Chapter 14: Angry Animals and Wine-Colored Dresses

Warning: there is no Showdown happening in this chapter. Nada. Zip. But there is something going on besides that, so I suggest reading the chapter.

"Methinks your friends are avoiding me," Eric whispered in her ear as they cleaned up the last of the mess. Valerie looked at the others. Omi and Raimundo were stacking boxes and Kimiko was using the dustpan. They didn't seem to be avoiding Eric…

Clay, holding a broom, walked past them. His eyes should have naturally flickered over to the two of them, but they stayed resolutely ahead of him as he walked to the other side of the room. That sounded the warning bells in Valerie's head; sweet Clay should have been more open minded than that.

Valerie gritted her teeth and threw the last piece of wood into the bag. It fell in what a loud thud, a sharp sound that betrayed more emotion than her face. Eric took one look at her and grabbed the trash bag. He flung it over his shoulder and walked out of the attic.

Once the door slammed shut, everyone stopped what they were doing. Valerie slowly turned her head at the others and gave them a venom-filled gaze. They all visibly shuddered as an icy wind passed over them, but Omi was the only one brave enough to ask:

"What is the matter, Valerie?"

"I don't know. You tell me," she hissed, eyes narrowed into slits. Omi's mouth formed into an X-shape as he scuttled back to the others. He hid behind Clay and visibly shook.

Dojo, the oldest in the room, said, "You're mad because you think we don't like Eric."

"Among other things."

"Well, Eric did kill a guy, even if it was an accident," Raimundo pointed out, "so it's going to take some time to get used to him."

"And how exactly do you know it was an accident?" Clay asked. When he saw the murderous expression on Valerie's face, he quickly added, "I mean, was there a coroner report? Kimiko?" He turned to the Asian girl, who was already on her PDA looking it up.

"And even if it was an accident, why did your parents decide to let him take care of you?" Raimundo pointed out. "From what we know about him, he's not exactly caretaking material."

That was a good question. Valerie had never really given it much thought over the years. But while Eric's record wasn't exactly the cleanest, he was the one who took care of Valerie all her life. He was the one who went to her school's parent-teacher conferences. He was the one who taught her martial arts and math. He was the one who read her bedtime stories growing up. He was the constant in her life, her father figure.

How could she possibly doubt him?

"He was telling the truth," Kimiko finally said. She held up her PDA, which showed a picture of an aged newspaper. "Eric's opponent really did have a brain aneurysm during the fight. The coroner said so and everything."

"Well what do you know," Valerie seethed, "Eric was right."

Omi chuckled weakly. "We are sorry?"

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to." Valerie stalked out of the attic and slammed the door behind her. She stomped down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Eric was finishing up his phone conversation.

"Something wrong, Val?" he asked when he saw her livid face. He was the only one who could withstand the wrath of an angry Valerie.

"My so-called friends doubted you when you said it was an accident," she said, referring to the incident.

"Of course they doubted me, I'm someone they barely know," Eric said with a shrug. "But that's not what's bugging you, is it?"

She could feel the energy draining out of her. She withdrew a seat from the kitchen table and slumped into it, head in her arms. Finally, through muffled words, she said:

"You were the one who raised me all my life. Whenever you come up in conversation I only say great things about you. And when you came to the Temple everyone was so happy to see you. And now, because they know about that, they see you as someone dangerous. It's like…" Valerie struggled with the next part: "It's like when a person finds out something bad about you, they only see that part of you, and they could care less about the rest of you. They won't even give you a chance."

"Are you sure?" Eric asked. "Your friends seem understanding, and you know them better than I do."

Valerie sighed. "Kimiko found the article about you and the guy in the ring. They know it was an accident, but…"

"They still doubted your judgment," Eric continued for her. "I was the one who raised you and yet I turned out to be an accidental killer. You think that even though I have that kind of past they should take your word for it and accept me."

"Exactly!" It always amazed Valerie how Eric simply got her. They were like two pieces in a puzzle that always fit together, no matter what. How many other people had that connection with their parents? Eric wasn't even related to her.

"People are like that, Val," Eric continued solemnly. "It's in their nature to be skeptical. But you know your friends best. Are they willing to except me now that they have proof?"

"…I don't know. I think so," Valerie admitted. "I kind of stormed out before we talked about it."

