Chapter 26: Red Stars and Opulent Glasses
For those who are curious, Russia did have a financial crisis a while back-a few of them, actually. And the country isn't very technologically advanced, at least not when Valerie lived there. I specifically kept everything vague because of Valerie's age when she was there.
Also, according to TV Tropes, Valerie isn't the straight man of the series like I originally thought. She's actually the meta guy. Silly me. XP
Icicles glistened from the outdoor rafters. Snow clumped together on the ground. Sleet flew in from the sky. The wind gave a mighty howl, echoing throughout the Temple. Winter had fallen over the heart of China, turning the countryside into a winter wonderland.
Had this happened in Europe, Valerie and Eric would have gone skiing and snowboarding and sledding. Or maybe they would build snowmen and create angels in the snow. Or maybe they would curl up in front of the TV and watch old movies, sipping hot chocolate from mugs.
But no, this was the Xiaolin Temple. They didn't really do those things here. The dragons-in-training still had to do their morning lessons, learning math and science and language arts and other subjects. Although thanks to the awful weather outside, Master Fung had to cancel the usual outdoor training. Instead they were left to meditate for a few hours-or at least try to.
And that was what Valerie was doing at this point. She was letting her mind drift, not thinking about anything. She was totally Zen…and then she heard awkward scraping sounds that completely ruined her mood.
"I am calm," Omi was saying. He was meditating upside down, balancing on his bulbous head. "My mind is clear." The scraping noises got louder. "I am not distracted by this most irritating of noises!" Omi all but screamed as he fell down.
Dojo cried out from behind the see through gate. "I'd like to see how long you'd last with this Shen Gong Wu rash!"
"What are you talking about Dojo?" Kimiko asked from Valerie's left.
Dojo opened the door slightly to poke his face in. A cold breeze instantly wafted through the hall. "There must be a big pile of Shen Gong Wu getting ready to reveal themselves." He immediately flew into the room, scrapping his back against the floor. Everyone crowded together when they saw him circle around them.
"So when is this collection of cats jumpin' out of the bag?" Clay asked.
"I don't know!" Dojo wailed. "But I hope it's soon; my whole body's one big itch of anticipation!"
"Ugh, yeah." Kimiko turned her nose up in disgust. "Too much information."
"Sorry." Dojo suddenly sat up. "Looks like the first of the Shen Gong Wu just popped." Considering that he had pulsing pink pustules on his back, Valerie found that last bit to be a poor choice of words.
Kimiko grabbed the Ancient Scroll of the Shen Gong Wu out of thin air and opened it. "The Crystal Glasses," she announced. "They allow the wearer to see into the future."
"I already know my future," Omi boasted. "I will be the most wise and powerful and swiftest of all Xiaolin Dragons." He beamed.
"You left out modest," Raimundo pointed out dryly.
Omi gave them all a sly grin.
Flying on Dojo's back
"I do not think the Fist of Tebigong was meant for this purpose," Omi mused as he used the Wu to scratch at Dojo's gross back. Valerie grimaced as she picked off a scale using her bare hands. She would have used her gloves, but she didn't want to get pus on them when one of the pink pustules eventually popped.
"Ew," Kimiko groaned from behind Valerie. "Let's hope the rest of those Shen Gong Wu reveal themselves before you run out of scales." Valerie silently agreed.
The wind began to pick up, howling a bitter song. The puffy white clouds parted, revealing tall, square buildings with round, pointed tops. It was the Kremlin Palace covered in pristine snow.
Raimundo gave a loud shudder. "Is it getting cold up here?"
"It should be," Dojo said. "We're in Moscow."
"Great, I'm back in the motherland," Valerie muttered under her breath. Not that she disliked Russia; quite the contrary. Some of the best writers had come from this country, and some of her best memories came from frolicking in the snow with Eric. But it wasn't technologically advanced as other parts of Europe, and last time Valerie was here Russia was going through some major political upheavals after it started to recover from the financial crisis. It wasn't exactly the safest time for a kid to grow up, hence why she only lived there for two years.
Dojo quickly landed near a market outside the palace. The stands were small with old tarp covering the sellers' heads. Meat, food, and other necessities were out in the open, probably because the air outside was already freezing so there was no need for refrigeration. Everyone was bundled up to counteract the cold.
