Chapter 10: Pod Fighters and Shiny Things

Just watched the first few episodes of Xiaolin Chronicles.

...I don't like it.

It's like the creators took everything that made Xiaolin Showdown amazing and threw it out the window. It's just so cliche and bland now, especially the part with Willow. And don't get me started on the voices. I don't mind Kimiko's or Master Fung's or Clay's new voices, but I can't stand it when Raimundo and Dojo talk. And Raimundo isn't his lovable jerky self anymore!

Bleh. I'm done ranting. On with the chapter!

Valerie stood outside her room, huddled in the corner and sulking as she waited for the others to finish changing. They had just arrived from their trip to the Aztec pyramid, and she was still in disgrace from her freefall off Dojo's back. Even after she told them that she didn't intentionally fall off…

"I'm done," Kimiko said as she walked out of her room. She was finishing up tying up her normal black hair into pigtails; she studied Valerie as she did so. "You sure you didn't jump off of Dojo getting the Ring?"

Valerie gave a frustrated sigh. "For the millionth time, yes. I was over the edge when the wind picked up. I fell over that way."

"Then why did you scream 'whee!' while you fell?" Raimundo asked, getting out of his own room.

She shrugged. "I can't help it if I'm into skydiving."

They found Master Fung meditating in front of the giant incense pot on top of the Shen Gong Wu vault.

"You have returned," he stated as the five of them walked in.

"Piece of cake, Master Fung," Clay said happily.

Omi held up the Ring. "Watch; Ring of the Nine-" With super ninja speed Master Fung swept the Ring out of Omi's hands, the momentum knocking him off his feet.

Fung stood off to the side, holding the black and gold ring in his hands. "Forgive me, Omi, but this Shen Gong Wu is most dangerous. Its power could easily overwhelm a dragon-in-training." He prodded the bells behind him and tapped out the ditty that would open the vault.

"But Master, we are the chosen ones!" Omi protested as the vault opened. "Surely we could control its power."

Master Fung slowly descended into the vault. "In time, Omi, in time." He disappeared into the blueness.

"In time?" Omi repeated sadly. Valerie put a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

Clay rubbed his head. "Easy come, easy go. Wanna try trick ropin' Omi?"

"How about reading my Lord of the Rings book?" Valerie suggested.

"Nah, we should totally have a game of soccer," Raimundo dismissed.

Kimiko held up a videogame console. "I was thinking head-to-head on Kochiko Raider. What do you say?"

Omi sighed and began to walk away. "Too many choices, not enough time."

The next morning

After breakfast, it was Valerie and Kimiko's turn to do dishes. Raimundo and Clay went off to do their other morning chores. No one had seen Omi all morning.

"Where do you think Omi went?" Valerie asked her Asian friend as they neared the kitchen.

"Knowing him, he went to practice his martial arts well into the night," Kimiko said before stopping in her tracks. Valerie looked inside the kitchen to see not only the breakfast dishes stacked next to the sink, but extra dishes with scraped cookie dough littering the floor.

"Looks like someone had a midnight snack last night," Valerie said dryly as she picked up a dish.

"Yeah, a big one," Kimiko said as she stepped over a particularly big dish. "We'll never get all this done before classes."

"Hey, girls!" Clay's voice rang out from the hallway. "We got us a new Shen Gong Wu-what happened in here?" He stopped short when he saw the mess on the kitchen floor.

Valerie eyed Clay coolly; she knew of his voracious appetite. "Clay, you didn't by any chance step in here last night for a snack did you?"

"I would have cleaned up after myself if I did," he huffed. Valerie believed him.

"Who do you think did?" Kimiko wondered out loud.

"No clue," Clay said mystified. "But we'll have to leave that for later. We got us a Shen Gong Wu to find."

"Yes! We don't have to do our chores." Valerie put the dish she was holding in the sink and ran out of the happily.

Ten Minutes Later

"The Falcon's Eye gives one the ability to see through solid objects," Master Fung explained as he studied the Ancient Scroll.

"Even through Clay?" Raimundo joked meanly, gesturing to his cowboy friend.

"Hey!" Clay said good-naturedly.

Dojo slithered onto Clay's shoulder and snapped, "Clever trash talk after we find the Shen Gong Wu, if you don't mind?"

"First a jungle, now snowy mountains," Valerie said through gritted teeth. "Did you really have to hide the Shen Gong Wu all over the world?"

"That was the point, kiddo," Dojo retorted as he flew through the snowcapped mountains. Valerie shivered in her thin t-shirt and shorts. Why didn't they grab winter gear when they had the chance? Or at least had a warmer meal before coming? Valerie had a sudden craving for Eric's spicy beef stew.

