Someone like you
Chapter 22
'Holding on and letting go'
Happiness is subjective. For one person it's dining in every fine restaurant in the country, for another it's sitting at home on the couch surrounded by dogs. Happiness isn't the same for everyone and no one can be forced to be happy; it's a selfish emotion that asks certain qualifications from its host before it appears. For Elena, happiness was a simple thing like hearing her son grunt in the early morning as he blabbered away about his new teacher that had somehow gotten on his bad side.
"Don't you think that if she only says boring stuff she has to wear a short skirt?"
"How old is she?"
"I don't know..."
"Is she older than your mom?"
"How old is Mommy?"
Elena shook her head in light amusement as she sat on the toilet seat, listening as her son stood under the shower with his father, the both of them completely oblivious to her presence. They'd fallen into a morning routine that excluded her, but it worked for them and it kept a smile on Liam's face. Her little boy was happy. She'd thought she'd been doing a great job at being a mom until she'd seen the influence Damon had on him. Like she'd always suspected, he was the only one that truly understood how their five-year-old's brain worked. He engulfed their boy with love and gave him more attention than any child could ask for. She didn't feel like a single parent anymore either. Liam was tucked in by mommy and daddy now, and no longer did he have to beg the male figure in his life to read him a story; he got one whether he wanted it or not.
"Wha, Mommy is old."
"If you think I'm old," Elena said, as she got up and came to stand in front of the glass. "Then your dad is ancient."
"Mommy, you didn't knock." Liam crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared. "That's not nice."
"Well, excuse me mister." Elena snatched a towel from the rack and held it open. "But I know a boy that's going to be late for school if he doesn't come out of the shower right this minute."
"I don't know that boy."
"I'm sure you don't." Elena chuckled and watched a smile play on Damon's lips. "Come here."
Liam reluctantly stepped out of the shower and into the towel, standing as still as a statue as Elena dried him. She'd been doing this for years, taking care of her son while he blabbered away, but now something was different. Instead of blabbering, he chose to hold his arms up and stay quiet; it was
something she wasn't used to. He used to tell her everything, and she'd know every little thing in his young life, but now he had someone else to tell stories to, and she wasn't parent number one anymore.
"Daddy, have you ever seen a living dinosaur?"
"No." Damon's eyebrows knitted together as he turned around to meet his son's eyes. "Why would you think that?"
"Because then you'd be really old."
"Okay, enough teasing your dad with his age. It will only make him go gray sooner." She gave Damon a cocky grin and received a glare in return. "Laury's going to help you get dressed and make breakfast for you."
"Cookies!"
"No cookies!"
She yelled after her son as he ran through the door and pulled it shut behind him, blocking her out. With a sigh, Elena shook her head and turned back to meet the blue eyes that were standing considerably closer than they had last been. She arched her eyebrow at him as he took one step and enclosed her in the circle of his arms, pressing his naked body completely into her front. Peppered kisses left a warm trail on the cold skin of her neck, the sensation making her bite her bottom lip and close her eyes. Quietly, she let a moan escape and wrapped her own arms around his neck as his hand went for her hip, stroking it through the material of her lace dress.
"You're making me wet," she whispered huskily.
"Good." He looked up with a dangerous glimmer in his eyes. "That's what I was aiming for."
"Don't be so crude," she snarled, her brown eyes gazing into his blue ones. "It will only take longer for your punishment to be over."
"I want my privileges back."
"Stop whining, you sound like Liam."
"Like father, like son."
The pride in his eyes was undeniable. He had a son and it seemed as if the two were born to complete each another. She couldn't fathom how he'd gone so long without knowing him. There must have been a hole in his chest - just like the one she had when she walked out on him years ago, just like Liam always seemed to know that there was someone missing in his life. But then, maybe Damon hadn't realized that he was mourning two departures, maybe he thought that the hole in his chest was just her absence. And even though he'd known about their child, you couldn't miss someone you'd never met before.
"I've got an idea." Damon squeezed her waist, looking down at her. "Why don't we go on a date tonight? Dinner, movie..."
"We can do dinner and a movie," she whispered against his bare chest, looking up from under her eyelashes. "But you should know, I don't kiss on the first date."
"That's not how I recall it."
