the spot, frozen yet again, unwilling to go near her but unable to look away as two tears rolled gently down her right cheek and one more down her left. She was the very picture of purity, so honest, so open, so transparent. No airs. No facades. Just the truth of the contents of her heart hanging in the air between them, laid bare for Hak to see.
She wiped the drops away with the back of her hand and took a shuddering, composing breath.
When he spoke again, his voice was once more controlled, quiet, though still simmering with rage and unparalleled disbelief. "How could you ask a servant to defile you in such-"
"You're not a servant. You're my friend. I trust you."
"Trust me with your life, Princess, not with-"
"And… I'm not asking. It's an order."
"Then I..." he stopped himself before he could finish the sentence. Then I quit.
What was he saying? He'd made a promise. He couldn't back out now, couldn't back out ever, couldn't abandon her to someone else's care. A shadow passed over his face as he thought about how another guard might have reacted in this situation. No way in hell would he subject the Princess to that. This was his job. It had to be him.
'It's just you. It's fine.'
That was what she'd said, wasn't it?
'It's just you.'
Just… him. Just her guard. Just a friend.
Just an order.
He was proud of the flat, emotionless tone he managed to adopt as he uttered his treasonous assent. Proud that it betrayed none of the turmoil raging inside his mind and his heart. "It is not my place to question orders. If the Princess wishes for me to… to do this for her, then I will comply."
"Thank you." A sniffle. She was crying again.
This time there was no hesitation, no rigid helplessness, no loss for what to do. He crossed to her in two strides, took her face in his hands and wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "It's alright, Princess. Don't cry."
"I'm sorry, Hak." the tears wouldn't stop falling. He had to continuously circle his thumbs over both cheeks to catch them all. "Don't hate me. Please don't hate me."
Her eyes were so mournful, so full of repentance and hopelessness and regret that he couldn't bear to look at them any longer. He brought her head into his chest and rested his own on top of hers, wrapping his arms around her, feeling her tears soak through his shirt. "Shh," he murmured into the dark, eyes on the distant moon, the faraway stars. "I don't hate you. I could never."
After a small eternity- or perhaps it was merely a minute, he couldn't be sure- the crying subsided. She took a small step back, though not far enough to be out of his embrace, and looked up at him, offering a tentative smile. "Okay. I'm ready."
He wasn't. He wasn't, but perhaps he would never be, and she was waiting, and a servant should never leave their master waiting, and here he was…
"Okay." He didn't know what to do. There was nothing else to say. He couldn't delay it any longer.
But he wasn't ready...
His pulse rose as he brought his lips to her forehead and kissed her. His eyes widened imperceptibly as a small blush appeared on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I probably won't be as good at it as the girls you've had before…"
Of course. She was embarrassed. All the girls you've had before… there had been no girls before. He was just as lost and embarrassed as she was. But how could he tell her that now, when she had worked up her courage? When she was counting on him?
"I'll do my best." she smiled softly.
We'll learn together, he thought to himself. She would learn… well, she would learn what she wanted so desperately to learn, and he would learn how to lock his feelings away deep inside of his heart once and for all. He would learn how to distance his emotions from his post, how to disentangle his orders from his desires.
Her eyes closed.
There was nothing else to say. He brought his lips to hers.
He felt nothing. He was just following orders. He most certainly did not feel like his heart was about to explode in his chest.
The kiss was shy, at first, and chaste, and if it was clumsy, neither of them knew enough to know any better.
As the girl grew more confident, she began to run her tongue over his lips, asking- commanding entry. He obeyed and led her to the bed, mouth never leaving hers, intending to sit on the edge, but she pulled him on to the mattress as they reached it, curling up into each other on top of the covers.
This was everything he'd ever wanted. Everything he'd ever dreamed about. Hell, he had literally dreamed about it, so why…
Why did he feel… so...
sad?
This was nothing like his dream. Sure, the setting, the moon, even the tears were the same, but the atmosphere was all wrong, transforming the scene into some twisted parody. He knew she wouldn't be sighing his name into the silence. The only name on her mind tonight was Su-Won's.
