Chapter 38: Tuxedo Newt Meets His Cancan Girls
Since the last chapter was horrific, I figured some lighthearted humor was in order. When I watched this episode for the first time, I wondered why no one really made fun of Ben's pregnancy. Then I remembered that it was supposed to be a kids' show. But since this story isn't for kids, I can make fun of it. XD
There's something very wrong, Carter.
The Goth lifted an eyebrow at the motherly voice. Newt was changing in her closet so the room was completely silent. Carter closed her eyes and continued the conversation.
How so?
Something is very wrong with Ben's subconscious. Ventus has no idea what's wrong-
But it has something to do with the Omnitrix, I know. But what does that have to do with Ben's subconscious?
Last night, after Big Chill took over, Ben was stuck in his own brain, unable to control his own body.
Well that certainly explained a lot. Carter continued: What else?
When Ventus tried to regain contact, he saw Ben being pulled down farther into his subconscious. Something was pulling him away from the surface.
Carter's eyes snapped open and narrowed into slits. What are you saying?
That's just it. No one knows what's happening to him, not even Ventus. And he knows Ben best.
That's…I can't think of a word that can describe how bad this is.
Abominable? Appalling? Beastly? Grim?
Show-off.
I think grim works best in this situation. By the way, whatever happened to Ben? Did he ever reappear last night?
Carter sighed, recalling the phone conversation earlier. He snuck back into his house this morning. He doesn't remember what he did last night or the Big Chill takeover. Also he woke up next to a giant crater in the desert.
…What?
Yeah, I'm still wrapping my mind around that too. The door to the closet opened. I gotta go. I'll let you know if anything happens.
Newt walked out of the closet like a runway model. "How do I look?"
"Fighting evil by moonlight
Winning love by daylight
Never running from a real fight
She is the one named Sailor Moon!"
Sam and Evan had one arm wrapped around the other's waist in a show of camaraderie. They were warbling the Sailor Moon theme song at the top of their lungs, systematically kicking their legs up like cancan girls.
Carter was holding her sides, leaned over, face red as she laughed her heart out at their god awful singing. Kevin was snickering, tears in eyes as he tried to contain the worst of his laughter. Newt was just standing there stoically in his black tuxedo and large top hat, a black caplet draped over shoulders. He was even wearing the white mask that covered his eyes and nose but left the mouth open.
As Sam and Evan finished their raucous singing, Carter fell to the floor with tears streaming down her face. Her body shook with mirth as she choked from the lack of air, and yet she continued to laugh.
The door to the garage burst open and Ben shouted, "What is going on?" And then he saw Tuxedo Newt and burst out laughing.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Newt said, throwing his arms in the air in a V-shape. "I am the great Tuxedo Mask sent to help the Moon Princess Serena against the forces of evil!"
"Dude, your killing me here," Kevin said, wiping away a stray tear.
"You already murdered Carter," Sam said dryly. The girl on the floor hiccupped from lack of air and still continued to snicker.
"Hey, Ben, do you know what dress Gwen's wearing to the dance?" Newt asked as he finally removed the mask.
Ben shook his head. "No. Why?"
"Well I got this yellow rose corsage for her and I want to make sure it doesn't clash," he said.
Kevin gave him a puzzled look. "What's a corsage?"
"Where are they?" Ben grumbled as he searched through his refrigerator. He had left the others to explain the corsage thing to Kevin. Right now he had more pressing matters to attend to. Like devouring the insides of the pickle jar.
"Ben, we need to talk," Carter said seriously as she walked into the kitchen. She heard the sound of a jar opening and saw Ben gnawing on a pickle. She raised an eyebrow but ignored it.
"You finished laughing?" Ben said in between bites.
The sides of her mouth began to quiver. "Don't get me started again," Carter said, failing to repress the smile. When she got herself under control, she started again: "What's going on with you? Last night you disappear and wake up in front of a crater. And you have no memory of last night. I'm getting worried."
Ben swallowed. "Yeah, me too. There's something up with my powers that I can't figure out. Pickle?" He held the jar out to her.
Carter grimaced and said, "I'm good."
He shrugged. "More for me." He started chewing on another one.
She raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be more worried?"
"I am, but I'm getting serious pickle cravings right now," Ben said. "I can't concentrate on anything else."