"We had our first date after we slept together." She rolled her eyes at him, chuckling. "It doesn't count."
The words reminded her of that first night between the two of them, the need to have him inside of her, because she'd never felt that kind of power – that kind of connection. It took her a while to realize that it was the first time she'd fallen head over heels in love with someone, so it made her feelings and cravings towards him so much more powerful. She'd fallen for him hard, fighting those feelings because she'd thought she'd already found picture perfect with someone else. But she should have known it the first time the children in her dreams appeared with blue eyes and onyx hair. Damon was it for her and marrying another man had been her mistake to make.
"Elena." Grayson knocked on the bathroom door. "Stefan's here to see you."
"Stefan's here to see you."
She buried her head deeper into the pillow, trying to ignore the meaning of those words, the reality of that name. She had a husband. It was the harsh truth that slapped her in the face every time her mother spoke to her. And Miranda didn't only remind her of her husband, but also of the child she carried - the child her mother believed to be her husband's. Stefan was all that was on her mother's mind while he couldn't be further away from hers. Elena had only one name on her mind, and that one man's child growing inside of her.
"I don't want to see him."
"Elena. This has to stop!" Miranda pulled the blanket from her body. "He is your husband and you owe him more than what you're giving him right now."
"I left him."
"No, you needed some time to get your head straight."
That's what Miranda thought, because telling her that her daughter had lost her heart to another man was a secret Elena didn't want to share. Instead, Miranda was told she needed some time away from her husband, needed to think about life and sort everything out. That didn't even make her mother happy, and God forbid if she'd known the real reason why she'd disappeared for almost three months. To love another man, to start a life with him, and eventually to curse the day she'd met him.
"He deserves to know that he's going to be a father." Miranda's words made her stomach turn, her lungs squeezing in her chest. "This is not fair, you have to tell him."
"You haven't told him?"
"You're his wife!" Miranda stomped her foot, losing her patience. "Your place is by his side, not in this bed in your parents' house."
"Elena." Grayson appeared in the doorway, making her mother step back. "He deserves to know."
Her protest faltered as they shared a long, hard look that said more than words ever could. She'd been hiding for too long, locked up in this room, avoiding a truth she didn't want to acknowledge; she wasn't going back to Chicago, ever. She wouldn't wake up next to the man she loved, ever again. Her reality lay here, in this small town where she'd been born, raised and was apparently destined to die. It was a future she wanted to avoid, but with a husband waiting in the next room – the one she'd planned on leaving to speak those vows to his brother – and a mother that wanted nothing more then for them to reunite, there was no other choice. Maybe her father would be the only one to ever understand that some emotions form a stronger commitment than a piece of paper.
"I'll talk to him."
It was everything her mother needed to jump up and walk out of the room like a proud peacock. Her father lingered by the door while she got up from the bed and started dressing. His face was hers, a mirror to the emotions shattered on there; anger for that what she could not have, sadness for what she had to leave behind, happiness for what was growing inside of her, but most of all, worry for what the future would bring.
"You're still married to him." Grayson cleared his throat, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "You packed your bags and ran away from your marriage. He deserves to know why."
"I know I'm still married to him, Daddy," she whispered hoarsely. "But how do I tell my heart that when it feels married to somebody else?"
"Oh, sweetie." Her father's arms wrapped around her, locking her in like they did when she was little. "Why don't you just book a flight and try to make things right?"
"Because I won't let him do to me what he did to Katherine." She shook her head into the comforting shoulder. "I can't go back and tell him about the baby only to have him slam the door in my face."
"No matter what you decide," Grayson cupped her face, his gray eyes boring into her brown ones. "You know I have your back. And that baby's back."
"Let's first get through this conversation with Stefan, and then we'll decide how to handle the future."
She pulled away from the warm embrace and took a deep breath, placing her hand on top of her belly, staring longingly at it, imagining that child lying on top of her, crying its lungs out, needing her care and love; it was everything she ever wanted. And Elena knew how she'd get through this. She'd stop yearning for someone she couldn't have and start preparing for who was to come. A new life born in her own new life, a life she'd have to start with an unavoidable conversation. So she straightened her shoulders and walked into the hallway, locking eyes with the ones she'd left so easily.
"Elena."
"Stefan."
