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After getting all his pent up feelings out - Jeff desperately needed to see his boys. He was now following his mother down the hallway, apparently to where his boys were. John and Virgil had been moved to the same room as neither of them were in critical condition and it's more of a waiting game from here on out. Jeff assumed the doctors thought it would be easier for them as a family to be closer together. It certainly relieved him that his boys would never be left on their own.

This whole experience really was a wake up call for him. He hadn't been spending nearly enough time with his boys lately. Not since Lucille actually. That broke his heart a little. She would be so disappointed in him. So disappointed he'd let it get this far. He had promised her he'd always look after their sons and now he'd let her down.

Honestly, he hadn't even realised how detached he'd become. Looking back now he saw how blind he had been - how he saw his boys only a fraction of how much he did before the accident. Now he might not even get the chance to fix that.

Too absorbed in his thoughts, he almost walked into his mothers back as she suddenly stopped. They must have reached their destination and Jeff had to take some deep breaths as he stared at the closed door in front of them. He didn't move to open it though. This is what he'd been waiting for. He needed to see his children. So why couldn't he open the door?

His hand rested on the handle yet he couldn't will it to move. Another hand rested on top of his startling him back to reality.

"Come on Jeff dear"

His mother gently pushed down his hand opening the door and nudging him through at the same time.

His eyes focused onto the two beds in the dimly lit room. He could already feel the tears building up in his eyes but he refused to let them fall he had to stay strong for his boys.

His eyes landed on the bed closest to the door. Walking closer he immediately identified John - not that the figure on the bed looked anything like his usually vibrant son.

He was lying on his back, eyes closed with white hospital sheets pulled up to his chest. Everything looked very neat but to Jeff it only reminded him of a corpse and that was an image he never wanted to associate with his son. From the small part of his face Jeff could see, his skin was white as a sheet. However, the most alarming feature was the tube at his mouth - just the thought that it travelled all the way down his throat made Jeff gag slightly. It was attached to a large machine next to him and it was hard to think this piece of metal was breathing for his son. Keeping his boy alive. How had it come this?

Johns arms, which were visible on top of the bed sheets, were laced with small cuts - the bigger of which had been dressed in white bandages. His finger had a clip connected to a machine showing his pulse, the steady beeping was like music to his ears.

Jeff choked back a sob as he brushed his second eldest sons hair back. John didn't react to the touch at all. "You're going to be okay, Johnny"

He knew that statement was more for him than his unresponsive son but Jeff found just the physical contact was helping him see his boy was alive and well. The warmth of his forehead - not alarmingly high just enough to assure him his son was okay. He kissed the top of his head before moving towards his other son. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his mother taking his place by Johns bed.

Everything seemed so quiet. So deathly quiet.

Seeing his third born son up close was terrifying. Virgil lay, much the same as John, on his back, white bed sheets tucked up to his chest. He didn't need any machines like John, just the clip on his finger - the beeping clashed with Johns and soothed Jeff's nerves more than he could say.

Despite the absence of machines, Virgil did not look any better than John. His head was wrapped with a stark white bandage pulled tight around his forehead. There was already crimson red blood seeping through the right side of the bandage. He was so pale - highlighted by the darkness of the blood.

Realisation hit him like a brick wall.

Virgil shouldn't be here like this. He should be at his recital, with his family supporting him. His whole family.

Virgil was so like his mother, taking after her with his musical talents and his artistic side. Jeff still remembered the days when Lucille would sit down with a 5-year-old Virgil at the piano, trying to teach the young boy 'chopsticks'. It had been amusing in the beginning, Virgil was, as you would expect of a 5-year-old, not very good but he was so enthusiastic. None of the other boys had shown an interest in music besides listening to their mother play.

Virgil would be dragging Lucy to the piano every chance he got and she was so happy. God, Lucy was so good with the boys - she always knew what to do. Virgil showing such an interest in the piano always put the best smile on her face. I thought it was a phase, that he would lose interest soon enough but she always saw the potential in him and soon enough he did get better.

The first time he played through chopsticks perfectly, Jeff could have sworn Virgil was happy for an entire week after that. Lucy was so proud.

She would have been so proud of him today as well. She would have made an entire day out of this recital. She'd have been helping him practice all week. She would have calmed his nerves the morning before. She would have done everything he didn't. They all would have gone. They'd have gone out for dinner afterwards to celebrate. It was the family Jeff wished they still were. The family they still should be.

She would be so disappointed. Jeff could almost feel her gaze on him now. Not harsh - just sad. He had let her down. Not just today. Since the accident. He had been letting down his family for months.

He was scared to touch Virgil head. He just looked too fragile. Needing contact he elected to take hold of his hand. Grasping it tightly he whispered "I'm so sorry Virgil, when we get through this I promise I'll do better."

It was all he could do at the moment.

And then silence was too much for him. The hospital. Everything. It was all reminding him of Lucy's accident. The hours he'd spent waiting here before she finally passed.

There was nothing they could do they had said.

You need to say goodbye they had said.

