Chapter 11 - A Try at Normallcy

Ally's Point of View

I look around the room, only moments after the lights were turned on and people jumped out from various places; people who I hadn't been wanting to see, maybe never see again if I could have my way. Trish, Dez, Kira, Cassidy, people from school, some I don't ever remember meeting, there are just so many people here. Too many.

One person stands out more than any other, crushing my soul by his very presence. Austin stands the closely to me than anyone else, he could've touched me by nearly moving his hand or shifting his body just a few inches in my direction. Though he never moves my way his gaze is fixated on me. His eyes causing unwanted shivers to gallop across my back. I thought he wouldn't be haunting me anymore other than in my nightmares.

My heart is pounding my chest, threatening to explode while my mind is racing a mile a minute trying to figure out how I could somehow escape from this room and into my safe and secure bedroom.

Before I am able to to exit the living room, my dad grasps the handles to my wheelchair and swiftly moves me away fromAustin alongside the sofa, I presume in a way to make me feel more at ease whenever everyone is ready to take a seat.

People swarm around me, touching me, hugging me and lavishing so much attention on me that I have to fight the urge to chew my hair. It's in that moment when I hear the soft, melodic sounds of the first few chords of a guitar.

The sound is soothing, calming; the tempo gives to show that this welcome home bash isn't simple another party, no, it's something else, and the song about to be sung isn't random but made with a purpose.

I change my focus from the people gathered around me and look over in the general area of where I here the music coming from and my eyes finally rest on Austin standing by the TV with a guitar slung across his chest, eyes closed, his hands gently strumming the strings as one of his feet slowly tap out the beat.

After a few more seconds of quiet notes filling the air, causing a shush among everyone and seats to be taken, Austin starts singing.

I've been thinkin'

I've been searchin'

But I've never found a reason

Oh how my heart aches

Can you see how it breaks

How much more can it take?

I've commited so many crimes

And I've tried so many times

Came up with infinite rhymes

But not one

Not one

Can say what I wanna

So here I go cause I'm gonna!

I can't stand all the lies that've been said

I can't fake all the things that I've pled

But without you I'd rather be dead!

So many years have gone and passed us by

But I'm sure we can catch them on the fly

Cause baby when I look at you I scream My Oh My!

Can't you see the cracks

Or are you following the tracks

Hoping they lead you back!

I've tried so many tricks

And heard many things go tick

Or things that gave me a kick

But not one

Not one

Gave me what I wanna

Get ready because now I'm gonna

I can't stand all the lies that've been said

I can't fake all the things that I've pled

But without you I'd rather be dead!

Without you life has no meaning

No point or sense of being

I can't even go about seeing

Music got no tempo

Ocean got no waves

Sky got no sun

I got no one

Cause without you

I'd rather be dead.

The final sounds of the song hang in the air. Austin breathing slightly heavy do to the singing, his eyes quickly glancing to me. He is asking me for something with his eyes. Realization dawns on me when I comprehend that the song Austin just song wasn't just to make the environment more welcoming but something special for me; something he wrote on his own.

Pride wells within me but I am quick to tamper it. I can't allow myself the luxury of falling in love with this Austin when my Austin died so long ago. Even though I understand all that happened to me I am someone else. I am not the same person everyone knew. Two years can really change a person, even if they weren't even conscience during that time.

oOo

oOo

I am alive, I promise!

So sorry it took me three months to update. Life has been so hecktic lately. My older sister just recently had her baby, a girl. My mom is currently staying with her. I have been trying to run my mom's business while she is away but it is hard since she and I will be leaving to go to present the business in less than a week and there is still a lot that needs to be done.

On to some good news (or better news) I am now an official adult! 18 baby! Not many perks so far... I also signed up to go back to camp this summer, this time taking my younger sister and my best friend with me. Though I guess that's bad news for y'all.

Just recently my oldest sister and younger sister audition for a spot on my church's worship team, my younger sister making the cut but not my older sister. Then a few days after she was told no my pastor's wife offered her the opportunity to be on the media team and be putting up the words during worship, the same postioned that I already been asking for since December. My oldest sister really doesn't know that much about computers and I already have been working with my church doing the weekly event PowerPoint, they already know that I am handy with computers, and I already help the people running the screens while I do sound (yes, I run the sound board) My pastor's wifes is really driving me bonkers since she asked someone who would require tons of training over someone who willingly volunteered to to the job and would require far less training.

My life is crazy and some people in it are dumb.

~ND~