Chapter 29: Fake Wu and European Curses
Since I'm going to be busy the next couple weeks, updating may be kind of screwy. Hopefully it'll right itself soon enough.
Also, this story is going to go on hiatus pretty soon because I'm starting college in the fall and I need to get used to classes and campus life. While I will most definitely continue this story, school comes first.
Anyway, on with the chapter!
The Xiaolin Temple was known for many things: producing some of the world's best martial artists, being the headquarters for the good guys, and for harboring a snarky dragon. Unbeknownst to most of the world, the Temple was home for many labyrinths and traps in its gardens, used for training its students.
One such trap was a deep ravine that Raimundo was walking through. He nervously stared at the walls, lost, before screaming in fright as rocks tumbled down the sides. He crouched down into a jumping position before yelling out: "Clay; anytime now, cowboy!"
"Seismic Kick: Earth!" Clay shouted hitting a rock and making it slide sideways. After a moment's pause Raimundo went flying out of the ravine, a rock spire hitting him out of there. Raimundo screamed as he began to become a mere twinkle in the sky.
"Go Clay!" Kimiko cheered from the sidelines.
"Not bad cowboy!" Valerie called out.
"Most impressive," Omi agreed as Clay walked over to them.
"You show an excellent mastery of your Xiaolin element," Master Fung told him. "It appears your promotion to apprentice was well deserved."
Clay grinned. "Thank you kindly," he said with a tip of his hat.
Raimundo then hovered to the ground and floated over to the cowboy. "Sure you couldn't cut it any closer?" he shouted angrily.
"Raimundo," Fung cut in, "it is time to test your Wind element."
With a cheeky grin Raimundo put his fingers together and cracked his knuckles. Valerie rolled her eyes and said: "Don't crack your fingers like that, you'll freeze them."
"Where'd you get that from, a medical journal?" Raimundo scoffed, knowing full well she didn't read those.
"No, I heard from Eric," Valerie told him.
Raimundo rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
"Your task is to float a teammate safely onto the cool stone in the middle of the hot coal pit." Fung turned to the lake of hot coals just feet away from them.
"When do you find the time to come up with these challenges?" Valerie asked before she could stop herself.
"Actually it's been in the training exercises for the Xiaolin Temple for fifteen hundred years," Fung answered back smoothly.
"Right…"
"Okay, so who wants to fly?" Raimundo asked suddenly to change the subject. Clay stepped away from him while Omi and Kimiko hid behind Master Fung.
"We mean you no disrespect Raimundo," Omi began, "but it is a pit of hot coals. We merely do not want to get burned."
Valerie turned to Rai. "If you drop me before I get to the stone, my dead, burnt corpse will haunt you for the rest of your life," she said in a flat tone of voice.
"…Kay," Raimundo said, unnerved. He kneeled down to get ready, focusing intensely on the single cool rock in the middle of the pit. A small tornado was forming, slowly getting bigger before snatching Valerie right off the ground.
"Wheeee!" she called out happily as she whirled inside the eye of the storm. She could feel herself gently moving across the lake, but thanks to the winds she couldn't feel the intense heat of the coals. Too quickly she landed on the cool stone, the winds leaving her and forcing her to feel the intense heat.
"Empyrean Drive: Aether!" she shouted, bringing her hands beneath her. The force of the energy launched her into air in an arc. She hopped right over the lake and landed safely on the grass.
"That's weird," was the first thing Val heard when she came over to the other side. She walked over to her friend's side and peered at her PDA. "Look at this police report from Hong Kong; a string of heists by thieves using very unusual powers." On the screen was a picture of two men wearing suits with panda masks over their faces. They were carrying bags of loot and…Shen Gong Wu?
"Serpent's Tail, Fist of Tebigong…" Omi noted as he watched the video.
"And they're all supposed to be hold up in Jack's corral," Clay reminded them.
"Why would he and Wuya start acting like common criminals instead of wannabe world conquerors?" Kimiko asked rhetorically.
"Stealing is bad, but it's definitely not evil," Valerie agreed.
"So, we're going to Hong Kong now?" Raimundo asked out loud.