It hadn't quite registered with Jeff at the time and he was sure he'd made quite a scene arguing with the hospital staff. Demanding that they do something.

But of course, they couldn't.

She didn't have a chance.

Determination filled him. His boys did have a chance. He was going to support them as best he could until they got through this. They were all getting through this. Whatever it took. One thing was for sure, he wasn't going back to work. Not until his boys were up and healthy again. The company would have to manage without him for a while.

Giving Virgil's hand a last squeeze, Jeff stood. "I need to see the others"

His mother looked sympathetically at him, he imagined quite a few of his emotions were present on his face "Of course, they're just in the next room on the right."

Jeff nodded and headed for the door. He knew his mother would stay and keep an eye on John and Virgil. He honestly didn't know how he'd managed without her for so long - well he guessed, he hadn't.

He followed the instructions to another closed door. Recalling the awful sight from the last room he took a deep breathe. Thankfully, it wasn't needed and he found himself smiling as he walked in. In contrast to the gloomy, silent room he'd just exited - this one seemed brighter as his ears immediately picked up the sounds of his youngest.

"Alan! I had it first!"

"Noooooo...I'm the doctor!

"No you're not, you're too little"

"Am not!"

Alan and Gordon seemed to be fighting over what looked like Scott's medical file. Scott himself lay in the bed with a pillow pressed against his face, the noise was obviously too much for him. Jeff chuckled lightly to himself.

What he didn't expect was for the vibrant environment to suddenly become bleak as his children noticed his presence. Alan and Gordon froze, file falling to the floor between them as they stared up at him like deer caught in a headlight. Scott shot up, removing the pillow from his face simultaneously. Jeff could see his expression change quickly from pain - probably the concussion after sitting up too quickly - confusion and then shut down completely.

Jeff hated that this was the reaction he provoked from his children just by entering the room. How had he not noticed before? That his children no longer felt comfortable around him. It broke his heart - the looks on all his sons faces like he was some monster. He supposed he should have expected it - he had been a monster lately.

He waited to see if anyone was going to say anything, but when they didn't he moved fully into the room and decided to start simple "Are you boys alright?"

Scott shifted on the bed and almost whispered "Since when do you care?"

Jeff sighed. He had hoped not to start off like this but apparently Scott was determined not to make it easy for him.

He moved closer to Scott's bed "Scott...I've always cared."

Scott just snorted "You've got a funny way of showing it"

"I know I've not been around much lately but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere"

Scott finally looked up at him and Jeff could see tears shining through the hatred in his eyes "Much? You've not been here at all!"

Jeff faltered slightly, Scott's voice was filled with anguish and he didn't look much better. His head was tightly bandaged and his skin was practically grey, the dark circles under eyes revealed how worn out he was.

"I know Scott and I'm sorry...That's all going to change now" he tried to reach out a had to Scott but he deflected the attempt.

"You don't just get to pick and choose when you decide to become a member of this family!"

"Scott..."

"No! We don't need you coming in here acting like our dad again. I don't want everyone getting their hopes up just to be disappointed by you again! What's going to happen when you bugger off to another meeting at work instead of looking after your kids?"

Scott was hitting the issue right on the nose and Jeff could feel his temper rising "That's enough Scott"

"No it's not because it's true and you know it. You're just going to end up abandoning us again and I'm going to be left to pick up the pieces!"

"Let's not forget why we're here Scott" Jeff growled. It had come out before Jeff even realised he'd been thinking about it. Did he blame Scott? He hadn't before. But he had told them to get the bus. Why was Scott driving in the first place?

Scott looked sullen and deflated slightly, he all but choked out "I-It was an accident"

Jeff liked the fact that he seemed to be back in control and kept with the direction of the conversation.

"Why were you driving Scott?" Jeff's voice was rising without him even being aware of it "You don't have a licence" He was just shouting now "Of all the stupid! Immature! things you could have done Scott. What were you thinking?!"

Scott face was streaked with tears as they now fell freely "I-I didn't think this would happen"

Jeff was livid. Pictures of John and Virgil flashing through his "That's right Scott - You didn't think did you? You just endangered all you little brothers life's without thinking. It's your fault-"

The door burst open. "What on earth is going on in here!?"

Grandma Tracy caught one glance of Scott's tear streaked face and turned a darkened look towards her son. "Outside. Now."

Jeff had the common sense not to argue with that tone and sullenly left the room.

Grandma Tracy turned back to the room and spoke softly "Don't you worry Scott, why don't you get some rest." She then turned to the younger occupants of the room who had watched the confrontation quietly from the corner of the room. Alan had slight tear tracks running down his face and was clinging onto Gordon for dear life.

Grandma Tracy said in a not-so-quiet whisper "Why don't you two go and give Scotty a hug, I think he needs one."

Scott heard the suggestion loud and clear but the little ones felt like they'd been given a secret job and scrambled to get up onto the bed with Scott. He embraced the warmth of the hug with a slight sob, glad to have to comfort.

Satisfied Grandma Tracy left the room to deal with her son.

To be continued...