Dojo sniffed the air. "We're getting close," he warned the others just as lasers shot at him. He dodged and everyone turned to see Jack Spicer in a bronze angular hovercraft with airplane wings sticking from the sides. His posse of Jack-Bots had similar wings where arms were supposed to be.

"Having fun, losers?" Jack sneered before shooting off another white laser. This one nearly hit Omi, who leaped up in time to dodge.

"Stand and fight, Jack Spicer!" Omi angrily yelled at him.

"No thanks baldy. I got a Shen Gong Wu to find." Jack quickly flew away in his jet, leaving the hundreds of Jack-Bots to do his dirty work. In two perfect lines, the robots flew towards the warriors.

"Jack Spicer is going to beat us to the Falcon's eye," Omi stated, pointing to where Jack was flying to. Just then Valerie saw out of the corner of her eye two shapes heading towards them.

"What're those?" She pointed at the two black pods flying towards the robots, sleek and round with two airplane wings jutting out of the sides. They seemed like something out of a science fiction novel; that was how alien they looked.

One of the Pod Fighters-that was what Valerie was calling them- swerved to where Jack was headed, while the others turned to the Jack-Bots. Blue lasers were shooting out of the wings, hitting the bronze Roman-faced robots in the chest. Ten fell down after the first onslaught. The Pod Fighter flew up into the air to carry out the second wave.

"Who is that?" Omi asked in awe.

"Hazel and Theo," Raimundo hissed.

"They're just going to follow us around all over the world, aren't they?" Valerie asked rhetorically.

"Incoming!" Clay shouted as some of the Jack-Bots came nearer them. Despite the Pod Fighter's efforts of destroying the robots, many more were coming near them.

"EARTH!" Clay grabbed the wing of one robot and threw it at another robot behind him. Both blew up, and the remaining scrap metal plunged at a third, destroying it as well.

"WATER!" Omi flew up into the air, spinning like a top. Four Jack-Bots came at him and were promptly destroyed.

"FIRE!" Kimiko jumped off of Dojo and landed on the head of a Jack-Bot. Jumping off of it she kicked at another Jack-Bot and blew it up. Falling, she grabbed Dojo's tail, flipped, and kicked away another Jack-Bot, making it explode.

"WIND!" Raimundo jumped kicked a robot into another robot and blew them both up.

"AETHER!" Valerie jumped and latched onto a Jack-Bot. Using it to fly she neared another Jack-Bot. Pushing off with her feet she made the two robots explode. She flipped backwards through the air and landed on the head of another robot. She kicked off the head and jumped back onto Dojo's back.

The Pod Fighter that they had ignored earlier came back guns blazing. The blue lasers shot holes through the remaining Jack-Bots, making them look like grotesque Swiss cheese. After they all fell like ants the Pod Fighter flew over far away from the monks.

As the Pod Fighter overtook them, Dojo asked, "Did anyone see who that was?"

"No," Clay spoke for everyone.

Suddenly the Pod Fighter flew right in front of Dojo. The dragon tried to brake in time, but by then the lasers were coming at them. Dojo swerved downward, and the Pod Fighter followed, executing perfect corkscrew curls as it continued to attack them with lasers.

The wind was howling through Valerie's ears, but she couldn't tell if she was screaming. They were spiraling downward at top speeds, the giant icy river below them menacing. Dojo swerved upward as best he could and slid into the snowy hills. The lasers stopped their onslaught; in a brief reprieve from her panic, Valerie deduced that the pilot of the Pod Fighter was now flying toward its companion.

Dojo was sliding down a giant snowy hill with everyone screaming at the top of their lungs. The dragon then hit his head on the base of a mountain, forcing him to brake. The monks were launched into the air, flying over the pristine white snow.

For a second Valerie was suspended in midair, the wind desperate to keep her afloat as the pull of gravity began to grab at her. For the briefest moment the two forces fought before gravity won and Valerie was falling towards the snow. She should have been scared, terrified even. Her friends were certainly voicing their fears quite loudly.

But Valerie didn't. Sure she had panicked when Dojo lost control of his flying and was forced to toboggan down the hill, but this wasn't the same rush of adrenaline as before. This was an escape from the metal monsters she had flown in ages past, a difference from the scaly back of a dragon. This was freefalling, a blissful lack of control that very few understood.

And Valerie loved it.

…Though she didn't need the snow.

When she plummeted into the fluffy whiteness, the first thing Valerie thought was: Ooh, soft! And then she thought: Fuck, it's COLD! She immediately leaped from her deep imprint in the snow, wishing she wasn't wearing only shorts and a t-shirt.