Eric chuckled. "I think you all need to have a talk about this. But if it makes them feel any better, I already called to have my overnight stuff sent back here."

"What?"

"I only brought one briefcase." He shrugged. "I was only going to stay for a day, maybe two. And I did if you think about it. Besides, after all this, I think I'd be best if I just stayed here."

Eric was right-he was always right. He had visited for a day like he intended, and it would be best for him to stay in Geneva. But Valerie didn't want to leave him like this, when there was so much bad tension in the air.

There was a knocking against the kitchen wall. It was the others, crowding themselves in the doorway. They looked sheepish and wary, like Valerie and Eric were about to blow. Well, Valerie certainly was. Eric just had his sunny smile on his face.

Omi was the first to step into the kitchen. "It has come to my attention that my friends and I have committed a grievous error. And while it was justified-"

"We're still awful sorry," Clay interjected. "It wasn't our place to judge."

"Nah, I don't blame ya," Eric said flippantly. "After getting news like that, anyone would judge. It's perfectly normal."

"But it was still a really crummy thing to do," Raimundo admitted. "So…sorry."

"We're really sorry," Kimiko insisted.

"Apology accepted," Eric said with a smile. "Val?"

Valerie, who had refused to look at any of them, gave them a glare. They all seemed sheepish, their shoulders hunched as they stared expectantly at her. Omi's eyes were large and wet, like he was about to start crying.

Valerie gave them a half-smile. "Apology accepted."

Everyone cheered and the dragons-in-training rushed her. They pulled her into a giant hug, leaving her hot and gasping for breath as the bodies pushed around her.

"Air! I need air!"

Everyone immediately let go. "Sorry 'bout that," Dojo said. "We're huggy people."

Valerie's cheeks began to cool. "I can see that."

"So what happens now?" Dojo asked.

"You guys go back to the temple, I stay here," Eric said.

"Is that okay?" Clay asked. "I mean, didn't you bring stuff with you?"

"I already got that covered," Eric dismissed. "Besides, it wouldn't be cool for an old man like me to hang out with you whippersnappers."

"Only you would say that," Valerie said affectionately.

"Oh yeah, if you see Jack again, tell him he's paying for the giant hole in my roof," Eric said sternly. For a beat everyone looked grim before falling into laughter, holding their bellies as they lay rolling on the ground.

Later that night

Valerie was walking down a hallway laced with bluish smoke. The haze swirled around her feet as she walked. Her footsteps made unusually loud clacking noises, but she didn't dwell on it. Lights were dotting the walls, bringing a brief shine of hope before it was swallowed in prolonged darkness. The darkness was seemingly endless, the hallway stretching into infinity.

Cold liquid splashed at her feet. Valerie looked down to see black water pooling around her ankles. She quickly brought her red monk robes up, but the hem had already been drenched. She groaned, knowing that it would slow her down and keep her cold in this dank tunnel.

Suddenly she could feel the cloth thicken. She hurried to a lantern and watched as the red fabric turned to a dark red wine color. The gossamer skirt became heavy, the simple design turning into an intricate weaving. Her hair was becoming undone on its own, the braids loosening.

Valerie blinked. "I'm totally dreaming this," she said out loud. The cavernous tunnel didn't echo the words.

The transformation then complete, she took a better look at herself. Her simple robe had turned into an intricate gown. The red wine color of the skirt showed off a delicate weaving of roses and reached to her toes. The bodice was plain with a square collar that showed off her collarbone. The sleeves were tight around her arms and reached her wrists.

"Yep, totally a dream," Valerie muttered as she pushed her loose long hair back. She was pleased to note that she wasn't wearing a corset-or if she was, she didn't notice it. The heavy skirt of the gown already made the dress hard to walk in. She took a step forward and instantly felt the cold water seep into her shoes. She held up a foot to reveal that her practical black slippers had been replaced with cloth dancing shoes the same color as her dress. Valerie cursed; she could tell that her shoes would be cut to ribbons soon.

She looked behind her to see the never ending tunnel stretching behind her. She looked in front of her to see the brighter hallway with the sheen of water pooling on the floor. Valerie heaved a sigh and went forward. It wouldn't do to stop the dream now. Besides, she was curious about what was at the end, if she ever got to it.

