Author Notes: Wow. Thank you everybody. I wasn't expecting such an interest in this story, but here you all are. I almost certainly won't be updating this story every day, but I will try and get a couple of chapters up a week depending on how busy I am. I was hoping to update Rewind today, but I have a busy afternoon/evening so depending on what happens that may not be possible). I hope you enjoy reading the next chapter.
It was Wednesday. The same as any old Wednesday. She would climb out of bed, shower, dress, and go to work. Somebody would possibly have their life extinguished by a family member, friend, or acquaintance. She would prepare their body for autopsy, gather evidence, and begin the process of finding out who that person was. If it wasn't a homicide, somebody would die by unknown causes and she would begin the painstaking process of providing answers to grieving relatives. She would go home, drink a glass of wine, read an article in the latest medical journal, and go to bed. An average day.
It was also her fortieth birthday.
She lay in bed staring up at the same ceiling she'd looked at for a decade, the only difference was the shade of white had changed a couple times over the years. She purchased her current home just after her thirtieth birthday, after moving from an apartment across town. Her career had reached some stability and her hopes for the coming years were more personal. Eventually Ian would move home, or so she had wished. That ship had sailed long ago.
Further opportunities to progress her career came, and she took them. But her personal goals reached a standstill.
Until she met Jack.
"Happy Birthday, Maura," she said to herself, climbing out of bed and stepping under the shower stream. For the briefest moment she forced herself to think only of the water hitting her skin, until her thoughts pierced the steaming bubble.
Before Jack came into her life she couldn't see any viable options. She'd dated many men, some of them she took home for a night, or a few weeks, and it was fun. At some point along their time together, they didn't want to continue their brief relationship, or she scared them off with her medical diagnoses. Jack was different. He accepted her quirks, he slipped into the empty space in her life like a hand in a custom made glove.
Then he left.
The reasoning for his departure didn't bother her. He needed to do right by his child and she couldn't begrudge him that. If anything, it reminded her how perfectly he would have suited her personal goals. Being a father came naturally to him, and he wasn't afraid to change his whole life to continue that role.
Despite her feelings running deeply for him, it wasn't him she specifically missed. It was the possibility she lost with the end of their relationship.
"Happy birthday," Jane shouted, entering the house some time later. Maura poured a second mug of coffee and placed it on the counter. Long arms stretched around her back and pulled in close. She sunk into Jane's arms. They saw each other so often that the pleasantries afforded to those who didn't live in each other's pockets were forgotten most of the time.
"Thank you," Maura said, stepping backwards. She reached for her own coffee and sipped it slowly.
"Time for presents!" Jane placed a gift bag on the counter.
"You didn't have to." She reached for it, then looked back up at Jane. "That's very kind."
She pulled tissue paper aside and lifted out a bottle of her favourite wine, a card which she stood up on the counter, and an envelope with a voucher for a balloon ride on it.
"Thank you, Jane; something I can cross off my bucket list. That's lovely."
"Did you look closely enough?" she asked, pointing at the information on the voucher.
"For two," Maura said. She raised an eyebrow at Jane.
"You can take anyone you want to, Maur," she said. "But if you wanted to take me, I did say I'd do something on your bucket list. I promise I won't moan once. Okay, maybe once. But that's it. One moan, then I have to enjoy it."
She smiled and placed the bag to one side. "That's very thoughtful, thank you."
"You've missed one."
A final card rested in the bottom of the bag. Maura lifted the flap and pulled out a small slip of paper. She closed her eyes and ran a finger across her eyelids. The words caught up in the back of her throat. "A picnic at the zoo with Bass…Jane."
Jane placed her hand on Maura's wrist before she could place it back down by her side. "I know you miss him."
She nodded and attempted to close the floodgates, but her eyes stung and her throat ached. "You, you know me so well."
Jane ran her hand across Maura's arm. A silence followed that was both comfortable and laced with unanswered questions. Jane's hand still rested on Maura's wrist when she spoke again. "Did you have time to think about our conversation the other night?"
She stared down at Jane's fingers on her arm. "I haven't made a decision."
Her offer was one that Maura couldn't quite picture in her mind. She wanted to be a mother, and yet co-parenting with her best friend was not something she had ever considered. It didn't fit the picture she had of a husband and two children. A family that belonged to her in a way no other family ever really had.
"I'm sorry."
Jane shrugged. "There's no rush, well, not a lot of rush."
"Would you like some breakfast?"
"No," Jane said. "We're going out."
"We are?"
"Yes, we are. Now you've seen sense and decided not to cancel the party, we need to do something to celebrate your actual birthday."
x
"How about this one?" Angela asked, holding up a floral print dress.
"No, no, and a definite no," Jane said, shaking her head.
She ran her hand across the rail. Under most circumstances she wouldn't go anywhere near a dress, particularly spending time shopping for one. But Maura's birthday was an exception. She knew Maura well enough to know that Maura wouldn't mind her turning up in her jeans and a nice shirt. She also knew Maura well enough to know that deep down she would be disappointed, and it wouldn't fit in with the concept of her celebration.
"It's pretty," Angela said.