Was it over yet?
He broke away, and she gasped for air. Between ragged breaths, he panted, "Princess… when you want me to stop... I'll stop."
She nodded her understanding, "I'll tell you," then kissed him again.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small part of Hak was relieved she had not stopped him there. This was wrong. It was wrong, everything about it was wrong, but… this was his one chance. When it ended… it would be over. It would never come again.
Though he told himself with every movement of her lips that this was fine, he was fine, he was following orders, he felt nothing, somewhere in the back of his mind, a small part of him knew the truth.
The truth was, he still had a lot of learning to do.
He kissed her until the moonlight gave way to the early stirrings of the sun.
xxx
He'd noticed it a week ago, as soon as Su-Won had arrived. It had been jarringly obvious the second he'd delivered the news. The mere mention of his arrival, the mere knowledge that he was in the Castle had somehow made the Princess transform, somehow made her become more.
More shallow. More short-tempered. More high maintenance, self-conscious, self-absorbed.
More passionate. More bright. More vibrant. More intense. More alive.
When she woke up the following morning (er, well, the following afternoon), it was as if the more-ness had somehow increased tenfold.
She was up and out of bed before he'd even noticed she was stirring (an impressive feat considering he was her bodyguard, even if he was exhausted), bounding over to the window to let the afternoon breeze pour in. She hummed a bit underneath her breath as she waltzed around the room, pausing to stretch out this muscle or that. Her eyes sparkled brighter than any of the orgy of jewels scattered all over her vanity. "Morning Hak," she sang as she danced over to his signature spot in the doorway, brushing past him briefly to stick her head into the hallway, looking both ways as if to see if anyone was coming.
"Morning, Princess."
She turned to glare at him rapid-fire before faking a small cough. "Ahem."
He stared back blankly. "What?"
"Do you know what day it is?"
"It's, uh, Wednesday, I believe, Princess. The 6th, right? Or is it the 7th?"
Her Royal Highness was royally unamused. "It's April 7th, Hak and it's my birthday, as I know you're aware." she moved to the vanity, sitting down in front of the mirror and uttering a low tsk as she took note of her sleep-rumpled reflection. "It wouldn't hurt you to be a little more charming every once in a while, you know."
"I could say the same to you."
"Why, you- !" Hak effortlessly caught the bejeweled haircomb that came flying at him with one hand and turned it over in his hands, examining it, before replying with a tch of his own. "Temper tantrums and throwing toys- how old are you turning today, Princess? Five?"
She huffed and stuck her tongue out at him, which Hak was about to point out only furthered his point, when her childish expression gave way to a sigh of supreme contentment. She turned to look in the mirror again, twirling a strand of her hair around on one finger contemplatively. "Not five…" she said, "sixteen."
She looked at him once more, "sixteen, can you believe it?" and her accompanying smile literally stole Hak's breath away.
Only for a second, but it was enough to make his eyes widen and his heart skip a beat. It was a smile that went beyond happy, beyond satisfied. It was luminous. Overjoyed. It was glorious. He tried not to gulp. "Princess, you look… different."
She grinned again. He looked away. "Do I look like a woman?"
"Could be. Or maybe it's just that your hair is so messy. "
"Well, you look terrible!"
He knew that much was true. Even from the blurry glimpse of himself he could manage from the doorway he could make out the bags under his eyes, the droop in his posture, the every-which-way-edness of his hair.
Yeah, well I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Any, actually. None. "I'm fine."
The girl in the mirror pouted. "You're right. It's so messy!" she waved him over. "My comb! Bring it back!" Rolling his eyes and not bothering to chide her for throwing it at him in the first place, he set it down next to her just as Min-Soo appeared in the doorway.
Hak waved at him in the mirror. "Yo."
The young boy smiled warmly back. "Hey, you two. I'm here to help you get ready, Princess. Your ladies should be in soon to help you dress as well."