Valerie continued walking, hiking up her heavy skirt to knee level so the hem wouldn't soak. The water skidded over her ankles as she slugged through, her momentum growing slower and slower as she waded through the viscous liquid. The cold was seeping into her skin, the cloth shoes useless to protect her feet.

And then the lights went out. Valerie swore loudly in Russian, dropping her skirt in anger. She fumed for a second before calming down; it was all part of the dream anyway. This meant that something exciting was about to happen.

Blue smoke wafted around her, visible due to an unholy light. They were almost ghostlike as the lights shone over the black water. It created a beautiful effect, eerie blue against pitch blackness.

And then Valerie heard it, the scraping of giant scales against wooden flooring. Her spine went straight and ice was sent through her veins. Her face was sweating even though she could have sworn she was having chills. She was shaking in place and her heart felt like it wanted to jump out of her chest.

What was wrong with her? She never felt like this before. The closest was when she had a fever, but she wasn't feeling any pain. Only the horrible sensation that something bad was going to happen filled her gut like lead.

Blue smoke billowed from behind her. Valerie could feel hot breath all over her. The sound of scales moving was so loud-it filled her ears-she could hear sharp teeth opening-saliva was dripping onto her-

Valerie ran for her life, wet hem be damned.

Her legs felt like gelatin and the lead gut feeling was worsening. Her heart was in her throat, waiting to jump out of her mouth. Her heavy dress clung to her legs, restricting her movements. And still the evil dragon was behind her, the deafening sounds of scrapping scales coming after her.

Her foot snagged on something and Valerie fell to the ground. Her skirt flared out and her loose hair swirled in the water like tendrils. She stood on her knees, palms on the floor. She coughed, gasping for breath as blue smoke wafted into her mouth.

She could see herself in the water's reflection, a failed princess about to be eaten by the dragon. Her face was white, her blue eyes wide. She was trembling, or was that simply the ripples in the water?

Luminescent blue eyes stared back through the reflection. The dragon was right behind her, sapphire blue skin stretching over its angry maw. Its face was contorted through the black markings; it almost seemed to be smiling at her.

Valerie stared transfixed at the reflection. Her body wasn't working properly. She was shaking but not because she was cold. She wanted to look straight into the dragon's eyes like once before, but she couldn't. She wouldn't!

The Sapphire Dragon's mouth opened, showing off rows and rows of giant yellow teeth. It was coming closer and closer, yet all Valerie could do was kneel there staring at the reflection.

The dragon maneuvered its head over her-she could feel the hot breath-the large teeth bit at her skin-

Valerie woke up, a scream dying in her throat. She sat up as if electrocuted, trembling. Sweat was pouring down her face and yet she had never felt so cold.

Fear. Valerie was afraid.

It was such a foreign concept. She never had nightmares about the monsters under her bed growing up. She never feared spiders or heights or airplanes or anything else. It simply never occurred to her to be afraid of something.

And yet here she was, trembling from a nightmare. And about the dormant Sapphire Dragon, no less.

Valerie needed air-no water-no forget that, she had to move. Groping around in the dark, she threw off her blanket and got off her mat. She first grabbed her cell phone and then made her way over to the pile of pulp fiction to her right, where she had stored her suitcases against the wall. Flipping one open she grabbed the first jacket she found and made her way out of her room.

Her foot touched the wooden floor and she cringed. It was freezing; a part of Valerie wanted her to go back to find some slippers, but the rest of her merely wanted her to walk. So on bare feet, Valerie tiptoed out of the dorms where her sleeping friends lied. She had almost forgotten how the four of them could snore; Kimiko was especially loud. How Valerie slept through that, she didn't know.

Once out of the dorms she put on her jacket, an old blue zip up hoodie she forgot she had. It went well with her blue boxer shorts and black tank top. Her bed head was contained in a messy braid, which swung slightly as Valerie picked up the pace.

She didn't even know where she was walking to. All she cared about was exercising until she was tired again. Maybe then the feeling of fear would leave her. Until then, she would continue to tremble slightly and jump at the strange sounds the Temple made during the night.

Valerie stepped outside of the dorms and into the open air. The little village surrounding the temple was peaceful, with no light coming from any of the houses. There were lanterns dotting the streets, creating light amidst the shadows. Despite her shoeless feet, Valerie walked the well-traveled path into the heart of the village. She could wash her feet later.

