Chapter 17: Angry Daddies and Kung Fu Cowboy Style
Holy crap, I nearly forgot to post this! The holidays have been great, but time tends to fly. Still, at least I got this out.
Hope you all had a great holiday!
The Temple seemed empty without Clay.
His dorm room was completely empty save for a single lonely mat in the middle of the floor. There was no tan rug with horses galloping across it. No cowboy hat resting on a wooden trunk. No cowboy to say strange hometown sayings to anyone who would listen. Sweet, bumbling Clay was gone, flown back to the coop in Texas.
The next day after lunch, the monks-in-training had to do the dishes, since it was a part of their chores and all. Valerie quickly scraped off any leftover food off the plates and into the trash bin. "Omi," she said in a monotone, handing the plate to him.
Omi sullenly dunked the dish into the soapy lukewarm water and scrubbed. He then handed the plate to the next person. "Kimiko."
She quickly wiped the soap scum off the plate. "Raimundo."
He wiped the plate clean with a washcloth. "Clay." But there was no cowboy to take the plate and put it away. The fragile china fell to the floor and broke apart with a loud crash. Everyone stared at the shattered remains as Dojo jumped onto the counter.
"Don't look at me," he said, even though no one was, "I got stubby little dragon hands."
Omi sighed heavily and staggered from the group, eventually sitting down. "I miss Clay," he said sadly.
"It's not really the same, is it?" Kimiko said.
"You can say that again," Raimundo said. "I can still make fun of Omi, but half the time he doesn't know I'm doing it."
"Kind of takes the fun out of making fun of someone, doesn't it?" Valerie asked rhetorically.
"I wonder what Clay is doing right-YOU MAKE FUN OF ME?!" Omi cried angrily.
"Bit of a late reaction there, little dude," Valerie said dryly, the ends of her mouth lifting up slightly.
"Man, I miss Clay," Raimundo said sadly in response to Omi's outrage.
"Too bad his daddy's such a stubborn cowboy," Kimiko pointed out.
"Yeah, but you gotta dig the man's style," Dojo said. "That tie slide thingy is-!" And then he started vibrating like a cell phone.
"What is it, Dojo?" Omi asked.
"I just realized why the Lone Star looked so familiar," the reptile explained. "It's the Star Hanabi!"
"I'm guessing that's a Shen Gong Wu?" Kimiko said dryly.
Dojo put his fist under his chin in a contemplative pose. "Yeah, it must be inactive. That's why I didn't notice before."
"But you just shook like you always do when a new Wu activates," Valerie pointed out. "Does that mean its active now?"
"Not yet," Dojo said reassuringly. "But I get the feeling that will soon."
"If the Star Hanabi activates, Jack and Wuya will be all over it like two flies on a sun-berry blossom!" Omi cried out. Everyone stared at him. Omi looked down dejectedly. "I miss Clay and his colorful metaphors."
"So that means we gotta go to Texas and get the Star Hanabi before anyone else does," Raimundo said.
"And hopefully get Clay to come back," Kimiko said optimistically.
Valerie looked down at the broken plate. "But before we do that, we should probably clean this up first."
In Texas
Valerie figured that since it was Texas and all, she would have to dress light. That was why she was wearing jean shorts, a white tank top and white sneakers and a white baseball cap to protect her head from the sun. Eric always said it was safer to dress in white than in black on a hot day.
Clay's ranch was actually a small tan ranch house in the middle of a desert, much like in a stereotypical Western. Patches of dark brown moved across the sand-the cattle, Valerie presumed. There was windmill near the house next to a cattle drive and Valerie could see the red farmhouse in the back.
"Ah, nothing like the open range, huh?" Dojo said pleasantly as he flew over the land. "They even got a cattle drive going on."
Omi peered over the side and happily pointed a finger at random cattle. "I will milk you, and you, and you…"
"Sorry to burst your milk bubble there, Omi," Kimiko said, "but those aren't milking cows. Those are more the 'get along little doggie' kind."
