Chapter beta'd by LaylaReyne, enjoy!
Someone like you
Chapter 18
'I'll stand by you'
Death is a part of life. It's what you learn when your grandmother dies and you attend a funeral for the first time in your life, saying goodbye to that person who meant so much to you and had so much influence on your life, seeing that warm body that used to hug you tightly lying cold and motionless in a coffin. Death is a part of life, yet when you have to say goodbye to someone you love, it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world because suddenly your future with them disappears, the dreams you had for them vanish, and the conversations you planned with them will never be spoken. It's part of life but there doesn't seem to be one specific emotion for it; someone dies and suddenly every emotion seems to collide with the other, grief, anger, hurt, betrayal and even love, because when someone dies you realize, for the first time in your life, how much you really loved.
"We're gathered here today to say goodbye to our beloved Miranda Gilbert, wife, mother, grandmother and friend of us all."
Elena couldn't help but notice how few words were used to describe her mother when, in reality, she seemed to have been so much more. Her mother wasn't just her father's wife; she was his soul mate, his companion for eternity, and the woman that stood by him through high and low. She wasn't just her mother; she was the woman that eased her tears, cleaned up her bruised knees, put her to bed, and taught her everything there was to know about life. She wasn't just Liam's grandmother; she was his Granny that made him pancakes, sat next to him as him as played in the bath, and took naps with him in the afternoon when they both were tired. And least of all, her mother wasn't a friend of everyone; there were people that hated her mother, resented her even, and the perfect example was sitting next to her, his hand tightly wrapped around hers, his blue eyes focused on the five-year-old that fidgeted in her lap.
"Her husband will now say a few words."
Her father got up from his seat next to her, fumbling with the worn piece of paper in his hands. A loud sob escaped her throat as her father came to stand next to her mother's coffin, in some sick way the last time they'd be by each other's side. Her heart squeezed together another time as she noticed her father's red puffy eyes, the color drained from his face, his usually strong composure now shaky and trembling. He took a deep breath and then the heavy words started; sentences swimming in memories of old times, stories she had never heard before being told, and paragraphs filled with emotions she could only try to relate to. Not having that person you love unconditionally next to you, waking up alone in a cold bed without the warm arms that used to be there, coming home to an empty home after a rough day at work, not having that person's arms to fall into and forget about everything. That future seemed impossible to her because she had lived through five years of such an existence and a single day more would have killed her. She couldn't imagine not having him here, not now that he'd finally come home, not now that her heart seemed to have found a new strength, not now that her soul was complete again and her life was shaped the way she always imagined it would be.
Ocean blue eyes stared at her, filled with so many emotions that it made her want to cry even harder. They were supposed to be making love right now, reconciling for all the years they'd been apart, their limbs entwined, their souls colliding, their hearts beating at the same pace, but here they were at her mother's graveside. He barely dared to touch her, the anguish and guilt in his eyes visible, torture behind her ocean of blue. She wanted to stop crying, had tried to stop crying, because she could see it eating away at him, every tear she shed gnawing at him.
"It's time to say goodbye."
"It's time to say goodbye."
They were the words she never wanted to hear come out of his mouth. Not when his bags lay packed behind him, the closets empty, the bathroom cleaned and not a trace of the fact that he'd lived here for months left behind. It was empty now, as empty as she felt on the inside now that he was pulling away from her, leaving again to never come back, to live his life without her a thousand miles away. The past days had been spent in silence, filled with making love to one another, the pull to share their bodies seeming more urgent than ever before. He was leaving and they both knew it, yet neither of them spoke it out loud. She knew this moment was going to come, that she had to make a choice that would determine the rest of her life. So she weighed her options, a husband, children, everything she ever wanted, here in her hometown. Or a future without the things she craved, replaced by two people who'd spend the rest of their lives next to each other, but their love would never be made official or made manifest by bringing a child into the world.
"Don't say that." She shook her head, her eyes prickling with tears. "We don't have to say goodbye just yet. I can still drive you to the airport and wait with you for your flight."
"The hotel already called a taxi." He pressed his lips together, his blue eyes fixed on hers. "This is goodbye, Elena."
She wanted to stomp her foot like a five-year-old, the ten years between them never seemed so far apart as now. She felt like a little girl under his gaze, like the times she'd wanted to go to the bar with her father but he'd told her it was past her bedtime and sent her upstairs. He was the wiser one, not because he'd gone to school ten years longer than she had but because he'd lived ten years longer than her, giving him the wisdom of life, something that could only be gained with age and experience.
"We knew this was coming, Elena." He smiled sadly, lifting his shoulders that seemed to carry a heavy weight. "We knew it from the start."
"But why are you so relaxed about this?" She looked up at him with wide eyes. "Why aren't you begging me to go with you?"