"Yeah, well, when you have major ADHD…" Carter trailed off, smirking. Ben stuck his tongue out at her.
"But seriously, there's something wrong here," she continued anxiously as Ben ate through two-thirds of the pickle jar. "Ventus tried to make contact with you last night. He saw you getting pulled away from your own consciousness."
Ben stopped mid chew, face stony. He could recall something-no, not something, that was too specific-he could remember a feeling. It was vague and fleeting, but for a second he could remember feeling terrified last night, a fear so intense that it made him shudder inwardly. But then the phantom feeling passed and he continued to deplete the jar's pickle supply.
"I don't remember," Ben simply said before swallowing.
"Just another thing to worry about," Carter muttered. She watched as Ben ate the last pickle and drain the jar of the green juice inside. "You really like pickles, don't you?"
"I told you, I've been having these cravings," Ben said. "I can't help it."
Carter gave an unladylike snort. "You sound like you're pregnant."
Ben rolled his eyes and fixed her a look. "Last time I checked guys don't get pregnant."
"You just drank pickle juice due to your insane cravings," she pointed out.
"That can mean anything!"
"Or does it?" Carter said in a conspiratorial voice. Her eyes were wide and her face was contorted in exaggerated seriousness. She could vaguely hear people in the living room-most likely their motley crew of friends was stampeding to the kitchen.
As the footsteps came closer, Ben's eyes widened to quarter size and he slammed the jar onto the counter. "You got me pregnant?!"
The footsteps stopped short of the doorway. The four teenagers were staring at them, Newt in the middle of taking off his jacket, Evan holding a phone in his hand, and Sam and Kevin linking arms. They were standing there, frozen, but the spectacle was just beginning.
Ben eyed them out of the corner of his eye and exclaimed, "I told you to wear a condom but nooo, you wouldn't listen!"
"I thought I pulled out in time!" Carter said wildly, running her fingers through her hair.
"Well you obviously didn't!" Ben threw his hands in the air. "How the hell are we paying for this?"
"I got some money, we can pay for the-"
"I am so sick of you!" Ben's face contorted, like he was about to cry. "You never think of anyone except yourself!" He stalked out of the kitchen, barreling his way through his shell-shocked friends and up the stairs. They didn't catch the cackling as he slammed the door to his room.
Carter could feel the laughter bubbling in her stomach. She covered her face with one hand, hiding the huge smile that she couldn't repress.
The crowd of friends all looked at each other. Then they looked up the stairs to Ben's closed room. Then they looked at Carter.
Finally, Evan had the nerve to ask: "The fuck just happened?"
Carter removed her hand and allowed them to see the mirthful grin on her face. "Male pregnancy; it's a bitch." And then she fell to the floor laughing.
That night
"We're going to the dance in a limo," Gwen stated in bafflement.
"Yes we are," Newt said amused.
"We're not going to the dance in a hearse."
"No we are not."
"Really good with conversation, this one," James the Awesome Chauffeur deadpanned from the driver's seat. Gwen flushed in embarrassment.
"Love you too, Jamie. Would you give us some privacy?" Newt asked politely. The tinted window rolled up without further comment. The blonde shook his head. "Love him to death, but he's got a mouth on him."
"Who exactly hired him?" Gwen asked, glaring at the person on the other side of the window.
"Cordelia," Newt said. "His personality might be the reason why she's kept him for so long." His face scrunched up at the thought of all the things James and Cordelia had said over the years.
"Not a pleasant thought," Gwen deadpanned.
Newt thought it was time for a subject change. "Did I mention how beautiful you look in that dress?"
"Yes, you did," she said with a slight smirk. "But go ahead and say it again."
Newt gave her his own smirk. Gwen did look quite lovely tonight. She had put on a simple strapless white gown that flowed to her ankles. There were no frills or gaudy attachments to it; it was simply a dress that accentuated the wearer's beauty. Gwen's straight red hair flowed down her bare shoulders like rivers and Newt couldn't help appreciate how nice the yellow corsage looked against her chest.
Gwen stomped her one-inch heel on Newt's shiny black loafers and said, "My face is up here."
He winced, but put on a decent leer. "I know. I was just thinking how nice yellow looks with white."
Gwen rolled her eyes. "You're incorrigible."
"I have no idea what that means." Newt gave her a puzzled look. "Seriously, I don't."