"That's it, next time I'm hiding the Shen Gong Wu in the tropics near a four star hotel!" Dojo griped as he slithered over the snowy ground. Valerie pulled the hood of her military jacket over her head, trying to protect her face from the wind. She was already wearing a black beanie to protect her head but it did nothing for her wind burned cheeks. Her jeans barely protected her legs from the weather, though at least her boots kept her feet warm. Her hair had been put into a braid, trailing down her back like a piece of rope.
Everyone else was in winter gear as well. Raimundo had on an orange beanie with matching gloves, a rust-colored jacket with a collar that protected his mouth, his normal olive-green cargo pants and sneakers. Kimiko was wearing a short black wig with red highlights and a white, furry, modern version of the Russian ushanka hat. She matched it with a red sweater with a white collar, cuffs and hemline. She had then paired it a red and black plaid miniskirt with purple boots with a fuzzy white band at the top.
Omi was wearing a winter coat version of his monk robes, with red puffy sleeves and a black belt. He was wearing black snow pants with little tan booties. He had normal tan gloves on to protect his little hands, and around his neck was a red and tan striped scarf with a matching hat to cover his large head. Clay had for once forgone his signature cowboy hat for an authentic brown ushanka hat, this one with ear flaps. He had a brown winter coat with fluffy white trimmings and matching brown gloves and jeans. He had even worn heavy winter boots instead of his usual cowboy ones.
"Well, this looks like the rural equivalent of a mall," Kimiko said, looking around. "Maybe they'll sell us some salve."
Clay sniffed the air and leaned against a counter. "Mmm, warm grub smells delicious." The warm grub he was referring to was clearly a cooked bratwurst.
"There is no time for snacking," Omi admonished him. The guy holding the bratwurst on a stick ate it whole in one bite. He was incredibly top heavy with little stubby feet. He was wearing a warm red coat with a fluffy white collar and matching cuffs with brown gloves. He had a brown belt that connected to his green pants and black boots. His blond hair was hidden under the traditional ushanka hat, this one without earflaps and a red star on the front.
Omi was about to say something to the Russian teen, but Valerie stepped up with a calm, "I got this." She looked at the guy and said in Russian, "Our gecko has a very bad rash. Are you selling any salve or other remedies?" She noted that she still had an English accent while speaking the Slavic language. At least she could talk to the teenager.
The guy nodded. "If it is a remedy that you seek, I'm the best vendor for it." He gave her a proud smile.
Valerie quickly dug through her coat pockets for her wallet. ""I only have American money. Will that work?"
"This is a pretty popular tourist spot. American money is accepted at all kiosks." The teen took the five-dollar bill from Valerie's hands and got out a bladder sack with a wooden cork stopper. "This old family recipe," he said in English. It was heavily accented and rather broken, but it wasn't like they couldn't understand him.
"Of course you can speak English." Valerie rolled her eyes.
The teen unstopped the sack and said, "Here." He let Raimundo sniff it. The Lusitanic boy grunted and fell over on his back.
"Also it removes paint," the teen added.
Dojo lay on the counter and said, "We'll take it." The teen gave a happy chuckle and poured brownish salve onto the lizard, who welcomed it eagerly. For a second he laid in the goop before popping out his head.
"Well?" Omi asked.
"No! Nothing!" Dojo griped. "I don't feel-whoa." His body suddenly loosened, becoming almost gelatinous with relief. "More, more, more!" he told the Russian teen, who was happy to oblige his request.
Suddenly Dojo leaped out of the salve pointing to the right. "Sensing Shen Gong Wu that a way."
"Ah, your friend points to Old Town Temple," the teen said, "two kilometers north. You cannot be missing it."
"Thanks man," Valerie said as they left. Once they were out of earshot, Omi beamed at her.
"I had forgotten how bilingual you are," he told her.
"Yeah, you just talked to that guy in Russian like you were speaking it your whole life," Clay complimented her.
"How is it that you can speak, like, ten languages but you can't handle math?" Raimundo griped.
"That's like night and day," Valerie pointed out. "And it's more like eight."
"Still, it's impressive," Kimiko said.
Two kilometers of walking later…
The Old Town temple was as impressive as Valerie thought it would be. There was a stone path leading to the building, the path itself flanked by larger than life statues of Russian communist leaders holding books to their chests; two of the statues held sickles up to the air, while two others held mallets. It led to the beautiful castle in the middle of the plaza.
"He wasn't kidding," Clay said. "You'd have to be a blind crow to miss the size of that barn."
