Chapter 9 – Beginning Anew
Ally's P.O.V.
I wake up in a panic, screaming, chest heaving, tears staining my cheeks. A nurse comes running in, obliviously in alarm of why I'd be screaming.
"Another bad dream Miss Dawson?" The nurse asks once she sees I am physically fine. I fall asleep at any given chance though my dreams are far from a reprieve of my new reality and many times have had my nightmare so this isn't a first for the nurses on staff.
There is this reoccurring dream, a nightmare really. Every so often, when I get overly depressed and think of Austin, the same dream always plays.
Austin and Dez going up a rollercoaster, laughing playfully with huge grins on their faces, they get to the top, right before the ride officially begins when the wheels on the car start sparking. The moment the car gains speed, the car derails. Austin and Dez scream and cling to each other as they plummet. Right before they crash into the ground, I always wake up.
Today, instead of the dream ending right there, it continues. The rollercoaster car smashes into the ground, causing Austin and Dez, who are still strapped in, to contort their bodies in unnatural ways. When the car finally loses momentum, the sight is sickening. The ground is torn up, the car twisted, and Austin and Dez unconscious. Cuts and blood cover their bodies, limbs hang at odd angles.
The last thing I see is Austin. His eyes seem to find mine in my dream. They are so haunting, they follow me into reality.
I nod my head in agreement, my body still trembling from before. I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the stem of teas and wrap my arms around myself in an attempt of self-comfort.
It's just a nightmare, I quote a mantra I came up, just your imagination playing games with you.
But Austin really died, or did he? Ah! Why can't I think straight!? Austin is dead, what I saw was nothing but a figment of my imagination.
"Are you sure you're fine?" I hear her footsteps draw closer and I know she is next to me but she is not the person I want comforting me.
Even after having two years to mourn, to finally accept the truth, I will always have this ache, this longing for him to be there for me when I need him to be.
Austin fills every thought, every dream. From the time I told him to stop playing on the drums to his supposedly sudden resurrection from death, every memory surfaces.
But he is alive! Believe Ally!
Ugh, not this again!
My heart doubts Austin died. It says to me not to give up hoping, that love will find a way. My eyes doubt too. They whisper 'seeing is believing' and I have seen the impossible right before my eyes. My lips quiver with agreement to my heart and eyes. They have felt the warmth of his lips, the love he poured out in those few seconds of bliss.
My head is the only one disagreeing, loudly proclaiming over all others, it cannot be plausible for Austin to be living and breathing. He practically died in my arms, my head shames, how could I even think he'd somehow survived death's door?
The struggle of all this has left me drained, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
"...I love you."
Those words have been repeating constantly in my head since yesterday.
Never once before he died did Austin say those words; the ones I had wanted him to tell me; the ones that had tormented my thoughts for years for not telling him I love him and now my head is putting those words into his voice and making me listen to them over and over.
"Miss Dawson?" The nurse says my name and I realize that I haven't responded to her question. I nod head again and give her the okay sign.
"Okay, well… I hope you sleep well." The nurse's footsteps fade away and the door slowly closes.
I inhale deeply, my heart still pounding inside my chest.
"Is this everything?" My dad asks, holding one of my bags in his hands.
"I- think- so-." I say playing with the wheels on my wheelchair. I just recently was allowed to talk but told not to overdo it and to speak slowly.
Today, I have been discharged from the hospital but I won't be walking out, my legs are too weak to do that right now.
Almost a month has gone by since I woke up. Time passed so slowly. After a week from waking up, I got started on physical therapy. Every limb was weak, I could barely lift a 2lb weight without dropping it and don't get me started on the pain of when I had to work on walking.
Dad told me that Trish had been trying to see me but I wouldn't allow it, not after the incident of Austin's ghost appearing. I haven't permitted any visitors into my room besides Dad. I want to get back to normal, as normal as I can, before I start living life again.
"Okay then, let's go!" Dad places the bag he was holding onto my lap, grabs the handles to my chair, and takes off. My heart starts to race as I begin to anticipate going outside for the first time in a long time.
Nurses and doctors wave at us as we pass by on the way to the exit.
The automatic doors slide open before us and Dad pushes me threw. I blink my eyes rapidly as I try to adjust my eyes to the stark brightness of the sun. There is a huge difference between looking out a window and being outside. I never realized that before today.
"Excited about going home?" Dad voice floats down from above me, the sound of it so soothing, combined with the rocking motion of the wheelchair, about lulls me to sleep.
"Absolutely," I lean my head back, resting it against my dad's midsection, enjoying the feeling of being free.
After the car ride we arrive home; sweet home. For so long have I wanted to return home. Dad helps me out and places me on my wheel chair and starts wheeling me inside.
"The- bags-?" I question, craning my neck up to look at my dad. He doesn't look too worried about them; in fact, he looks like he is expecting something.
"Don't worry, I'll get them later. For now, let's just get you inside."
I look away from him and turn my gaze towards the door. A ramp, hastily built looking, is covering the steps leading up to the front door.
Tears leap into my eyes as I think someone has thought enough about me to build this for my comfort.
Dad notices the change in my demeanor and quietly chuckles. "I went to bed a few night ago and woke up the next day to this built. I don't really know who did it though."
Pushing me up the slight incline, Dad stopped briefly to open the door. The house is clad in darkness but the feeling of being home still fills me.
Dad skips turning the lights on and wheels me into the living room before going back to turn on the lights.
As soon as the lights go on, a loud exclaim fills the house.
Hey guys! Happy New Year!
I was a day off but it's the thought that counts
I hope everyone's New Year parties all went well and that the past year was a good one.
What was some of your favorite moments of 2015?
Mine was going away for summer camp.
Well, off to do school, (ugh).
Until later!
~ND~