"Would you go with me?"
"I don..."
"I didn't ask you because I know you won't." He slung his bag over his shoulder. "You're clinging so tightly to that image of playing house that you can't see it's not what you really want."
"You don't know what I want." She stomped her foot, panting. "You don't even know what you want."
"When you followed me to Chicago, I figured out you don't want to be a wife." He threw his arms up, blue eyes glaring into brown ones. "You think you have dreams, but I was your escape from them, you don't run away from your dreams, Elena."
"Damon?"
A timid knock was followed by the voice of her husband, making her heart beat frantically in her chest, Damon's eyes snapping to the door because he too knew who was behind it. The Salvatore brothers had finally met after years of not knowing of each other's existence. For reason's unknown, they got along and started to spend more time with each other, meeting up at bars and restaurants, watching football games together and laughing at their own private jokes. She didn't know if she was happy or frustrated with it, but whatever she was, she couldn't share it with the exuberant Stefan or the silent Damon. It seemed to be something between the two of them, something she was not part of, yet she was part of both their lives.
"Bathroom." He turned her around in the direction of the bathroom and gave her a push. "Hide."
She practically ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, leaving a small crack so she could hear the conversation going on in the room next to her. Never before had she felt this kind of anxiety, blood rushing through her veins, her heart beating faster than ever, all of her senses in overdrive, because she'd never before been almost caught cheating by her husband.
"I wanted to say goodbye." Stefan's voice made her body tense. "I was afraid I'd be too late."
"My flight leaves at two." Damon answered coldly, apparently still angry from their earlier conversation. "I was just about to leave."
"Well, uhh..." Stefan chuckled, probably fumbling with something. "If you're ever around again, drop by sometime, don't be a stranger."
"If you're ever in Chicago..." Damon's voice sounded warmer. "You've got my number."
"Yeah."
"Well, goodbye little bro." Damon chuckled quietly. "It was good meeting you."
"You too." Stefan must have pulled him into a hug because she heard flesh collide. "Call sometime, will you fancy heart surgeon?"
"I'll call to congratulate you when you finally finish that book." He teased, smacking Stefan on the back. "Who knows? Maybe I'll even read it when I'm feeling particularly nice."
"Then I doubt you'll ever read it."
"Everyone needs a little romance once in a while." Damon rolled his eyes. "Speaking about romance, are you ever going to let go of me?"
"I'm sorry." Stefan laughed awkwardly, freeing Damon from the hug. "When you spend so much time around Elena, you start to pick up on the hugging thing."
"Your wife's a hugger, that's for sure." Damon's voice sounded teasing but she could hear the trace of bitterness in it. "But she's also a keeper."
"I know."
"Give her a couple of kids will you?" Damon sounded torn, his emotions audible in his voice. "Make her happy and all that."
"I'll give her kids when she wants them." Stefan's smile could be heard in his voice. "When she's ready to have them."
"Good. She should have them."
The hurt and torture could be heard in the edgy tone of his voice, making Stefan promise things he couldn't give her. The children she'd carry would never be his, he'd never play with them in the yard or pick them up from school to take them out for ice-cream. They would never sit in a doctor's office together to see their baby grow on an ultrasound; those were things he wouldn't give her. He could only give her so much of himself, love, comfort, and passion, things that probably would never measure up against his child in her arms.
"Give me a baby."
She leaned against the doorpost, her eyes shimmering with tears, his eyes locking on hers as he walked back into the room, while Stefan was probably walking into the elevator right now. Two brothers, night and day, dark and light, two complete opposites and yet in some aspects so similar. One would make her dreams come true and love her unconditionally, comfortably. In the other she'd drown, her heart wrapped tightly with his so neither would be able to get out; their love would consume her, compensating for the dreams she had to leave behind.
"I can't."
"It doesn't have to be now," she stepped forward, grabbing his hands in hers. "I can wait, I can wait five years or ten. There are a lot of women who're in their thirties before they have a baby, just give me a baby and I'll go with you."
"I can't."
A battlezone in his eyes, a war in his heart, a loss in his mind. He was fighting a battle that would determine the rest of his life, his own demons the opponent, his soul the territory. She knew he'd give her everything he could in a heartbeat, so long as it didn't mean hurting himself, facing the nightmares he had suffered as a child that made him believe he'd turn out the same as his father did. She knew it wasn't true, that he'd turn out to be a good dad if he'd give himself the chance, but convincing him of that same belief was something that was going to take years. And she only had minutes.
"I'm sorry." He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his hands resting on her hips. "I can't do it."
"I know." She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face against his shoulder. "It's okay."
"I have to go."
