Chapter 2
Joffrey "Jojo" II
King's Landing - 296 AC
The cold, stale air of the deserted, supposedly hidden passages of the Red Keep is not something Prince Joffrey enjoyed immensely, especially at the parts where the passage crossed a sewer or two. But still, Joffrey could still imagine the ruckus that will definitely happen when his mother's men found the Crown Prince himself is nowhere to be found. He stopped walking soon after recognizing the certain hole that connected the passage vertically upward directly toward another secret compartment inside his own chamber. Bracing himself against the wall and start breathing rhythmically, Joffrey focused his hamon on his fingertips and start climbing back toward his chamber.
Well, he just can't help himself not to restart his hamon training again, after he directly looks into some dusty dragon skulls stored in the basement. Some nice afternoons where his five years old self bothered Maester Pycelle and later uncle Tyrion to tell him the histories of the past made him aware that wherever he is reincarnated into, this is definitely not Earth as he knew it, and everything point out that magical supranatural stuffs still littered this planet. And let's also mention that his father, Robert Baratheon, literally took the Iron Throne by fighting the previous owner, and there're reports about exiled Prince Viserys Targaryen still living in Essos. Considering how his family, especially those who come from his mother's side, the Lannisters, literally act toward the vanquished Targaryens, he would not be surprised if somewhere in the future, said exiled Prince WILL return, probably with Dragons and or some sort of magical artifacts at his back. Every cliche in the fantasy stories demanded that, especially when his grandfather Tywin supposedly cruelly slain the rest of Rhaegar's family.
Not that he didn't understand on why Robert rebelled, however, this Rhaegar and Aerys must be some sort of epic idiots to start a war over a woman, but still, considering that his own father is such a hypocrite that regularly treat his mother like dirt while fucking other women all around, this is definitely a set up for something BAD for his family in the future. Not that he himself is not a hypocrite, but considering that his old self Joseph never treat Suzie Q like that (other than having flings with several pretty women around and resulting in Josuke - that's not his fault he's allergic to latex, mind you - just he can't help it where women are involved).
Still, he found himself easier to think his own self as Prince Joffrey Baratheon now, instead of the old Joseph Joestar. First and foremost, this way, he would not let his eyes wander near the keyhole on the Queen's room, and second, there would be less confusion on his part regarding going on with his new life. He's not joking with his first reason, since according to old Joseph Joestar's grading system, Queen Cersei Lannister is definitely still a hottie with deadly curves despite already having three children, heck he could swear that even uncle Jaime the Kingsguard seemed to still steal a glance or two from his mother, even despite uncle Jaime never looks that way to other women.
What is he thinking anyway, Joffrey mentally slapped himself, focusing his efforts to climb up, easily remove the wood covering of the hole, put the wood cover back and opened his closet from the inside.
Good, Sandor is still drunk his ass off, said Joffrey to himself while he closed his closet door and took a bucket full of water, before unceremoniously dumping the cold water on top of Sandor Clegane's head.
"Wakey wakey Sandor!" said Joffrey cheerfully while Sandor Clegane mouthed some foul curses before hobbling up from his previous sprawling position on the floor.
"Damn, what?" said Sandor in annoyed tone.
"My mother didn't go looking for me again, right?" asked Joffrey innocently.
"Not at all, but your dwarf uncle does Prince Jojo." said Sandor.
"Nobody knew of the secret passageways yet, right?" asked Joffrey rethorically while Sandor just lazily nod his head. "Tell the servants to drawn myself a nice hot bath, I want to be presentable at the dinner, and not making my mother worried about the dirt on my training armor."
...
Later that night, Prince Joffrey already has a nice bath and get into his fabulous outfit, consisting of red doublet jacket with Lannister and Baratheon sigils embroidered with golden threads, unbuttoned to shown his well toned muscles on his torso under his black tank top that did not cover his abs (well, he's kind of 10 years old, but he has been working out), black trouser with yellow accents, and his long, wavy blonde hair tied in a low ponytail with gold and black ribbons.
