09/02-17
Dear diary
I do not want to write this. It hurts too much. It's too real. I have been crying non-stop ever since I found out. Oh dear, what am I going to do diary? I can't live without him in my life.
Today Lovino committed suicide.
I am feel so cold, my heart aches just from writing those words. To look at his name is like stabbing myself in the chest a million times. Yet it doesn't seem to have sunk in. The worst part is, I could have helped it. I didn't even see it coming! Excuse my language, but I am so fucking mad at myself. Why did I not try to talk to him diary? Why was I so selfish as to just be happy about me and Ludwig. Yes, I worried about Lovino, but I never acted on it. If I had just showed him I cared, then this wouldn't have happened. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but how the hell am I supposed not to? Lovino left a letter behind where he explained how he felt and god I feel so bad. He has always been there for me, my whole life and I didn't do a thing to pay him back. I am scared to meet the world. I am scared to live a life without him. I cannot put my feelings into words and all I want to do is lay down and cry.
No, you know what? I'll call Ludwig.
Rest in peace Lovino Vargas, know you were the best brother I could have wished for. I love you and I hope you are happier wherever you are - Feliciano Vargas