In Hong Kong
Compared to the pristine, sylvan valley of the Xiaolin Temple, Hong Kong was a dystopia. It was full of old buildings and skyscrapers, the smell of exhaust reaching past the skyline. It was loud and obnoxious and the part of it Dojo landed in smelled vaguely rotten.
"You kids stick close," Dojo said as he shrunk. "This is the part of Hong Kong Dashi never let me play in."
On that note, Valerie unbuttoned her green plaid long sleeved shirt to reveal the black tank top underneath. She had paired it with jeans and sneakers, her long hair flying loose. The only thing really girly about her outfit was the amber necklace beating against her collarbone. She didn't know why she put it on; it was a bit annoying, feeling the stone beat against her neck. But she supposed that looking sort of nice wasn't a bad thing.
"I'll lead the way," Raimundo declared smugly, getting Valerie back to the task at hand. "This place is like the bad side of Rio." He leaned near her as if to whisper some sort of important secret. "It's my element."
Valerie snorted through her nose. "You? Rolling with the gangs on the bad side of town? Yeah right." Dojo gave a loud snicker at that.
"Do not worry Raimundo," Omi told him. "I will take charge. First, we must search carefully for anything suspicious." Suddenly a loud crashing noise could be heard from the side and someone shouted, "Stop! Thief!" And then a guy wearing a white suit, a panda mask, and holding the Serpent's Tail ran right past them. And then the perpetrator slipped through the walls of the next store like a ghost.
"Looks like suspicious found us," Clay said grimly.
"Who was that guy?" Kimiko wondered.
"He had the Serpent's Tail!" Omi shouted. "After him!" They all ran past the shop and down the alleyways where the villain might have gone. When that proved fruitless they climbed up to the rooftops to get a bird's eye view of the city. They eventually saw the guy flying past them across the street, where it was too far to jump.
"This fella is slippier than a greased pig in a sausage factory!" Clay growled in frustration.
"We must box him in," Omi said. "Split apart!" Everyone did so, flying off into different directions. Valerie went a ways away, keeping an eye out for the perpetrator and her friends, the latter half so she wouldn't get lost in this city. It was easy to spot them, especially Kimiko in her sleeveless yellow shirt and matching pants and yellow tie holding her blue-black hair in a high ponytail.
Raimundo suddenly cried out, and Valerie jumped down the rooftop to get to him. She found him with the others, arms around his stomach and his eyes bugged out.
In between pants, he exclaimed, "I had him, but he slipped right through my fingers! And I think my pancreas," he added as an afterthought.
"You mean he slid through you using the Serpent's Tail?" Valerie asked. He nodded frantically. "How'd it feel like?"
"Like Nearly Headless Nick ran through me!"
"…Huh."
"If it were me, I would have grabbed the Serpent's Tail instead of the man himself," Omi said pompously. "But you will have better luck next time, Raimundo."
"I still don't get it," Kimiko said as an old man strolled nearby. "Why would Jack and Wuya hire new henchmen just to steal ordinary valuables?"
"That man was a servant of Panda Bubba," the old man piped up. Everyone turned to him, a dark look casting over their faces. Omi just looked confused.
"What is a Panda Bubba?"
Later that night
Everyone crept along the walls of Panda Bubba's mansion, the house itself having an obvious panda motif. That didn't stop it from looking seriously high class, though.
Once everyone had stopped, Omi started to give out orders. "I will take out the twelve guards on the north. Clay, the ten on the east. Kimiko, the eleven on the west. Valerie, the…oh, there do not seem to be any more guards. My apologies," he added sheepishly.
"No worries," she answered back blithely. "They're probably changing shifts or something."
"Who called in the loser patrol?" came the high whine of Jack's voice. Everyone started and turned to their left to see Jack hanging from a tail wrapped around a tree branch, the Monkey Staff in his hands.
Instantly they were in martial arts pose position. "Jack Spicer!" Omi announced for them. "I do not know why you have chosen to work with Panda Bubba, but-!"
"I'm here for the same reason you are," Jack said, flipping right side up and putting his feet on the ground. "To get back what Panda Bubba stole from me." He suddenly screeched in a monkey-like manner.