And although he said the words, it didn't seem like he was planning on leaving anytime soon. Instead he buried his face in the crook of her neck, like he wanted to hide there, crawl into her so he'd never have to leave her. She clung to him like a child that didn't want to be taken away from its mother, away from the safe home it knew, grabbing him tighter, like she'd die after this moment. He gently pulled his head away from her neck, locking their gazes; she took a deep breath as she found hope in his eyes, wishing for something more than they were, waiting for her to say those three words. And she knew she could make him stay; if she only said those three words out loud, he'd unpack his bags and she'd still have him in her arms tomorrow. But it wasn't fair to either them, so she kept those words buried in her core, and it felt like the most painful thing she'd ever done.
Tears rolled over her cheeks as she felt his arms loosen, his eyes darkening as she kept her lips tight together, fighting those words so she wouldn't hurt the both of them by making him stay longer. They wanted different things out of life, too different to meld them together and find a suitable solution. It was only when his lips pressed against hers that things made sense; soft, warm, strong, intoxicating. He was her drug, coursing through her vessels and veins, filling her bloodstream, making her crave him. And like quitting any drug, saying goodbye to it would be torture; but nothing compared to what would come after that, craving it every single second, fighting against every instinct to get back to it.
The withdrawals started the second his lips fell from hers, the moment his arms were pulled away. Her eyes searched for his but didn't find them as he grabbed his bag from the floor and turned his back to her, pausing for a second like he was waiting for the words to escape her mouth or maybe he'd just changed his mind, momentarily picturing the same dreams as her, children, a white picket fence, his son in her arms. She extended her arms, her mouth falling open, outstretched fingers towards him when he resumed walking to the door, his hand pausing briefly on the handle. Then he pulled the door open without looking back, closing it behind him like it had been any other hotel room, not one that contained so many memories of the love, of the girl, he'd found in there. He seemed to leave those memories like he'd left her behind, and like she had feared, her heart seemed to lose its beat.
"Liam!"
"No!"
"Stay with us." Damon gave his son a stern look, holding the boy by his shoulder. "We don't want you to get lost in the cemetery."
"I hate you!"
Damon's hand fell immediately off the boy's shoulders, hateful blue eyes on hurt ones of the same hue, his son throwing words that held the power of a grenade into his face. He knew why those words were spoken; he'd blamed himself enough to know. But after three days of re-watching the tape of that operation over and over again with the support of the woman by his side, he could only come to one conclusion; he wasn't to blame. Unfortunately, the blue-eyed-boy didn't see it the same way; behind that ocean of blue, his father had killed his grandmother, hatred rested in those waves, disbelief because he'd have to say goodbye to a person he loved, and death was a strange concept for him until now.
"He doesn't mean it." Elena squeezed his hand, her face looking worn from crying the past three days. "He just doesn't know how to deal with this, I'll talk to him."
"You already have enough to deal with." He draped his arm around her waist, pulling her into his side. "I'll talk to him."
"He'll come around." She whispered into his ear, placing her head on his shoulder. "He loves you too much to stay mad at you for long."
"Let's hope so."
Elena wrapped her arms around his waist as they walked to the exit of the cemetery, her father supported by Caroline and Tyler while Liam told Stefan to carry him. She could feel Damon's eyes on the image in front of them, his son in someone else's arms, a picture he'd never seen before. And she knew why, because like father like son, Liam knew how to hurt someone the most, what to do to cause pain, what to say to cause heartbreak. It was a trait the blue-eyed-men in her life shared, like the good things they shared, they also shared the worst; they'd both inflict their own pain on someone else because they didn't want to hurt alone.
"Do you think I'll make a good dad?" He looked down at her, hurt swimming in her ocean of blue. "If you and I are going to make this work, I'm going to be his dad and I don't know if I can..."
"Shh." She put her finger to his mouth, shaking her head. "Were you never mad at your mom when you were a child? That didn't mean that you didn't love her or that she was a bad mother. You were just a child and you didn't understand her reasons; it's the same with him. He adores you won't just be a good dad, you're going to be an amazing dad to him."
"I don't know, Elena." He looked down to the ground, biting his bottom lip. "My father..."
"You are not Giuseppe." She took his face between her palms, shaking it slightly. "You care that Liam has been ignoring you for the past three days, it kills you that he says he hates you when all you want to do is take him in your arms and make his pain go away. That's what makes you a dad. Giuseppe scarred you and I believe it's because he hurt you that you'd never do that to our son, because you know that pain and that anger stay for the rest of your life."
"How can you have so much faith in me?"
"Because I love you, because I know our son loves you, and because you were always supposed to be his dad."
"Oh my beautiful girl, how did you get yourself into such a mess?"
"He's gone, Daddy."