But then she realized that she wasn't as cold as she thought. Yes, chills were crawling up Valerie's skin, but she didn't have goose bumps or a runny nose. In fact, the winter wind felt more like an obnoxious fall breeze. Valerie stared at her friends as they climbed out of their snow imprints. Clay was brushing snow off his hat, Kimiko was holding her head, Raimundo was sticking his tongue out at the snow, and Omi was looking as calm as ever. Didn't they feel the same as her?

Dojo shook the snow off his head and felt the large bump on his head. "Goose egg," he reported before shrinking. Kimiko immediately went to his aid.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly as she neared the reptile.

"Yeah, I'm-don't touch, don't touch!" Dojo shrieked when Kimiko reached out to examine the wound. "I'm fine, let's just find the Falcon's Eye and get out of here." He wound himself around her arm and slithered onto her shoulder.

"Sounds like a plan," Clay said with a smile on his face. "Where is it?"

Dojo scratched the part of his head that wasn't hurting and said, "Uh, it's…I-I think it's this way." He pointed to the right. Then he pointed to the left. "No, it's this way. Or is it…"

"You don't know, do you?" Valerie asked rhetorically.

"This bump is messing with my Shen Gong Wu senses," Dojo explained.

Everyone looked at each other and said together, "Split up!" Almost everyone immediately went off in separate directions, leaving Dojo behind.

"Oh, don't mind me and my head trauma," he grumbled.

Valerie rolled her eyes. "Put some snow on it, you'll be fine." With that she off to find the Shen Gong Wu.

…Easier said than done.

Valerie trudged up the mountainside, walking through the trees. The coniferous trees were spread out from each other, a contrast to the forest Valerie walked through on her way to school back when she lived in Russia. The trees had been so packed together that when it snowed, instead of littering on the forest floor, the frost would stay up in the trees. It was so much warmer inside that forest than it was now.

Then again, Valerie could hardly feel the frigid air. It was strange because she could distinctly remember feeling cold during winters in Poland and Russia. She knew it was cold: there was snow on the ground, occasionally wisps of white fog came from her mouth, and yet she didn't feel cold. Master Fung had said that dragons-in-training would get special powers when the time came, but he had never mentioned this. If only Valerie could ask someone…

She heard the sounds of feet crunching on snow, and it wasn't coming from her. Valerie looked up to see Omi wandering about with Kimiko's videogame console in his hands, blissfully pressing the buttons as he aimed for the next level. And then he scratched his head, like he couldn't figure out the next step.

Valerie's face scrunched up in confusion. Omi playing videogames while on a Shen Gong Wu hunt? Was this another one of Jack's robots impersonating one of them? In that case, why wasn't it hunting down the others one by one and stealing their Shen Gong Wu? Why was it standing there goofing off?

"Hey, Omi," Valerie called out tentatively, making her way towards the little monk. Omi did not appear to have heard her. He was cocking his head to one side, studying the videogame. And then he fell down, saying, "Owie!"

Now Valerie was really worried. "What's wrong, Omi?" Valerie asked, now standing over him. Omi was smiling blissfully, staring up at the sky. Valerie raised an eyebrow and waved a hand over his face. He ignored her like she was invisible.

Annoyed, Valerie looked up to see what Omi was staring at. For a minute she was blinded by the bright blueness of the sky above her. Blinking, she covered her eyes with her hand and continued to study the sky. There was nothing there worth noting, not even a cloud.

"What are you staring at?" Valerie asked him sure she wasn't going to get an answer. So it came as a surprise when Omi moved an arm and pointed.

"That shiny thingy," he said simply. Valerie followed the yellow finger to a tree that happened to be right next to them. Up in the branches and nestled in the dark green leaves was indeed a shiny thingy. After focusing on it, Valerie could vaguely make out an eye shape. A shiny red eye…

"The Falcon's Eye!" Valerie gasped.

Omi giggled and then said, "Pretty." He climbed out of the snow and crawled up the tree before Valerie could stop him. His hand was near the Eye…

Two hands grabbed onto the Shen Gong Wu at the same time Omi did. "Surprise, surprise!" Jack Spicer sneered, using his hover pack to keep himself in midair.

Hazel, who was encased in the shadows, said, "My first Showdown. This'll be interesting." Her eyes were narrow, and her smile reminded Valerie of the Cheshire Cats' signature grin.

Valerie felt her phone vibrating next to her leg. She fished out her black cell phone from her pocket and saw that Kimiko was calling her. "What's up?" she asked when she answered.

