Not entirely sure how it came to be, but I decided to put a second part of this story. It goes a little bit beyond the scene in the first chapter. More feels ahead.

Hugs and kisses to all who liked and commented on the first chapter. Hope you enjoy this part also.

Reasons of Not Letting Go

Living the life of a Shadowhunter has put Alec's life with a lot of restrictions – rules, that were supposed to be followed without questions asked.

Funny, how one thing in your life changes and then everything changes.

And the most important part is that you can't really control it. You don't have any control of your heart anymore. You can try to resist it but… it's helpless. It's all helpless. Once you start it, you can't just stop feeling it. Once you're there – the burning feeling in your heart doesn't stop.

He has heard stories… of how people just suddenly start to dislike each other, loosing the fire inside their bodies (hell, even his parents seem to be at the verge of that road), but holding Mangnus in his arms, in the aftermath of Valentine's attack, Alec can't imagine this feeling ever going away.

It's just everywhere. In his bones, in his lungs, in his skin, in his senses – everything is heightened for him and he can't get enough of Magnus. He's holding him tight – face buried in the crook of Magnus' neck – and he still thinks it's not nearly enough. That he could still go closer – let himself fall deeper.

With his senses going override, he can feel Magnus' fingers brushing soothing circles against his back, and he realizes that he's still trembling from within. He thinks he should somehow reassure Magnus but everything involving separation of him and Magnus now feels so terrifying and unfair that it only makes him squeeze Magnus closer.

Something stings in his eyes, despite them being closed and he has to take a shuddering breath before releasing it.

"Alec…" Magnus calls him, gentle and soft.

For a second the possibility of Magnus asking to untangle himself from him makes Alec spiral down near another panic attack and the violent shudder must give him away because at once Magnus is there – speaking sweet nothings to him, shushing him, followed by a lingering peck on the side of his neck.

He calms down.

Breathing in and out.

He tries really hard to get himself under control – going by every single training step of emotion control he had been through in the institute, if only making himself an excuse that this way he would be able to look at Magnus' face.

It feels like it's been a while.

He doen't rationalize his thoughts.

He can't.

He's sure if he even began to start analyzing his current behavior he'd be so appalled that he'd have to go into hiding for days… and that's something he just can't do. Because that would mean not seeing Magnus for days and the idea of that is unacceptable.

He gives a few breaths a try and after a few attempts, he feels like he's mostly ready to let go.

He lingers. His hands are all over Magnus – sliding over his shoulders, absentmindedly cupping the cheek and spreading his palm to cup the back of his head, until finally settling in on holding onto Magnus coat's sleeve.

He's not nearly prepared to what meets him once his eyes settle onto Magnus.

The beautiful hazel of Magnus's cat eyes stare at him with the intensity he had never seen before. And now Alec is sure that Magnus has been holding back with him. So much.

Something in his eyes must give it away, because there's a moment when Magnus shifts, one hand shooting out to cover his eyes and Alec can't understand why is he doing that because it's the most magical thing he has ever seen, and he doesn't want Magnus to ever feel conscious or uncomfortable with him, because in his eyes, he's beautiful.

His body takes it upon himself to lean in as words fail him at stopping Magnus from covering himself up. A single don't leaves his mouth but it seems to be enough.

Magnus stops and let's himself look at Alec with everything that he is.

He thinks he might start to understand why Magnus tried so hard to keep himself in control, to not overwhelm Alec, because this… seeing yourself reflected in the very core that is Magnus, makes Alec forget that the outside world even exists.

It can't be ever compared to the rare moments he had got a glimpse of those eyes in the months that they had known each other.

It reaches out somewhere deeply inside Alec and puts a knot in there, securing itself in place to never be removed again.

And it makes Alec realize that Magnus had loved him for a long while now, while it took so long for Alec to realize. The thought nearly makes him weak to the knees.