He appeared put together, strong, but she'd known him too long and too well. She saw the dark circles under those green eyes, the cracks in the mask on his face, the way his Adam's apple bobbed in
his throat. She'd done a number on this man, and it made her realize once again how much he'd loved her and how quickly she'd given up on them because her heart and body responded so much better to someone else's. He deserved so much more than her, and yet here he was, fighting for the marriage she'd thrown into the trash, throwing his heart away with it. And here she stood, with her hand resting on her stomach, caressing the small bump that had formed there, ready to shred his heart again.
"You look well." He forced a smile on his face, nodding. "Your mother told me you haven't been feeling well lately."
"I guess that's why they call it morning sickness and not morning happiness."
"You...?"
He couldn't utter the words, but that didn't mean it didn't dawn on him. His eyes flashed from her face to her stomach, and she couldn't help but to put her other hand there too, feeling as if his gaze would harm the most precious thing she'd ever created. It was her miracle, and his death sentence. She could see his heart being ripped out of his chest and her child hadn't even left the safe place of her womb yet. She'd never wanted to do this, hurt him in the worst way possible. She'd meant it when she'd spoken those vows – and yet, some part of her had fought it, maybe her heart, maybe her soul, probably that part of her that already knew she'd fallen for somebody else before her brain had also realized it.
"Yes, I'm pregnant." She found the strength to look up and keep her voice steady. "And before you ask, it's not yours."
"But you came back..."
And those words made her realize why he'd been knocking on her parents' door since the day she'd come back. She could see the moment understanding slapped him in the face - she didn't come back for him, she didn't regret the choice she'd made, and she wasn't back here to beg for forgiveness. She came back to raise another man's child.
"You thought I came back to our marriage." She didn't ask it, just whispered it, crushing his hope with her words. "I didn't come back to be your wife, Stefan."
"Then why?"
"Things didn't work out." She wetted her lips, shrugging. "This is home, where else would I go?"
"But you're pregnant." He pointed at her belly as if she didn't know it yet. "You're carrying his child and he threw you out?"
"No, he didn't throw me out. I packed my bags and left." Her voice pitched as she took a deep breath to stay calm. "I left him. But what happened between me and him is none of your business."
"You can't raise that child by yourself."
"I can and I will." Her eyes bored into her belly, rubbing her stomach as if she had to protect it. "There are a lot of single moms out there and they're perfectly capable of raising children on their own. Why wouldn't I?"
She didn't say how those children where scarred, missing a piece in their life, that second parent to love and care for them. She'd seen all too well how it had affected Damon, leaving him with a void that couldn't be filled, because his father hadn't been man enough to step up and love him, like every child should have the love of both parents. But she'd also seen the way Lauren loved him, more than her own life, as if she'd stop breathing if her son did. Because by raising Damon on her own, she'd had to love him for two, and her son had clung to that love like a desperate child that was seeking it.
"Elena, what will people think?" He shook his head at her, biting his bottom lip. "We're married. They'll think I left you while you were pregnant."
"Don't worry about your image, Stefan." She gave him a sore look. "I'll tell everyone that I was the one who cheated and got myself knocked up. Would that work for you?"
"No!" Stefan's hands balled into fists next to his sides. "Don't you see that I care about you? I love you! And you don't have to do this on your own, because I'm your husband and even if you broke those vows, I still stand by them."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about raising that child together as husband and wife." Stefan stepped forward, reaching for her hands. "We always wanted a family, and now we can have one. You don't have to do this on your own. I forgive you, Elena."
"But..."
She must have looked like a fish, standing there with a moving mouth but only air coming out of it. This had once been the image she'd had of her future - Stefan as her husband, children running around the house, making a mess for her to clean. She had smiled while picturing it back then. But now, she'd dreamed about other things, and then, after having those things within reach with the man she wanted, they'd been taken from her, crushing everything inside of her. That baby growing inside of her was the only thing that remained of the dream she'd lived, and she didn't know if she'd ever be ready to share that piece of something that had meant so much to her. It was the selfish side of her, the one that wanted to go back to Damon, take him in her arms, tell him about the baby, wait for his reaction, and beg him to have this child, this life, with her. But then there was the selfless side of her, the mother in her, that part of her that had appeared once she'd seen that pink line on the test
– it wanted everything for this child, wanted the best, didn't want it to suffer from her own selfish greed. She didn't want her child to know hurt, like she'd known when she'd walked out on its father, she didn't want it to know the emptiness that came from having to miss that father.
