Chapter 25: Clone Wars and the Queen of the Jungle
For anyone who's curious, yes, Valerie guessed when she thought Jack had an evil clone. She does read a lot, so in a world full of magic and science and wonder, everything's fair game (in her opinion, anyway).
Happy Easter, everyone!
Valerie put herself in a boxing position and started to hit the punching bag. She used light taps first, getting her bearings in before really laying into it. Eric always told her that for boxing you had to pace yourself, hold out so you would be prepared for all the matches that came. Using lighter punches first was always a good way of testing your opponent, and if you had a lot of stamina, it would help prepare you for the later, tougher matches.
After a minute of light tapping, Valerie really got into it, putting all of her strength into her punches. And then she jumped and twisted in midair, using martial arts to kick the punching bag. Kicking wasn't allowed in normal boxing, but since she was one of the few people capable of stopping Jack Spicer from taking over the world, some pragmatic dirty fighting was certainly allowed.
Once Valerie was in the zone, it was nearly impossible to talk to her. While she could vaguely hear Kimiko and Clay using Shen Gong Wu in their fight against each other, she didn't bother to look over at their progress. It was only her and the punching bag.
And then suddenly, the punching bag was gone. It took a moment for that to sink in-she was really in the zone-but the second she blinked her eyes the punching bag was thrown at her, hitting her in the face. She flew backwards, skidding over the pavement as she landed. She groaned and got back up, holding her sore face. When she finally blinked and looked over at the punching bag, she saw that it was innocently lying on the ground.
Valerie got up and made her way over to Clay and Kimiko, who were no longer fighting it out with Wu. Clay took a glass and dunked it in the fountain. While he was drinking the pristine water, Valerie asked, "What happened with you guys?"
"Our Shen Gong Wu are gone," Kimiko said sounding surprised.
"And I got attacked by a punching bag," Valerie said. "Think its Jack?"
"But how?"
Master Fung chose that moment to walk up to them. "As soon as the user brings forth the power of the Shard of Lightning, he can move so fast no one can see him. But the powers of the Shard only last as long as the flash of lightning."
"So we're basically looking for Speedy Gonzales with a magic twist. Great," Valerie added sarcastically.
Suddenly Omi screamed and everyone came running to his rescue. He and Raimundo had been training on the bridge, only now Rai was drenched with water and with a bucket over his head. And poor Omi had his shoes nailed to the wooden boards of the bridge, his pants around his ankles. And from the way he had screamed, Valerie was guessing he had a squirrel in his hands. He never did like those critters.
And then they saw it: two Jack Spicers' at the end of the bridge. Valerie stared in disbelief as Raimundo got the bucket off his head and exclaimed obviously, "Wait, there are two Jacks'?"
She didn't even bother to call him out on being obvious. That was how shocked she was.
Omi summed up her feelings best though. He brought his hands to his head and said, "My head is filled with much confusion."
"We're going to take all the Shen Gong Wu," the Jack on the right announced.
"And there's nothing you Xiaolin losers can do to stop us," the Jack on the left agreed. His voice sounded more metallic than the usual Jack's. This Jack and the other Jack then high-fived before bringing up the Shard of Lightning for all to see. The orb of the Wu glowed as they shouted, "Shard of Lightning!" and disappeared.
"Unbelievable!" Kimiko drawled out. "Looks like Jack has created another robot. This time one who gets his jokes!"
"But how can they both use the Shen Gong Wu at the same time?" Omi asked.
"As long as they are both touching the Shard as it is activated, they can both use its power," Fung explained. Suddenly an orb of light appeared in front of them, revealing the two Jacks'. Both had their arms filled with magical artifacts.
"We got your Shen Gong Wu!" The two of them laughed evilly.
As everyone stared at them slack-jawed, Omi said, "This is the worst thing ever."
"Shard of Lightning!" the Jacks' said, disappearing. Suddenly they all saw a carpenter saw appear out of the wood they were standing on. The saw rapidly cut a circle out of the bridge, getting them within its grasp. And then everyone except Master Fung fell through the floor and down into the small creak underneath the bridge.
As Valerie coughed up water, she said, "You spoke too soon, Omi."
At the now empty Shen Gong Wu Vault
As Omi walked up the stone steps of the vault, he announced, "Jack and his evil robot twin have taken most of the Shen Gong Wu."
Valerie, now much calmer, drawled out, "Evil twin, huh? I wonder who called that." She turned to Raimundo, who angrily stuck his tongue out at her.
Dojo popped out of Omi's robes and said, "Remember: it is better to have lost a Shen Gong Wu than never to have won one at all."