Her voice broke, the same pain behind it as her heart that seemed to break over and over again, every piece breaking into another one until fractures of a heart that used to beat so strongly were spread inside the hole of her chest. The only person in the world that could glue those pieces back together was her father, the man that had managed to make her smile through her darkest periods; and she wanted to smile, for the other man she had left in her life, the husband she'd sworn to love for the rest of her days, which she'd dedicate to making him happy because she didn't want her misery to drag him down with her.
"He's not gone yet." Grayson stroked her cheek, smiling softly. "It's another hour before his plane leaves."
"Don't say things like that." Her lips formed a hard line, her eyes tearing up again. "I don't want to hear it."
"Well, you'll have to hear it." Grayson zipped the bag he was carrying open. "Because I'm here to teach you."
"To teach me what?" She threw her arms up, shouting the words. "That there's a perfect man out there but he can't give you what you want so you'll just have to live the rest of your life without him. Life already taught me that lesson, Dad. No need for you to repeat it."
"Stop the self-pity, Elena." Grayson pulled a doll out of the bag and pushed it into her arms. "Hold this."
"What is this?" She looked down at the baby doll in her arms. "What am I supposed to do with it?"
"Just hold it and look at it." Grayson stood in front of her. "Imagine Stefan's baby in your arms; not Damon's, Stefan's."
The baby in her arms suddenly came to life in her imagination, sucking on a pacifier, its tiny fingers holding the fabric of her shirt, its green eyes looking up at her, her hand stroking the blond hairs on its head. A warmth swelled and seemed to spread in her heart, the squirming baby in her arms the cause of it, her purpose in life clear. But it wasn't long until her heart started fighting her imagination, green fought against blue, losing the struggle because her heart seemed to long for the color so strongly, blond hairs were defeated by black, Stefan's features quickly replaced by those she knew all too well. It was a scene she clung to so desperately; knowing it would never be her reality, she fought it with her mind but her heart knew what it wanted, the child in her arms, the blue-eyed-boy with raven black hair and a smile to die for; her heart was fighting a battle, her mind threatening to concur; until her soul stepped into the war zone.
"You can let go of it now." Grayson took the doll out of her arms, facing her teary eyes. "It's time for the next step."
"What's that?"
"Hold me." Her father stepped closer so he was in her personal space. "Pretend that I'm Damon."
First she felt the urge to laugh a humorless laugh, but as she looked into her father's wise old eyes, where no amusement could be found, she started seeing something different. The gray eyes became brighter, changing into a deep blue, the ocean she'd drowned in time and again. As her hands rested on his arms, she felt them become stronger under her palms, a body hardening against her chest, shaping into hers until it fit perfectly, like it always had. Then those strong arms wrapped around her and every second longer she was in his embrace, she felt more and more the urge to crawl into him, to let him be her home for the rest of her eternity. That feeling she'd had while holding Stefan's baby was gone, overshadowed by one thing, the single thing that could seem to make her happy, Damon in her arms.
"Do your arms feel empty now?"
"No."
"Do you think you'll be happy with Stefan when you're in love with someone else?"
"No."
"Do you need a baby to be happy?"
"No."
"Do you want me to drive you to the airport?"
The question caught her off guard; her body tensed, her breathing hitched, her eyes widened, and her voice fell away. There she was standing, choosing a future while she thought she had already picked one; the one with the babies around her, a husband that would give her children and love her unconditionally; it seemed like everything she needed in her head to be happy, everything she'd ever wanted. But now that her other future had left, ready to step on a plane and leave a gaping hole in her life, a hole that would always tear bigger, leaving her a shell of who she used to be and how she used to love. She thought she'd have it all if she just chased what she'd always wanted, until now; picturing those blue eyes gazing into hers, so much love reflecting in them that she doubted anyone would ever be able to love her more. The choice was there again, poking her brain, the answer clear, but her mind was fighting against what her heart wanted. There would be no children, but she'd be embraced with love, passion, devotion; all those other things she'd always wanted.
"Yes."
"Get your bags."
"Get your bags."
"No!" Angry young blue eyes stared into matching older blue ones. "I don't want to go with you!"
"Then it's a good thing you don't have a choice in the matter." Damon crossed his arms over his chest, smirking. "Now stop being stubborn or I'll put you in daycare for the rest of the week."
"Only babies go to daycare."
"My bad." Damon rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. "Maybe if you didn't act like such a crying baby then I wouldn't take you for one."
"You're the worst daddy in the world!"
"That seems to be what you tell all your dads."
Damon's eyes followed his son's form as it stomped back up the stairs; his heart squeezed together painfully, knowing his son was going through the same pain, they'd both lost someone in some way. Liam lost his grandmother, for the first time in his young life confronted with the pain that kind of loss brought. He had lost his son, the smile that brought him happiness in the midst of his darkness, the tiny arms that had the power to make him forget about his worries, the blue eyes that reminded him of the fact that there was someone relying on him, that he had a purpose in life.