"Perhaps, but once I master the art of the milked cow, none shall be able to resist me!" Omi said confidently.
"Keep dreaming, little dude. Keep dreaming," Valerie said with an eye roll.
Upon descending the ranch-and scaring the living daylights out of Mr. Bailey-Clay joined his friends on the front porch to discuss the fate of the Star Hanabi. They told the story to Mr. Bailey, who walked away somewhat to think.
After a while he said, "I've never heard such hogwash!"
"But daddy," Clay protested, "they wouldn't lie to you."
"The Lone Star has been in the family since the first settler dug it up right here in 1849." Mr. Bailey sat back on the front porch easy back chair and grabbed a glass of iced tea. As he was drinking it, Dojo jumped onto the armrest and said:
"Yeah, but who do you think buried it there back in 549?"
"It is very dangerous to hold a Shen Gong Wu," Omi said patronizingly. "Once it becomes active, Jack Spicer, Wuya, and Hazel and Theo will stop at nothing to get it."
"It's for your own safety, daddy," Clay said.
"The only one who can take that star from me is Clay, and that's only after he proves he's a man," Mr. Bailey vowed. "A real, Texas man."
"But daddy-!"
Mr. Bailey slammed his glass down and stood up. "Tell you what: you wanna show me whatcha got, you move that herd down to the river," he ordered his son.
"Yeah, because following your orders will definitely prove his manhood," Valerie muttered under her breath. Mr. Bailey glared at her.
"Are you just going to stand there and question how I raise my own son? Or are you going to help out with those cows?"
"Ooh, a herd? Of cows?" Omi inquired happily. "I will finally master the art of the milked cow."
"Son, this ain't no dairy farm," Mr. Bailey said, this time glaring at him. "It's a beef ranch."
"There's ol' Bessie out in the barn," Clay pointed out quickly. "She's still a milker."
"All right, have at her." The adult jerked his thumb at the barn thirty feet away. "The rest of you can help Clay move that herd. Y'all start tomorrow, crack of dawn."
"Uh, I'm really more of a crack of noon guy myself," Raimundo joked sheepishly.
"And yet you still wake up early in the morning," Valerie deadpanned.
"Ah, but that's different," Raimundo told her. Then he saw the glare Mr. Bailey was giving him. "But dawn is cool too."
The day started with a rooster crowing in the distance. Like the farm wasn't stereotypical enough.
After a quick morning of running to the bathroom before Raimundo got to it-which was easy enough, he was still sleeping-Valerie emerged to see Kimiko holding a package out for her.
"What's this?" Valerie took the package and began to open it.
"I ordered some clothes for us before we left," Kimiko answered blithely. "Don't worry, I didn't make yours girly."
"How did this get here in the first place?" Valerie asked as she held up a small, tan cowboy hat. "There's no way this could have shipped out so quickly to the middle of nowhere."
The Asian girl held out her ever present phone. "Never doubt a rich girl."
Valerie gave her a look. Of course she didn't doubt a rich girl. She technically was one. Nevertheless she quickly changed and put her hair into its usual braid.
When Valerie emerged on the front porch, she could hear Dojo playing the guitar. He was singing a made up country tune, his fingers strumming along with it. Even though Dojo wasn't much a singer, Valerie thought it was a nice way to start the morning.
….And then a rattlesnake appeared and slithered up to Dojo with a lovesick look in her eyes. Valerie blinked and the green lizard was slithering as fast as he could down the range. His new lady friend quickly followed.
Valerie stepped through the doorway, her little cowboy hat situated nicely on her head. She was wearing a green plaid button up shirt with thick brown pants. The sides of her pants had some sort of tassels attached, lined up the side of her leg until they reached her thighs. Her tan cowgirl boots fit like a glove, though she had some trouble walking thanks to the heel. Kimiko had said they were only one inch high, but that was one inch higher than Valerie was used to.
"Well don't you look like a fine cowgirl," Clay complimented her as she walked onto the porch. Valerie did a little twirl to show off and nearly tripped over her heels.