Kimiko's reply came out in short puffs. It seemed like she was running. "Omi-Ring-Nine-Dragons-split in five-different-"

It took Valerie a moment to wrap her head around that. "Omi has the Ring of the Nine Dragons?"

"Yes!" Kimiko screeched.

"And there are five of him?"

"Yes!"

"But what do you mean by different?"

"The Ring-splits up your brain-different levels of maturity-"

Valerie looked over that Omi that was with her, up in the tree with Hazel and Jack. "And that's bad?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF BUDDHA, YES!"

Valerie gulped. "Then I probably shouldn't tell you that one of the Omis' is about to have a Showdown with Jack and Hazel." She put the phone away from her as Kimiko began to screech at the top of her lungs. "Temper," Valerie chided her when it was over. She looked over at Omi; he was now on the ground with Jack and Hazel, all of them clutching the Falcon's Eye for dear life.

"We are so screwed," Valerie muttered under her breath.

"Omi, Jack, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!" Hazel announced in a grand manner.

"I accept your challenge Hazel!" Jack said just as grandly. Both of them looked over at Omi, who was smiling at the two of them in his carefree manner.

"Is he always like this?" Hazel asked Jack. He shrugged and shook his head. "Hey, is he always like this?" she asked Valerie, who was over yonder. Valerie slowly shook her head. She saw no point in lying.

"Well, do you accept?" Jack asked Omi, annoyed. Omi slowly blinked, and then suddenly grabbed Jack's nose.

"HONK!"

Jack let go of the Falcon's Eye and backed away rubbing his nose. "Yeah, there is definitely something wrong with you," he said quietly.

"I'm taking that as a yes," Hazel said, still clutching the Eye with Omi.

"Okay, fine; my Fist of Tebigong against your Third-Arm Sash and against your Ring of the Nine Dragons," Jack said, pointing to the two of them respectively. "A race to the far mountain on snowboards."

"Sounds fun," Hazel said.

Omi giggled and said, "You are a funny man. I like cake!"

"I think he's on drugs," Hazel announced. "Does he take drugs?" she asked Valerie loudly.

"No!"

"Well, he's definitely on something!"

"Let's go: Xiaolin Showdown!" Jack shouted impatiently, and steam billowed out from beneath them, signaling the beginning of the Showdown.

The Falcon's Eye was resting on an icy pedestal that looked like a skinny, frosted wedding cake. It was at the end of a long, winding, snowy road, full of loops and caves and holes. Three snowboards were stuck on a snowy hill at the very top of the mountain, one red, one blue, and one pink. Wuya was between the three boards, smiling her greasy smile as she surveyed the challengers.

Jack, Omi, and Hazel climbed up the side of the hill, all in winter gear: Jack in black snow pants and jacket with his hover pack attached to his back and a blue knit cap on his head; Omi in a puffy red jacket and black pants with a fuzzy white kitty hat; and Hazel in white snow pants, a white fluffy jacket with a brown fur trim on the hood, and white earmuffs with her long blonde hair tied back.

Jack and Hazel grabbed their respective snowboards and shouted, "GONG YI TAN PAI!" They looked at Omi, who was smiling carefree again. "Definitely on something," Hazel muttered as she slid down the hilltop. Jack quickly followed.

"Ooh, fun," Omi said happily. He laid face down on his snowboard and slid down the mountain. Valerie chose that moment to climb up the hilltop. She had waited for the others to show up before she allowed herself to be seen. She felt like she should have said something encouraging to Omi, but with the way was now, it would go over his head.

"Omi, wait!" Raimundo called out helplessly as he watched his little friend slide down the winding road. "Why didn't you stop him?" he demanded to know from Valerie.

"She couldn't," Dojo said grimly from atop of Clay's hat. "The only way to replace someone in a Showdown is when the challenger is incapacitated. The way Omi is now doesn't count according to the rules."

"So we're doomed, aren't we?" Kimiko said hopelessly as the other four Omis surrounded them. The fat one was gnawing on Kimiko's game console. Valerie quickly turned back to the Showdown.

Omi was actually in the lead, quickly surpassing Jack and Hazel. "Third-Arm Sash!" Hazel cried out, and the blue arm reached out for him. But Omi was too slippery; he dodged and the Arm was thrust back into its Sash position.

There was a winding loop-de-loop up ahead, a roller coaster like road trial. Jack sped off past Omi and was the first to go through the snow coaster. He quickly went up in the coaster, for a second defying gravity before he plunged back down to earth. When he was near the end, Jack shouted, "Fist of Tebigong!" and slammed his fist down on the ground. The coaster shuddered and snow began to fall.

"Hazel!" Theo shouted from behind Clay, startling them all. He was quickly ignored as everyone was too enthralled in the Showdown.

