Words of a diary

by Maria Recinella

Feliciano is a bright freshman with an optimistic look on the world. Gradually as tragedies happens all around him, Feliciano becomes sadder and sadder. TRIGGER WARNING: This fic will eventually become very dark, with topics such as suicide, depression, anxiety and maybe self harm.

18. Chapter 18

05/03-17

Dear diary

Gilbert didn't end up in prison, but he is going to some kind of camp for young people on drugs. While we wait he is not allowed to school. I feel like this week was very light, but God I'm drained by everything. Even talking to Ludwig can make me tired at the moment. I don't know what's happening to me diary.

I am constantly tired, I've lost my appetite and I just don't want to do anything. Where is all my will and happiness? I feel slightly jealous of Lovino even. It shouldn't be like that. I horribly scared. I need someone's help, but I can't talk to anyone about it. I want help, but I just don't want to open up about it. It's a horrible dilemma especially cuz I know it's best to talk to someone, to seek help. I'm just not ready to open up.

I am crying as I write, but no one will ever find out. No one will ever realise that I am this sad. And I don't know if I like it that way.

Guide me please, you're my only hope. - Feliciano Vargas