Hey, long time no see! I promised I wouldn't abandon this fic, and I've been working on it for a while now. Updates should be more frequent now.

A huge thank you to EdwardsFirstKiss for beta-ing, and Katy and Rebadams7 for prereading.

I know from reviews some are having issues with this type of story. All I can say is it will be rough, but it is HEA. There is concern that Edward won't be able to move past the kind of love he had with Senna. It'll take time, it's a slow burn and there will be mistakes. But sometimes people move on and it's a different kind of love. So take a chance, or not. It's entirely a personal choice. I'd just like to say thank you if you've made it this far :)

I've made some changes after Donna looked this over for me, so all mistakes are mine.

Because it's been so long since the last update, here's a quick recap...

Edward caught up with Em after a long while. Emmett brought some things to Edward's attention that were hard to handle, the fact that life has gone on and Alice & Jasper had a baby.

I wake with a start, my heart pounding like a stampede of elephants through my chest. A fine sheen of sweat covers my arms and my t-shirt is sticking to my body. I bring my knees to my chest and inhale deeply, trying to calm my racing heart.

The dream has shaken me more than any before. It felt so real—almost like I could reach out and touch Senna. Her blue eyes were sparkling, and she was wearing a floaty peasant top and her favorite pair of capris. She was trying to say something, her hand outstretched and beckoning to me. A golden halo of light surrounded her dark hair, and she looked like an angel.

A light tap on the door breaks me from my daze. I feel like a mess. My hair is pasted to my forehead and around my ears. I'm almost certain my eyes are bloodshot too, as I blink to get rid of the grittiness.

"Oh love, what's happened?" Mom asks as she sits next to me on the bed and runs her fingers through my sweat soaked hair; concern lacing her features.

Love. That's what Mom and Dad have always called each other. Love. It's what I'd called Senna, from the very moment I told her I loved her.

"A dream. It was all a dream, Mom. And it was so damn real." I manage to choke out before the tears start to fall.

"Shhh, it's ok baby. It wasn't real."

"But I wanted it to be," I answer with a shuddering sigh. She pulls me into her side and lays my head on her shoulder. It's awkward but I don't care. We sit this way for some time before Mom starts to speak again.

"Edward…" She's stroking my hair, a comforting gesture from my childhood "...you need to open up—tell me what you're thinking and feeling. You've never been so closed off before. I should have noticed...I should have known everything wasn't fine. For that, I feel like I've failed you, and I am so deeply, deeply sorry, my boy." A small sob escapes as she tightens her hold on me.

We sit like that for a long while, tears streaking both our faces. I want to tell her 'no' that she hasn't failed me. Both of my parents haven't failed me. How were we to know my life would take the twists and turns that it has? It was so perfect; I loved Senna with every part of my being. Having her torn from my grasp was bound to change me. It's me who has distanced myself from them.

"My darling boy…" she starts as she shuffles on the bed so she can see me, my face between her hands as her eyes dart between both of my own. "...you've been through so much. There is no timeline on grief. No one can tell you how you should be feeling, or what you should be doing by now. Only you know what you're ready for. What I know is that you don't deserve to shut yourself off from the rest of the world. You are a bright, charming, ambitious young man with the whole world in front of him." She pauses, and then continues on hesitantly, wringing her hands in her lap.

"Now I'm not going to lecture you, but I'm glad you've made the step to get back in contact with Emmett. But there is someone you need to ring. Alice has been calling me when you wouldn't answer her messages. I assured her you were ok because that's what you'd been telling me and I asked her to give you more time. Edward, you really do need to call her. Senna wouldn't want you to ignore her, no more than she'd want anyone to turn their back on you. Did you know Ali and Jasper had a baby girl?"

"Yeah...Em told me the other day." I answer, as I drop my head to my knees and run my hands through my hair. "But mom, I just don't know how I can face them."

Tears well in my eyes once again, knowing I have failed my friends, but the taste of jealousy also bites at the back of my mind. They have everything that Senna and I ever wanted, and the addition of a baby is just too much for me to bear.