She could see it: the gardens stretching out towards the west, the plaza trapping a quarter of it by surrounding it with a fence, and the lone giant fountain filled with cool water. Valerie walked over to the fountain and looked at her reflection. With the pale moonlight she could see herself, a bedraggled teen with pasty skin, chapped lips, sad eyes and greasy hair.

Then the water changed, and she could see herself as how she looked in her dream: glowing brown hair cascading down her shoulders, wide forget-me-not blue eyes, and translucent skin. She half suspected the Sapphire Dragon to appear behind her as it did in her dream.

It was a warm night, and yet Valerie shook as if it were freezing. Tears were blurring her vision, heavy in her eyes. She bit her lip, refusing to let them fall. Why was she feeling this way? She was Valerie Ashford, she didn't feel fear. It simply wasn't natural for her to be afraid of something. How did people live like this?

Eric. She had to talk to Eric. She got out her phone, fumbling as she typed in the speed dial number. Her breathing haggard, she waited for the call to connect, heart pumping rapidly as the beeps from the phone line rang in her ear.

"Val? Isn't it, like, three in the morning over there?" were Eric's first words. "What's wrong?"

Valerie was so happy she could cry. She let the tears she was holding back fall, the drops forming rivers down her face.

"I had a nightmare, Eric."

It took a minute for that to sink in. "…what?"

"I was in this long dark hallway and there was water on the floor and the Sapphire Dragon was chasing me and it was awful-"

"Val! Val, calm down," Eric said gently. "Calm down, and let it all out."

Valerie breathed in shaky breaths. She tried to wipe her face but the treacherous tears continued to fall. Little whimpers crawled out of her throat, loud to her ears.

"Shh, it's okay," Eric said softly. "The Dragon was defeated. You're safe now. Repeat after me."

"T-the Dragon was defeated. I-I-I-"

"You're safe now. It can't hurt you anymore."

"I-I'm safe now. I-It can't hurt me anymore."

"Okay. Have you finished crying?"

Valerie wiped at her face. Her eyes were scratchy and raw and her nose was running. She hiccupped once and gasped for breath.

"Calm down and breathe deeply."

Valerie breathed through her mouth, little puffs that slowly grew larger. She stopped hiccupping and she slowly stopped shaking.

"Good. Do you feel better now?"

She gave an "mm-hmm" as a response.

"If you ever have a nightmare again, repeat what you said earlier. And remember that you can call me at anytime," Eric said gently.

"Okay. Thank you. I love you Eric."

"Love you too kiddo. Now go drink some water. You need to rehydrate."

Valerie answered back with another hum and hung up. She felt better now. Her eyes still stung but she didn't need to cry. Her shakes were gone. She smiled slightly.

She walked away from the fountain and towards the kitchen. She needed a cup of water before she went to the bathroom. She still needed to wash her feet after all.

Valerie was the first to wake up that morning. She was still tired, but sleep evaded her once again. She didn't have a nightmare after falling asleep the second time though. Talking to Eric and listening to his instructions really helped her out. She would be fine, just like he said she would.

She yawned, getting up from her mat. She got out her folded monk robes and underwear and toothbrush and set off to the showers. If she was up, she might as well be the first to hog the hot water. She tiptoed past the dorms and into the showers adjacent.

Unlike the rest of the building the showers were tiled with red and black squares. There were wooden stalls lining the back, five in all, and in the front were porcelain sinks with mirrors. Next to them were blow dryers for drying hands. It was brightly lit and smelled lemony fresh like always.

There were hooks at the end of the stalls, so Valerie hung up her clothes there. She then brushed her teeth, using the toothpaste the Temple supplied. If there was one thing the monks didn't skimp on, it was personal hygiene.

Afterwards she stripped and washed herself, scrubbing away the remnants of the nightmare. She rubbed herself raw, her white flesh a soft pink by the time she was done. And then she used the shampoo and conditioner the temple supplied to wash her hair. It was greasy and probably smelled, after all.

Afterwards she toweled dry and changed quickly. Her hair was damp and heavy, water dripping from it. She activated a hand dryer and dried her hair that way. It was more economical than using her own hair dryer, even if it took a bit longer.

By the time she was done, the others were clamoring about, finally waking up from the land of sleep. Valerie quickly gathered her pajamas, put her towel and dirty laundry in the woven laundry basket in the back, and walked out the door.

