Chapter Five: Safe
Krypton - 39 Years Ago
A thirteen-year-old Sydney stood in the hallway outside of her family's apartment. She pressed an ear to its wooden door expecting to hear voices inside. Instead, she was met with silence, a welcome change from the usual clamor of hated arguments.
Typically, Sydney stayed far away from her parents' love life, because well – gross. But, lately all her mother and father did was fight. They tried not to argue in front of her, but there was an aloofness in their home that had never been present before.
Sydney entered the apartment with a smile. "Mom, dad?" she called, heading towards the back of the flat. "I'm back from Kara's…" Sydney had reached the entranceway of her parents' room, but what she saw halted her words.
Her mother was packing.
Given that her mother was a general in the Kryptonian Army, she was accustomed to this sight. The fact that her father was not present is what gave Sydney pause.
For as long as Sydney could remember, her father had always helped her mother prepare before she left for a 'work trip.' It was a ritual of theirs. Apparently, in her haste to get to the mission, Astra would always forget some essential item she needed… her communicator, currency, identification, badges, the list went on… and well, Is-Ac loved making lists.
They were quite the pair.
Her parents acted like children around each other, hardly a general and physicist, and the packing always took longer than it had to.
Astra would make fun of Is-Ac's exasperatingly neat folding. He would inevitably quip, 'Aren't you the one in the army?' Then, Astra would throw something at him in response. Cycle. Repeat.
Sydney secretly loved watching.
The sound of her mother's voice snapped Sydney back to the present. "Sydney, what are you doing here? I thought you were having dinner at your aunt's."
Sydney struggled against the sinking feeling starting to form in her chest. "I wanted to come home early. I was hoping we could order something and have a family dinner tonight… where's Dad?"
Astra stiffened at the mention of Is-Ac. "He'll be home in an hour or so," she said coolly. The calmness in her mother's tone directly contrasted the rising uncertainty Sydney was feeling; it made her angry. She finally stepped into her parents' bedroom, coming to a stop on the side of the bed directly opposite from where Astra stood stuffing clothes into a suitcase.
"Mom, are you really going to act like nothing is wrong?"
"Everything is fine. A mission came up unexpectantly, and I need to le..."
Sydney frowned at the words and crossed her arms. "Please don't lie to me," she interjected, seeing through her mother's falsehood. "I'm not a kid anymore. I know that you and dad have been arguing a lot lately. That's why you're leaving, isn't it?" The crack in Sydney's voice made the accusation come out as more of a question.
The shift in Sydney's tone melted Astra's icy demeanor. She silently walked around the bed and took a seat close to where Sydney stood rigidly. She smiled sadly, reaching up and gently tugging her daughter down to sit next to her.
"I'm sorry," Astra said eventually. She caught her daughter's eyes as she continued. "I love your father, but things between us have gotten complicated…"
"So you're just going to leave?" Sydney did not say it, but Astra heard the "me" at the end of her daughter's question regardless. The word startled her as if Sydney had yelled it.
"Hey," Astra said firmly, placing a hand on Sydney's knee. "Listen to me. This has nothing to do with you, okay? I will be back." She turned her body on the bed so that it was facing her daughter and folded Sydney into her chest, wrapping the teen into a warm embrace. Sydney hugged her back, her head tucking itself beneath Astra's chin and into the crook of her neck.
Sydney let out a shaky breath at the sensation, burrowing as deep into her mother's embrace as she could. Astra kissed the top of Sydney's head in response. "I'm just trying to keep you safe," she murmured. "That's all I want."
Astra's words confused Sydney, and she found herself unable to fully relax. This was the first time being her mother's arms did not mollify her teeming thoughts.
It felt like the end of something beautiful.
Earth - Present Day
Sydney Is-Ac was awake.
She ached all over, her eye-lids were heavy, and she felt… groggy.
But she was conscious and autonomous, so this was a vast improvement.
Still, why hadn't she completely healed?
Sydney tried to sit up, but she could barely manage to lift her back before the dull throbbing in her head spiked to excruciating heights. She fell backwards, her head retaking its position propped up by pillows on a mattress. Lifting a hand to rub at her temple, she tried to discern her surroundings.
The Kryptonite-tipped I.V. catheters in the vein of left hand explained the lack of healing.