"We won't tell anyone." He pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear, smiling. "I'll raise that child as my own, I will love it as my own."
"I can't ask that of you." She pulled free from his grip, shaking her head frantically. "I cheated on you,
I left you. I'm pregnant with his child, and I can't expect you to accept that."
"But I want to do this." He squeezed her arm, pulling her attention back to him. "I love you, Elena. You know I'd do anything for you."
The determination in his eyes was undeniable, a fire that burned there. And for the first time she could see Damon in him, passionate about something, a fighter running through his blood. That flame that danced in Stefan's green orbs, she'd seen it so many times before in another man and it made her yearn for a specific color of blue. How many times had she heard about people marrying their best friend? They didn't have that kind of passion, they didn't make love the whole night only to sleep for two hours and start again. No, they settled for companionship with someone they trusted, someone that could make them laugh and would support their every decision. It was the reason why she'd married Stefan. She'd thought a best friend was all that she'd been looking for, only to discover later how wrong she'd been. But passion hadn't worked out for her; it had left her aching and itching for someone's touch, while her best friend was still here fighting for her, fighting for the marriage she'd stepped out of.
"Just pack your bags and come home with me." Stefan's thumb caressed her cheek. "Just come home."
"I'll be there in a minute."
"I'll be there in a minute."
Grayson's footsteps faded into the distance, lingering in the silence between them. Damon's eyes were burning into hers, asking a million questions with just one look. She didn't have the answers to them so she shrugged and leaned forward to press a kiss on his chest, her hands gliding over his biceps, trying to reassure him that he had nothing to lose. And he didn't, because she was his, full stop; it was only him that seemed to doubt that fact, scared with every breath he took that she'd run back to Stefan.
"It's probably more paperwork for the divorce." She pushed herself up on her tiptoes, pecking his lips. "I'll go check it out."
He nodded before releasing her waist, her skin immediately mourning the loss of his touch. Before turning around, she let her eyes wander over the god-like creature in front of her, standing there in all of his glory; water drops running down his forehead, shimmering in the black hair, eyes that made her knees tremble, abs that made her swoon, and a smile that perfected the image. She shook herself out of the daze as she saw the smirk on his lips, turning towards the door and the voices downstairs, she found her way in her childhood home. Walking into the kitchen, she found her father seated at the table, and Stefan sitting across from him, Liam on his lap giggling at something Stefan whispered in his ear.
"Finally, you made it out of the bedroom." Lauren handed her a cup of lemon tea, grinning. "I almost dropped a survival package in front of your door."
"Stefan," she greeted, putting on her best smile and dodging Lauren's assumption. "What are you doing here?"
"I got the papers to sell the house." He threw a stack of legal documents to the other side of the table as Liam's eyes shot up to hers. "You just have to sign them."
"Mommy, I don't want you to sell the house!" Liam jumped off of Stefan's lap and came to hug her leg. "I don't want to live anywhere else!"
"We have to sell the house, Liam." She patted his head, resting her hand on his shoulder. "Mommy and Stefan aren't going to live together anymore. But we're going to buy a new house and you can choose the color of your room and you can have a new bed if you want..."
"No!"
Her son's big blue eyes teared up as he stared at her, begging her not to take him away from the only place he'd ever called home. A lump formed in her throat. She'd never thought of herself as a materialistic person, it was just a house, but it was a house filled with memories she cherished. Liam's first night home, sitting in the rocking chair that looked out on the yard as she fed him; the couch in the living room where her baby boy had pulled himself up on his feet for the first time in his life, only to take his first steps in the same place a few weeks later. That same couch Damon sat on after she bailed him out of prison, cleaned him up and told him he made her life worth living. Those memories where all in her mind, but it wasn't the same as reliving them in the exact same spot. Nevertheless, she sat down, ignoring the crying boy that clung to her leg , and signed at the bottom of the sheet.
"Hey, Hey!" Damon came down the stairs, a frown forming on his face as he found his son crying. "Did my mother run out of cookies or something?"