Seizing this brief opportunity for respite from the Princess' exhausting presence, Hak flashed a peace sign on his way out. "Great. I'm going to make my rounds, shouldn't be more than an hour. Princess, stay here while I'm gone. Min-Soo, there's a man stationed around the corner should you need anything. Thanks."
"No problem, Lightning Beast. Now, Princess, where should we start?"
"My hair! Do something about my hair!"
He exited without a glance back.
xxx
She hadn't said a word about the previous night. She hadn't acted particularly strange. In fact, she had offered no indication that the previous night had happened at all. Hak might have chalked it up to another dream, if he had actually gotten any sleep in the past thirty-six hours.
It just wasn't on her mind, was all. Of course it wasn't. Why would it be? That was just practice, after all. Today, if all went well with Su-Won… today she would experience the real thing.
The General's trip around palace grounds was scenic, to say the least. All around him, sakura trees rustled in the ambling spring breeze, clouds rolled lazily across the sky, servants rushed around, chattering and laughing to one another as they put the finishing touches on their preparations for the night's celebration.
The peaceful atmosphere was unfailingly relaxing. Good for musing. It was as if the wind whisked all frustrations away.
'Do I look like a woman?' Maybe last night had made a difference. She certainly seemed different, as if someone had turned on a switch inside of her, or as if she were one of the buds on the cherry trees, finally starting to blossom.
Or maybe it had nothing to do with last night. Nothing to do with the past, and everything to do with the future. Indeed, for the Princess, things did seem bright. Hak would bet his spear that her and Su-Won would be married by the years' end. He could see them now, standing across from each other on that cobblestone bridge over there, radiating youth and love and life.
Wait a minute. He blinked once. Twice. Then another time, just for good measure. That really was them, standing there over the water, beaming at each other. Su-Won seemed to have just given the Princess a gift, but he was too far away to make out much beyond the sparkle of gemstones… something bedazzled, then. (Just what she needed, he thought dryly.) A piece of jewelry, perhaps? Another haircomb she could turn into a flying missile? He wasn't trying to be particularly sneaky as he made his way over to them, but when he reached them, planting himself between the two they jumped apart as if he had just magically appeared there. Or as if they had been doing something forbidden, or had been having a private moment.
He kind of wanted to smack them both.
"His Majesty is searching for you, your Highness."
Yona stamped her foot childishly. "Ugh, I bet he's drunk!" She ran off, but not before Hak caught a glimpse of the scarlet blush adorning both of her cheeks.
He smirked at his best friend. "Take care of her, Lord Su-Won," then sauntered away to catch up with the Princess before the the blonde man could protest. Where had she gone off to now? She couldn't have gotten far. Still, she had probably already managed to get into trouble on her own.
xxx
"I told you to stay in your room earlier, you know," he grumbled later that night as he sat outside her massive walk-in closet, watching her hold up dress after dress to her body in front of the full-length mirror before tossing them to the side. Between each garment she would take a minute or two to just stand there, looking at herself, sliding her fingers along the hair she so vehemently detested more gently than he had ever thought her capable of. A shiny new hairpin sparkled from atop the crimson tousles.
"Su-Won invited me for a walk," she said, as if it were all the explanation she needed. Maybe it was.
"Are you almost done? All these dresses look the same. And you've been dressed for hours anyway, why second-guess all the servants' hard work now?"
"I'm not second-guessing them! I know they worked hard! They did a lovely job…" she trailed off, eyeing herself up and down. "It's just… that was before I had the hairpin. And I'm going to see Su-Won. He's already seen me in this dress."
Girls. "Who cares?"
"I do!"
"Well he doesn't, I promise you."
"Fine then," she decreed, throwing the (bajillionth) dress away a bit more forcefully than any of the previous ones. "I'm going."
"Like that? If you're going to make a love confession, you should at least brush out your hair first."
He narrowed his eyes when his smirking hypocrisy didn't lead to an antagonistic exchange, but the Princess had a far-off look in her eyes, gazing into the mirror once more. "Su-Won likes my hair…" she whispered to herself.