She continued to look around, but before she could process the fact that she was in some sort of medical bay, Sydney saw the blonde hair.
She saw that particular shade of blonde, so golden in certain areas that it reminded her of stardust.
It was longer than she remembered.
It belonged to Kara Zor-El.
Her cousin was sitting in a chair barely a foot away from where Sydney lay. Her arms where crossed over chest, her head was thrown backwards, and her eyes were closed. She's asleep, Sydney realized. She was grateful that Kara was wearing normal clothes and not her Supergirl costume.
Why does Kara need glasses?
Sydney ached to reach out. She wanted to hold Kara in her arms like she had fantasized of doing those first few months at Cadmus. The months before the hopelessness of her situation seeped in, and she had given up. Before the past became too painful to even dream of.
Now, Kara was finally within her grasp. If she lifted her arm and she would already be halfway there, yet Sydney found herself unable to move…
She was paralyzed, but with what specific emotion? Well, Sydney was not sure. Confusion, disbelief, fear – they were all there.
Confusion because Sydney was not certain how old she was. Rao knows how long she was in space – floating around in suspended animation. Eventually, she had stopped counting her days at Cadmus. And presently, she refused to even think about what happened afterwards with Maxw–
Sydney was confused because she had seen enough of her features, in the semi-reflective walls surrounding her, to deduce that Kara was older than her by at least half a decade, if not more. Subsequent thoughts of time and aging made her brain hurt.
Disbelief?
Was any of this even real?
She trembled, shaken by the thought… the possibility that her surroundings, Kara, and this feeling of safety she was battling against were all a part of a hallucination – simply Cadmus perfecting their latest method of torture.
Or maybe she had done this to herself as a way to escape from the reality that she was imprisoned in her own mind, her body committing unspeakable acts while completely beyond her control…
As for the fear – the terror triggering the bile slowly rising in her throat – if this was not a façade, then how long could it possibly last?
How long until Cadmus discovered her? Surely they would want her back now that she was 'fixed.' You will never escape Cadmus, they had sneered. What if they decided to take Kara this time?
How long would she be safe and happy until her world exploded again? Would she see it coming this time?
Sydney's breathing had grown hectic, and she struggled to regulate the expansion and contraction of her lungs. She closed her eyes tightly, taking deep, shuddery gulps of air. Now desperate, she struggled once again to lift her upper body into a sitting position to improve her air flow.
The foreign sensation of a gentle hand on her shin halted her movements.
She jerked her head in its direction and watery, slate blue eyes derailed her runaway train of thoughts.
Kara was awake.
Thanks to her super-human hearing abilities, the sound of a single, despairing gasp for air was enough to wake Kara from her deep sleep.
Sydney.
For a moment, Kara did not breathe. The sight of her cousin finally awake after forty-one hours and… seventeen minutes of unconsciousness evoking enough emotion to short-circuit her own robust respiratory system.
She watched Sydney for another second before comprehending the severity of her laborious breathing. Despite her yearning to throw herself at her cousin in an expression of pure, unadulterated relief, Kara listened to the voice in her head urging her to touch Sydney with caution. (It sounded like Alex.)
Kara righted herself, sliding forward in the metal folding chair. Tentatively, she reached out and placed a hand on one of Sydney's quivering legs.
Sydney flinched instinctually at the physical contact, but Kara did not move. When Sydney turned towards her in shock, she tried to muster up Supergirl's best comforting smile. "It's okay. You are safe," she asserted.
That seemed to be the worst phrase Kara could have uttered. If anything, the words only caused her cousin's breathing to grow more irregular.
Suddenly, the occasional beeping of the room's electrocardiograph sped up to signify the increase in Sydney's heart rate. Kara panicked, standing up from the chair so fast that it clattered to the floor. She gripped her cousin's hand desperately and pulled it to her chest as she hovered anxiously over Sydney's trembling body.
"Syd, please. I just found you!" The plea in Kara's voice pierced the fog of panic surrounding Sydney's brain, reminding her of the thirteen-year-old girl she would do anything for, had given her life for. Immediately, the shrill beeping filling the room began to slow.
Kara sagged with relief. She leaned all the way forward now, burying her head into Sydney's shoulder. Still cautious, Kara supported her own body weight with her arms, which were braced wrist-to-elbow against the empty sections of the mattress on each side of her cousin's torso.