"No." Liam sniffled, clearly comforted as his father picked him up. "I ate three this morning."
"So if your sugar levels aren't running low," his eyes went from Elena to Liam. "Then why the crying?"
"Mommy sold our house!"
"And I'm really sorry about that." Elena got up from the chair and stroked his cheek. "But I told you, we'll get a new house and you'll love it, I promise."
"No, I'll hate it!"
"Liam, don't be difficult." She crouched down to put a kiss on his head. "Mommy has an appointment, Daddy is taking you to school."
"I don't want to go to school!"
He wriggled free from Damon's grip and stomped off towards his grandmother, plopping down on the floor beside her with his arms folded in front of his chest. Elena shook her head at his behavior and focused her attention on Damon, who was having a staring competition with Stefan. How many times had she'd compared the two of them, brothers, who were so different in everything they did, except for one thing - fighting for the person they loved most. It made her feel uneasy, out of place, because she felt trapped between the two of them. They didn't belong in the same room together, never had.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure he makes it to school on time." Damon's blue orbs were suddenly watching her face. "What's the appointment?"
"I have a doctor's appointment." She grabbed her bag from the chair and slung it over her shoulder.
"Nothing to worry about."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just an annual blood check." She pecked his cheek and nodded her goodbyes. "See you tonight."
She exchanged a look with Lauren, who seemed to lose all the color in her cheeks at the mention of her doctor's appointment. With a last nod of her head, she closed the door behind her, leaving four adults to deal with the tantrum of the five-year-old.
Damon turned to his son, watching him chew on the cookie his grandmother had just sneaked into his eager hands.
"Liam, get ready." He grabbed his car keys from the table. "Time to leave."
"No!"
"I swear if you're not in the car in five seconds, I'll break your arm all over again." He pointed his finger at the boy. "And we both know how much you hated that cast."
"You won't hurt me."
"No TV for a week." Stefan sipped on his coffee, reading the newspaper. "Not even during the weekend when it's raining outside, and you have nothing to do inside."
"This isn't fair!" Liam pushed himself up from the floor, stomping his foot. "I'm not supposed to have two daddies!"
Damon chuckled as his son disappeared into the hallway and pulled the shoe cabinet open. Stefan got a smug grin on his face as he shook his head and put his coffee cup back on the table, lifting his eyes to his brother's and showing Damon just how much he'd been part of his boy's life before he'd come back to sweep him away. Liam would never just be his and Elena's son. He'd always have another father waiting on the sidelines, watching over him and knowing exactly who he was, because he'd watched him grow up and helped him become the boy he was today.
"The TV-thing actually works?"
"He's Elena's son." Stefan shrugged, getting up. "He loves Disney channel as much as Elena loves her series."
"Makes sense." Damon pouted his lips together, nodding. "Thanks for the tip."
Plates scattered to the floor as Stefan opened his mouth to speak, and both their heads snapped to the kitchen, watching Lauren fall to her knees, her head smashing to the floor. A deafening scream left Damon's mouth as his feet ran to his mother's side, his hands moving to feel her pulse, ripping the buttons from her blouse so he could bring life to her dead heart again. Gritting his teeth
together, he started that which he'd prayed he never had to do – save his mother's life. The woman that had taught him everything about life, had told him stories when he was young, had taught him how to ride his first bike and then drive a car, had worked three jobs to get him through med school, that had pushed him to come back here to reunite with Elena so that he wouldn't lose the chance of watching his son grow up. She'd made it all happen because she thought he'd lose himself if he didn't, and now he was about to lose her. Damon had never been more terrified of anything.
"Breathe!"
"Breathe!"
"I'm breathing, Caroline," she grunted, rolling on her side. "It's the only thing I've been doing for the past twenty-four hours."
"Just like we practiced in class!" Caroline squeezed her hand as another contraction hit. "You're doing great!"
"Caroline," Grayson interrupted, taking the soaked towel from her forehead. "Why don't you get us some new ones?"