It was just as she thought; the others were just waking up. Their eyes seemed bloodshot and their steps shaky. In other words, they were teenage zombies in the morning. Valerie smiled at how perfectly normal that was.

"Valerie! You are up early!" Omi said cheerfully as he walked up to her. He was already dressed in his monk robes-Valerie was convinced he slept in them- and unlike the others he wasn't sporting the zombie look so early in the morning. In fact, he was downright chipper.

"I couldn't sleep," Valerie said honestly. Raimundo, who had overheard, scoffed.

"After all the drama of the past two days, I slept like a rock."

"You sleep like a rock every day," Valerie said dryly. "Seriously, when was the last time you actually woke up to your alarm clock?"

"She's got you there, buddy," Clay joshed as he walked past.

"Seriously though, you should have slept more," Kimiko said in a motherly tone. She put a hand on Valerie's shoulder. "You sure you're okay?"

Flashes of the Sapphire Dragon and its sharp teeth flashed through her mind. She blinked them away and smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine." She then walked past and into her room. She could swear Raimundo and Kimiko were eyeballing her as she left.

Valerie quickly found her brush and combed out the tangles in her hair. It was a new day and the nightmare had passed. She had felt fear and squashed it with the help of Eric. She shouldn't fear again. It was implausible.

Valerie finished brushing and put her hair in a braid. She then grinned to herself. She must have looked like a loony, but she didn't care.

It was a new day. And that was more important.

"We have the day off?" Kimiko asked, bemused. The chopsticks stopped halfway to Valerie's mouth.

"Yes, young monks," Master Fung said calmly. "Ever since the night the Sapphire Dragon attacked, you have been stressed to your extremes. I believe a day off to replenish your energy would be most sufficient."

Omi gave a haughty laugh. "You must be joking, Master Fung! The others may be tired from their ordeals, but that is due to lack of training. I myself am more than energetic."

"That may be so, Omi, but even the strongest of warriors must occasionally rest."

"Woo-hoo, a day off!" Raimundo cheered before Omi could stammer out a response. "So, what are we doin'?"

"I wouldn't mind doin' some trick-ropin'," Clay mused as he polished off his overly large meal.

"You do that all the time," Kimiko complained. "How about we do something different from usual?"

As everyone pitched in ideas Valerie finished her breakfast, setting the chopsticks down neatly like Master Fung taught her. She had an idea-it seemed a little ludicrous, but it wasn't bad.

"How about we just go to the mall?" Valerie piped up. The room fell silent with contemplation.

"The mall? That's so normal," Raimundo scoffed.

"Yeah, but wouldn't some normalcy be good for us?" she pointed out. "We've been hunting magical artifacts all over the world to stop a great evil from taking over the earth. That's as abnormal as you can get. Why not for just one day act like normal teenagers?"

"Little lady does bring up a good point," Clay mused, rubbing his chin.

"I guess," Raimundo said slowly.

Kimiko threw her arms around Valerie. "I never thought I hear you actually offering to go shopping. I must be rubbing off on you."

"Don't get your hopes up," Valerie muttered under her breath.

Omi chose that moment to raise his hand. "Excuse me friends, but what is a mall?"

Ten minutes later, everyone was on Dojo's back heading to the biggest mall Canada had to offer: the West Edmonton Mall.

It took a while to explain the whole mall thing to Omi, even though he had already been in one when Katnappe had control of the Golden Tiger Claws. For him, shopping meant occasionally going to the market in the little village a ways from the Temple. An entire area the size of a small town dedicated to consumerism was beyond his comprehension.

"I can't believe I got roped into being chauffeur for you kids!" Dojo griped as he flew through the air.

"It was either that or stay at the Temple bored out of your mind," Valerie said. Clay high-fived her.

"Well, we're here," Kimiko said, practically salivating. And indeed they were. The giant city that was the West Edmonton Mall was beneath them. They could see through the skylight the giant pool and the amusement park Galaxyland.

Dojo whistled. "Impressive."

Omi's eyes bugged out exponentially. "It is a most glorious sight! It is like a city!"

"That's what we've been telling you," Raimundo said slowly. He was grinning though.

"So what do we do first?" Clay asked when the conversation dwindled.