"Hello my fabulous nephew!" chirped his equally fabulous uncle Renly, who sports a dark green robe with golden Baratheon stag sigil at his left side, partially opened top to reveal the equally well toned chest muscles under orange shirt, a matching black trouser with silver accents, and his curly black hair flown free onto his shoulders. "How're you doing today, Jojo?"
"Pretty good, my fabulous uncle!" said Joffrey while fist bumping with his uncle, before moving on and fist bumping with his other friend, his uncle's squire, Loras Tyrell. Said Tyrell worn yet another fabulous outfit consisting of green and yellow jacket with three golden roses embroidered on his back, tight white undershirt that shown his lean, but also well toned muscles, green and white trousers, and his soft curling brown hair formed into a long braid.
"Still working out with the weird yet artistic weapons of yours Prince Jojo?" asked the older teenager courtly while mentioning about how Joffrey supposedly arm himself with several pairs of steel balls, each engraved with initial J on their balls, and each pair linked by strong, braided leather strings.
"Oh this?" said Joffrey nonchalantly while quickly produce his pair of clackers from under his doublet, clacking them with one hand in twirling motion that send a loud CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK sound in the dining hall. "I just hope Ser Mandon Moore didn't get a grudge on me after I smacked him with these things on the training ground."
"Oh, I'm sure he won't, my nephew." said yet another fabulous man who entered the dining hall, this time the whitecloaked Jaime Lannister giving his trademark charming grin. "We Kingsguards are sworn to protect the Royal family, and after all, that was just a training session and he laughed at your weapon of choice. That's pretty much handle-less flails you have there, a pelicular, but still excellent weapon of choice to catch your opponents off guards." Speaking of which, aside of his white cloak, Jaime wear his golden armor, but without his helmet to show off his long blonde hair, almost identical in shape with Joffrey's and Queen Cersei's hair too.
"That flails of yours definitely packed surprisingly powerful punches too, and you already shown it works even when thrown against hard targets. Must be your father's own penchant with blunt weapons so you picked a weapon that is even harder to use effectively." mumbled Renly while they all share a good laugh. "Yet that was... unconventional weapon you have there."
"Yeah, father told me to just use ball and chain flail rather than these clackers." said Joffrey sheepishly. "Those aren't just as flexible compared to this."
"Sometimes the simpler things are, the better." said someone who could be almost unseen compared to the tall and muscular men gathered in that group. "But enough with these talks about weapons and let's talk something about wenches." Tyrion Lannister grinned while he waddled toward the table. "And while your father didn't give a shit if you skip the lessons with Maester Pycelle, trust me, your Grandfather will not be pleased if you can't do your accounting..."
"Yeah uncle, the next you'll say is 'And simply waste coins in feasts and tournaments so the coffers sink into three millions golden dragons in debt?' Eh?" said Joffrey mischievously.
"...and simply waste coins in feasts, tournaments, and listening to the old coot Jon Arryn, so the coffers sink into three millions golden dragons in debt." Tyrion smirked. "Half of the financial problems could be attributed to your father, yes, but half of them is actually Jon Arryn being a stupid coot who didn't really knew what and who he worked with."
"I do agree with your assessment Tyrion." said Renly with a sigh. "Jon Arryn's influence on Robert is too deep so the King literally cannot change his Hand, somebody other than that old coot deserves the post better."
"Maybe we better talk about this after dinner, as that old coot should be coming here soon." said Loras while everyone in this group chuckled.
...
NOTE : I told you you will lost your sanity reading this. Why? For once, Prince Joffrey "Jojo" would have core allies consisting of (mostly) fabulous men, and that means his uncles Renly, Jaime, and Loras would be there and Tyrion would be there too as I can't see how he won't treat Tyrion nicely. And all of them is pissed off about a certain old coot that is not dead (yet).