"I know it's hard honey. But do you think Senna would want you to avoid them? If she was here, you would have been waiting outside that hospital ward and been in there the second that baby girl was born. Edward...go see them. Else you'll miss out on what would have been one of the most important experiences of Ali and Jasper's life. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to go see her. They're not going to judge you because you haven't been there for them, but you need to show them you can be there for them now. And I hate to use this as an incentive, but once you do, there's another letter for you."

A quietness settles as I think about what could possibly be in the next envelope Senna has left for me.

The ringing of the house phone breaks the silence. "I'd better go get that." Mom says with a wink and a pat to my hand.

I follow her downstairs a few minutes later, intent on finding out more about the letter. She's standing in the kitchen, chopping vegetables. "Oh Edward, I forgot some things from the store. Would you mind going for me? The car keys are just there." She says, pointing toward the key rack hanging near the entrance.

I look between the car keys and Mom, trying to gauge her mood.

"It's fine Edward, take my car. You're not under house arrest you know. And getting out of the house will do you the world of good." She places the shopping list, some bills, and the car keys that she retrieved into my hand. "Now shoo, I need those mushrooms for dinner."

With a wave, I'm out the door and heading to Mom's Mercedes. The drive to the store only takes a few minutes, but it feels good to be doing something normal. I grab a cart from the front of the store and start making my way through the aisles. I pass the end of the aisle closest to the cash registers and see a flash of long dark brown hair, a leather jacket and a pair of jeans on a familiar form. She's at the cash register, handing over her card and about to leave the store.

My heart rate increases, my breathing becomes choppy and suddenly I'm drenched in sweat. There's no way it can be Senna, but this is the third time I've seen her and I'm not about to let her go. I look between the cart full of groceries and the woman at the counter. I know she's not a figment of my imagination. I see her conversing with the checkout lady. She turns and her profile is recognizable. It's her—Senna. She grabs her bags and makes her way to the front doors. Without a second glance at the cart, I take off after the woman. I race out the front doors but by the time I get there, she's gone. I scan the shoppers, the cars in the parking lot and up and down the street. She's gone… she couldn't have gotten too far, but it's like she's disappeared into thin air.

I gasp with my hands on my knees, trying to get my wits about me. It's impossible for her to just vanish, but she has. She wouldn't have left the store more than a minute before I did. I shake my head, trying to restore some sense of normality.

I walk back into the store where a security guard stops me.

"Sir, is everything alright? I saw you run out of here like your tail was on fire."

I shake my head, still in a daze about what's just happened.

"Ah yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I thought I saw an old friend." I respond as I walk back to my cart that I've left in the middle of the aisle. I quickly grab my things and head to the checkout with no concern to what was left on the list. All I know is I need to get out of here, and I know exactly where I'm heading.

I'm loading the groceries into the car and before I can think about it any further I send Mom a quick text to tell her I'm making a stop on the way home. She may revoke my driving privileges by the time I get home, but there's only one way I'm going to sort this out in my head.

It's almost as if the car drives itself to the cemetery, my thoughts only focused on the woman that looks far too much like my dead wife to use any conscious thought. I park and make my way through the squeaky gate that I once again remind myself to bring oil for. It's hard to believe it was only a couple of weeks ago that I was last here, but it feels like forever.

I plant myself on the grass in front of Senna's grave and stare at her headstone. I no longer feel self-conscious about talking to her while I'm here. I used to think everyone was staring, wondering what my story was. I take a few deep breaths before I start.

"I'm so sorry Sen. It's been too long since I've been here, but you've never not been in my thoughts. I got sick the last time I was here...and well...Mom and Dad kidnapped me and moved me back into their place."

I spend the next few minutes telling her what's been going on, little things she would have missed, TV shows she would have laughed at. I tell her about breakfast with Emmett, Maggie and him breaking up and Alice and Jasper's baby.

"I don't know what's going on. But I see you...I've seen you a few times. It's like...I don't even know how to describe it. I can feel you, and then when I look around I see the back of you. What are you doing to me, Senna? Are you haunting me? Are you trying to torture me, or are you sending me a message?

"I don't know what to think, I feel like I'm going crazy." I grip my hair tightly in my hands, like pulling it out will help make sense of what I'm feeling. I sit that way for a long time until my legs go numb and I can no longer feel the tugging on my hair.

