27/01-17
Dear diary
Sit back, get some pasta, this is going to be a long one.
So, I barely slept this night out of anxiety for the coming day. I was so incredibly nervous. But the night passed and in the morning I was surprisingly energetic, I didn't even need to drink coffee! I forced myself to eat breakfast because otherwise I would have fallen asleep during the day. What if I fell asleep during the movie? Ludwig would never forgive me!
Anyways, I got out of the door and it was really cold! But it didn't matter because I was so excited and so happy. I couldn't concentrate at all! I don't think I learned anything in class. During lunch, it was a little awkward because everyone is still sad about Francis and I just babbled on and on… It just came out, I didn't really sense the mood properly I think. The last class was horrible because I was just so nervous! The teacher asked me about my opinion on freedom of speech or something like that and I just stared at him for a good one minute before I had even processed the question.
When we finally got off I rushed out of the classroom. I put all my books in my locker and checked that I looked okay. Then I went to meet Ludwig outside. Ludwig was already there when I came and he smiled weakly at me!
It wasn't much, but it was a smile. It made my heart flutter and I got so excited! He drove us to the cinema and I think I talked too much, I blabbered all the way about how excited I was about the movie. Luckily, I don't think he cares much, actually he seemed to listen to everything I had to say! It makes me happy that he listens to me. He seems genuinely interested, which everyone else don't. Maybe I'm just attention craving, haha.
We arrived at the cinema and the line was so long I thought we were never going to make it! Ludwig promised me that we would though and I trust Ludwig, so it was okay. He took my hand. Oh diary it was like taking out of my wildest dreams. Ludwig makes me worry less, he makes me smile and most of all he makes my dreams come true just like that. I know it's because my dreams are about him, but still!
Eventually we got to the ticket booth and Ludwig insisted on paying. I felt a little guilty, but it was a nice gesture. We shared a big popcorn that I think I ate most of. The film made me cry, but Ludwig said it was alright and that I shouldn't be embarrassed.
After the movie, I insisted on taking a walk. I did not want to part from him just yet. I simply couldn't! So, we did and we talked about everything. I even told him about my weird panic attacks and he said I could always call him, even at 4am. He'd make sure to turn the ringer on so he could hear the phone. I think that's one of the nicest thing someone has even done for me. I was so happy that he actually cared enough to want to get up in the middle of the night to take my calls. Ludwig is so perfect. After our walk, he drove me home. I swear that we nearly kissed on my porch. We were really close, but then he blushed very widely and pulled back. It's okay though, I don't mind waiting not when it's Ludwig.
I am so happy diary. Ludwig and I went on our second date. We nearly kissed, he held my hand and he showed a lot of affection. Ludwig is a person who I think is hard to get close to, but I'll try, because he's so wonderful and I want to get to know every part of him. Both good and bad. Although I doubt Ludwig has any bad sides, maybe just bad habits. I used to bite my nails, that was a bad habit. Maybe Ludwig does that too, then I could help him!
This is the best day I've had in a while. All that with Francis and Lovino certainly isn't doing very well. Half of the time Lovino doesn't even come to school. I barely see him these days and I miss my grumpy nagging brother. Everything will settle itself, I'm sure of it.
Goodnight diary - Feliciano Vargas