When Kara felt a familiar hand run soothingly down her back, the tears that had been wedged in her throat began their descent down her face. Sydney's arms shifted, and she held Kara as tightly as she could manage from her position while her cousin sobbed into her shirt.
After a few minutes Kara's cries slowed, yet neither Kryptonian moved. Sydney was content to have Kara in such proximity and began to trace soothing patterns on her back. She was never happy to see Kara in tears, but the familiarity of this – of comforting Kara – reminded her of a much simpler time.
Eventually, Kara lifted herself from Sydney's arms and peered down at her with wet eyes. Kara's hair was a bit tousled now, so Sydney smoothed down a few errant strays. "Finally got tired of the bangs?" The quip came out as more of a croak due to Sydney's dry throat, but Kara's resultant smile was dazzling nonetheless.
Kara shook her head, recalling Sydney's bimonthly teasing on Krypton every time she'd emerged from a haircut with the bangs still intact. Presently, Kara was so happy to hear Sydney's voice that she couldn't manage to school her features into the playful frown her cousin's jibes had typically elicited.
(She tried not to think about how she'd avoided mirrors during those first few months on Earth until her bangs grew out, unable to bear the reminder of Sydney.)
"I should've known your first words to me in 12 years would be about the bangs," Kara laughed. Before the teen could reply, Kara pressed a button on the side of the bed that slowly elevated Sydney's head until she was in a reclined sitting position. Then, Kara fetched her a drink from the infirmary's water cooler.
"Take small sips," Kara instructed. Sydney nodded gratefully.
When she finished drinking the water, Kara took the cup from her. "So…" Sydney started, clearing her throat. Kara took a seat on the edge of the mattress, staring at her expectantly. "Twelve years, huh? So you're… 25?" Kara nodded hesitantly, her forehead creasing as she realized that she probably shouldn't have mentioned the years that had passed.
(She then decided not to delve into the real timeline – Kara was technically 48 – because she was not sure how Sydney would handle the fact that she had been in the Phantom Zone for 23 years.)
"No, it's fine." Sydney amended, sensing Kara's distress. "I would've asked, but you beat me to it. Anyway, you're beautiful… and tall." Sydney paused, considering something. "Wait, are you taller than me now?" she asked, unwilling to delve back into her time as Maxwell Lord's minion to answer her own question.
Kara's expression turned sheepish. "Yeah, sorry about that."
Sydney's response was immediate. "Don't apo–"
" –logize for things I have no responsibility for," Kara finished with a smile. "I know."
"…you remember?"
Kara stared at her cousin in confusion. "Of course, I remember." When she saw that Sydney had looked away, Kara retook one of her cousin's hands and placed it on her lap, holding it with both of her own now. "I remember everything. I thought about you every day."
Sydney swallowed thickly. Kara watched a myriad of emotions flash across her face, and struggled to identify them. Surprise or guilt? Maybe…anger? Before Kara could inquire aloud, Sydney's mood seemed to shift.
"Right. Umm… anyway, we have a lot of catching up to do, Kid…err… Kara."
"Sure," Kara spoke softly, suddenly becoming aware of a deep fragility within her cousin she'd never observed before.
"Well, to start... where are we exactly?"
"We're at the Department of Extra-Normal Operations, the D.E.O. for short. It's a government agency that works to keep the Earth safe from aliens…" Kara trailed off when she noticed Sydney blanch. "What's wrong?"
"Kara, we are not safe here." Sydney was trying to move off the bed, but Kara's hand now on her shoulder stopped her. "We are aliens on this planet. Trust me, I know from experience that we cannot trust the government. They see us as threats," she finished darkly.
"I know," Kara agreed. "But the D.E.O. isn't Cadmus. I've been working here for months now. This is a safe place for you… for us. I promise."
Kara's mention of Cadmus set Sydney on edge, memories of the months she'd been imprisoned there flashing unbidden through her head. A bitter laugh emerged from her throat, startling Kara, and Sydney's expression turned hard, her lips narrowing. "You don't know what you're talking about."
Kara had never seen Sydney like this before and was not sure how to respond. An awkward silence settled in the room before Sydney eventually deflated, settling back against the bed. "I'm sorry," she said distantly.