"Not used to the boots though," she admitted, showing them off. "They're nice though. But not as nice as how Kimiko looks."
The Asian girl appeared, strutting out the door like a model. Her brown hair was teased into two side pigtails with a pink cowgirl hat nestled on her head. She had on a light blue dress with a miniskirt and short puffy sleeves with a white belt attached. She had on a pink vest and pink cowgirl boots to match her hat.
"Whoo-wee; that's a right pretty outfit, Kimiko," Clay complimented her.
"I told you," Valerie said.
"I may look amazing, but it's not my style," Kimiko pointed out. She tugged at the white lacy bands on her wrists. "But anything with sequins can't be all bad."
Raimundo chose that moment to stagger out the door. He looked especially like a real cowboy with jeans and chaps and high heeled cowboy boots. He had a belt with an oversized gold buckle and a black long sleeved shirt with a gray collar and a bolo tie was around his neck. He even had a small tan hat on his head, though it didn't match the cowboy décor.
"Aw, I feel silly," Raimundo gripped before yawning. "And sleepy too."
"Well, that's the life of a cowboy," Clay said tipping his hat. "Well, except the silly part."
"Clay!" Omi's muffled voice resonated off the porch. The little guy had an oversized hat on, the entire thing covering him so only his little legs poked out. He hit the side of the doorway before making his way to the others.
"I may need a smaller hat," Omi said more calmly. "Perhaps a six gallon?"
Clay gave an amused chuckle and snatched the hat off Omi. "We'll see what we can do about that Omi."
Like the rest of them, Omi was dressed for life on the range in jeans and butt chaps and kid sized boots. He had on an off-white shirt not unlike Clay's and a black vest and a red kerchief around his neck. He only needed the right hat to complete the look.
"Very well," Omi conceded. "Have fun on the ranch, cowpokes. Return thirsty for milk because I will be making buckets of them." He held up a metal bucket for emphasis.
Everyone left him to it. No one really wanted to burst optimistic Omi's bubble anyway. Not even Raimundo.
There was a special barn for the horses not too far away. Clay had said that they were well-trained and it would be easy for the city folk of the group to get on them. Clay never mentioned how big they were. Seriously, they were like giants in comparison to Clay. They looked friendly enough though.
Saddling them up was easy enough, but getting on the horses was a little tougher than expected. Clay had shown them how-one foot in the holster to bring up the other- but Raimundo still somehow fell flat on his face. Valerie had slightly better luck-she somehow slid off the saddle before she was situated. Because her foot was in the holster she just managed to fall on the ground on her back instead of her face like Raimundo.
"Need some help?" Clay asked already on his horse. He and Kimiko had been the only ones to actually mount their horses.
Valerie picked herself up and dusted off her clothes. "Hold on, let me try this again," she said while Raimundo grumbled wiping dust off his face. Valerie repositioned her foot in the holster and lifted up, her other leg stretching over the saddle. She landed easily, her rear end fitting into the saddle. She quickly put her other foot in its holster and grabbed the reigns. Suddenly she felt a twinge of pain in the middle of her forehead-the remnants of her concussion. She had swindled some pain medicine from Chan before leaving the Temple and had took a pill this morning. It had mostly done the trick-the pain was subsiding now-but she couldn't be too careful.
Once Raimundo was situated (with no more face plants into the ground) they led out onto the ranch. Valerie crinkled her nose as the smell of the beef ranch fully hit her. It didn't bother her much yesterday but now the full stink was oppressing her other senses. Still, she hurried her horse to catch up to Clay and the others so they could round up the cattle.
Clay did all the work, opening the wooden gate and letting out the dozens of bulls. Valerie sat back and watched as Clay easily directed them out.
"Alright ladies and gentlemen, let's get this cattle drive goin'!" Clay cheered, waving his hat.
Raimundo slumped against this horse. "Yeah, moving," he mumbled before letting out a loud snore. He leaned over his horse that moved out of the way. He slid towards the cattle, laying face up. He slept as the cattle carried him off.