"It means you're hard to control."
"Yeah, well, if not the Pride, then me," he said with a shrug. Gwen gave him her own puzzled look.
"What do you mean?"
"You ever see them fight?"
"Lots of times."
"Then you know how scary they can be while fighting." Gwen nodded. "They used to be a lot worse than that. A lot worse."
She arched an eyebrow. "What changed?"
"They met you guys."
Gwen blinked. Such a mollifying statement, and yet it left Newt's lips like nothing. Whatever temper that flared within her died down instantly.
Newt saw her sag a little, her face tinged in embarrassment. He smirked. "You're so cute."
"I know I am. Thanks for noticing." And there it was again, their repertoire. It was effortless and easygoing, like two good friends teasing each other. It was strange, how easily Newt matched himself to Gwen. Everything flowed towards Newt's pace but he always let her catch up. He was like Evan in a way.
Tonight was going to be a good night.
"9:52 PM-Big Chill intentionally scared away eating customer. Proceeded to then eat the metal support for the outside eating area. Standby for possible physical intervention.
9:53 PM-After taking a bite out of pole, Big Chill used his ice powers to freeze a part of the outdoor area. It fell apart. He then continued eating it. Ben's suspicions of problems with his powers fully realized.
9:57 PM-Flew up to Burger Boy roof and ate part of the statue. Some humanity is obviously intact, since Big Chill ate the burger instead of the human part of the statue.
9:59 PM-Ate head off of Burger Boy statue. Possible threat detected. Standby for intervention."
Carter flipped her notebook shut and looked at Ben. He gave her a wary look.
"You weren't actually going to hurt me, were you?"
"Only if you hurt innocent people. It's only fair."
She had a good point. Ben dipped his hand in the park's fountain and flicked some water at Carter. It instantly froze before it hit her skin and fell to the ground as icy droplets.
"Never try to get the drop on me, Tennyson," Carter said coyly. "I'm hard to surprise."
Ben smiled before his eyes turned downcast. "It's happening again, you know."
"What is?"
"Me losing control over my powers. This is the second time."
"What happened the first time?" Carter asked curiously. Something about Ben's demeanor told her that it was a scar, an old wound that he didn't want opened unless he wanted it. Morbid curiosity took it from there.
"It was a few years ago, with another set of aliens," Ben explained, glancing at his Omnitrix. "I defeated it and thought it was finally over, but now…"
"The past comes back to haunt you, huh?" Carter mused.
"I'm scared it's going to happen again." He was looking at her now, eyes resigned and soulful. Whatever fear there was had been leeched out years ago. Age had taken its toll on Ben's old fears and made them shadows of what they once were.
"What happened to you?" Carter whispered.
"Not me. Gwen. She almost died. Grandpa could have died." She could almost see the unshed tears falling from his eyes, the anger, the pain, the terror coming out from behind the mask. His cocky façade crumbled in an instant, replaced by a little boy who wanted help but didn't know how to get it.
She placed her hand over his and said, "No one's dying. Not while I'm around." She gave him an exaggerated haughty glare, replacing his arrogance with her own. It was sarcastic and fake, a plastic mask of lies. But it was something, and it brought a smile to Ben's face.
"You would say that wouldn't you?" he said, rolling his eyes.
She smirked. "Mad I stole it from you?"
In a split second his lips were on her cheek. It was swift and careless but it still made Carter's eyes widen.
"Hard to surprise, huh?" Ben choked back a laugh when he saw her face flush red, her eyes narrowed into angry slits.
"Idiot," she hissed.
"I know." The smile fell from his face and his eyes widened, pupils becoming pinpricks in a sea of green. Carter stared at him, wondering what was going on, when Ben suddenly stood up. He shambled away from the fountain in a mechanic walk-not zombie-like, but definitely not natural. She got up to follow him as he stalked into the trees.
"Ben, what's up?" Carter called out when she reached the forest. He ignored her, walking faster, his jacket blurring into the leaves. She followed him deeper into the trees until she saw a blinding green flash. A blur of blue flapped its wings and flew into the night.
Carter released her wings and flew upwards to follow. She quickly got her phone out and speed dialed Evan, since she knew Sam was busy tonight.
Evan picked up and greeted her with a gruff: "I'm making out with an African goddess. This better be important." A rumble of giggles could be heard on the other side of the line, high-pitched sounds that grated on Carter's nerves.