After sneaking into the temple, they passed ornate walls and other priceless treasures to find the room of the Crystal Glasses. Inside the circular room were busts of heads of Russian communist leaders, all of them wearing Russian hats with a star emblem. The bust in the middle looked the same as the others except for the opulent, out of place glasses on the bridge of its nose.
"The Crystal Glasses are nearly within our grasp!" Omi announced. Suddenly a whirring sound could be heard throughout the temple.
"Uh-oh," Raimundo commented. "Either they got really big insects in Russia, or that buzzing is the sound of-!"
Suddenly the roof caved in, and a bronze and black snowmobile fell through. The vehicle skidded to a stop right in front of them, and the evil boy genius himself stepped out of it, clad in black, evil-looking winter gear.
"Jack Spicer, master of evil, at your service!" he announced. He even held up a business card as proof.
Everyone except Kimiko and Valerie got out their Shen Gong Wu and struck a kung fu pose. Truthfully Valerie had the Shroud of Shadows on her, but she didn't see the point of showing her trump card just yet. Evidently, Kimiko had the same idea.
"You cannot defeat us, Jack Spicer," Omi declared.
Jack began pacing. "Tell you what? How about we make this interesting: just me versus all of you, no weapons."
Everyone stared at him. They saw his serious face. Then they saw him strike a bunch of impromptu kung fu poses and hit a button on his watch.
His snowmobile activated, the headlights glowing red. The rear end suddenly lifted up and then parts started growing out of it. Dust poured in around the machine, hiding it from view as it grew larger and larger. Once the cloud settled there stood Jack's evil version of a giant robot.
"I think that technically qualifies as a weapon," Omi squeaked out.
The giant robot slammed both its fists down, hitting the ground. The good guys bounced up and flew backwards before painfully landing on the pavement.
"Yeah, and technically you all qualify as suckers," Jack said, the poles of his heli-pack lifting him up off the ground. He quickly took the Crystal Glasses off the bust and put them on. He then tried to fly off with them.
Omi leaped through the air, launching himself from a bust so he could grab Jack, only to miss and fall back to the ground. The others tried to dodge the giant robot trying to squish them. Valerie used the Shroud to cover herself before the foot of the robot fell on top of her. She dropped to the ground and rolled out of the way before jumping back up.
"Two-Ton Tunic!" Kimiko cried out just as she was about to get smashed to pieces. The metal limbs fell on top of her before the entire robot suddenly bounced back. Raimundo, who had been hiding behind the smaller girl, said:
"Didn't see that one coming, did ya?!"
Clay then shouted, "Tangled Web Comb!" and used the hairy vines as a lasso. With a snap of his wrist he latched onto the robot's leg and swung him around the room like a cowboy on steroids. "Goin' up!" he shouted before letting go. The robot bounced upward, hitting the walls of the tower as Jack tried to escape.
The robot quickly hit him and sent him through the ceiling, creating a giant hole. Jack flew through it with the giant robot after him.
Valerie blinked. "How did he not die from that?" Clay shrugged his shoulders.
Then they saw the boy genius clinging to the broken pieces of the ceiling. Large pieces of roof were falling down as he tried to get away.
"Jack is getting away!" Omi said obviously as he used the Fist of Tebigong to destroy a boulder that was about to squish him. "Somebody stop him!"
"Got it covered," Raimundo said confidently. He brought the Sword of the Storm up and yelled the talisman's name. A funnel of wind left the blade and lifted Omi up in the air like he was kung fu action Jesus or something. They saw him go through the hole in the roof and yell out his Wu's name. And then they saw him fall back into the hole with a woozy expression on his face.
Everyone stared as he fell towards the ground. At the last minute Clay held out his arms and grabbed the little boy out of the air before he could splatter all over the floor. The kid was shaking, his left eye sporting a blooming black bruise.
"I-I have been Tebigong'ed."
They could hear Jack laughing from the rooftops before his laughter turned to screaming. And then the screams faded away until they heard a crash.
Valerie blinked. "Did we just hear Jack die?"
Raimundo shrugged his shoulders. "One way to find out." Everyone ran out of the palace in time to see the Russian teenager from before holding Jack's arms, lifting him into the air. The ground before them was covered with wooden debris and the remains of the products inside. It was safe to assume that Jack landed on his cart.
"First you break cart and then you attack me?" the Russian teen roared.
Jack noticed them. "Oh, hi guys."
Wuya suddenly appeared behind him and shouted, "Go ahead and show them who's in charge!"
Jack gave an evil grin and bit the teen's hands. He screamed out in pain as he let go of the redhead.