He stood, cracking his neck and rolling out his stiff shoulders (he'd been sitting there for three hours, by his estimates). "Alright then. I'll come with you. It's the least I can do, as your betrothed and all."
That brought her back to Earth. "You're so annoying."
He just shrugged. Not as annoying as you.
"I'll be fine on my own."
"Relax. It's not like I'm going to be there with you. I'll wait outside."
"It's really okay."
"Princess, this is my job. It's not compromisable."
"I don't want you there, Hak."
That didn't hurt. He felt nothing. It was fine. Besides… "It's not like I want to be there either."
"Then don't come."
"Fine." He'd just order another guard to tail after her without her noticing.
"Fine."
"Princess-"
"I'm going alone."
She stormed out of the closet and into her bedroom, moving purposefully towards the doorway with single-minded stubbornness. She didn't even notice the hairpin fall out. He sighed, catching up to her in two strides, scooping up the ornament that meant so much to her on the way.
Before he knew what he was doing, he'd grabbed her hand from behind. She whirled on him impatiently, fire in her eyes. "What is it now?"
"You forgot something." He secured the pin back in her hair, tucking a few stray waves back that had fallen into her eyes. She looked like she didn't know whether to be grateful or even more annoyed. Her eyes flicked down. He was still holding on to her hand.
Finally, she offered a begrudging, "thanks."
They just stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say, violet eyes boring into blue. Her eyes churned with so many emotions: nervousness, excitement, love, lust- impatience at being stopped, and annoyance at her guard for stopping her, no doubt. Hak marveled that they didn't overflow. Well, he thought to himself, perhaps she had cried herself out last night.
And... she looked tired, too. Underneath it all.
He wasn't going to bring it up. If she wasn't dwelling on it, then neither should he. It really had been nothing more than an order, no different from all those other commands to sneak her into the kitchens, close the door, fetch her her comb.
"Hak, do you have something else to say?" she ventured a glance down the hall, foot tapping, before looking back at him.
Even though her face was contorted with a grimace of supreme proportions, she looked truly beautiful in that moment. On the verge of becoming a woman. So, so alive. "Happy birthday, Princess. You look great."
He wasn't going to say anything. It was over and done with. It was in the past. And she was being a royal pain in the ass. Still, it was her birthday…
"Is that all? I don't want to miss him."
"Hope all your practice pays off." He let go of her hand. I hope you're happy together.
She was off like a shot. She didn't look back.
xxx
That was the last thing he'd said to her before he'd discovered that the guard he'd sent to tail her had betrayed him. Before they'd discovered that Su-Won had murdered the King. Before the world had turned upside down.
As he led her from the Castle under the cloak of darkness, mind whirling, trying so madly and failing so completely to comprehend, to understand, to convince himself that it was all a dream, that it really had all been a dream, she couldn't seem to stop looking back. But Hak kept his eyes fixed unflinchingly forward for the both of them.
He never mentioned the kiss again.
xxx
A/N: Hakfanlover, Rockin' angels, Aki no Ryu, and anonimous-me (and 'Guest', of course XD), thank you for your reviews and thanks to everyone who has faved/followed 6KC!
And thank you, whoever you are, for reading ^_^ I hope you enjoyed chapter three!
On a somewhat unrelated note, does anyone else think that A Thousand Years by Christina Perri is just the absolute perfect song for Yona and Hak? The lyric "one step closer" reminds me so much of the honey scene between the two of them, when Yona asks if she's gotten a little stronger, gotten a little closer to Hak and AHHHHH IT JUST FILLS MY HEART TO THE BRIM AND BREAKS IT AT THE SAME TIME I CAN'T I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS HELP ! ! ! !11!1!hgoe
Ahem.
Anyways…
It's at the top of my phone's Yona playlist (yeah, I have a Yona playlist! I may be a tad bit too obsessed… oh well. It is my username, after all.) Just wondering if anyone else has thought that too, or has any other songs that remind them of HakYona or just Akatsuki no Yona in general! Let me know, I'm always looking to expand my Yona repertoire… :)
Much love,
Rosie
xxxxxx