"Ben's being controlled by something, and it's not Ventus," Carter said loudly, since the flapping of her wings and the high speed chase was surely drowning out her voice.
Evan gave a moan and said, "Where's he going?"
"I'll tell you when I get there."
"Tell him I hate him."
"You're the one trolling twenty girls. You tell him yourself."
At the Monongahela Foundry
Carter found Big Chill eating steel girders. Somehow that didn't surprise her.
"Ben, put down the metal and come with me," she ordered him, her wings contracting into her back with ease. Police officers were coming after them; the workers who escaped must have notified the authorities. She had to settle this now.
Big Chill ate the rest of the girder and glared at her. "No."
"Please?"
"No."
"You prick!" Carter shouted at him. "You're scaring people, endangering their lives! Cordelia's going to send an order to kill you. And for what?"
"Something important," Big Chill hissed at her.
"Like what?"
"Put your hands in the air, both of you!" The boys in blue shouted. They were at the ground level looking up, aiming guns at them. This was so not good.
"Get out of here!" Carter shouted at them. "He'll kill you!"
"Then come down from there!" the blonde officer told her. "We'll protect you."
"She doesn't need protection," Big Chill sneered at them. "You, on the other hand…" He disappeared, becoming intangible. For a second Carter couldn't find him until she felt something cold pass through her. Ice had been shot into her veins, chills creeping up her spine. For a moment she stood there, shocked, in denial that she could feel such intense cold.
And then she heard the screams. One of the officers had been frozen; the other two were aiming their guns at Big Chill.
"Don't shoot him!" a voice roared from behind them. Evan had arrived on Sam's old Harley, the helmet in his hands. He was wearing the acid green leather jacket with the straps running up the arms and black fingerless gloves. He was glaring at Ben as he got in front of the officers.
"You guys get in line. I want first dibs," he snarled, eyes flashing. Big Chill narrowed his eyes at him and unfurled his wings with a menacing hiss.
"Dammit, Evan now is not the time to start a vendetta!" Carter called out. She could see the red lipstick on his throat even from the top level.
"I gave up an African goddess to save your ass!" Evan yelled at the alien. His .25 caliber guns were instantly in his hands. "I think I deserve some justice."
"Oh, for the love of-!" Carter started, but then stopped when she saw Big Chill go intangible again. Everyone was staring at the place where he once stood, at least until ice started falling from the ceiling. Evan and the officers dodged. Carter then saw one of the vats of boiling metal being tipped over slightly. A stream of the red liquid flowed into an invisible mouth before settling itself back into place. And then she heard laughter as Big Chill made his escape.
Carter jumped down from the top level and landed loudly on the bottom floor. Icicles littered the ground with frost intermingling. The police officers were staring at them while the frozen one didn't say anything.
Evan summoned his weapons away fuming. "Where'd he go?"
"The desert," Carter replied automatically. "That's where he went when he disappeared last time. And Ben woke up in a ditch this morning in the desert…" She trailed off contemplatively.
Evan picked up where she left off. "He's hiding something there. Now all we just gotta do is find him." Someone then tapped him on the shoulder. It was the blonde policeman looking understandably miffed.
"Will someone please explain to me what's going on?" he demanded.
Carter and Evan looked at each other and sighed. She went to unfreeze the one policeman while he put a hand to the blonde's forehead.
"Ben went berserk?" Sam repeated into her phone. She was in the car with Kevin-they were supposed to be going to dinner, but then she got the call. She listened in as Evan angrily ranted about Ben retreating into the desert and then ended the call.
"So Ben finally lost it?" Kevin asked. "You sure it isn't another Albedo thing?"
"Carter saw Ben transform into Big Chill," Sam explained. "Which is funny, because that's the alien Albedo liked using. Coincidence?" she asked in a conspiratorial tone.
"I think not," Kevin said before the two of them chuckled. It was a recurring gag between the two; what with all the aliens and conspiracies going on in their lives, it was nice to joke about them.
"So I guess dinner's a bust," Kevin mumbled after he calmed down. "I told you I could pay for it."
"I have more money than you," Sam stated. "Besides, my job pays a lot so it makes sense. You could have one too if you wanted one."