"Shop," Kimiko said.

"Valerie, wear this dress!" Kimiko said happily. Her eyes were lit up, her rosy cheeks redder. Valerie never thought it possible, but the Asian girl looked even happier than normal. Combined with the orange plaid dress she found in Geneva and her black hair teased into pigtails, Kimiko looked like an insane grade school girl. She was obviously not to be trifled with.

Valerie quickly turned to the guys and mouthed, 'Help me!'

The boys looked at each other before mouthing back, 'No.'

Valerie gave a whimper as she shoved into a changing room. She had a bundle of clothes in her arms and a group of waiting friends on the other side of the door. She sighed stripped out of her jeans, her black Batman t-shirt, and yellow wristbands and put on the first dress she grabbed. It was a simple yellow sundress with spaghetti straps and a knee length hem. With her hair in its natural waves, Valerie thought she looked pretty good.

But when she showed herself to the others, their faces slowly turned into horror-filled disgust.

"Yellow is not a good color on you, girlfriend," Dojo said, flipping a hand dramatically.

"That color is most displeasing with your skin tone," Omi said seriously. The others nodded their heads in agreement.

That was the way the fashion show went: somehow, in some way, the outfits Kimiko picked out for Valerie didn't quite fit her. It was either too small, or the color was wrong, or it didn't fit right. By the end of the pile Valerie was tired and with nothing to show Kimiko.

"Sorry," she said to the Asian, even though she really wasn't.

Kimiko waved a dismissive hand. "No problem. There are about a million other stores." The elicited a groan from everyone else. Valerie could feel her eyes prick slightly.

"Excuse me, but may I use the changing room?" Omi asked politely. He was holding a white fur…something in his arms. Valerie raised an eyebrow as everyone else stared at the mass.

"Knock yourself out," Valerie said, opening the changing room door for him. Omi walked in and shut the door. He walked out a few minutes later covered in white fur coat with a hood. It completely covered his body from head to toe; the only thing out was his smiley of a face.

Everyone stood stock still. "Don't move," Raimundo said, barely moving his teeth. "It's attracted to movement."

"I am not a wild animal," Omi said haughtily.

"It's angry! RUN!" Clay shouted, and with that everyone ran away laughing.

Galaxyland was more fun than in the brochure. It had hundreds of rides, from giant to small. And all of them were easy enough for a reptile to sneak on.

With Dojo in his sleeve, Omi screamed at the top of his lungs as he, Raimundo, and Kimiko rode the loop-de-loop on their rollercoaster. Clay and Valerie had opted to stay with the bags full of clothes; they had hit more stores and everyone had ended up buying something. Valerie even found a light blue dress that fit her surprisingly well.

"You sure your okay, Val?" Clay asked her out of the blue. She started, the faintest hint of a shiver running down her spine.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you woke up earlier than everyone else, and you never do that."

"You noticed?"

"You argue with Raimundo about shower time every morning. Kind of hard not to notice."

"Good point," Valerie said. "But yeah, I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep is all."

"You sure?" Clay asked. "I mean, you get turned into a sapphire statue, fought Jack in a Showdown and won it, and you can't sleep? Seems a little farfetched to me."

-She could remember glaring at the monster, the beautiful, malevolent monster with great blue scales and indigo smoke billowing out of its mouth waiting to eat her up-

"I'm fine," Valerie insisted. "Why are you so concerned?"

"You're my friend…?" Clay seemed genuinely puzzled. "And I wasn't the only one wondering, if that's what's buggin' you."

"It was. Thanks," Valerie answered honestly as the others walked out of the rollercoaster ride.

"That was so awesome!" Kimiko giggled, face flushed with something akin to drunkenness.

"That was most exhilarating. And frightening," Omi added as an honest afterthought.

"You guys gotta go on a ride," Raimundo gushed.

"As long as I can keep my hat," Clay said happily.

"And after we go, we can go to the library," Valerie said giddily. The idea of all those books stacked on giant shelves, just waiting to read by her…

"Ride first. Library later," Raimundo told her. "Or bookstore, since it's a mall."

Valerie threw a finger in the air and shouted, "TO THE BOOKSTORE! EVENTUALLY!"

A day out at the mall. Not a bad way to spend a chapter; it gave me a lot of comedy material to work from. So what do you think?