"Correction, it was pretty," Jane said. "In the eighties."
"How about this one, then?"
Angela held up a simple moss green dress, with a long, flowing skirt. Jane tilted her head to the side to consider it. It wasn't the worst thing in the world.
"I'll try it on," she said, heading for the changing cubicles.
"About time, we've been here for hours," Angela said, following close behind.
"Don't exaggerate, Ma. We've been here twenty minutes."
"Feels more like two hours shopping with you."
Closing the door behind her, Jane dropped her slacks, pulled off her shirt. She stepped into the dress. After zipper acrobatics, she ran her hands down the front of the material.
"Do you want to grab a burger before we go?" she asked.
"Can't, I've gotta go to work."
"Then you can make me a burger," Jane said, reaching behind to unzip. She allowed the dress to fall to the ground and changed back into her own clothes. Opening the door, she pushed the dress into her mother's arms. "That'll do."
"You could have shown me what it looked like," Angela said.
"No need," Jane said, marching towards the cashier's desk. "It's fine."
"We should buy you some shoes and a purse to match."
Jane rolled her eyes. "No. We've been here for thirty minutes too long already. I'll drive you to work and then you can feed me."
"People wouldn't think you were a full grown adult," Angela said, placing the dress on the counter and pulling out her card. "If it wasn't for Maura, I'd be worried about leaving you."
"Why, where you going?"
"Nowhere. But I won't be here forever. You leave it any longer and I won't have any more grandchildren."
Jane glared at her. "I am not your only child. You make it sound like my one purpose in life is to reproduce so you can have grandchildren."
"After all the things I've done for you, I think you owe me that much," Angela said.
"Fine." Jane took her wallet from her pocket and pulled out her card. "I'll pay then."
"No," Angela said, pushing her card in the direction of the cashier. "It's my treat. I'm still your mother."
x
The hotel ballroom was lit up in emerald green and white lights. Maura stood at the front. Before her, the people she loved, and respected sat at tables, waiting for her to speak. Yet all she wanted to do was retreat to a toilet cubicle and lock the door. Unfortunately, hundreds of eyes were staring back at her.
"Ladies and gentlemen," she said, clutching the slip of paper on which she'd printed her notes. "Family, friends. Thank you all for joining me in a celebration of my birthday. I am humbled and honoured to host this event, in partnership with the Lowenstein Foundation. I met Joshua Lowenstein fifteen years ago when I worked on a double homicide case. He was a teenager and I was new to my career. I was greatly moved by the difficulties Joshua faced after his parents were murdered. He was lucky to have grandparents who gave him everything he needed, and fortunate to have inherited his parent's wealth. Tonight he is a dear friend, and the founder of the foundation named in honour of his late parents. I am blessed to be able to spend my birthday celebration raising money for a cause that is so important. I have spent much of my life giving my time and resources to good causes, and tonight is no different. Please, give what you can, so that children who have lost their parents can have the futures they may not be able to afford otherwise. Don't forget we also have a silent auction with some fantastic prizes donated to the cause. There's copious amounts of wine, a fabulous band, and an exquisite five course meal. Please enjoy the evening."
She stepped down from the stage to a round of applause. The room was abuzz with people, conversation shared freely across tables and between groups. Maura retreated to her own table, to the seat beside Jane.
"You did great," Jane said, placing a hand on her arm.
Maura smiled. She didn't feel like she did great at all. She knew her reason for hosting such event was note-worthy, its purpose would be part of the legacy she built through charitable work. But niggling in the back of her mind were two things; her age, and the lack of progress with her personal goals.
"Thank you," she said, forcing her smile to reach her eyes. She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip. "You were right; it is important that I didn't cancel."
"Why would you want to cancel?" Angela asked from Jane's other side. "You only turn forty once. Besides, they say fifty's the new forty. Which makes forty the new thirty."
"If only science worked in the same way catchphrases did," she said. To be able to shave off a decade would be a benefit to her future, the future she still clung onto in ways she hadn't anticipated. She stood up, her wine in hand, as she moved away from the table. "I must say hello to my guests."
Once around the room, Maura greeted friends, acquaintances and her parents. The conversation was light, several envelopes were stuffed into her hands and she came away with cheques for amounts some families could only dream of holding. She placed them in a box, refilled her wine, and sat down for the first course.
Five courses later, Maura ran her hands across her stomach. The food was as superb as she'd expected, though she'd eaten a little too much. A waiter came by and refilled her glass, and she drank it quicker than she anticipated. When another waiter came by, she refilled it once more.
"I can't wait to get this thing off," Jane said, tugging at the edges of her dress.
"I think you look beautiful," Maura said.
Jane pouted. "Not as beautiful as you. You know I'm not into dresses but yours is stunning, Maur."
"It cost more than you probably earn in a month," she admitted, a fact that filled her only with regret.
For years she'd indulged in the finer things in life - the very best champagne, expensive wines, clothing that the majority of her friends would never be able to afford. For the first time in a long time, she saw how frivolous that was. Yes, she donated money to a multitude of causes, and she worked hard for her wages. She deserved some indulgence. It just felt so hollow now.