Kara opened her mouth to accept the apology, but Sydney had already rolled over onto her side. "I'm actually feeling pretty tired, so…"
Kara wavered. "Do you… do you want me to leave?" Sydney did not answer, but Kara saw that one of her hands had begun to shake. "I'll stay until you fall asleep," she asserted, retaking her seat by Sydney's bed, her forehead crinkled with worry.
"Okay," Sydney whispered, shutting her eyes tightly.
Alex Danvers was exhausted.
Nearly two days had passed since Sydney's collapse, and the girl was still unconscious. No medical tests could provide an explanation.
Soon after Sydney's breakdown, Alex discovered that its cause was due to the Kryptonian equivalent of a heart attack. Despite its seemingly endless supply of resources, the D.E.O. did not have immediate access to a heart surgeon who was familiar with Kryptonian anatomy… So, surgery was not an option.
That left blood thinners, lots of blood thinners.
Alex recommended using the strongest anticoagulants in the D.E.O.'s pharmacy, coupled with the anti-serum she and Maxwell Lord had reverse-engineered from the one he'd used to transform Sydney into Bizarro. To Astra and Kara's immense relief, the strange combination worked – Sydney's irregular heart rate had evened out.
Yet, she'd remained unconscious, Kara and Astra now starting to rotate 5-hour shifts at her bedside.
Consequentially, Alex and the other D.E.O. scientists shifted their focus to Sydney's brain. They tested spontaneous breathing, pupil dilation, and even used an EEG. Each examination confirmed that Sydney's brain was active. So why wasn't she awake?
Alex felt like a failure.
Kara did not deserve to lose another family member, and Alex didn't have to meet Sydney to know she did not deserve to die like this.
The sound of Kara's footsteps rapidly approaching her office made Alex rise from her desk. She barely made it around the piece of furniture before Kara was there. "Why aren't you with Sydney? Did something happen?" Alex bounced on her heels, preparing to dash to the infirmary, but Kara stopped her.
"Alex, whatever you did worked. She's awake. I mean she was, she's back asleep now." When Alex's eyebrows shot up, Kara hurriedly added, "by choice!"
"Wow," Alex exhaled, stepping backward and propping herself up on the edge of her desk. Suddenly, she remembered herself. "I should go run some tests!"
"It can wait."
Kara clasped Alex's shoulder, dipping her head until she made eye-contact with her sister. "Thank you," she marveled. When Alex's mouth quirked upwards in acknowledgment, Kara continued. "You've been running yourself into the ground, trying to do everything you could for Sydney and I am so grateful. Also… I never apologized for what I said to you the other day." Kara bowed her head in shame, "Everything you do is enough. You're enough. I was out of line and–"
Alex placed her own hand on top of Kara's and squeezed it before interrupting. "It's okay. Really," she added at Kara's ensuing look of skepticism. "I get it. You were just worried about your cousin, which I understand. Sydney is my family now too. Okay?"
Kara sniffed once, her eyes starting to moisten. Alex shook her head determinedly and whacked her on the shoulder. "Don't!" she warned, mentally cursing her own throat for tightening at the sight of Kara's tears.
The Kryptonian laughed, taking a beat to gather herself. She moved to stand next to Alex so that they were shoulder to shoulder.
"How is Sydney?"
Kara sighed now, running a hand through her hair. "She's stable physically, and Astra is with her now. I'm just really worried about her psychologically. She's suffered so much, and all the trauma is still so fresh. I don't know how to help her."
Alex bumped Kara with her elbow. "You do, Kara. Trust your instincts. You and Astra are the only Kryptonians on the planet who can relate to what she is feeling."
Kara shook her head lightly. "Aunt Astra is terrified her presence will overwhelm Sydney, because they were on shaky terms those last few years before...you know."
"Yeah," Alex murmured softly.
"And as for me… on Krypton, Sydney was older. She was my support system. I want to be that for her now, but…" Kara shrugged, "it's weird. She still sees me as that thirteen-year old girl, and I feel that way when I'm around her." Growing restless, Kara began to pace. "She literally had a panic-attack and I was no help. I just panicked in response!"
Alex frowned at Kara's gesticulations. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, okay? There's no rule book you are supposed to be following. Twelve years ago you arrived on Earth and came face-to-face with a…" Alex paused to do the math. "… a twenty-three-year-old Clarke. You were expecting him to be a baby."