"You're handling it wrong." Caroline appeared in the hallway, her hand resting on her belly. "You're handling it like Stefan would have and we all know Liam doesn't like Stefan."
"I've tried talking to him, Caroline. He just doesn't want to listen." He lifted his shoulders, defeated. "I don't know what to do anymore, I try to talk to him and he runs away."
"Because you let him run away." Caroline gave him a tight smile. "Force him to listen to you, because the longer you let him get away with it, the more things he's going to say that are going to hurt the both of you."
"He sure knows what to say to make it hurt."
"Must be genetic." Caroline cocked her head to the side, giving him a knowing look. "He's you. When someone lashes out at you, you lash back. When someone's kind to you, you'll do anything for them. It's how Elena gets you to do everything she wants; it's how she got through the past five years with Liam."
"Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a father."
"You don't see it Damon but the rest of us do." She placed her hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "He's been so happy since you came into his life, he's surrounded by pain and death, but somehow that little boy manages to keep on smiling, and that's because you came into his life."
"I just want him to be happy." He bit his bottom lip, listening to Liam upstairs. "And I don't know if I'll be able to keep him happy."
"The fact that you worry about that makes you a father."
He shared a long look with Caroline before she pulled away and turned to meet Liam who was pattering down the stairs, dragging his bag behind him. Damon swallowed the lump in his throat as Liam walked into Caroline's arm to give her a hug, leaving a kiss on her cheek. Then his son turned back to him, dropping his bag at his father's feet, giving him a look that could kill. And all he wanted to do was take his boy in his arms, hug him tight and tell him he'd love him until his last day. He'd take the pain away in those young blue eyes, he'd bring his grandmother back so he could eat ice cream with her for another decade, but all those things were impossible because life had no rewind button.
"Ready to go?"
"I still don't want to go with you." Liam crossed his arms in front of him, pouting. "Everyone is sad; Mommy is sad, Grandpa is sad, I don't want to be sad too."
The realization hit Damon like a brick wall; here was his son, acting the same way he'd spent most of his life, reflecting his feelings with anger. Avoiding pain and running away from it had been the technique he used, only to see it now used by his little boy; outwardly angry at people so he wouldn't have to show he was hurting on the inside. He grew up without a father, angry at the world for not having one; his son grew up with a father, angry at the world because that father didn't understand him. And now he did have someone that understood him, but that someone was the cause of his pain because he'd failed; that parent that was supposed to make everything alright hadn't and betrayal cut him deep.
"Can I sit in front?"
"Yeah." Damon held the door of the car open for him. "Just buckle up."
He closed the door as Liam crawled into the car, carrying his backpack. With a sigh Damon walked around the car and took a seat behind the wheel, watching his son out of the corner of his eye as he put the car in drive. Liam sat silently next to him, watching out the window, his arms tightly crossed in front of his chest, the sour look still on his young face. And he knew what was going on behind those hard blue eyes, he knew it like he knew himself; why that little boy chose to point his rage at him, he'd done the same when he was younger; blaming the person that he knew loved him unconditionally.
"You're not mad at me." Damon broke the lingering silence. "You are mad but you're just mad at me because you feel like you need someone to blame."
"You let Granny die!" Liam's eyes snapped to his, filled with unshed tears. "You killed her! I'll hate you forever."
"I didn't let her die." Damon held the steering wheel in a tight grip. "You know I did everything I could to save her, you're a smart boy."
"Granny is gone, Mommy and Daddy don't live together anymore because of you and when you and Mommy get into a fight you'll leave and Mommy will be unhappy again!" Tears ran down the boy's cheeks as he yelled at the world in the small space of the car. "It's all your fault. You ruined everything!"
The guilt seeped into his body, leaving his breathing heavy, his hands clenching into fists around the wheel, his heart pounding in his chest, tears fighting to get out. And he didn't know what hurt the most, the tears that were streaming down his boy's face, the angry tone he'd used or the words he'd spoken, they all seemed to hit him with the same impact; the blame he'd laid upon him, the thoughts that streamed through his son's mind, the fear that seemed to drive him, all held by that young soul.
"I already told you I'll never leave you, Liam." He whispered into the dark car. "I could never leave you, you're my son."
"I know Daddy's eyes aren't blue." Liam curled up in the seat, turning to the window. "But he's my daddy because you were never here and you didn't care about me."
"I know I was supposed to be your dad a long time ago." His eyes ran over Liam's back. "But don't say I was never here and don't say I didn't care about you, I always cared about you."
"You were never here."