"Rai, wake up!" Valerie shouted. Raimundo woke up, startled to find himself in the middle of all the cattle. He immediately got up and jumped towards them. He made kung-fu moves while landing on different bulls, cursing their existence all the way.
As he landed on the last bull, he faltered and lost his balance. He fell and landed on his butt in something brown and squishy. Valerie didn't need three guesses to know what it was.
Raimundo shuddered and said, "What did I just land in?"
Patiently containing his laughter, Clay answered, "That would be a cow pie."
"No," Raimundo countered. "I know pies. Pies have cherry or apple or rhubarb. THIS IS NO PIE!" He waved his hands angrily.
Valerie pursed her lips together to keep from laughing out loud. It really wasn't that funny; poor Rai was sitting in cow shit after all. But a mean, sadistic side to her wanted to burst out laughing at his misfortune. That ended as soon as the smell of said cow pie hit her nostrils. Yeah, she was too busy gagging to laugh.
About twenty minutes later-enough time for Raimundo to get back to the ranch to change his soiled pants and come back-the four of them led their horses to the start of the herd. They were supposed to lead them to the river. And then Clay opened his mouth and said:
"Oh, boy, we got a stray. Kim, Val, how about you go round 'im and we get the rest movin' for the river?"
"Uh, sure," Valerie said as her horse led her to the stray. At least the animal she was riding knew what it was doing. The same could be said for Kimiko's horse. Kimiko herself was on her PDA, looking up how to round up a stray cow.
Valerie tried circling her horse around the cow, which budged slightly. She had been eating some tufts of grass, and mooed, showing how annoyed she was of having to end her meal so soon.
…And then a lasso appeared on the cow's horn, tightening its cord around the bone. The end of the rope revealed Kimiko. She walked up to the cow and said with a grin, "I can't believe I just did that!"
Valerie gave a clap. "I'm impressed. Did Clay teach you?"
"Nope." Kimiko puffed out her chest proudly. "I learned by watching him." And then she got out her pink cell phone and speed dialed someone. "Keiko? It's me, Kimiko. I totally caught a cow!"
Valerie rolled her eyes, little ugly bits of jealously rising inside her; though it really shouldn't have bothered her. Kimiko often called her friends from Japan and talked to them during breaks at the Temple. It didn't bother Valerie so much then, since she had other people to talk to. And during those times she figured it would be best for Kim to catch up to friends from her hometown.
But now that they were alone, with no Rai or Clay or Omi to talk to, it really made Val see green. They rounded up a cow together. This was their shared experience, their memory. Keiko had nothing to do with it. Yeah, Kimiko should tell her friend this experience-it was only natural-but did she have to call her right in front of Valerie?
The cow was jerking at the rope slightly, making little grunting noises. Valerie snapped out of it in time to see the angry twinkle in the cow's eye. And Kimiko was oblivious, chattering away at her phone.
"Kim, watch out!" Valerie shouted, but it was too late. The cow ran off, pulling Kimiko along with her. Her phone fell to the ground as she was dragged along with the mischievous animal.
Valerie slid off her horse and picked the phone off the ground. She could hear a worried voice at the other end. She put the phone to her ear and said, "Kimiko's being dragged by the cow she caught. She'll have to call you back."
Putting the disconnected phone back in the knapsack attached to Kimiko's horse, Valerie got on her own horse and sped off to save her friend.
…A few yards of travelling later, she realized that Kimiko didn't actually need saving. The cow had been pulling her towards the river on her own accord; Kimiko and Valerie didn't actually need to round her up. Kimiko herself was standing upright, easily letting the cow drag her towards the river with the other dozens of bulls.
Valerie maneuvered her horse over to where Clay and Raimundo were. They were watching, dumbfounded, as the cow pulled Kimiko towards the water. Valerie's horse sidled up next to them and she said, "Not something you see every day."
Raimundo gave a start and nearly fell off his horse. "Don't do that!"
"Do what?" Valerie asked innocently.
"Don't sneak up on me!"