"Uh, stole?" Kimiko arched an eyebrow.
Jack set aside the Staff, turning human again. "Yeah, but I found a secret pass into the mansion where they're holding all the Wu. A tough fight for me, but with the right help…"
"Jack!" Wuya called out warningly. When she'd get there? "You can't possibly be suggesting…a team up."
"Help me in, and we'll split my ex-Shen Gong Wu fifty-fifty," Jack vowed.
"Bullshit," Valerie scoffed.
"Please Jack, we can bust this place open ourselves," Kimiko said.
Jack arched an eyebrow. "You want to take a Falcon's Eye look inside and tell me you're so sure?"
Omi fished through Raimundo's pockets despite the older boy's protests and got out the Falcon's Eye. He cried out the incantation and took a look through the mansion's walls. He gasped. "Jack is right! We are outnumbered, and out Shen Gong Wu'd!"
"Jack tells you he has a secret pass inside, and you're just gonna believe him?" Raimundo cried out incredulously. Omi just put the Eye back in his pocket.
"Tell you what?" Jack grinned. "As a show of good faith, I'll even give you my last Shen Gong Wu." He took the Monkey Staff in his hands and handed it out to them.
"What?!" Wuya squawked. "Jack, don't be a fool! I forbid it!" Jack just went through Wuya with a bored look on his face. Though that ended when he actually went through Wuya and gagged.
"It's the only way to earn their trust," he finally said, handing the Staff over to Omi. He took it happily.
Valerie stared at the exchange incredulously. "Are you kidding me? This is the oldest con in the book!"
Omi nodded his head. "Okay, I hear your concerns and will take this up with the others. Clay, Kimiko?"He turned to them.
"I reckon we got no other choice," Clay said as Dojo nodded.
"Let's give it a shot," Kimiko declared.
"WHAT!" Raimundo shouted as Valerie's jaw dropped. "You're going to trust Jack Spicer over us?"
Valerie gave them the arm. "I'm out of here. Don't come crying to me when you get captured by Panda Bubba." She jumped backwards off the wall and plummeted down. Before she splattered over the pavement she rolled into a ball and somersaulted, landing on the ground with barely a scratch.
She suddenly felt wind swoosh past her. She turned to see Raimundo land next to her, a wriggling Dojo in his grip. "What are you doing?" the reptile shouted.
"You're going to take us to Master Fung so we can warn him," Raimundo told him. "Jack set us up to trap us and take all our Wu," he explained so Dojo could calm down. "It's better if a few of us went back to the Temple to think of a plan."
"I was planning the same thing, except with a jet," Valerie said, holding out her cell phone. Raimundo and Dojo stared at her. "The perks of being rich," she said snootily before turning serious. "Though a flying dragon would be much faster than a private jet."
"Uh-huh," Dojo huffed. "And how do you know Jack Spicer's smart enough to fool a bunch of Xiaolin Apprentices?"
"Oh, come on," Valerie cried out angrily. "Anyone genre savvy enough can see that kind of setup a mile away. It's so obvious!"
"Then how come I didn't see it?"
"Because…argh!" Valerie shouted, punching the wall. Some of the bricks splintered apart, creating a spider web of cracks that reached towards the top. As she seethed, she quietly went through the mantra: "Peace, calm, tranquility…peace, calm, tranquility…"
"…Can you take us back to the Temple now?" Raimundo asked Dojo nervously.
Back at the Xiaolin Temple
Valerie and Raimundo practically flew through the Temple to find Master Fung. When they did find him, he was meditating in his usual spot. The two of them finally skidded to a stop, panting as Dojo slithered to catch up.
"Raimundo? Valerie? Dojo?" Master Fung asked, bemused. "Where are the others?"
"They've been kidnapped by Panda Bubba!" Raimundo cried out when he finally got his breath.
"And his goons are probably on their way here to steal the rest of our Shen Gong Wu," Valerie said.
Master Fung stood up purposefully. "I will alert the monks."
"No!" Raimundo said suddenly. "I have a plan. But we have to be the ones to do it." He gestured to him and Valerie.