"Just...just give me something Sen, give me a sign. Tell me what to do. Because I'm so damn lost without you."

The tears roll down my face as I stumble to my feet, aware that I need to get these groceries back in time for dinner.

I'm so lost in my head on the way home that I don't even remember driving back. I pull the bags from the car and head back into the house. Mom is waiting in the doorway, a concerned look on her face.

"Hey, how did you go at the store?" She takes the bags from me and puts them on the bench. I can tell she's trying not to smother me and is holding back.

"Yeah…ok. I'm sorry I took so long. I just…I wanted to go to the cemetery." I look at her sheepishly, waiting for her to chastise me.

"Edward, you're a grown man. I'm worried about you, but I'm not going to run your life. As long as you let me know you're ok and if you're going to be late, we're good. Ok?" She shoots me the mom look before she turns her attention to the groceries. "Now go set the table. I'll finish dinner before your father gets here. He shouldn't be too far away."

I grab what's needed from the kitchen to set the table, dancing around Mom as she stirs the mushrooms I bought into the sauce. Everything is ready to go within a few minutes, just as Dad walks through the door. He kisses Mom and hugs me before taking a seat at the table and starts to eat dinner. My parents are making small talk, but I can't bring myself to join in. The woman I saw at the store is still weighing heavily on my mind.

My mood is obvious, and I'm quiet until Dad addresses me. "Edward, is everything ok son? You're very quiet over there."

I place my fork back on my plate and look up at my father. I need to know his thoughts; if he thinks I'm going insane, if I do in fact need medication, or if it's all just a figment of my imagination.

"Dad…do you believe in ghosts?" The clatter of his cutlery hitting the table startles both mom and me. His face has gone pale and his eyes are wide with shock. Mom leans across to pat his hand. "Carlisle, are you ok? You look like you've just seen a ghost yourself. Do you need me to get you anything?" She shoots a concerned look at me before turning back to him.

It's normal for Mom to go into caregiver mode when something is amiss, and this is certainly not normal behavior for my typically calm and collected father. "Huh? What? No, I'm ok Es. I'll be fine." He takes a small sip of water from his glass before looking at me. "No, Edward, I don't. You know I am a man of the sciences, and everything has a reason. Why do you ask?" He goes back to his dinner, concentrating on pushing his food around his plate rather than looking at me.

"Nothing Dad…forget I said anything." I pick up my half-eaten plate and take it to the sink. "I've had a big day. I think I'll head to bed." I tell them before making my way upstairs without looking back.

I sit down at my desk, journal and pen in hand. I'm even more confused with Dad's reaction to my question. Normally he'd be jumping in with a recall of scientific evidence as to why something is the way it is, but his reaction was out of character for him.

I figure the best thing for me to do is get my thoughts down and start penning another letter to Senna.

My Darling Sen,

I know I've only spoken to you this afternoon, but…things are weird. I told you I've been seeing you around. No, not just in my dreams, but around town too. At the cemetery…the café…even at the grocery store this afternoon. Am I seriously going mad? I KNOW you're not here, but you are. I can feel you sometimes. Like when I sit by the window. There's not a breeze rustling in the trees, but I suddenly feel a cool rush of air. Is that you? I asked you for a sign, but I need something more.

I miss you baby, so damn much. I'm empty inside. I feel so damn hollow and I don't know how to fix it. The pain in my chest just won't go away, and the tears won't dry up. I wish I knew how to live without you. Everyone is doing their best to get me out of this "funk". How the hell do I tell them this is not something that's just going to go away? I don't know what to do, or even what to say. I'm just taking each day as it comes.

My beautiful girl, my love. I love you to the moon and back. I don't know how to go on, but I will. Because I know that's what you would want.

Forever yours, E xx

I gently wipe the teardrops that have once again stained the pages of the book and place it on the corner of the desk to dry. I push away the chair to stand up, only to have the wedding picture of us fall forward onto the wooden desk top. I draw in a sharp breath, looking around the room for a reason the frame suddenly toppled over. The window is closed, and I didn't knock the desk. Is this the sign I've been waiting for?

Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think.

Sonia xx