"No it isn't," Kimiko pointed out, a smile on her face.
The reptile shrugged. "I didn't have much time to prepare." And then he started to vibrate. Everyone looked expectantly as he slithered to the floor.
"Another Shen Gong Wu has activated!"
"Excellent!" Omi cried out dramatically, bringing his hands in for a cool pose. "This is perhaps out last chance to defeat Jack, and…uh, Jack!"
"We really need to come up with a different name for Jack 2.0," Valerie pointed out flatly.
"Why don't we just call him that?" Clay asked.
She thought for a moment. "Nah, it's kind of a mouthful."
It didn't take long for them all to change and ride Dojo to another jungle. Seriously, what was with all these jungles? Didn't Dashi have a better idea on where to hide the Shen Gong Wu? Hell, he once hid a Wu in Whitechapel and another in a forbidden temple. You'd think he'd have some more imagination.
Dojo quickly spotted the Jacks' and landed right in front of them. Once everyone was off, they all stood facing each other in a Mexican standoff.
Kimiko went for a speech. "You may have defeated us once-!"
"Uh, twice," Omi interrupted. "Just to be accurate." He flashed a giant grin.
Kimiko put her fists on her hips and sighed exasperatedly. "Whatever."
Raimundo climbed on top of Omi's head and waved an angry fist at the evil Jacks. "But that doesn't mean you're going to win against us now!"
"Oh yeah?" Jack 1 scoffed. "Well we have more Shen Gong Wu!"
"And all the good one liners!" Jack 2 added. Both Jacks blew a raspberry at them.
"Just try to catch us!" they both said at the same time. "Jack-Bots, attack!" Instantly their robot posse appeared in droves.
"Seismic Kick: Earth!" Clay stomped the ground, dust popping up. Cracks appeared in the earth, hot air erupting from the ground. The robots aimed for Clay were instantly blown away.
Kimiko did a cool pose and yelled, "Judolette Flip; Fire!" She flipped forward, dodging laser blasts aimed at her. Once she was standing on her two feet, she lifted her hands. Rings of fire left them, and she flipped through the robots like an acrobat, the fire hitting the Jack-Bots as she escaped the damage.
Raimundo was high in the sky, practically floating on the wind currents. "Typhoon Boom; Wind!" he shouted, clapping his hands together and sending a sonic blast at the robots after him. They all exploded, their metal limbs falling to the ground.
A circle of Jack-Bots went around Omi. "Tornado Strike; Water!" Instantly he was a spinning top, a funnel of water appearing around him. It reached up, high into the sky before falling back down as a tidal wave. The Jack-Bots hit fell apart instantly.
Valerie went after the two Jacks', who were running away. She figured that they sent the robots as a distraction-one that worked- so instead of fighting them herself, she just went after the evil boy genius and his evil robot twin. She knew the others could handle themselves; she didn't have to worry.
Valerie made her way silently through the jungle, always staying at least twenty feet behind the enemy at all times. She hid behind bushes and trees, dodging twigs that poked out of the grass. The Jacks' never heard her. They were two engrossed in their quest.
Suddenly her phone rang, revealing the Beatles tune, "Hello Goodbye" she chose as her ringtone. Valerie grabbed the phone out of her pocket and hit the ignore key. She stayed behind the tree she was hiding behind, her heart rate speeding up. With sweat on her brow she peered over at the Jacks', but they didn't seem to notice her. They had stopped for a moment, but then they started walking again, more interested in the Wu than some random noise.
Valerie turned back to her phone. Kimiko had called her, nearly alerting the bad guys of her location. Not that Valerie could blame her; she did run off on her own. She quickly sent a text: Following Jack. Meet up soon. Hopefully that would tide them all over until she found the activated Shen Gong Wu.
Suddenly she heard Katnappe's voice. "Great, there's two of them!" she drawled sarcastically. "Another whiner."
"I am not a whiner!" the two Jacks' whined.
"Forget about them!" Wuya roared from the trees. "Find the Shen Gong Wu!"
Katnappe jumped down from the branch she was on and landed in front of the Jacks'. "Go away Jack."
"You talking to me?" Jack 1 pointed to himself.
"Or are you talking to me?" Jack 2 asked.
Katnappe hissed. "Both of you! Beat it!"
The Jacks started to act like small children. "Both of you! Beat it!"
Katnappe gave them a weird look. She then hissed and gave chase, the Jacks' running away from her as they searched for the Shen Gong Wu.
Valerie blinked before running after them from behind. She didn't hide this time; Katnappe and the Jacks' were clearly engrossed with each other. And from what she could see from twenty feet away, the boys were doing a good job of distracting the cat lady, so no one noticed her tailing them.