Kevin winced. "Not really. I don't know if you noticed, but-"
"You don't go to school." Again, another statement.
"How'd you know?"
"You don't go to mine and I know you don't have the money to get into Gwen's school," Sam said. It was all matter-o-fact with her, no beating around the bush. It should have sounded cold, but when she said it, it was more like she was reciting definitions from a dictionary.
"I could help you, you know," Sam suddenly said. She had an idea-she certainly had connections-she could schedule an appointment-
"Help me get a GED?" Kevin asked in bemusement.
"Why not?" She shrugged her shoulders. "The Slayers can fake anything. All you have to do is take some tests to see how smart you are and they'll go from there."
"You'd do that for me."
"Hey, I'm turning over a new leaf here. Let me help a little."
"I'm not a charity case."
"If you hadn't noticed, you kind of are," Sam said coolly. "You dropped out of school when you were eleven, became a sociopathic runaway, and then you went to the Null Void for a few years. That spells charity case."
Kevin cringed, his past mistakes surfacing yet again. "Okay, I'll let you help. But never refer to me as a charity case again."
"You were the one who brought it up."
"…Why do you always have to be right?"
"Because I am." Sam turned to the car's radio. "Didn't you say you installed a tracker in here?"
"Turn left here!" Evan shouted from the backseat. He was holding his Plumber's badge out, using the scanner to locate Ben. He clung onto Carter's red jacket with one hand and pointed with the other. She did a sharp turn, making Evan squeal in fright. He was silenced when they came upon the ditch.
A ditch, a crater, they didn't know what to call it. All they knew was that there was a hole in the ground full of scrap metal from cars and carnival rides. Also Big Chill was vomiting molten lava into it.
They watched in horrifying fascination as Big Chill used his ice powers to cool the lava. It turned an ashy gray color, curdling into a large mound the size of a small house. The moth man settled on top of it, constricting its wings to create the signature robes it wore. And then he kneeled there, waiting.
"Shouldn't we do something?" Evan whispered to Carter. They had parked not too far away from the crater, the motorcycle hidden behind a rock. They were sitting on top of the boulder, discussing their next course of action.
"Let me think for a minute," Carter shushed him. "He's been eating metal as Big Chill, and when he's human he's been having cravings."
"Are you talking about that male pregnancy gag?" Evan asked her. "Cause it was hilarious before, but now-"
"And why did he create that?" Carter interrupted him, pointing to the mound. "What purpose does it serve?"
Lights appeared in the distance, followed by the sound of an engine. A familiar green car rolled to the ditch, and out popped out very familiar black and red blurs. Evan and Carter immediately encased themselves in shadows and slid over to them.
Kevin gave a yelp of surprise when they reappeared right beside him. "Don't do that!" he seethed.
"Is that my jacket?" Sam pointed to Carter.
"Yes. Yes it is."
She blinked. "Okay then. What do you guys make of this?" Sam waved a hand over the mess in the ditch.
"He scared off innocent bystanders, broke into a steel mill, and froze policemen for this?" Evan sneered, throwing his hands up.
"Ben mentioned something like this happened before," Carter pointed out. "When he was ten, one of his aliens went rogue and nearly killed Gwen and Max Tennyson. Maybe there's a connection."
"But the last guy was evil, wasn't he?" Kevin knitted his brow together. "All this guy did was eat metal and scare some people. And now this. None of this adds up."
"Can't we just ask him what's going on?" Sam pointed out the obvious. Everyone looked at her before climbing into the ditch.
"Ben!" Evan shouted. Big Chill glared at him from the top of the mound. "What's up with you, man? You made me break off my date for this?"
"Are you still hung up about that?" Carter muttered under her breath.
"Tell us what's wrong with you," Sam called out.
Big Chill unfurled his wings and shouted, "GO AWAY!"
"You guys suck at negotiating." Kevin kneeled down and absorbed some of the cold scrap metal on the ground. "I'm gonna pound some sense into him." He was on his feet instantly, running at Big Chill with a fist aimed at him. Big Chill threw himself at Kevin and knocked him to the ground. He then began to chew on his arm.
"Did I mention he's got metallic cravings?" Carter called out unhelpfully.
Kevin absorbed some of the rock next to him to replace the metal armor. Big Chill got off spitting the dirt out of his mouth.