"Where's Kim's horse?" Clay asked. Valerie turned around to see the lone horse standing in the distance.
She gave herself a face palm for forgetting. "I'll go get it."
It didn't take very long to retrieve the horse. All Valerie had to do was circle around it and it followed her back to the river. When she returned, the cow had placed her snout into the water and Kimiko was walking away with it, a lasso in her hands.
"Got your horse," Valerie said when they arrived.
"Thanks." Kimiko quickly got on the horse. "Did you see my phone anywhere?"
"I put it in the pocket."
Kimiko got it out and immediately called Keiko. With pursed lips Valerie jerked her horse away from the Asian and made her way over to the boys.
"What's next?" she asked surly.
Clay led them down the river, surveying all the bulls that were drinking. About halfway down the line, Clay said happily, "We've got a heck of a good day's work, compadres."
Raimundo rubbed his backside. "Tell that to my saddle sores. Where's Omi with my milk?" He looked longingly back in the direction of the ranch.
Valerie furrowed her brow. "Did anyone ever teach Omi how to actually milk a cow?"
Kimiko, sans phone, immediately piped up. "It can't be that hard. You just pull the udders. Right?"
"Well, yeah, basically," Clay attested. "It's just common sense if you think about it."
"But Omi doesn't have common sense," Raimundo said slowly. Everyone stopped to ponder that for a moment before groaning loudly.
They heard Omi screaming before actually seeing him.
On their way back to the ranch, the four dragons-in-training saw the barn doors crash open suddenly. Yelling could be heard before a yellow blur shot through the sky. The four of them stopped their horses in time to see Omi land in front of them with a loud FUMP.
"You will be milked tomorrow!" he vowed waving a finger in the air.
"How did you not break any bones from that landing?" Valerie questioned out loud. "Hell, how did you not break any bones from Bessie kicking you? And how is she strong enough to send you flying fifty feet?"
"You just love asking questions don't you?" Raimundo muttered under his breath.
Omi stood up and dusted off his clothes. He clearly wasn't suffering from any bone fractures. "How are the cows?"
"All at the river, just like daddy wanted," Clay answered sullenly.
"Then the Star Hanabi is ours!" Omi cheered, flapping his arms excitedly.
"Well, I hope so. Daddy don't impress that easily." Clay's musing was cut short by Dojo slithering up to them, panting all the way.
"Guys! I've been looking all over the ranch for you!" he said quickly. "The Star Hanabi just went active!"
"Oh no." Clay reared his horse back so its front legs reached the sky. The horse neighed as the rider yelled, "Daddy!"
Jack Spicer was already there when the cavalry arrived.
Mr. Bailey had his arms tied by two Jack-Bots clutching him. The Star Hanabi was another robot's mechanical hands. And there was Jack in all his evil boy genius glory. Hazel and Theo were nowhere to be seen; Valerie guessed the whole Texas ranch thing wasn't really their scene.
"Daddy!" Clay yelled when he saw the predicament his father was in.
"Nice place you have here Clay," Jack said, holding up a giant blue orb. "Too bad about the sudden change in weather. Orb of Tornami!" Water spouted out of the orb and quickly flooded the ranch. Mr. Bailey and the two Jack-bots holding him were immediately swept away.
The horses were the second to go. Black water swept over Valerie's head, pushing her away from the horse. She could feel the frigid liquid wash over her, turning her fingers frozen. She stupidly let go of the reigns of the horse-though the horse couldn't save her, it would be nice to be anchored to something.
Valerie swam up to the surface, or at least she thought she was swimming up. She couldn't tell in this dark abyss. She was choking on water-she was drowning even though she was swimming to safety she was drowning-the water was so cold-
Valerie hit something hard. Her back ached from the impact and she let out the little air she was holding in her mouth. She was choking again, the water seeping down her throat when something pulled her up. Her head broke out and she spluttered out the water. Coughing for air she latched on to her savior as he pulled her up high into a tree.