Caroline nodded eagerly and took the old towels out of the room. Elena couldn't help but sigh in relief, smiling softly at her father's understanding gray eyes. She grunted as her uterus squeezed together again, her child struggling to get to the outside world. And she'd never been more nervous, yet more excited to meet someone. This was all she had left from what had been the best time of her life, this little human inside of her, the ultimate bond two people could form. It made her heart warm and ache with every single thought, because she couldn't fathom loving someone else more than this baby, but at the same time she had to mourn to loss of its father. And she'd spent the last few months doing just that, longing for someone else beside her.
"I lied to you." A tear escaped her eye as she crushed her father's hand. "For months, I've been telling you how much I hate him and how leaving Stefan was a mistake. The truth is, I miss him."
"I know, I know." Grayson combed her hair with his fingers. "You could never fool me."
"I miss him everyday." She looked up to the ceiling, breathing through the pain. "And sometimes I curse this baby because I want to go back, so badly."
"I know, Elena." He took her hand between both of his. "But it is what it is. Let's first get through this, okay?"
"I don't want to share this baby with Stefan," she confessed, tears running over her cheeks. "I won't forgive myself. This baby is so much more than Stefan's baby ever could be."
"Elena..."
"Daddy, please…"
"Time to push!"
The midwife busted through the door, Caroline on her heels with that beaming smile on her face. She didn't protest as the midwife strapped her legs in the braces, directing Caroline and her father each to one side. The realization finally hit her with the first deep breath she took. She was about to bring Damon Salvatore's baby into this world. The famous heart-surgeon that swore to never have children was becoming a father without even knowing it.
"You're doing great." The OB patted her leg, smiling gently. "Just a few more pushes."
Time fades when you're counting to ten over and over again; Elena was just waiting until that last push would finally bring that child into her arms, so she had something to love, something to protect, something that made the pain worth living.
"One more."
Sweat drops ran down her forehead, the hospital gown stuck to her back, the muscles in her arms ached from grasping the rails for so long, and her lungs screamed for air. But none of it was painful enough to numb the burning emptiness in her heart. If bearing a child was the most painful experience in a woman's life, then a broken heart was a close second; only there was no epidural for the latter. The only medicine in the world was the man that she loved, holding her in his arms, whispering in her ear that everything would be alright. He'd tell her she had nothing to worry about, that she could sleep through the night because he'd be there to take care of their baby, and in the morning she'd find him asleep in a rocking chair with their child in his arms. She'd rub his shoulder so he'd wake up, and she'd smile as her eyes locked onto that ocean of blue.
"It's a boy!"
"Oh my god, oh my god." Tears rolled over her cheeks as she reached for the crying baby the midwife placed on her chest. "You're really here."
"What's his name?"
"Liam."
She ignored the looks from her best friend and father. This was her baby, not theirs, not Stefan's, and in some way, not even Damon's. This was her son, and the only way she'd be able to remind herself every day of the love she'd felt while conceiving him, was by naming him after the person that taught her how much one can really love. And while she welcomed this new life, she couldn't help but mourn the one she'd lost. Because this boy would never know how his father saved people, how he could make them laugh, and how he could take you in his arms and make you feel like the safest person on earth. This baby wouldn't feel that luxury, and she couldn't help but want to make him feel that way - loved and protected in a way only a father could.
"You're finally here." She almost suffocated in her tears, rubbing her cheek against the bloodied mess that was her son. "I can't believe you're real."
"I'm just going to weigh and measure him." The nurse picked him up from her chest. "He'll be back in a minute."
Fresh tears formed in her eyes as her son disappeared through the door, Caroline eagerly following her godson. Grayson stood beside her, holding her hand, a single tear rolling over his cheek too as he looked down at her. And she couldn't help but to stretch her arms up and envelop him in them. They clung to one another as so many words remained unsaid, but the other one's presence was comfort enough in the moment. She wiped the tears from her cheeks before taking a deep breath, feeling as if she was starting a new life. She looked around the room with only one purpose.
"Where is my son?"
"Where is my son?"
"Right here, mom."
He got up from the chair and set himself down next to her on the mattress, grabbing her hand in his. She blinked her eyes out of a daze and stretched to focus on him, grunting as every muscle in her body started hurting. Damon brought his hand to her chest, pushing her back against the pillow, shaking his head softly as she glared at him. Mother and son. He remembered all the times when she was the one who told him what to do, and now here he was, commanding her, and she was too weak and vulnerable to fight him.