"I'll be back," Jane said, resting a hand on Maura's shoulder as she moved towards the front of the room.
Maura watched her walk away, and wondered what it would look like if the two of them had a child together. Given that they were not in a relationship; the whole concept of co-parenting would be ultimately more complicated. There would undoubtedly need to be contracts drawn up, agreements decided upon, and a set of rules to govern how they proceeded. If she decided to accept Jane's offer.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Jane shouted, her voice carried through the sound system. Maura watched as Jane stood at the front of the room, looking anything but comfortable. The event was not your average party, Maura recognised that. It was not an environment she expected Jane to enjoy, or be particularly interested in. Her standing up and talking filled Maura with so much respect for her, that she felt tears sting her eyes. Jane wasn't one for fancy events and yet she was still there, talking to the room, because of her. "I wanted to say a few words about Doctor Maura Isles. I've known Maura for a long time. She's my best friend, and a wonderful colleague. It's taken her a long time to come out of her shell, to blossom as the beautiful person that she is today. She's an intelligent, kind hearted, and funny person who I am thankful to have in my life. I'd like you all to raise your glasses, and wish Maura a Happy Birthday."
In unison, the room lifted a glass and repeated Jane's sentiment. Maura pawed at her cheeks. She finished off her glass of wine, despite knowing full well that she was reaching her limit.
"I love you," Maura said, wrapping her arms around Jane's shoulders on her return to the table and pulling her in tightly.
"You too," Jane said, kissing her on the cheek and sitting back down.
Within the hour, the band were in full swing and couples were on the dance floor moving in unison to the music. Maura sipped another glass of wine. Her head felt a little fluffy. People came over, wished her well, congratulated her on the fine event, and shook her hand. There was life in the party long after the food had been cleared away, and another round of speeches had been shared. The silent auction winners came in, and more envelopes exchanged hands.
"Time to dance," Maura said, placing her empty wine glass on the table and tugging at Jane's hand. She groaned, but followed her anyway. They moved across the dance floor, through upbeat tracks and slower songs. Men and women wrapped their arms around each other and Maura felt her heart ache for the relationship she had yet to find. She reached her arms around Jane's neck.
"Have you had a good time?" Jane asked, silently allowing Maura to slow dance with her.
"I think we've raised a lot of money," she said.
"That's not what I asked."
"I need another drink," Maura said, dropping her hands and returning to the table.
At her heel, Jane followed her back across the room and they sat in silence, watching the dancers, with wine glasses in their hands. Maura sipped continuously, until another couple of glasses were empty and she felt her knees weaken.
"Ladies and gentlemen, can I have everyone's attention, please." Joshua Lowenstein stood at the front of the room. The band had taken a break. He held up the box in which the cheques had been placed. "You can return to your evening in a few moments, I just wanted to inform you that up til now we have raised thirty-four thousand dollars."
The room erupted into a round of applause. Maura stood up, a smile spread across her face and she nodded at Joshua. He nodded back, thanked everyone for their contribution and retreated back to his own table. Maura placed a hand on the back of her chair as the world span.
"Whoa, careful there," Jane said, reaching out to Maura's other arm. She grasped for Jane's shoulder.
"I feel sick," Maura said, her stomach twisted up.
"You did amazing tonight," Jane said, standing up.
"All that money."
Maura clung to Jane's dress, her fingers wrapped tightly around the material. Jane's hand slipped around her waist and supported her weakening knees. She tried to speak but her mouth had become very dry and words a jumbled mess in her mind.
"I think it's time for bed," Jane said.
They walked out of the room and through the hotel lobby, up the elevator and into Maura's suite. She fell down against the bed sheets, pulling Jane down beside her.
"I should go home."
"Stay," Maura said, edging up the bed until her head rested on a pillow.
Jane kicked off her shoes and lay down beside Maura. "I don't like seeing you so sad."
"I'm fine." She rubbed at her eyes. Her emotions had reached their limit and tears spilled down her cheeks. "Really fine."
"Don't be sad, Maura," Jane said, running her thumb across Maura's face.
"I want a baby," she said, pushing Jane's hand down away from her cheek. She clung to it between them. Her eyes fixed on Jane's. "I want us to have a baby."
Jane raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
"It's my only chance."
"I don't believe that," Jane said.
"Don't you want a baby with me?" Maura asked, swiping at her face. "I thought you wanted a baby with me."
"I do. If you want to, we can have a baby."
"Yay." She held her hands up above her head until they reached the bed head. "The best. You're my best."
"I know," Jane said, running a hand along the side of Maura's face.
"What do we do?"
"What do you mean?"
"How do we have a baby?" Maura grasped the pillow beside her head. "You have an egg and I have an egg, and we really need sperm."
Jane rolled her eyes. "You're drunk."
"No, I'm not. I can still recite the periodic table starting from Hydrogen. Helium, Lithium, Beryllium."
"Now's not the time," Jane said. "Get some sleep."
"Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen."
"Sleep, Maura."
She closed her eyes, and yawned loudly. "Fluorine, Neon, Sodium, Magnesium..."