Kara closed her eyes at the memory. "You know how it feels to have a cousin age-up on you. You have first-hand experience with that shifting of roles," Alex finished, poking a finger in Kara's chest for emphasis.
"You're… right?" Kara said slowly, her eyes widening at the realization.
Alex rolled her eyes, her features shifting to display her classic smug grin. "Duh."
Astra In-Ze was no stranger to irony.
A person couldn't devote their entire life to saving their doomed planet and fail, only to arrive on another doomed planet and not see the irony.
But standing here in the doorway of the D.E.O.'s medical bay watching her daughter sleep yet again and feeling the same hesitance and fear she felt all those years ago on Krypton – was just ridiculous.
Rao must have quite the sense of humor.
Two hours ago, when Sydney had finally awakened, Astra had been on the roof of the building due to Alex's insistence that she was disturbing the scientists with her "hovering" over their work.
Nonetheless, Astra had still been closely monitoring the infirmary with the aid of her super hearing, so she heard the exact moment when her daughter opened her eyes. She also recognized the signs of an impending panic attack when Sydney's breathing turned ragged.
Sydney had these attacks often when she was younger, and Astra was on her feet preparing to zoom downstairs to Sydney's aid, when a single thought stopped her.
She doesn't need you.
Sure enough, a few minutes later Sydney's breathing seemed to be back under control.
Astra had a heap of regrets. At the very top of the list was how she'd handled her relationship with her daughter. She'd always thought she had more time, that once she saved Krypton, Sydney would understand – she couldn't be a devoted mother and stop the apocalypse at the same time. By saving Krypton, she was saving Sydney, and–
"Mm… Mom?"
At first, Astra did not say anything. She stood perfectly still. Sydney was sitting up on the bed now, staring directly at her.
Astra needed to leave.
She needed to leave and give Sydney space, but she couldn't will her body to move towards the exit. She just stood there in the doorway, gaping. This wasn't a shell of Sydney, this was her daughter.
Sydney did not say anything else. She was blinking slowly, as if she expected this view of her mother to disappear at any moment.
The few yards between them might as well have been a galaxy, because they couldn't reach each other. There was a barrier between them that neither saw, yet both felt.
Astra watched a multitude of emotions dance across Sydney's face, reading each one as if it were a headline in the newspaper. She wasn't surprised to see the anger, but it still hurt.
Having seen enough, it was eventually Astra who broke the spell. One of her hands pulled at a loose thread in the civilian clothes Kara insisted she wear. "I… Sorry. I was… I was just leaving. I'll go get Kar–"
The sound of single heart-wrenching sob filled the room and flooded Astra's senses. It felt like a blow to the head and tasted like acid on her tongue.
For a moment, Sydney looked startled – surprised by the spurt of emotion. When she saw that Astra's face was dry, she even frowned in confusion.
Then, she realized the sound had sprung from her own chest. The deluge of tears that she had been unconsciously holding back escaped, and she yielded to the eruption of suppressed feeling.
The instant Sydney slumped – crying so hard now that she began to shake – Astra was there.
Presently seated on the edge of the bed, Astra slid an arm around her daughter's quaking frame, holding her up. Astra gently guided Sydney's head into her chest and released a relieved sigh when the rest of Sydney followed, two arms slowly wrapping around her torso. When she noticed the hands now clutching frantically at the back of her t-shirt, Astra pressed a kiss into the side of Sydney's head. Her arms tensed as she held her daughter as tightly as she dared.
Enveloped in her mother's embrace, Sydney allowed herself to feel safe for the first time in over a year.
It marked a beginning.
Author's Note:
I hope this chapter of reunions makes up for the ridiculous wait.
Despite this chapter's ending, there's still a long way to go regarding Astra and Sydney's relationship... especially considering Astra's plans for the Earth. (awkward)
Also, there is lots more to come for Kara and Sydney's evolving relationship. AND Sydney and Alex will meet in the next chapter. DUN DUN DUN.
Please please leave a review! I also updated this story's summary. if anyone has any catchier ideas, let me know :)
LASTLY. SHIPS. What do you guys want to see? We will hit Season 2 stuff eventually. (Its been so great finally seeing Cadmus this season)
Let me know in the reviews!
Thanks for sticking with this story and reading :D
(Also to those who have been leaving reviews, you guys are the reason for this new chapter. thanks for the encouragement 3)