"You scared me, Mom." He placed his arm on the other side of her. "Don't ever do that again."
"I have to keep you on your toes." Lauren shrugged, flinching as pain ripped through her. "I got pretty close to the Lord this time, didn't I?"
"I prefer it when you stay close to me."
"My time is running out, Damon." She squeezed his hand, rubbing her thumb over his palm. "I can feel it, it won't be long now."
"Don't say something like that." He shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I won't let that happen. I need you here with me."
"You have your own family now," she whispered softly, smiling as if that brought her peace. "You don't need me anymore, not like you used to."
"I'll always need you," he spoke through clenched teeth. "So don't you dare give up because you think I don't need you anymore, now I have Elena and Liam back. My girlfriend didn't even tell me about something as silly as a doctor's appointment this morning. She's mad and I don't know when she's going to forgive me. And I can't figure out what to do and you know, you always know what to do."
"Maybe she didn't tell you about the appointment because it wasn't so silly."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh my boy." She brought her hand up to cup his cheek. "You're always so smart, but you can't see that she's just as scared as you are."
"Of what?"
"Telling you the truth."
"Things changed." He bit his bottom lip, shaking his head. "I'm not the man I was five years ago."
"I know." Lauren squeezed his hand, smiling. "You're a father now."
"You're a father now."
Damon stared into the empty hallway in front of him as Grayson walked past him into the loft. He'd known that the news was about to come. He'd been counting the days until he got the phone call. But never had he expected that he'd be confronted with it in this way, with his child's grandfather in front of his nose, watching every reaction that crossed his face. And he didn't know what Grayson could see, because he didn't know the emotions that he felt - maybe joy, because Elena finally had what she wanted, and maybe hurt, because he'd never get to share that happiness with her.
"Boy or girl?"
"Boy." Grayson sat down on the leather couch. "A healthy 8 pounds, 19 inches baby boy."
He struggled to find his voice, struggled to even move, as every muscle in his body seemed frozen at the news. He could only imagine the baby that had been born, wondering if it had Elena's eyes, his hair, her nose, his mouth; it surprised him how much he wanted to know. And he couldn't help but to think of Elena as a mother, finally having her wish fulfilled; a baby in her arms, rocking their son to sleep, stroking his belly and making him giggle. They were all things he wanted to see happening.
"You didn't have to come all this way." He found the strength in his legs and turned around. "A phone call would have sufficed."
"I wanted to see your reaction." Grayson pulled a document from his bag. "And, she told me to bring you this."
"She told you...?"
"Well, she gave me no choice." Grayson pushed the paper to the other side of the coffee table. "It's his birth certificate. She wants you to be the father."
"You told her that I know?" His voice pitched, his eyes widening. "Grayson!"
"I didn't tell her anything." Grayson leaned forward in his chair. "She said to me, 'I don't want this baby to be Stefan's.' But I'm not going to break the law, no matter how much I love my daughter. So I'm leaving the choice up to you. You sign it and he's yours, or I'm telling her that I can't do it."
"I don't think..." He shook his head, wetting his lips. "It's not a good idea. Stefan is going to raise him as his, and I can't interfere with that."
"You're already going to interfere." Grayson put his finger on the birth certificate. "Read it."
Time froze as he stared at the name on the paper – Liam Grayson Salvatore . He'd never thought he'd pass his name on, and yet there it was, in black and white, his name carried by his son, probably the only one he'd ever have. He buried his face in his hands, weighing the options that were laid out in
front of him - recognizing his son so he'd know Elena would always carry him with her, or ignore him and do what his own father did, denying the most precious gift two people could receive.
"Okay, one condition." He looked up at Grayson, accepting the pen he offered. "I want to see him."
"I want to see him." Elena put her hands on her hips, glaring at the nurse. "And I'd like to see his mother too."
"Only family, miss."
"She's the mother of my son." Damon pulled the curtain open, his eyes tired. "She is family."
"How is she?" Elena threw a side-ways glance at the nurse as she surrendered. "How are you?"
"I'm fine."
She pulled the corners of her mouth up in a sad smile, stretching her arms out so that they landed around his neck, pulling him into her embrace. Never before had she seen him this vulnerable, so scared and lost, not even the day he had to tell her that her mother died on his table. And she could relate all too well to that constant nagging feeling that you're about to lose someone. He'd only gotten a scare, and she couldn't predict what it would be like when he really did have to say goodbye.