Near the entrance, Hazel used her Third-Arm Sash to grab hold of a boulder outside the coaster, pulling her to safety. But Omi simply turned his head upward as the snow began to avalanche on top of him, smothering him in cold, fluffy softness. When the avalanche stopped, all was quiet.

"Is he…" Clay began, horrified.

Dojo waved a dismissive hand. "No one can die in a Showdown, it's against the rules. If it did happen the Showdown would automatically be void."

Theo smacked a yellow hand out of his face. He pointed to the snow mound. "Your friend's okay. Look." Sure enough, a little head popped out of the snow, smiling lazily as he struggled to get out of there.

Valerie took the moment to ask something that had been bothering her. "What's your angle?"

Theo raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"What do you want with the Shen Gong Wu?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit!" Raimundo said angrily.

"No, seriously, we don't care about the Shen Gong Wu," Theo said. "I mean, they're cool and all, but all we're interested in is seeing which side triumphs in the war. It'll be interesting to see what happens."

"So this is a game to you?" Kimiko hissed her eyes narrowed into slits.

"It was either that or world domination, and the latter's too much of a hassle," Theo said dismissively as Wuya glided next to him.

"But my dear boy, you have such the evil mind," she simpered. "Surely you must wonder…"

"Yeah, I have," Theo admitted. "So has Hazel. But every dictator who wanted to rule to world got bitch slapped and died a horrible death. We don't want that."

"This is interesting and all, but we should probably pay attention to the Showdown," Dojo huffed, crossing his little arms. Valerie blinked and turned back to the Showdown. Jack and Hazel were neck-to-neck in the race, neither side using their Shen Gong Wu, simply their athletic skills.

"Fist of Tebigong!" Jack suddenly shouted, aiming a punch at Hazel. She jumped up, dodged, and yelled, "Third-Arm Sash!" The hand punched Jack right in the face, knocking him to the side and giving him a black eye.

Hazel whooped triumphantly and slid up the icing tiered pedestal with Jack right behind her. Hands were reaching for the Eye-they lowered themselves to give them both speed-they could touch the Eye-

Grabbing for dear life, Hazel flew off the pedestal with the Falcon's Eye in her hand. As Jack fell down behind her, the blinding light washed over everything and the Showdown was over.

The four Omis had disappeared, leaving one Omi face down on the ground in defeat. Hazel held the Falcon's Eye in one hand, standing triumphantly on a boulder. Jack was sitting on the ground, pouting.

"Not bad, little sister," Theo congratulated his twin. Hazel jumped down from the boulder and marveled the new ring on her finger.

"It really does suit me, doesn't it?" she taunted Jack. She held out a hand. "Hand over the Fist of Tebigong." Jack palmed it over while Wuya screamed obscenities into his ear.

Theo wagged a finger at the ghost. "Don't think so negatively. Just remember that Omi lose the Xiaolin Warriors another Shen Gong Wu they so desperately needed."

Omi gave a loud groan as Wuya's grin returned full force.

Valerie had almost expected Master Fung to yell at Omi. Then she remembered that he was monk who controlled his temper. It didn't stop him from dishing out punishment though.

The other dragons watched as Fung handed Omi a green toothbrush. "I want them spotless, Omi. Spotless," the master said, his eyes narrowed. Omi took the brush and began to scrub the mountain of pots that littered the kitchen sink. Fung left him to it, slamming the door behind him.

"He ate all of that?" Valerie whispered from the doorway. The others were hidden next to her.

"And you thought it was me," Clay huffed.

"Who wouldn't?" Raimundo joked.

Kimiko was the first to approach Omi. She said to his back, "I've never seen Master Fung so upset."

The others followed suit. "Yeah, he was as mad as a beaver in a petrified forest."

"Master Fung is right to be angry," Omi said despondently. He walked over to a particularly large bowl and began to scrub the red gunk out of it. "I have acted most shamefully. Because of my disobedience, we still only have two Shen Gong Wu."

"Two is better than nothing," Valerie pointed out unhelpfully. "And we'll get them back, just watch."

Raimundo thought for a moment. "Maybe it's better this way."

"Better?" Omi asked from within the giant bowl. "How?"

"Well, you weren't ready to use the Ring of the Nine Dragons," he pointed out. "So now it belongs to Hazel and Theo."

Everyone began to grin at that, even disgraced Omi.

The Pod Fighters are actually from Emma Clayton's futuristic novel The Roar. It's a pretty decent read, if you're in middle school.

And no, you didn't read that wrong. Hazel wants world domination, Theo doesn't. Yeah...wonder how that'll work out.