"That you didn't see me doesn't mean I wasn't here." He swallowed the lump in his throat, fixing his eyes on the dark road. "I sat next to your bed the whole night when you were three and had a ruptured appendix, you slept on my chest the first night you were born, so don't say that I wasn't here; and never say that I didn't care about you when I thought about you everyday."
"Does Mommy know?"
"No."
"Why didn't you stay?" Tears rolled over his cheeks, his voice shaky. "Didn't you want to be my daddy?"
He hit the brake so hard that the car skidded to a sudden stop on the vacant road, Liam flying forward and then back into his seat, his young blue eyes filled with panic as his father rested his forehead against the wheel, burying his hands in his hair. After a minute Damon lifted his head, finding Liam watching him with those big blue eyes, a dried path of tears covering his face, his mouth hanging open; and all he could think about was that his boy was feeling the same things as he had been feeling the past thirty-five years. Unwanted, unloved, a father that didn't care if he lived or died, thoughts that would scar him for the rest of his life as they had scarred him.
"Don't ever think that it was your fault." He reached for Liam's cheek. "I was a coward and I made a lot of mistakes, letting your mom walk out the door five years ago being the biggest one; but I'm here to make it right and I don't expect you to forgive me but I want you to know that I'm here, and I'm here to stay."
"So you're never going to leave again," Liam's eyes lit up with hope. "Ever?"
"I'll be here every second of every day for the rest of your life." He nodded to reassure him, smiling. "I promise you that."
Liam jumped into his lap faster than he could catch him, his small arms wrapping around his neck, burying his head in Damon's shoulder, letting the last tears escape him. And all Damon could do was hold him in his embrace, so tightly that he was almost scared he'd suffocated him. But after years of not knowing his son, having him finally here in his arms, aware of the knowledge that they didn't just share the same character traits but the same genes, made him feel like he was finally a father; that he'd finally succeeded at something in life, because no job, no amount of money in the world or the most expensive car on earth could measure up against the love of your child. He'd struggled for years with himself, convinced of the fact that he didn't want to be a father, despite all the people that tried to tell him otherwise; and here was a five-year-old-boy proving to him every day that he could be a father, that this boy had been born to be his son.
"Daddy." Liam whispered into his shoulder, sobbing softly. "I know you didn't want Granny to die."
"It's okay, buddy." He placed a kiss on his forehead. "I know you're hurt, it's okay."
Liam placed his head back against his father's shoulder, breathing quietly, his eyes fluttering, tired from crying. Damon held him while he stared ahead, following the headlights of the car that lit the vacant road and for the first time in his life he felt at peace with himself, like he found that quiet place in his life he'd been looking for, like he'd found that piece of himself that seemed to have been missing in his life. He held his son in his arms, a child he'd fathered almost six years ago, held after he'd been born five years ago, left after holding his hand all night two years ago and finally found again after those years of wondering what it would be like to have this moment, to sit in an expensive car on a vacant road with his tired son in his arms.
"Daddy?" Liam struggled to keep his eyes open, his voice tired. "I think you're my best friend."
"I think you're mine too, buddy."
"I need to get on that flight to Chicago."
"I'm sorry, Miss. The flight is full."
The hidden meaning behind those words slammed into her, the power behind them making her want to crumble into a million pieces on the ground. Words that were probably a daily-business for this person in front of her, but that person didn't know that a future depended on those words, that they had the power to change life. That they could break a family into two, only so she could form a new one with the man she was supposed to be with, a man that was sitting on that plane, thinking she had chosen a different path, a path without him.
"You don't get it! The love of my life is on that plane." She did a little jump in front of the desk, her eyes wide. "I'll even sit on the toilet the whole flight, I don't care. Just get me on it."
"I'm sorry, Miss..."
"No!"
"Elena." Her father placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her around to meet him. "Calm down. We'll get you on the next flight."
"If I don't go now then I might change my mind and I don't want to change my mind." She shook her head feverishly. "I want to be with Damon and I don't want Stefan to call me in those two hours and persuade me to come home. I need to get on that plane."
Her heart was beating frantically in her chest, like it would explode if it didn't get to the man it loved in a matter of seconds. Shivers ran down her spine at the mere thought of going back to a marriage she didn't want, and though she'd run away from it, she knew if she got a call and her husband begged her to come back to him, she would picture that white picket fence and children again in her head. Doubts would rise again within her and that was the last thing she wanted after she had made up her mind, after she had packed her bags and run away from everything she thought she ever wanted.
"Elena Gilbert?" The lady behind the desk made her head snap around. "Are you Elena Gilbert?"
"That's me."
"Damon Salvatore left a ticket for you." She smiled gently, waving the ticket in the air. "If you give me your papers, I can check you in."