"But this is all very sudden-"
"And we know we're young and stupid and blah blah blah," Valerie interrupted, "but we're the only ones who can do this. We need a little trust here."
Master Fung gave her a look. "I was going to say, 'This is all very sudden and you two are the only ones who know the full situation, and I trust your judgment.'"
"Really?" Raimundo turned to Valerie with big eyes. Valerie turned to Master Fung, who was just smiling. She then turned back to Raimundo.
"So what's your plan?"
Later
Valerie put the last of the Shen Gong Wu into the backpack. "You ready?"
Raimundo held up the bag of fake Shen Gong Wu. "Ready."
She heaved the heavy backpack onto her. "You sure you don't want me to carry that?" he asked.
"Dude, I got it," Valerie said. "This isn't that heavy. Now where's the Shroud?"
Raimundo held it up. "Shroud of Shadows!" he cried out, and the sheet became invisible. He tucked it around the backpack, completely covering the bulk and the straps. Valerie's skin tingled slightly where he touched her, poking his fingers under the straps to secure the Shroud. She looked up to notice that Raimundo's face was tinged slightly pink.
She blinked. "Why are you so red?"
He quickly finished tucking the Shroud into the straps. Upon releasing his fingers, he lightly grazed her chest. Valerie blinked as Raimundo turned bright red. "Don't worry, accidents happen." He just spluttered and looked away.
Valerie found his reaction kind of cute, though she didn't dwell on it for long. What was worrying her was the fact that her heart was fluttering. She didn't really know why; she felt oddly calm about their scheme, and there really wasn't anything else to fret about. So why was her heart beating so fast?
She could hear the flapping of wings coming from above the stairwell. "They're here! Get into position!" she hissed. Raimundo jumped to her left, putting his back against the wall and crossing his arms in a collected gesture. Valerie did the same on the opposite side, hitting her invisible backpack against the wall and leaning back uncomfortably.
Two goons soon walked down the stairs, one with long hair splayed out loose and wearing a black tux, the other bald with a braid hanging in the back and wearing a white tux. They both stopped when they saw the Xiaolin monks.
"You want the rest of the Shen Gong Wu?" Raimundo roared out dramatically. "You have to go through us!"
The goons looked at each other before White Tux said, "We good with that. Lotus Twister!" He brought out the flower-like talisman and elongated his arm to punch at Raimundo. The boy dodged and leaped upwards.
"Fist of Tebigong!" the other goon said, aiming a punch at Valerie. She jumped feet first onto the Fist and kicked Black Tux right in the mouth. She flipped off him as he was sent reeling back. Raimundo then hit the guy in the stomach, sending him out of the stairwell and back into the room.
As Raimundo left to deal with Black Tux, Valerie set her sights on the other one. For the plan to work, she would have to get herself captured, but she wasn't going down without a fight. Valerie jumped upward as White Tux's arm stretched again to hit her. She was about to land a kick onto the guy's face when the long arm plucked her right out of the air. She was then thrown painfully into the stone wall and left there.
Valerie watched as White Tux sent his arm to capture Raimundo, only to be suddenly thrown out of the hidden stairs. She slowly made her way out of the vault to see Raimundo standing over the two guys, saying, "You're making this too easy for me!"
White Tux then said, "Ring of Nine Dragons." Instantly nine of him appeared and stood up. Two grabbed Raimundo and subdued him, while another two roughly grabbed Valerie.
"Oh, come on, I'm injured! Be a little gentle," Valerie pleaded as she was carried out of the vault. She was ignored.
Back in Hong Kong
The trip had not been pleasant.
Both had been bound and gagged and had been forced to sit squished next to a copy of White Tux. Since the Ring of the Nine Dragons split up the intelligence of the user, that meant they had to sit next to an idiot. At least the trip was only a few hours.
Of course, they didn't arrive in Panda Bubba's mansion. Valerie and Raimundo arrived at some sort of factory in the bad side of Hong Kong. It was old and seemingly abandoned except for the few lowlife criminals borrowing it.
Valerie and Raimundo were forced to walk up to Panda Bubba (who looked just like a panda, by the way), the two goons making sure they didn't try to escape. One of them put the bag of fake Wu on the gang leader's desk. The goons then got the gags off their faces as Panda Bubba said, "Put them with the others."