Evan chose that moment to throw a boulder at the mound. Big Chill immediately swatted it out of the air and sent it back to Evan. He punched it and sent dust clouds and pebbles everywhere.
Big Chill flew into the confusion, snarling as he came upon Evan. With his eyes glowing green earth formed around them, circling around the moth man like a vice. With a snap of his fingers Evan encased him in a rocky sphere. Carter sent water flowing out of her hands and around the sphere, freezing it in an extra layer of protection.
Sam was climbing up the mound, using the molten lava to sense the inside. She could hear something moving inside, little things crawling and bleating. She could almost hear it, the sounds of little hearts beating.
"Carter!" she yelled. "You really did get Ben pregnant!"
"What?" the Goth said in a monotone.
"It's a nest! Everything that's been going on was for the babies!"
"What?!" went everyone else.
The mound was cracking open, the metal screeching as green goo flowed out of the top. Sam got a wave of it all over her front. She grimaced but continued to watch the bubbles forming on the surface. The others were crowding around the nest, climbing up to the top in a transfixed state. They were vaguely aware of rocks pelting the ground and the sound of ice breaking.
Large blue orbs the size of soccer balls hovered out of the glop and towards the people. Carter gently prodded one, feeling the squishy outside as she moved it slightly away from her. And then they stretched, becoming ovals with wings protruding out of their backs. In just a few seconds all the orbs grew butterfly wings and green eyes and furry blue bodies.
Three out of four of the humans went, "Aaaawwww!" Sam just grunted and wiped some of the maggot goo off her.
The one nearest Carter purred at her before flying off to its mother-father? Man-mama? Whatever the case, all the dozen Necrofriggian babies flew to their parent, even the runt of the litter, though it could hardly fly. They all hovered around him and he pointed upward.
For a second they hovered, flapping their newly formed wings in random harmony, and then they all flew up, up, into the deep black sky, becoming dark blue specks in the sky. And then they were gone.
That was when Big Chill decided to turn into Ben. He blinked at the moon and then turned to the others. "What just happened?"
Carter had retrieved Sam's motorcycle from behind the boulder. Sam had gotten all the goop off her. Evan was texting someone furiously. Kevin was standing there with a video journal and giving off the signature Joker smile. And Ben was sitting on a rock, jaw dropped.
"I was actually pregnant?"
Kevin held out the video journal. On the screen were the dozen children Ben gave birth to. "Yup, these are your kids."
"How?"
"According to this, Necrofriggian-that's Big Chill's race-only give birth every eighty years or so. They'll live in space where it's cold and then they'll feed on solar plasma. I doubt you'll ever see them again, mommy."
"Cut it out!"
"Well this is all fine and dandy, but you still owe me," Evan said, glaring at Ben.
"Is that lipstick on your neck?" Kevin asked naively, getting a good look at the boy.
"I was in a hurry to wash it off because someone was going on a rampage!"
"Wait!" Carter held up her hands. "Before you lay into him we gotta make sure he's not hiding anymore kids in him." She knelt down in front of him and hugged him, putting an ear to his stomach. Ben held up his arms in shock, face flushing red since it was easy enough for her to-
"He's clean!" she declared getting up. Ben got out of stupor and looked at Evan, who was giving him a very nasty smirk right now.
Why is Evan so mad at you? Ventus asked in Ben's head. Just what did I miss?
Ben was so happy he could cry. The empty void in his head had finally been filled. He no longer had to grasp for wisps when he needed advice. He felt... whole.
"Why are you smiling?" Sam asked him.
"No reason," he answered back, trying to frown again.
Carter took a look at her phone and said, "I gotta get you home. Unless you want to turn into Big Chill again and fly home." Ben groaned at Carter's evil little smirk.
"This is the most embarrassing day of my life."
"I think you make a great mother," she said honestly, thinking about the way Ben went so far to protect his kin.
"Stop making fun of me!"
It's true; in the episode Kevin has no idea what a corsage is. Also, in the episode, Gwen's corsage goes on her wrist, but others can go on the chest. Just saying in case anyone was confused.
Also, the idea of Ben and Carter's pregnancy scare act actually came from real life. The boyfriend of one of my friends actually said this to his girlfriend and started acting all emotional. The only difference is that in real life, my friend didn't go along with the joke. But if she did, I think she would have acted like this.
Thoughts, anyone?