"I can't feel my arms," Raimundo deadpanned as Valerie clutched to him in an iron grip. As Valerie regained her senses she could see that he was trying very hard not to smirk. Valerie looked down and saw why: she was practically in Raimundo's arms.
If Valerie were a heroine in a romance novel, she might have blushed furiously and pushed the hero away. The hero would smirk and say something witty that would make the heroine blush even more. Or maybe the heroine would fall into the hero's arms and wait out the flood.
Valerie looked right into Raimundo's eyes and asked, "Is this really the time for a joke?"
Raimundo blinked, getting a good look at her calm, pale face before saying, "I guess not." He looked confused, like Valerie had just destroyed a romantic scene in a movie. And she probably did.
Then they saw Kimiko's head bobbing in the waves and the moment broke apart. Raimundo immediately flipped over the branch and held out his arms. "Grab my hand!" he shouted and he pulled Kimiko up. Valerie helped her on the branch. She herself moved farther up the tree, trying not to shiver.
"Where's Clay and Omi?" she asked worriedly. And then she looked out in front of her. There was Omi standing on a pillar of water, facing off against Jack Spicer himself.
"Jack Spicer, did you honestly think you could beat me with my own Xiaolin element?" he said pompously. And then he heard a mooing from not too far away. "Ol' Bessie!" he cried, and he immediately leaped off his pillar to save the poor cow.
"Is this really the time Omi?" Valerie shrieked as Omi leaped across the water like kung-fu action Jesus.
"Hey, that's cheating!" Jack yelled. Valerie turned her head in time to see Clay dive into the black water. Valerie didn't know what happened, but she was guessing that Clay somehow knocked the Star Hanabi out of Jack's hands.
"JACK-BOTS, ATTACK!" Jack cried before diving into the water himself. Dojo, in all his gigantic scaly glory, decided to hover near the tree.
"Need a lift?" he asked pleasantly. Kimiko jumped onto his back.
"Anyone else?" she asked. Valerie turned to look at the offending robots. There were many; one was gliding by the tree just this second. She jumped on it and put her hand over its eyes.
Kimiko got the drift. She jumped on another Jack-Bot and covered its eyes as well. The two robots steered towards each other, flying rapidly as they neared-they were getting closer and closer-Valerie smirked-
Valerie jumped off before impact and fell into the water. The robots exploded sending a giant puff ball of red smoke into the air. Valerie poked her head out of the cold water in time to see Kimiko on Dojo's back. Valerie did her best front stroke towards land-or the barn at least.
And then she saw Omi flying off the roof of the barn like a cannon shot. He screamed defiantly as he attacked the blockade of Jack-Bots.
A stray Jack-Bot glided over the water towards her. Valerie grinned and grabbed onto it, letting it pick her out of the water. It was going back to the swarm-she was nearing a Jack-Bot-she had her fist pulled back-
"LET'S GO: XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!" And so the world was lost in a flash of light. Valerie could feel herself being pulled away, the water suddenly evaporating off her. And then she was standing on a small haystack with her friends in her dry Xiaolin robes. She saw Clay and Jack standing on their own haystacks, facing an enormous mound of hay in the middle. A barn happened to be on top of it, which had its own cow.
"Bessie?" Mr. Bailey said, stupefied. "You've been remodeling?"
Two empty saddles soared over to the opponents. Clay immediately hopped onto his while Jack refused. The saddle went in between his legs and lifted him up anyway. Both contestants hovered near the top of the haystack where the barn was.
"GONG YI TAN PAI!" the two boys shouted and then they flew headfirst into the haystack and out of sight.
"You know, if they're going to be hidden in that haystack for the entire Showdown, this is going to be really boring," Raimundo noted out loud.
"Well, the Showdown is based off the needle in the haystack game," Valerie deduced, "so both of them have a fifty-fifty chance of winning. And since they both have Wu on them it'll definitely speed up the searching process, making the actual Showdown very short."
"While that is all very logical, you must remember this is a Xiaolin Showdown," Omi pointed out. "Logic does not always apply."