"You'll never get away with this!" Raimundo shouted dramatically as they were led to a nearby storeroom.
"I already have," Panda Bubba stated. "Soon, I will rule the Hong Kong criminal underworld."
"All you want is Hong Kong?!" they heard Jack cry out before they were tossed into the storeroom with the door slamming shut behind them. They stood up to see the others tied to red box movers, all lined up perfectly in a row.
"You alright, guys?" Clay asked.
"Yeah, we're cool," Raimundo said morosely.
Valerie shrugged. "We could be better."
"Sorry about the whole 'not trusting you about Jack' thing," Kimiko admitted, shifting her eyes away from them in embarrassment.
"Yeah, you should be," Valerie bitterly muttered under her breath.
"Yes, we were captured most shamefully," Omi continued, "while you tried your best to defend the Xiaolin Temple. And failed," he tacked on thoughtlessly. He smiled sheepishly as Kimiko glared at him. "But at least you tried your best!" he added quickly. "And failed."
Raimundo snickered. "Oh, I don't know about that." Dojo slid out of his shirt, holding up scissors.
"Is it time for my big entrance?" He jumped off him and cut through Rai's and Val's bindings before going towards the others.
"Dojo?" Omi exclaimed.
"Dojo!" Kimiko cried out happily.
"No way!" Clay said.
"You really thought those goons could take us?" Valerie scoffed. She high fived Raimundo as rope fell to the floor.
"We knew we had to rescue your sorry butts, so we let ourselves get caught." Raimundo threw off the Shroud of Shadows to reveal the blue backpack hidden away. Valerie took it off.
"We also brought a Shroud-hidden backpack full of Shen Gong Wu," Valerie said, revealing the Wu.
"Nice one!" Clay congratulated them as he grabbed the Two-Ton Tunic.
"Smart move, you two!" Kimiko said as she snatched up the Third-Arm Sash.
"Amazing!" Omi cried as he got his Orb of Tornami.
Valerie quickly snatched up the Ninja Sash she had hidden away before Clay shouted, "Two-Ton Tunic!" and smashed through the walls, smoke filling the room.
"Eye of Dashi!" Raimundo shouted, punching a hole through the wall.
"Third-Arm Sash!" Kimiko cried out using the Arm to punch a hole through the wall.
"Orb of Tornami!" Omi shouted, punching a hole through the wall to reveal the Wu.
"Ninja Sash!" Valerie roared, splitting herself into three clones. She kicked through the door and onto Panda Bubba, crushing him under the weight. The other two versions of her punched at the two goons, sending them reeling. She then jumped back to strike the kung fu poses with the others as they began their glorious return.
Suddenly two Jack-Bots and some other robot wearing a tuxedo flew in. Valerie's two clones-who had been waiting on the sidelines while the original was posing- instantly attacked them, kicking and punching the two Jack-Bots into scrap metal.
Suddenly a stray Star Hanabi hit the tuxedo robot. Sparks started flying as a now free Jack cried out, "NOOOO! IT'S GONNA BLOW!"
Everyone ran out of the building as the robot exploded. The building blew up, the ceiling flying up into the air. Smoke poured out the windows as the flames licked the walls. Unfortunately, many of the Shen Gong Wu Panda Bubba had captured had still been in the building, and they were all flung upward as the place imploded. As the Wu settled down, everyone crowded together in puzzlement.
"Looks like it's a free for all!" Raimundo said, snapping them all out of it. Everyone immediately went to grabbing Wu. Valerie quickly split herself into three again to grab more Wu. As Kimiko, Omi, and Clay used their few talismans to beat up goons and robots, Valerie used her clones to snatch up the artifacts the bad guys were after while they were distracted. It was less of a hassle than actually beating someone up.
Suddenly Raimundo and Jack grabbed the Longi Kite at the exact same time, setting off the Xiaolin Showdown.
"Jack!" Raimundo started. "I challenge you-!"
Someone cleared their throat. It was Panda Bubba, who had grabbed the tail end of the Kite when no one was looking. "A Showdown Trio," he said. "This was on your cheat sheet too," he added to Jack.
