The life of a pizza delivery cat is a double-edged sword – on the one hand, Speedy would have a lot of down time, and never have to worry about being dragged into the kitchen or manning a register. On the other hand, there would be times when he was required to deliver thirty large pepperoni pizzas, five boxes of spicy Buffalo wings, three servings of garlic bread, and two large Pepsis in one trip, all of them haphazardly piled together in a jet-propelled pizza delivery wagon.
"Geez, this place is giving me some serious slasher movie vibes," Speedy said to Francine through his walky-talky as he arrived at the drop zone.
"No one else has told you yet, Speedy, but cut it out with the pop culture references," Francine said. "This isn't an Anime dub from the '90s anymore, you know."
Speedy winced, not because of the insult, but rather due to the shock of Francine not cutting a rhyme for a single, solitary sentence. Nevertheless, he could still feel eyes on him as he wove his way through a path made treacherous by piles of bloated garbage bags infested with rats who were likely all connected to the Italian mob in some way or another, the thought of which reminded him of the movie Goodfellas.
The urge for him to vocalize a movie reference, despite Francine's advice, was simply too strong.
"Geez, if only Little Tokyo's Public Sanitation Department…could run as smoothly as that…track…shot from—"
A pair of talons clasped around his mouth suddenly, and to his detriment do so, just before he could finish indulging in his carnal urge to refer to a thing that happened in an intellectual property with immeasurably more worth than the one he exists in.
"Looks like you're late…I take back what I said about your customer service earlier!"
'Green Bird' from the Cowboy Bebop OST starts to play in the background, as a cloth was pressed against Speedy's nose and mouth, carrying with it an overpowering citrusy aroma.
Speedy's entire body went numb just as soon as he recognized the scent.
The last thing he saw, through fluttering eyelids before going unconscious, was a pack of rats that had scrambled out of their trash mounds and began to shoot at one another with their little tommy guns, in contest of the disavowed delivery wagon. The high-pitched squeaks and squeals of those slain were a terrifying thing to behold; enough to stick with a cat for the rest of his nine lives…
Green Bird fades out, as we are left with the dramatic shot of a black feather for some reason, and perhaps several questions.
Francine slammed her walky-talky against the counter and tried to establish a connection with him again, but there was only dead silence as the Pizza Cats crew huddled together in the kitchen, watching with bated breath.
"Looks like someone caught the cat's tongue this time," Guido said. The others simply glared at him until he slinked away, as unamused as any sane person would be by a cheesy cat pun.
Police and ambulance sirens blared outside – first responders to the chaos that ensued as a result of Lucille's aforementioned accidental prison break. All manner of murderers, arsonists, bandits, and Mormons were turned loose, and before long started wreaking havoc across the entire city because that's how generic criminals in children's shows operate.
The Samurai Cat crew's first exposure to this came in the form of a blue hedgehog retiree bursting through the doors with frantic expression, only to be felled by a hatched thrown to the back of his head.
"No shirt, no shoes, no service!" Francine said, pointing to the assailant. "Nice of you to get blood all over my floor – it's totally not like I just had this place refurbished!"
Standing in the door way was a raccoon dude with fresh blood sprayed across his bare chest and noh theater mask, upon the forehead of which was scrawled 'God,' so he will henceforth be referred to as Edgy Idiot.
"Is it Purge time again already?" Polly said.
Bad Bird whipped out a handgun and shot at Edgy Idiot until he dropped, then casually threw the gun away, to never be seen nor heard from again, I guarantee you.
"No one saw me with a gun today," Bad Bird said, to which Polly discretely responded with a gang sign.
"…anyway, since Speedy's gone, that makes me the leader," Guido said as he lunged over the front counter and started for the door. "I say we forget about lunch hour! The city needs us—"
The hordes of customers formed a wall to block him off.
"I mean, let's be sure to fill our valuable customer's orders so they'll have enough energy to defend themselves out there on the wastes of what was once civilization…hahaha…"
Francine was torn. On the one hand, as the manager of the establishment she couldn't possibly turn away so many hungry, visibly non-health conscious customers under any circumstances, but to see Guido and the others as they shuffled back into the kitchen with their tails between their legs, metaphorical and physical alike, she knew that it was her responsibility as their friend to act.
Quickly seizing the intercom microphone, she announced before the first spark in an oven rekindled: "Pizza Cats and Birds get to the launcher, a horde of happy customers I alone shall conjure!"
Everyone started clapping, just like they do in those Tumblr posts about kids who stand up to the supposedly outdated worldviews of their elders at toy stores. Even Edgy Idiot, whose lifeless body that was still splayed out across the floor and oozing blood from multiple fatal bullet wounds, was temporarily reanimated just so he could join in.