"Love to stay, gotta go!" He quickly grabbed a piece of wood lying around and used it as a snowboard to get away. No one went after him.
Valerie turned to see the Russian teen sucking on his injured thumb. It must have hurt pretty badly, but what bothered her most was that the guy didn't take off his gloves before inserting his finger into his mouth. Didn't that taste fairly awful?
"I thank you for retrieving our Shen Gong Wu from the villainous Jack Spicer." Omi gave a low bow.
The Russian teen took out his thumb in surprise. "Is nothing," he said, taking the Crystal Glasses off his head and giving them to Omi.
"Are you kidding? You were great!" Kimiko said cheerfully.
"Yeah man you got the moves!" Raimundo complimented him.
"Heck, we could always use another partner on our team," Clay added.
"We could?" Omi questioned. Valerie was with the little guy on this one. The five Dragons were handpicked by the Ancient Scroll itself. This guy could join the Temple, but he really wouldn't be considered part of the team. Besides, they didn't even know this guy's name. They couldn't just decide to uproot him from his home like this. They needed to ease him into it.
"You got a pencil and some paper?" Valerie asked out loud. "We could give you the information on the Temple and you can make the decision at a later time. You know, in case you say yes and want time to pack."
The teen nodded. "Sounds like good plan."
About a week later
It took some time, but Vlad eventually came to live with them at the Temple. The few things he had brought with him were already in his room. Valerie noticed that while he didn't have a lot on him, he did have a lot of books. They were all mostly in Russian (which made sense since that was his mother tongue), but he did have a few English books. Valerie randomly picked one up: Sun Tzu's Art of War, a Machiavelli piece, Jane Eyre…
Valerie grabbed the book and turned to Vlad. "Did you order this online?" She showed him the novel.
Vlad looked at her oddly before nodding. "Yes, from Amazon."
"Did you buy it from V. Ashford?"
"Yes." His eyebrows shot up in realization. "That is you?"
"The one and only."
Vlad clapped a giant hand on her back and guffawed loudly. "You have good taste in books."
"No she doesn't; she just reads too much," Raimundo teased.
"Come on, you need to meet Master Fung," Clay said ushering them all out into the open.
While Valerie would normally complain about the cold, for some reason she didn't feel it. It must have been one of those Xiaolin things, though why it didn't help her earlier in Moscow eluded her. The cold also didn't seem to bother Vlad, the newbie, but that was understandable. He probably lived through worse conditions.
"Welcome, young Vlad," Master Fung said solemnly as he approached the new student.
Vlad gave a respectful bow. "Thank you Master Fung."
Omi chose that moment to pop in between them. "Vlad is a most welcome addition to our team. But he is the last one right?" He brought two fingers together nervously. "I mean, just how many Dragons-in-training can there be?"
Valerie rolled her eyes as Omi chuckled nervously. She had the feeling the others were as well.
Raimundo clapped Vlad on the shoulder. "This is great! Since you're the new guy, you have to do all the worst chores!"
"Which means you don't have to do them yourself," Valerie said flatly. He grinned shamelessly.
"That's right! Dusting, polishing, and sweeping; they're all yours!" Raimundo handed him a broom. Vlad grinned, showing off the gap in his front teeth.
"Oh, is my pleasure Raimundo. Thank you." He immediately went to cleaning, whistling the Russian national anthem while he did so.
"Maybe we should keep him on permanently," Raimundo joked, clearly happy not having to do those chores himself. The others walked away to leave him to it. Valerie hesitated a moment before following them.
Something was off here, she could feel it. It made sense for Vlad to realize that he was the lowest on the totem pole and to take the hazing gracefully, but no one was that happy to do chores. Yes, it may be just to prove his worth, but Valerie could tell that it was something more than that.
Another thing that bothered her: how did Vlad get here so quickly? The Xiaolin Temple was a legendary place known for producing the best martial artists in the world; a few select people from around the world knew of its existence and strived for an invitation so they could become something akin to Bruce Lee. And while it was prestigious, it would obviously take some time to drop everything and leave for China. Didn't Vlad's family try to stop him from going, from leaving the nest so soon? And why weren't they suspicious when they didn't receive an invitation for their son? They wouldn't just take his word for it when a couple of kids told him he should join the Temple. It was simply ludicrous.
Something shady was going on, Valerie knew. But what?
Admittedly, Valerie already has an idea, but she has more important things to deal with next chapter. You'll see.
So, thoughts anyone?