"I…uh…" he tries speaking, at first not sure what he even means to say, just forming words. His voice sounds like he had run tens of miles – and he thinks he probably did. "Magnus, I…" he tries and fails again, closing his eyes as his head shakes in frustration at himself.

He feels Magnus' hand on his cheek, holding it - the warm sensation of skin against skin in contrast with the coldness of his rings and exhales a long breath.

When he finally opens his eyes, Magnus is there. He stays there patiently with him, letting him take his time to come back to the world and love swells in Alec's heart at the very gesture of Magnus'.

"How did…" He wants to ask how had someone like him, who had never gotten what he wanted in his life, someone who never could get what he wanted, how did he get something so precious solely for himself?

He's nervous. He still doesn't know so much about what it means to be in a relationship and every argument of raised voices flashes by in his mind, to the very recent one of where he stormed out of Magnus' place without so much as a proper goodbye - angry and mean… yelling at Magnus like that…

He couldn't bear the thought if he'd lose Magnus over something silly like that.

His brows furrow, as words spill out of his mouth. "I… I'm sorry."

The confusion in Magnus' face is understandable, he barely understand the train of his own thoughts but it only takes a second longer for Magnus's features to morph into a small smile, assuring Alec that he understands.

The relief that floods his body is calming. It helps to ground him, if only a little.

He still doesn't feel like facing the world, but the world never asks him, instead it comes with the increase of commotion around the entrance of the Institute and only then Alec, and it seems Magnus – both of them - seem to realize that they had probably been standing out in the open like that for at least half an hour, publicly (not that Alec gives a damn about that since he kissed the warlock for the first time at his own Shadowhunters' wedding) but it still unsettles him in a way that he feels much too vulnerable for the world which seems to want him back as a soldier he should be.

He starts stuttering again, the beat of his heart, while never slowed to a regular speed, begins to increase again. "Magnus, I… I want- I need to go… the Institute, they uh, need me, um…" he speaks in a broken language until Magnus shushes him with a finger.

"I understand. We should head back inside-" He only let's Magnus say that much before Alec interrupts him, "There are so many bodies out there," he says and stops, not sure why he even brought that up. Magnus gives him a wry smile, of course he knows what he's getting back into.

"Alec-"

Alec shakes his head, because for some reason the thought of getting back inside the institute now makes him sick. Just a few seconds ago he had convinced himself that he was getting better but now it feels like he's back at the start. "No, uh, can we…" He takes strength in the look Magnus gives him and continues on, "Can we go back to your place?" he nearly chokes on the words, just as surprised as Magnus at what came out of his mouth. "I just think…" He wets his lips, feeling them having dread out from all the extensive breathing he has been doing. "The institute it- it probably won't need me for another hour or so… so I thought, that we could... I want to stay with you," he finally says and feels his bones melt as the burden leaves his shoulders.

Magnus seems unsure, his gaze flickering towards the rushing movement of Shadowhunters, and he says as much, "Are you sure?"

Alec swallows and tries to give it another minute of thought before nodding, "Yeh. I'm sure." He waits for a moment and then adds, "Can we?"

"Oh, Alexander."

The way Magnus says his name always lights up Alec's body and this time it's no different. His mouth involuntary twitches, forming into a smile at hearing his lover call him that.

"You don't ever have to ask that. My home is your home. And I always welcome you there."

He smiles broader now, almost a full on grin. There are butterflies flying in his stomach and he feels proud of himself to have discovered so many feelings already, making him feel less inadequate and closer to Magnus in ways that he felt lacking before.

Just because he can, he closes the gap between them once more and cups Magnus's cheeks between his both palms for a slow, lingering kiss. He enjoys every second of that blissful feeling.

They part with matching grins on their sun-kissed faces.

And when Magnus takes Alec's hand towards the portal, he takes it.

He'll deal with the aftermath of the horrors of the Institute later.

For once, he's gonna take a single selfish hour for himself. For the both of them.

Let me know if you liked it, guys. I might think of doing one more part to wrap it all up. Cheers.