"Thank you." She ran back to the desk, throwing her driver's license on it. "Thank you so much."
"It's too late to check-in your luggage though."
"I don't care." She gave the lady a bright smile, turning back to her father. "Can you get my bags to me?"
"Of course I can." Grayson smiled broadly. "Go get your man."
"I love you, Dad." She threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I'll call you when the plane lands."
"I love you too, Elena." He squeezed her tightly before letting go. "Be safe, my darling."
She slung her purse over her shoulder and grabbed her ticket and ID from the desk, giving her father one last look before speeding through the first class security checkpoint and running flat out through the terminal. Everything around her was buzzing but her mind seemed to be in a quiet place, her legs running faster with every second, her breathing heavier with every step but none of it seemed to matter, she was running towards her freedom, towards her love and at some point it felt like she was floating on air. While panic washed over her body as she saw the hostess almost close the door in front of her, it still felt like she was in a happy place, a silent place in the hysteria around her.
"You're in first class, Miss." The hostess smiled politely. "I'll show you to your seat."
She nodded like a lunatic with a smile so bright she thought it might have made the hostess blind. Her heart squeezed in anticipation as she entered the first class cabin, the hostess pointing to her seat before disappearing back behind the curtains. Her eyes glanced nervously to the place she'd been pointed to, finding the raven black hair in the seat next to hers, his head turned to the window. A thousand thoughts ran through her head while she slowly walked through the aisle, the strongest being how could anyone not choose him, how could she not choose him when he was able to light her body on fire with passion, love her with his last breath, and make her feel safe in a burning house. It was that thought that brought tears to her eyes, she'd almost said goodbye to him; her lover, her companion, her soul's eternal mate. She'd never believe that this was true, that she had found that one person made for her, it seemed like a dream, until his blue eyes locked on hers.
"Elena?"
"I love you so much."
The words tumbled out of her mouth, her body tumbling into his lap, her lips falling on his as she grabbed his head between her palms, banishing the memory of his eyes filled with disbelief in her head. He didn't need to worry anymore, she was here, ready to be his, to spend her life next to him and love him every single day of it. And now that she was here in his arms, feeling his lips answer hers, his hands roaming over her body, it seemed like the obvious choice; the man you love more than anything else in the world, in your arms, safe, and there for you to love and cherish the rest of your life. A loveless marriage, even with children, would never measure up to this feeling, because she'd never be able to make her children happy if she weren't happy herself.
"I love you so much." She whispered between breaths, leaving kisses on his mouth. "More than anything in the world."
"What about Stefan and babies and everything?"
"I want you more than those things." She stroked his cheek, trying to soothe his vulnerable eyes. "I want you and if that means no babies, then that's okay because I'll have you. I don't want to spend my life raising the children of a man I don't love. I want to spend my life loving you."
"Miss, the seat belt sign is on."
She couldn't pull her eyes away from his as the hostess spoke to her, instead staying in his lap, holding his face in her hands, and staring into her ocean of blue like she'd die if she pulled her eyes away from it. And all she could see in those waves of blue was happiness because she was here in his arms. And she wanted to assure him that he'd never again have to fear losing her to someone else, she was there to let him put a ring around her finger and to carry his children, if he ever changed his mind. Never again would someone else wake up next to her, it would be his place from now on, and she'd never let anyone come between them again; she'd die before she let that happen.
"Miss, the seat belt sign."
"Okay-okay. I heard you." She kept her eyes locked onto Damon's, grinning as he grinned back at her. "I guess I'll have to disentangle myself from you."
"They're very persistent about the whole seat belt thing." He rolled his eyes, smiling broadly. "Don't worry, you can sit in my lap again once we're in the air."
"Only when we're in the air?"
"How long do you wish to sit there?"
"For the rest of my life." She pecked his lips softly, running her fingers through his hair. "How does that sound to you?"
"Not long enough."
She had to fight the tears as she saw the emotions in his eyes, the pure devotion reflecting in them. And all she wanted to do was crawl in to him so they'd never be apart again, so even when they'd cut him into pieces, he wouldn't lose her; she'd always be with him, in every part of his life and body. It seemed like it was always meant to be that way, her by his side, and he seemed to have known it all along. He seemed to have accepted a long time ago that she was it for him, only to get his heart stamped on when she refused him; but somehow he never gave up hope, the ticket that had been waiting for her saying enough of the hopes he had for the future, of who he wanted to spend it with.
"Miss, the seat belt sign is on."
"Okay okay!" She crawled off Damon's lap, buckling herself up in the chair next to him. "Can't they see we're spilling our emotions?"
"Elena?"