Valerie opened her mouth to say something only to realize that he was right. She groaned. "I hate it when you're right." Omi simply grinned.
Clay and Jack shot out of the other end of the haystack. "Check the bottom, Clay!" Mr. Bailey called. "It's gotta be at the bottom!"
Clay headed straight for the bottom and dived into the hay with Jack in tow. The cowboy shot out and said, "It's not there!"
"You ain't even dug there yet! A pitchfork, somebody get him a pitchfork!" Mr. Bailey ordered, balling his huge hands into fists. The teenagers cowered away from the angry father. Well, all except Valerie, who gave him the stink eye.
"You're not helping."
Angry Mr. Bailey reared his head at her. "I've had just about enough of you!"
"I'll stop talking when you let Clay fight his own battles instead of treating him like a little boy!" Valerie shot back. Mr. Bailey seethed before turning back to the Showdown. Valerie could feel someone jerk her away from the older man.
"What are you doing?" Kimiko hissed, eyeing Mr. Bailey to see if he heard. His eyes were glued to his son in the Showdown. "Do you want to get him angry?"
"He's already angry."
"You know what I mean!"
"Someone has to knock sense into him," Valerie growled. She felt someone tap the back of her head. She blinked and turned around to see Raimundo.
"Ah, but no one ever said it had to be you," he said patronizingly before turning back to the Showdown. Valerie huffed and followed suit.
Mr. Bailey suddenly got his wish; Clay was getting his pitchfork. Except there were a whole swarm of them with red devil wings attached. And they were flying straight at Clay. The cowboy yelled, "Whoa Nelly!" before flying back towards the haystack with all those pitchforks after him.
"Stop wasting time with the little guy!" Mr. Bailey roared at his son. "Cowboy up boy!"
"I'm trying!" Clay yelled back. "Serpent's Tail!" He suddenly disappeared into the haystack.
"No, you're doin' it all wrong!" Mr. Bailey shouted.
"And I thought soccer dads were bad," Dojo muttered from the floor.
Clay was back outside the haystack, since he couldn't use the Serpent's Tail to actually get the Shen Gong Wu. And then he got intercept by Jack, who knocked him off his saddle. Clay fell off and painfully fell on an oversized roll of hay.
Jack got out the Orb of Tornami and sent water spurting from it. It was washing away the haystack, flooding the void beneath it with drowned hay. Valerie could see a tiny flash of gold in the muck-the Star Hanabi.
Apparently Clay saw it as well, since he rapidly got on his saddle.
"No time to diddle-dally son, get in there!" Mr. Bailey ordered him. Suddenly Clay flew over to his father, all traces of his usual kindness gone.
"Daddy," he began, his voice frosty, "I love you, but if you don't mind, zip your yap and let me get the job done my way!"
Mr. Bailey gasped, a look of pure shock crossing over his face. And then he grinned, puffing out his chest with pride.
Valerie blinked. Did Clay really stand to his father? And his father didn't yell at him? She looked at proud Mr. Bailey. Yep, it was real all right.
She fell to her knees and threw up her fists in victory. "FINALLY!"
Everyone stared at her like she was crazy-which really wasn't all that new at this point. And then Kimiko wedged herself in between the two Baileys and said, "Clay, I know this is a big daddy and son moment and all, but…" she pointed at Jack, who was this close to getting the Star Hanabi.
Clay quickly flew over the water to Jack. He got out his trusty lasso and threw it at Jack just before his evil little hands could touch the Wu. And then he threw him towards the barn, where Ol' Bessie was sitting on the roof.
Just before Clay got the Star Hanabi out of the foul water, Ol' Bessie mooed loudly before kicking Jack off the roof. And then a white light washed over everything and the Showdown ended.
But not before Clay held up his prize and grinned. "And that's how we do it kung fu cowboy style."
That last line was actually in the episode. It was too awesome not to write. XD
Also, if you know GanXingba's "Avatar: the Abridged Series" then you totally get the kung fu Jesus part. And if you don't know it, I highly suggest watching the show. It's pretty funny.
So, thoughts?