"I know you're not fine," she whispered into his ear, leaving a kiss on his cheek. "It's okay, I know."
"Liam sneaked past the nurses." He pulled out of her embrace, avoiding her sentiments. "He's already in there with her."
"How is she?"
"She's not fine."
He turned away from her to hide the turmoil in his eyes, and she couldn't help but to want to pull him back into her, shield him from the pain and heartache, like she'd tried to protect herself from it. But life is never one happy ride on the ferris wheel, it's a roller coaster with ups and downs, and some of those downs make you dizzy and cause your chest to ache, but they're the ultimate proof that you're still alive. He was on a down right now, and she wanted to place her hand on his chest and rub the pain out of his heart, but it was never that simple. If it had been, then she wouldn't have been left aching for five years.
"Can you please not die, Laury?" Liam was curled up to his grandmother's side. "I really don't like it when people die. I cry all day and I feel bad, and there will be no one there to make me cookies."
"I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons why, besides cookies, that we want Laury to get better soon." Elena sat down on the chair, grabbing Lauren's hand. "Aren't there, Liam?"
"Yes, tiramisu, cake, biscuits, muffins, brownies..."
"Or because we love her." Elena glared at her son from the other side of the bed. "Not everything revolves around food."
"That too, Laury." He patted his grandmother's chest as she chuckled. "I'm just so hungry, Mommy."
"You're always hungry."
"But this time it's really bad. I'll die without food." His eyes went wide as Damon rolled his own. "I need chocolate. Chocolate cake, or ice cream with chocolate. I'll even eat vegetables with chocolate."
"Come on you big drama queen." Damon picked him up from the bed. "We'll get you something to eat."
Liam cheered as Damon shook his head and placed a kiss on his mother's forehead. Liam waved at his grandmother before wrapping his arms around his father's neck. Elena couldn't help but be reminded of the times he'd done that when he was a baby, his tiny fingers digging into the skin of her neck, clinging to her like he needed her more than anything in the world. She'd loved the feeling - the feeling of being needed, to have to take care of someone else, of Damon's child in her arms. She'd thought she'd done alright, that she'd done the right thing by making Stefan his father. She'd always thought that Stefan did a good job, that he was involved in their son's life. But then his real father had come along, and the two blended together in such a way that it seemed to exclude anyone else from their relationship.
"How are you doing?" Elena watched Damon close the curtain and then turned back to Lauren. "I came as soon as I heard."
"I'm still breathing." Lauren squeezed her hand, smiling softly. "I think my son is more worried than I am."
"Because he can't imagine losing you," she whispered, looking down at their clasped hands. "And when my mom died, he was slapped in the face with the meaning of it all."
"Shouldn't he be worrying about you instead of me?" Lauren eyed her with a hint of humor. "How did your doctor's appointment go?"
"It was okay."
"Just okay?" Lauren's eyebrows flew up. "Nothing more than okay?"
"I'm not going to tell him." She locked her stern look with Lauren's. "I can't lose him a second time."
"You're going to have to tell him sometime." Lauren shrugged, looking for words. "He deserves to know."
"If I tell him," she let out an exasperated sigh. "He'll leave."
"Why would he leave you?"
"Because I'm pregnant!"
The curtain slid open the same time the words left her mouth. For two seconds she prayed that it was a nurse, but her hope was smashed to pieces when she turned around, coming face to face with the man that had forced someone into an abortion, only to later let the woman that was carrying his
child walk out the door. He didn't want to be a father, and she'd never been more terrified to admit the possibility to herself that she might be separated from him again. But here she was – pregnant – and he knew, the anxiety taking over his face once the shock subsided.
She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to grab his shirt and pull him against her so he couldn't leave. But like him, she was too stunned by the moment to do anything but feel her itching fingers. And she said a silent prayer while he seemed to debate his decision. She prayed to sleep next to him tonight, to wake up in the same bed with him tomorrow, to start the rest of their lives together. But he shook his head, looking at her as if she'd betrayed him more than his worst enemy ever could; and like she had done before him.
He walked away.