"Fine," Jack said exasperatedly. "How about my Tangle Web Comb for Raimundo's Eye of Dashi and Panda Bubba's Fist of Tebigong?"
"I'm cool with that," Raimundo said with a shrug. "Winner takes the Longi Kite. What's the Showdown?"
"Last boat afloat wins the Showdown." Panda Bubba gestured towards the harbor.
"LET'S GO: XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!"
Valerie yawned as her clones suddenly flew back into her. The bright light flashed, and then she found herself atop a ship, inside the mast with the other monks. The goons and robots were on the other side of the harbor, inside their own little mast.
They all looked down to see the three brawlers standing on wooden pegs. Old-fashioned looking boats with motors suddenly appeared, and they all hopped onto their own boat. "GONG YI TAN PAI!" they all shouted before setting off.
They all split, going in different directions, flying through the uninhabited parts of the city. It was a bit hard to keep track of them all-there were three opponents, after all-but after a while Valerie found Raimundo hit a dead end with Panda Bubba gaining up on him. Raimundo dodged in time so the gang boss slammed into a wooden wall instead.
Raimundo quickly sped out of the trap only to have Jack Spicer next to him. "Eye of Dashi!" the Lusitanic boy cried out. Jack dodged as the lightning bolt hit the sides of a building instead.
"Playing rough, huh?" Jack said. "Well I can too. Tangle Web Comb!" Instantly the hairy vines snatched up the front end of Raimundo's boat and snapped it off, steering him off course right into Panda Bubba. The gang boss then slammed his Fist of Tebigong right in the middle of Raimundo's motorboat. Both villains laughed and left him to sink.
And then Clay shouted, "Whirlpool!" Raimundo had been left sinking only to have a whirlpool suddenly pop up right underneath him.
"Figures," Valerie muttered.
Suddenly Raimundo cried out, "Typhoon Boom!" He screamed a war cry as he spun in the air, the winds forming a tornado around him, taking him out of the sinking boat. As the boat disappeared into the green water, Raimundo quickly jumped over safely to the sidelines.
"That was a smart move, but it's too little too late," Valerie pointed out sadly. She looked at the finish line, where Jack and Panda Bubba were nearing.
"Come on Rai, you can still win this!" Kimiko cheered.
"Just think: what would Omi do?" Omi shouted unhelpfully.
"Eye of Dashi: Wind!" The talisman sent lightening up into the sky, where two wind turbines had appeared. Suddenly the wind picked up, sending a colossal wave right over most of the buildings and over Raimundo.
"What is he doing?" Clay asked mystified, as Raimundo popped out right on top of the wave. He was riding a plank of wood like a surfboard, a giant grin on his face as he neared the finish line.
"Surf's up!" he shouted as the wave overtook the two villains. He then surfed right past the goal line and the Showdown ended.
After the flash of light faded, they all saw Raimundo standing heroically, holding up all the Wu he had won. "All right, buddy!" Clay said, clapping him on the back.
"Great surfing, Rai!" Kimiko said.
"That was incredible!" Dojo exclaimed happily.
"Very impressive," Valerie said.
Raimundo looked down at Omi. "As a Xiaolin Apprentice," the little monk began, "I could not have done better myself."
Back at the Temple
"It's time, isn't it?" Valerie whispered to Master Fung after Raimundo told him what happened.
The master nodded. "It is." He turned to the others. "I believe it is time for you all to start the next level of signature moves: the Dragon X Kumei Formation."
Valerie chose that moment to wander off, grabbing the book she had laid out for herself earlier as the others practiced their new special move. She had known since long ago that she had no part in the formation. While it still kind of hurt to watch, she knew there was no helping it. She was the supporter of the other four elements, the necessary amp for their powers. She had to be on the sidelines for a reason.
Valerie quickly opened her book and busied herself. No, she wasn't hurting at all. Not at all.
And we can tell she's failing to convince herself.
The Arm is actually the European equivalent of flipping someone off. Since Valerie spent most of her life in Europe, it fit her character.
So, thoughts anyone?