His blue eyes locked onto hers, the center of her universe like they always had been, like they always would be. Because she was going to turn gray next to him, sit somewhere on a porch by his side on some ranch, maybe one day surrounded by their children and grandchildren; but if that wasn't the case, they'd still sit there completely happy because they were together, their lives lived with so much love that no one would ever doubt how much love there had been between them.
"I love you too."
"And that's what's going to make everything okay." She rested her head against his shoulder, squeezing his hand in hers. "We're going to be okay."
"We're going to be okay."
He pulled her closer as he lay down behind her, pulling her body to his so he spooned her from behind. She shuffled slightly so she was more comfortable in his arms, a contented little sound escaping her throat, enjoying his embrace, knowing she'd missed it for far too long. She reveled in it these days, finally understanding how precious it was, like someone had hit her on the head with hammer and opened her eyes to how much she'd taken it for granted five years ago.
"You're home." She turned her head to meet his gaze. "Finally."
"Liam and I took a detour." He snuggled his head into the crook her neck. "I think he likes me again."
"I'm happy to hear that." She made circles on his arm, stroking the back of his hand. "It's the first time he's lost someone, it's been hard on him."
"It wore him out, he fell asleep in the car." He placed a kiss against her bare shoulder. "I tucked him into bed, I don't think we'll hear him tonight."
"Good." She turned around in his embrace, pecking his lips. "I want you to myself tonight."
And that's how her lips found his, falling together in that familiar pace, something they'd perfected five years ago. She wondered how she had gone without it, without him next to her to kiss her pain away and get her through the day. It seemed impossible, yet somehow she had managed because his son had been in her arms, but every year that son gained, it became harder for her to live just on the love of his child; she needed him, back in her arms, in her bed, next to her side, where he belonged, and he hadn't come a moment too soon. She wondered how many more hours longer she would have survived without those blue eyes on hers.
"How's my dad still breathing?" She whispered into the crook of his neck. "I wouldn't live on if I lost you."
"Shh." He placed a kiss on top of her head, hugging her tight. "Don't say things like that, I don't want to think about it."
"Next time I walk out the door, remind me of the pain of the past five years." She tried to smile, her eyes shimmering with tears. "Remind me that I'm nothing without you and I'll immediately come back to fight with you."
"Next time I let you walk out the door, throw something at my head." He whispered against her crown. "It was the most stupid thing I've ever done."
"You've got yourself a deal, Salvatore."
"Good night, Elena."
"Who says I'm ready to say goodnight?" She snuggled closer, pushing her leg between his. "Maybe I want to cuddle some more."
"You had a long day." He stroked a stray of hair back behind her ear. "You can barely keep your eyes open."
"I can't believe we buried my mother today." She bit her bottom lip, shaking her head. "It seems surreal."
"It's going to be okay."
"I know." She nodded gently. "It will just hurt a lot before things are okay again."
He could only hold her in silence, watching the tears stream down her face, her arms wrapped tightly around him, her face buried in the crook of his neck. And he held her for the longest time until her eyes started to flutter and she finally fell asleep while he watched her, finding the mother of his son, his lover, the woman that had stolen his heart a long time ago, finally back in his arms where she belonged.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, you can sleep here." He shook his head with a smile, rolling his eyes at his son standing by their bed. "Just don't snore like last night."
"I don't snore." Liam crawled on top of the bed, shuffling beneath the sheets. "You snore."
"I don't snore."
"Mommy mumbles in her sleep."
"No argument there." He chuckled quietly, feeling his son's feet against his legs. "Last night she said something about Nutella."
"I like Nutella."
"Everyone likes Nutella, buddy."
Liam chuckled and then grew silent, Elena's breathing the only sound in the room while Liam shuffled on his side next to him. And he wondered how he'd gotten here, his family, picture perfect, something he thought he'd never have, something he thought he'd never want, but here he was, his beautiful girl in his arms, finally, his son sleeping next to him, finally. It had taken so many years before he realized he'd always wanted to be in this moment, with his family in the same bed, just enjoying the presence of one another.
"Daddy, I hear the doorbell."
"I heard it too." He carefully disentangled himself from Elena and crawled over Liam out of the bed. "Stay here while I go look who it is."
"You should pull some clothes on, you don't want to scare them away."
"No joking about the size of my penis." He pinched Liam's cheek, chuckling. "Let's hope you're so fortunate when you grow up."
"Daddy!" Liam covered his ears, his eyes widening. "That was not what I meant!"
"My bad."
He pulled his jeans back on and left his son behind in the bed with a smile when he walked out of the room. The stairs squeaked underneath his feet as he descended them, slipping past Grayson who lay asleep on the couch. He got to the front door and quietly pulled it open, coming face to face with the last person he'd expected to see here. Blue on blue were at war, one pair amused, the other confused.
"Stop acting like a fish, Damon."
"Mom?"
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