And then Katnappe stopped in her tracks and began to leave. Valerie couldn't hear what she and Wuya were arguing about, but apparently Katnappe's tolerance level for evil stopped at listening to Jack and his evil twin. Who could blame her?
As Wuya tried schmoozing up to one of the Jacks', Valerie once again hid behind a tree, catching her breath. When she peered over at the two boys again, she saw them looking up at a tree. From Valerie's vantage point, they were looking at something silver and shiny. The Shen Gong Wu, she presumed.
Valerie snuck to the sides, darting from behind bushes and trees as the Jacks' and Wuya argued it out. She didn't care to hear what they were talking about; she was more concerned with getting the Wu. Once she was near the tree, she shimmied up the trunk as sneakily as she could and reached an arm out for it.
But then the two Jacks' started climbing the tree. "Hey, how did you get here?" one of them cried out. Valerie quickly grabbed the plane-like Wu and brought it to her chest, protecting it.
"I would not count my ducks before they have emerged from their shells!" Omi voice rang out from the ground, once again brutally murdering modern slang.
"That wasn't even close," she heard Raimundo gripe.
"Omi, catch!" Valerie flung the Wu out of the tree just as the two Jacks' started to reach for her. She then jumped out of the tree herself, freefalling along with the plane.
Suddenly a Jack-Bot swooped out of nowhere grabbing the Shen Gong Wu right before Omi could catch it. Valerie landed on top of the same Jack-Bot, cutting off its head and grabbing the Wu out of its claws. She jumped off just as it exploded.
She landed painfully on the ground, the Wu tumbling out of her hands. She made a grab for it and touched it just as both of the Jacks' touched it at the same time. The plane began to glow.
"So it's two against one, huh?" Valerie mused. She grinned. "You poor bastards."
"It's not two against one anymore," Jack 2 declared. "I'm a solo act now."
"What?" Jack 1 cried out. "I thought we were a team!"
"So I'm Showdown crossing you!" Jack 2 snarled. "That's what evil partners do."
Jack 1 thought for a moment. "Yeah, good point."
"So what now?" Raimundo asked. The others had run up to them while Jack 2.0 betrayed its creator. "It's a three way tie."
"Well, Dojo, I reckon it's time to check the rulebook," Clay said. Dojo got out said book, put on his reading glasses, and immediately began flipping through the pages.
"Here it is. It's called a Showdown Trio." Dojo looked up. "Kind of obvious," he deadpanned.
"Okay, then, let's do this formally," Valerie said. "I challenge you, Jack Spicer and Jack Spicer 2.0 to a Showdown Trio. Last man standing wins the game. I wager the Tongue of Saiping."
"I wager the Shard of Lightning," Jack 1 said.
"I wager the Shroud of Shadows," Jack 2 said.
"I change my mind," Jack 1 whined. "I want the Shroud of Shadows."
"Too late, it's already mine!"
"Can we just get on with this?" Valerie griped.
"LET'S GO: XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!" the three of them cried out in tandem. Instantly the roots of the trees sprang up from the earth, winding around each other and reaching towards the heavens. The roots enlarged, eventually forming a sort of cage in the middle of the clouds. Valerie found herself standing before the middle of the cage, right in front of a small black hole where all the roots came out of. Both Jacks' were right across from her, the three of them creating a triangle in the circle.
"GONG YI TAN PAI!" they all shouted. Valerie immediately launched herself into the air and landed on Jack 1, feet to his chest. She jumped off and back flipped towards Jack 2. She swung a foot at him, but he just grabbed her foot out of midair and threw her to the side.
As Valerie tried to get her bearings, she could see the two Jacks fighting in the middle of the ring. Jack 1 was punching and kicking with Jack 2 dodging easily.
"I know you're every move before you can make it!" Jack 2 boasted. "Face it, you can't defeat me!"
"At least I still got the robots on my side," Jack 1 said. Suddenly there was yelling from behind him. Some of the Jack-Bots were entangled in the limbs of the cage, trapped between the roots. They couldn't hope to get out; one of the robots even had a little white flag to drive the point home.
"You can't trust people, ghosts, or robots," Jack 1 declared. "Fine! I don't need anyone's help!"
"So I guess you don't need help dodging this." Valerie put the Tongue of Saiping against her mouth. "Bees; gather around the two Jacks' and distract them!"
A swarm of bees immediately flew into the cage, gathering around the two boys. Both evil geniuses flailed their arms and screamed, running around like headless chickens.
…Until Jack 1 used the Shard of Lightning to dislodge the head of Jack 2. Then he used the head as a distraction by throwing against the swarm. The bees swarmed it momentarily, giving Jack 1 ample time to get away.
And then Jack 2 used the Shroud of Shadows to hide his body. "Hey, where'd you go?" Jack 1 asked stupidly before he was literally kicked out of the ring. He fell through the wall of roots but quickly grabbed the ledge, hanging for dear life.
Valerie would have just left him there-no one could die in a Showdown anyway- but then Jack 2 reattached its head, ignored the leaving hive of bees, and stood before its creator.
Jack 1 gave a whimper as he hoisted himself up. Jack 2 lifted a foot and put it on his creator's face, kicking him off the ledge. Jack 1 fell to the ground, flailing until he landed in the mud on the ground.
"Looks like you're next, Val," Jack 2 said, turning away from the ledge.
"Wow, you really are the perfect evil machine," Valerie commended. "I gotta give props to Jack. Err, the real one, that is."
"Please, I'm better than the original," Jack 2 sneered.
"Well, you're definitely more ruthless than he is."
"Shroud of Shadows!" Instantly the robot was vanished. Valerie slowly stepped around the room, listening in for any stray footsteps or anything else that could tip her off.
Wait a minute. Jack created his own machine. Wouldn't it have the same characteristics as its creator? It was worth a shot.
Valerie poked her head out of the gaping hole and shouted, "Hey, Jack! You wanna help me beat up your evil robot?"
"Uh, yeah. Why not?" Jack 1 said.
"Okay, then, tell me: if you were battling me, what would you do first?"
Jack thought a moment. "Well, first I would sneak up on your left and hit you."
Valerie immediately threw a punch to her left. She heard a grunt of pain-she immediately went forth an onslaught of punches, light taps so that her energy wouldn't fizzle out quickly. Once she was hitting pure air, she poked her head back out.
"What next?"
"Then I'd sweep kick you-!" Valerie did a sweep kick of her own, sending the robot flat on its butt. "And if that didn't work I'd climb up to the top and hit you there!"
"Thanks Jack!" Valerie immediately jumped up and grabbed the Shroud of Shadows off of the evil robot. She then put the Tongue of Saiping against her mouth and ordered: "Squirrels! Swarm around Robo-Jack!"
Squirrels leaped down from the ceiling and instantly began to claw at Jack 2. The robot screeched like a little girl and ran around the cage, throwing off the little critters as best he could.
"Tigers: strut your stuff!" Two large orange cats crashed into the cage, breaking the walls as they did so.
"Nice kitty!" Jack 2's voice quavered. "Friendly tiger."
Valerie sauntered over to the two felines. "Hey, Jack, did you know that the king of the jungle isn't actually the lion?"
"Yeah, it's really the tiger." Jack 2's eyes widened. "Oh, no…"
"Oh no is right." She launched herself into the air and kicked off the robot's head, making sparks fly everywhere. She then threw a punch at the body, sending it reeling. She continued to kick and punch until the body was sent over the edge, right through the hole he sent his creator through.
Jack 2's head began to scream, "NOOOOO!" knowing that it lost the Showdown. And then Valerie punted the head through the hole, sending it plummeting to the ground. And then bright light washed over the cage, ending the Showdown.
Back at the Temple
"Time to commence with chores," Omi announced as he and the other dragons-in-training gathered inside the messy room.
"Shard of lightning!" all five of them shouted, touching a random part of the Wu. The room went a magenta color, showing the slowing of time.
Valerie immediately went to sweeping while Kimiko used the dustpan. Omi ran upside down on the ceiling, cleaning up the cobwebs in the corner. Raimundo swept dirt under the couch while Clay swabbed the vase in the room clean.
As Master Fung slowly walked into the room, the red blurs that were the monks rapidly cleaned up the messy room. The litter disappeared, the windows sparkled, and Omi even put in some fresh flowers in the vase. As soon as the master was in the center of the room, the dragons were lined up to attention.
Master Fung held up a stopwatch. "Three seconds," he revealed. "Excellent time."
The five of them nodded serenely.
"That leaves you the rest of the day to complete the other tasks on my list." Fung got out a heavy scroll full of chores. The ends of the paper reached to the floor and rolled all the way across the room.
Raimundo crossed his arms. "Whose bright idea was it to use the Shard to save time?" Every turned to glare at Valerie, who indeed brought up the idea.
She gave a sheepish grin. "So it wasn't my greatest idea. Go figure."
Lions aren't actually the king of the jungle, believe it or not. They actually live in Africa, which is known for its desert climate. Tigers are the ones who live in the jungle, hence the joke here.
So, thoughts anyone?